Outside Dan and Phil's apartment stood Dan, or what looked like Dan. It was in fact the alien. He looked down at his new body in wonder.

"I'm so high!" the alien called in delight whilst looking down, a massive smile playing across his face. An old lady, who had been walking down the street, stopped for a moment to give him the most disgusted look she could muster at the fact that this young man was on drugs, before noticing that he wasn't wearing any clothes - at all.

Having learnt human social culture for many years the alien smiled at the old lady, waved and said, "Good evening Madam! Would you like to join me in my living quarters so that we can get to know each other better?"

He decided this was the best introduction. The other was to yell, "OI WHAT YOU FUCKIN' LOOKIN' AT MATE?!" in her face, but he wasn't carrying a knife and wouldn't have been able to pull off the greeting properly. He really didn't want to offend her with a halfhearted hello.

"GAGAHHHHHH!" The old lady let out a strangled scream and clutched her heart. She then proceeded to fall to the floor after suffering a heart attack.

"Oh dear. I see you are quite tired, I'll leave you to rest."

Taking his first few tentative steps, the alien moved rhythmically in Dan's body without falling over, and made his way around the old lady's dead body.

"Leg out. Hip to the side, and step!"

He did this all the way to the front door that Dan had been unable to close after shrinking.

Somehow, the alien managed to make it all the way into Phil's bedroom, and proceeded to ransack it in search for clothes.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

The next day, the alien woke up around midday in the bath, and Phil was due to arrive back home anytime soon.

"These human beds are nowhere near as comfy as I was told they would be."

He attempted to sit up, and soon realised that the body he was inhabiting did not posses as strong abdominal muscles as he had hoped. His neck and back were cramped from trying to lay Dan's long form down in the tub, and he had lost all feeling in his legs.

When he did finally roll out of the bath and flop onto the bathroom floor, he heard the front door opening and ran out to see what the commotion was.

"HUMAN!" The alien shouted at his first sight of Phil in the hallway of the apartment.

"Um, hi..." Phil responded, utterly perplexed. "Are those my clothes?" He gestured to the alien's choice of attire.

The alien ignored him completely and ran the length of the hallway to pull Phil into a rib-crushing hug. He rested his head on Phil's chest and closed his eyes as he inhaled his scent.

"Dan? Are you okay?"

"Yes, of course! I have just missed you immensely!"

"Oh, well I missed you too it's just, you're acting a bit strangely..."

At this the alien immediately let go of Phil and took a step back. He had messed up. This was obviously not the way he was supposed to behave in this situation.

Tears started to form in his eyes as he look at the floor, hanging his head in shame.

"Dan? Ohh... What is it? Have I said something?" Phil was confused, but most of all worried for his friend's sanity. What on Earth had happened in the two days he had been away for?

"DO YOU WANT A DRINK?"

The alien had overcompensated for his mistake by shouting out the first 'social norm' that came into his head. Phil continued to stare at 'Dan' blankly.

"Uuhh, yes please...?"

And with that the alien rushed into the kitchen to put the kettle in the microwave.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

It was later that evening, and Phil was sitting in the lounge with his laptop. The alien was behind the door, sneaking peaks at him, whilst Phil pretended he didn't notice what 'Dan' was doing. Sometimes Dan was in strange moods and Phil just had to let him get on with it. Admittedly this was one of his stranger ones, but he was sure it would pass, and if it didn't he would get some professional help. Or find a video on YouTube about weird friends; he was sure there was one out there somewhere.

Throughout the day the alien had:

Attempted to wash Dan's hair in the fireplace

Put a bottle of bleach in the dishwasher

Used the shower head to water a fake plant

Crapped in Phil's bed

Cleaned the crap up with a single piece of toilet paper

Thrown the crap-covered toilet paper out of the window and onto a cat

Redecorated Dan's walls with plasters

And now he was staring at Phil avidly from behind the door.

Maybe he did need help...

The alien, however, thought he was doing a brilliant job of acting like a human. He had even developed a crush, which was the reason he was watching Phil so carefully, and didn;t want him to realise that he was watching. The alien was embarrassed by how much he admired Phil already.

His eyes were as blue as the sky of -&-/&/', his hair as dark as that screeching thing he threw his excrement onto earlier that day, and he smelt just like... Nice stuff.

It was true love, and the alien decided he couldn't wait any longer to carry out an intervention...

Carefully, he crept into the room and stood himself in front of Phil, who was typing away and trying to ignore him.

The alien started to swing his hips sensually from side to side, his crotch dangerously close to Phil's laptop, which was just just in front of his face.

"Phil," he started, "there is something I need to tell you."

Unwillingly, Phil looked up from his laptop, and then proceeded to close the screen and lean backwards in an attempt to further himself from Dan's penis.

The alien looked dead into his eyes and slid himself onto Phil's lap.

Phil attempted to recoil, but was trapped by Dan's weight and the awkward position he had been forced into.

"Dan -", he began to strangle out, but the alien stopped him by putting a single finger to his lips and whispering;

"Hush. I will prove my affections to you by performing the mating dance of your people"

As the alien jumped up, Phil questioned what he was on about.

"My people? Do you mean the North? Dan I am not understanding this at all and I'm feeling very uncomfortable about all of this. Maybe you should just go and have a lie down."

"PREPARE FOR MY TWORKING!"

"Tworking -?"

In the blink of an eye the alien started blasting out 'My heart will go on' by Celine Dion, and proceeded to twerk for Phil's pleasure.

With everything considered, he was pretty good at it. He got really close to the floor and shook his booty hard and fast to the heart-wrenching notes warbling out around them. Not once did he break eye contact with the now traumatised Phil who was cowering on the sofa.

His hips went back and forth, to and fro, colliding with the air as he swung his majestic head around on his long neck, swishing his beautiful, slightly ash covered, hair in and out of his view of Phil.

"NNNEEAAARRRR, FFAAARRRTTTT, WHERE EEEEEVERRR OOOOOOO BRAAAAAS!..."

"Dan! Please stop this!" Phil pleaded.

But the alien had already taken off the shirt Phil had forced him into earlier, exposing Dan's body. He swung the shirt around his head and threw it to Phil. His jeans and Calvin Klein boxers followed shortly afterwards, landing straight in Phil's face. All the while, Celine Dion was still singing out.

Phil had two options, throw Dan's underwear off of his face and expose himself to his naked best friend thrusting his hips at him, or keep the dirty underwear on his face and make an attempt to leave the room without being able to see. He needed to make a decision fast, because 'Dan' was fast approaching him and he really didn't want to know what was coming next...

...When all of a sudden a tight, silver jumpsuit clad Dan, the real Dan, burst into the room with a scream after seeing himself attempting to mate with Phil.

"PHIL! THAT'S NOT ME! SAVE YOURSELF!"

To be continued...