Omake: Advice


Longshot peered out from behind the tree, just enough to catch a glimpse of Smellerbee as she whirled, kukri flashing in the early dawn-light like quicksilver. He had even removed his hat and quiver in order to carry out his stealthy reconnaissance.

He should have realized long ago that the way his breath caught everytime he watched her practice her knifework was not just awe at her prowess (although that was part of it): it was her the way she moved, the intensity of her concentration, her grace, the way she unconsciously bit her lip and frowned when a movement seemed just a micrometer off...

Smellerbee paused in the middle of her form; Longshot got his ponytail painfully snagged on a vicious little branch that assuredly had not been there a moment ago as he ducked back behind the solid trunk.

His quarry raised an eyebrow, but shrugged and went back to practicing. 'Just a bird...'

Longshot's heart was pounding in his chest, blood roaring in his ears. 'Did she see me?! I don't think she saw me! Spirits, she didn't see me, did she?'

It took a moment for Sanity to grab him by the front of his tunic and shake sense into him, shouting, "For Spirits' sake, it's Smellerbee! She's not going to gut you for spying on her practicing - now, if she'd ben bathing, that's another matter...'

Sanity sounded oddly like Jet, which Longshot found disquieting for more than a few reasons. Nevertheless...

'Calm down, man,' he told himself,'Calm... calm... all you're going to do is go out there and ask her to marry you.

'...not so calm now. Shit!' His heart was beating so fast he was getting dizzy. Taking deep breaths, he eased himself to the ground, shakily trying to gather his senses. 'What did the others say to do?' he thought, grasping at straws.

"I have a great idea!" the Duke said enthusiastically, "wait until she's in danger, then tell her you'll save her if she marries you!"

'...I don't think blackmail is a suitable basis for a long-term commitment,' Longshot remarked inwardly, nixing THAT idea. Besides, the Duke was the one who pointed out (most often) that Bee had been the one to save his ass more than he had repaid the favor!

"Eh? I don't care - just do it soon, the sexual tension is getting annoying," Sneers had muttered.

'...' He really ought not to have even asked Sneers, come to think of it.

"Get her drunk," Jet advised in all seriousness, leaning against the tree and pondering his friend's newest dilemma, "Or better yet, get drunk yourself..."

'It must be difficult to have been killed before reaching the legal drinking age,' allowed Longshot. He had scoffed at the idea at the time, but now...

"I dunno - just ask her?" Pipsqueak suggested hesitantly, scratching his head.

'Actually... that's pretty darned good advice,' Longshot realized, 'Huh. Should I be worried this is a sign of the Apocalypse?'

Jet was right, he had gotten more sarcastic over the years.

It was decided then. Taking another deep breath, Longshot heaved himself to his feet...

"I was wondering which of you was being a Peeping Li," Smellerbee drawled, leaning over him and smirking.

"Geck!" *WHUMP!*

"Oh for the love of..." Bee managed, staring down at her unconscious lieutenant in disbelief, "I couldn't have scared him that badly!"

--- END? ---


A/N: I actually wrote this omake a while ago, but as I was cleaning out my fic folder, I found it again and decided to share. Hope it makes for some giggles.