So this two shot just became a trilogy. I didn't want to rush it. I apologize for the tense this is written in. It's the only way I can get it out. Hopefully it works without being confusing. I put some scenes from Ballad, and some scenes from Journey. Hopefully my interpretations stay in character.

Please, read and review

Part II

She does repression well. She's made it easy in her life to forget things temporarily. She knows what it feels like to push something bad to the back of her mind; if only for a little while. She locks it in that foreboding closet at the back of her brain. It's the place with no fresh air and walls that close in tight around those nightmarish thoughts. And she makes the rest of her mind a clear, wide open space. She usually doesn't have to open it often. She only opens it when she has more skeletons to put away. Repression usually comes easy to her. But this time, what she can't forget is agony.

She remembers the days after like it was yesterday. She remembers waking up and being sore. She remembers the tender skin of her inner thighs that hurt to touch. She remembers getting up after being damn near unconscious for two entire days. She remembers the burgundy rust of the blood stain dried on her favorite yellow comforter. She remembers panicking. She moved faster than her burning muscles would allow. She showered, she cleaned and she cleansed. And when she was finished, she forgot.

Well, she tried to. She was terrified that things would keep getting worse, that he would keep coming back. But he never did. And she remembers needing to take refuge in someone else. Because should couldn't get the feeling of Russell being inside of her out of her muscle memory. She remembers what she did that day too.

"I can't do this."

She called Puck. She was bloated and she felt fat and she wanted to have a few drinks to forget a little more. He came easily. She just needed to feel better. To feel good. It had only been two weeks since it happened. And she couldn't get the feeling of him off her. She was going to call Finn. But she didn't want it to be a short, clumsy affair. She needed someone who would wipe away the bad things. She pushes her hand against him, half-heartedly and she urges him away.

"Yes, you can. Have another wine cooler."

He said it and she almost blanched. He reached over her to grab another, but she stopped him. She wanted to have sex. She needed it to be good, and she needed it to get it over with quickly. She needed to forget who had been there before.

"I'm president of the Celibacy Club. I took a vow."

She kept talking to him, her hand started to rub different parts of him. She didn't want to come off easy, it just wasn't in her nature. He took the bait.

"So did Santana and Brittany, and I did them."

"What about Finn? He's your best friend." She felt guilty momentarily, but shook her head as she stared into Puck's eyes. No one would ever know about any of this. She had to reassure herself.

"Come on. We're in high school. You think either one of us is going to give a damn about Finn in three years? Life's just a bunch of experiences, you know? You don't get a medal at the finish line for being good. You just get dead."

He had no moral compass. But she guessed; neither did she.

"Okay, but you can't tell anybody. I can't lose my rep."

It was all she had anymore.

"Our secret, baby."

He starts kissing her again. She suddenly remembers what she's about to do and she stops him.

"What about protection?"

"I got it, trust me. This isn't just another hookup for me."

She's sort of flattered.

"Tell me one more time."

"You're not fat."

And just like that, it started. She lay beneath him as he kissed her, occasionally kissing him back as he tried to work her body into relaxation. She was tense at first, lying there in her Cheerios top and her panties. When he asked about the bruises on her thighs, she nervously smirked and told him that it was from being tossed all day at practice.

When he's inside of her, she feels the condom breaking. She feels it rubbing defiantly against her dry insides and she feels it snap. Moments later he's rolling off of her. It doesn't look like any has spilled, so she stands up and she grabs a towel.

All she muttered to him on the way to her bathroom was, "Lock the door on your way out."

She remembers how it felt like she wasn't erasing anything. She was just adding layers. When she missed her period that weekend, she panicked. She drove a county over to buy her pregnancy tests, all six of them. And she cried in a truck stop bathroom when they all came back positive.

She remembers thinking that it could still be Pucks. The free clinic was sterile and grey. Crying babies and teenage mothers littered the waiting rooms, and she sat in her seat until the doctor called out the alias she had given them. When the doctor told her she was four weeks along she remembers crying for Russell's baby, she remembers hating her father more than she had ever hated anything in her life.

She remembers lying to Finn. Her oafish, simple, Finn. She remembers making up some stupid lie to protect her dignity. She remembers him believing her. What would they say if they found out? How would they look at her if they knew she was carrying her father's child? How would they judge her… Finn followed. Finn believed her and put up with her and she loved him so much during that time. Because he was willing to believe the lies she told him. And he pretended all the way until that inevitable night happened.

"There must be some sort of mistake here, Quinnie we raised you right…"

She sat still on that couch. This wasn't how this was supposed to be addressed. She was supposed to tell Russell what he had done in private. But Finn had decided to be an idiot. And she was nervous about what was about to happen. Finn's talking snapped her from her thoughts.

"You did… we didn't even have sex."

She looked away from her mother then, choosing not to address her father directly. He knew. He looked directly at her and she saw the air thunder from his chest. He knew what he had done, and she was terrified at what he'd be capable of doing tonight.

"I'm sorry, can we just stop with the lying, please." Judy continues, fraudulently calm.

Finn interrupts her, his absolute ignorance of everything mocking his sincerity.

"—But, I"

Her father is looking at her. He's looking at her like he remembers those times he used to be her hero. He looks like his remembering a really good thought, his gruff voice quiets the rest of the room.

"You were about five years old. I took you and your sister down to an Indians game. All the other dads brought their sons. But my two girls were enough for me."

He's sober. He's looking right at her and there are tears in his eyes and she thinks that he might be remourseful, that he'll take care of the baby inside her that's not supposed to be there. Like he'll make all these bad things he did to her go away.

"Daddy…"

She's crying heavily. She's shaking and she's begging him with every tear to not get upset.

He keeps talking over her sobs.

"Your sister made it through the whole game. But you fell asleep in my lap…"

She snaps to her mother, who's looking upon him like she knows he'll do the right thing. Judy's dabbing at her false tears like Russell is about to redeem himself.

"… I kept hoping nothing exciting would happen," Judy has this grin on her face like she's proud, because he remembers what they were like when they were really a family, "…Cause I didn't want the crowd to get too loud... And wake you up."

He looks at her. He looks at her and he sees her like she's the nostalgia he's feeling. He looks at her like she's that tiny little girl again, who stops the world when she's sleeping in his arms.

"You stayed asleep in my arms until the game ended."

"Daddy I'm so sorry…"

Russell takes a deep breath. Its long and it steadies him, and she's waiting. She doesn't know what she should expect. He points at Finn.

"You need to leave."

She can't let him leave. She's terrified that if Finn leaves the house, he'll beat the baby out of her. Finn was the model guy to take on such an important role. This way they could hide it, and no one would ever know. She holds onto Finn's arm, and she doesn't let him leave.

"Wait. Please Daddy can we talk about this?" She's clutching onto Finn like he's a lifeline. He settles into his seat and she thanks him in her mind a thousand times over. It wasn't his burden. But she couldn't do this alone. "Finn is a good guy! He loves me."

She's nodding, and she's hoping that he can understand. She's hoping that he's being logical and he can see that this is better. That this is easier.

"You too."

She almost doesn't understand what he means. He's staring at his hands and her mother's eyes lock to him quickly. She was a fool for believing that he would accept her. Judy was a fool for believing that her husband was anything less than a monster.

She's crying louder, and she doesn't know if she's ready to say the sins he committed out loud. Because beneath the monster she remembers her Daddy. She can't condemn him… because she'd condemn herself too.

"Get out of my house." In that moment, she considers just running. He looks sinister. His temples are protruding like devil horns, his mouth is so upturned she feels like she's the stench he can't stop smelling. Finn breaks the moment.

"—But you can't do that, she didn't do anything wrong!"

He's your sweet, simple Finn. He doesn't know any better, and she'd be taken with his chivalry had she not just been evicted.

Russell inhales deeply.

"Please, Mrs. Fabray DO something?"

He gets up and he moves to her. She stays quiet. Judy always stays quiet.

"Don't bother Finn, if she wanted to do something she would've when she found out that I was pregnant." She laughs through her words, at her sorry excuse for a mother

Russell turns to Judy; disgusted.

"You knew?

Of course she knew. She heard the noises. She must have come to Quinn's room and saw what he did. Judy had known for a long time what had been going on, and she never stopped it. She suddenly blinked. Judy had been repressing. Like good little Fabrays do. She finally joins the conversation.

"I—no —she didn't tell me anything.

"But you knew…" Quinn continued.

Judy is shocked. She's never accused her of the neglect Judy was so guilty of. She could bring down this entire family. The truth would destroy them completely. But what would she have left?

"…And I needed you. I needed my mom," Judy looks away, like she can't accept the accusation because she knows it's true, "And you were so scared of what he would do if he found out that you just pushed it aside like we do every bad feeling in this house. If you don't talk about it, it doesn't exist—"

"Now do not turn this on us!" His shouting scares her. This is usually when she gets it; she gets beaten when he can't control his building anger.

"You are the disappointment here!"

Maybe this is her way out. Maybe this is her open opportunity.

" Why? Because I'm not a little girl anymore?" She pauses, daring him to answer her.

"Because I made a mistake?" He made it seem like everything she did was wrong; but none of this was her fault anymore. This shouldn't be her burden.

"Who are you? I don't recognize you at all." He's quiet when he says it.

"I'm your daughter…who loves you and I know this must be really hard for you, but I just need my daddy to hold me, and tell me that it's gonna be okay."

Russell pinches the corners of his eyes and walks around the table and up to her. She's breathing heavily, and she can't stop the tension building as he walks up to her calmly. He won't hit her in front of Finn. He won't leave any more evidence of what he truly is.

"Please?" She asks him nicely. They can all pretend he didn't do this. They can help her take care of her child and they could pretend that Finn was the father. At least her baby could be loved. At least things would appear to be okay." He seems like her old Daddy. He's not allowed to be disappointed in something he did. A crime he committed. Maybe it was time she just let him go. She needed to stop loving this monster of a man. She needed to stop protecting him.

He walks away from her, he abandons her; their baby. She only cries harder. She wants to shout the truth into the open air. She wants him to fess up to HIS mistake. She needs him to step up and accept that this is his consequence. Not hers.

"Judy!"

He calls from the kitchen, Judy follows dumbly and she doesn't look back. She remembers the last thing she thinks is, "Fuck em all."

Repression is hard when there is evidence. It's hard to forget something that makes its presence known. She moved a lot in the time it took for Beth to gestate inside of her. Every kick was a reminder of why she didn't have a home. Every doctor's appointment rubbed the lack of love in her face. She wandered from Finn, to Puck, and finally Mercedes—she stopped unpacking her suitcase a long time ago. She prayed for God to help her. She read her bible and she prayed for everything to somehow go back to how it was before. She reads about the problems her baby could have. And she listens to Puck's song about naming her Beth. She decided to do it afterwards, because she owed him for the lie she continued to tell him.

She remembers the day Beth was born. She remembers the competition, the excitement, the adrenaline. There wasn't a moment she thought her water would break. At least, not while she was performing.

"Quinnie?"

She heard her name and broke off instantly from everyone else. She checked back twice to make sure they weren't listening. She didn't know what this visit was for.

"Mom? What are you doing here? Is Dad okay…?"

Some part of her wished him dead every day. Other parts still cared that he was her father, that she still loved him

"I came to hear you sing. You were wonderful. I'm-I'm so sorry I missed all the other times you performed. Were there a lot?" She was still in shock. She had never expected to see her again. She had been forgetting about the family that just pushed her out.

"I left your father. Well, I-I… kicked him out, actually. He was having an affair with some, um… tattooed freak. Quinnie, I want you to come home with me. I can turn the guest room into a nursery. Oh, sweetie, say something."

"My water just broke."

She remembered the pain that followed. She remembered only taking her mother's plea for another chance because she was in pain. She needed her mother there… because she was still her mother, and all she wanted was someone to be there to help her through this. Someone who'd gone through this themselves once upon a time. Her natural birth was the most realistic thing to happen to her. And no matter how much shame she felt for lying to Finn, no matter how much guilt she was leaving with Puck, she smiled into her daughters face and she forgave her father.

From what he did to her; came a beautiful thing.

She couldn't forget this. This wasn't a bad thing. This wasn't a mistake. She wasn't a mistake.

And what she remembers most about holding her for the first time is this:

Beth is perfect.

She has ten fingers and ten toes. She has a beautiful, healthy brain and no physical deformities. She can see and she can hear and she is innocent. She also has Russell's nose, her eyes and Russell's chin. She's pleasantly plump and she'll probably be chubby for a little while in life. For a moment she holds her child and she stares in to her daughter's eyes and forgives her father for every sin that lead up to this birth. But only for a moment does she feel that pure elation. Then she remembers that she has to give her baby to someone who won't hurt her. To someone who will love her without conditions. And she let her go.

When she sees her all clean and warm in her cubby through the glass, she remembers her. She knew she was making the right decision. This little girl would never have to worry about the monster that conceived her. She never had to live up to those unobtainable expectations. She would get to grow and live her life untouched by the atrocities of her origin. And she wouldn't believe in the monsters in the world.

She still remembers the conversation she had with Puck before they finalized the papers.

"She looks like you. Do you want to keep her?" He was smiling through the glass. He didn't know he was an imposter.

"No. Do you? She was telling the truth. Beth had so much potential. She wanted her to go on and never know of a Fabray.

Puck is quiet. She knows he wants to keep her, to raise her. She knows in that moment that Puck will grow into a fine man one day.

"Did you love me?" She needed the validation. That someone still loved her; if anyone ever did.

"Yes. Especially now." Her face betrays her. She wants to tell him the truth, to release him from this unwarranted burden. But she lets him live in this lie for a bit longer. She'll tell him one day. When she'd healed. Or even when she's just forgotten.

She remembers it all like it was yesterday. It's been a year. It's been a year she's gotten to live and she's loved every moment of it. She finds herself thinking of her mistakes. Of his mistakes. But she finds herself dealing with everything he has left behind. And she's starting to get back the things she's wanted. Since New York she's had her friends. Since last year, she's had her mother. Judy. She watched her mother grow from a frightened and obedient wife into a caring and independent woman. She hadn't quite forgiven her, but she appreciates the progress. She hasn't righted all of her wrongs, but she's accepting that she can't repress things forever. This summer, would be summer she made things right.

She'd been washing the dishes when she heard the door. She heard her mother giggling and muffled sounds of someone else. She was dating and she was working toward finding an equal; but things had never moved this fast. She'd been at the sink for over an hour, thinking about the past two years of her life. She washed and rinsed and dried dishes, thinking about the freedom of the years that were coming.

She turned around to greet her mother and listened to the plate she was holding crash against the kitchen floor.

"Quinnie, be careful! You could cut yourself. Sit down sweetie." She ushered her into one of the dinette chairs in the kitchen.

"What's he doing here?"

Russell was smirking at her, playing with the keys in his pocket. She felt like she was dreaming. She felt like this couldn't be real and she was just daydreaming at the kitchen sink.

She pinched herself, until her mother startled her out of her thoughts. Judy was sweeping the shattered glass into the dustpan, and scooping it into the trash.

"Well, I hadn't expected you to be in here when we got home, but I guess I'll tell you now."

Her mother straightened out her dress and beamed at her.

"Your father has been seeing a therapist… and we've been talking about reconciling."

She was staring between Russell and her mother incredulously.

"I've stopped drinking, Quinnie. And… I've ended my affair. Things will be different, I promise. Things will be better."

All she wanted to do was get up, and get her halfway packed suitcase.

And so she did.

End. Part II.