If you go down to the 11th today. Chapter two: the joys of having a fan base.

Hiya! This is now going to be a full story! It's going to have a plot and everything! (Right now all I have decided will happen is "Yachiru time travels" and "Kenpachi does something awesome" so all I have to do is work backwards from there) and its going to be awesome (I hope) however I need a while to sought out how the entire story is going to go. Hence, me trying to amuse you until then with this nonsense.

Warning: the fanfics appearing in this fanfic are not fanfics. These fanfics are merely this fanfic writer's attempts at stereotyping fanfics and the events that fanfics often contain. This fanfics author shall not (in all likelihood) be writing any of the fanfics in this fanfic. Please do not be offended if your favourite fanfic paring is mocked, I am writing this fanfic as a joke, none of the views on fanfics in this fanfic are my real opinion on fanfics. If your fanfic, or a fanfic you have read reminds you of a fake fanfic in this fanfic then I apologise, that was not my intent. However do tell me as I would find that hilarious.

I apologise that the word fanfic no longer looks like a word.

Review answer time!

OmniOminous: thanks, I got an idea like that, and I had to write this story. ;)

Vampire13princess: 1) thanks *embarrassed* 2) H.P. Lovecraft is the writer of the story the call of Cthulu, the story where Cthulu comes from. AND CAPS MAKES EVERYTHING BETER! I WOULD SO WRITE THIS ALL IN CAPS. BUT THAT'S NOT SUCH A GOOD PLAN.

Soi Fon and Yoruichi r awesome: thank you, glad you liked it. And yes, yes they are.

I own Bleach, honest, I am Tite Kubo. Ha fooled you! I'm so clever :)

Fake fanfics are in italics

Kurosaki home.

Ichigo jumped through his bedroom window, strapping Zangetsu to his back as he did so. "Well that was horrible." Ichigo muttered, climbing into his body and shoving Kon back into the stuffed lion as he did so, "hey Rukia, did you ever see Yachiru's Bankai?" he asked the girl who was typing busily on his computer.

Rukia looked at Ichigo in horror "oh no, you're kidding right? Byakuya is going to be having another relapse right about now."

Soul society, 4th division group therapy session

"AND SHE JUST KEPT ASKING FOR CANDY. WHY WON'T SHE LEAVE? PINK DEMONS WITH ELDER GOD SIDEKICKS ARE IN MY HOUSE, THEY ARE IN MY HOUSE!" Byakuya shouted foaming at the mouth, before being forced back into his seat by the several present captains.

"And he was making such progress" Momo said sadly, Kira nodded in agreement.

Unohana shook her head, "well we'll start again I suppose. Please tell Kenpachi that the anti-Yachiru force field is going to have to be put up around squad six again."

"Got it, no problem." Ikkaku replied before frowning "why isn't it always up?"

"Because he would never get better if he didn't have to deal with her."

"Alright. So why am I here? I ain't crazy" Ikkaku asked frustrated.

Unohana looked at him calmly "you have anger issues you need to deal with."

"Do not"

"You're bold." Kira imputed

"EXTEND HOZUKIMARU!"

"Exactly" Unohana sighed.

"So why am I here?" Kira asked

"You need to learn not to be dominated so easily." the forth division captain explained.

"I am not a doormat."

"Yes you are."

"Yes I am." Kira agreed.

"Well I don't need to be here." Momo said confidently.

Ikkaku smiled evilly "say Momo? What's your favourite thing about Aizen?"

"The best thing about Aizen? Well I love how kind he is, and how well he listens, and how he helps the people he cares about…." Momo rambled her eyes unfocused and pointing in different directions, Unohana glared at Ikkaku so badly he felt his heart wince.

"That did not help Momos condition."

"Never thought it would. Funny though" Ikkaku replied, before getting glared at so intently he fainted.

"So why am I here?" Kurotsuchi demanded.

everyone silently stared at the 12th captain, lost for words.

Everyone except the two people mumbling under there breaths:

"And another great thing about Aizen is that his eyes are so beautiful, I wrote a poem about them 'ode to brown eyes':"

"She just won't leave me alone. She just won't leave me alone. It just won't leave me alone. Pink demon. Pink demon. Pink demon."

Kurosaki house

"I'm sure he's fine" Rukia decided after a moment, then turned back to the computer.

"Anyway what exactly are you doing?" Ichigo asked, lying down on his bed.

"fanfiction" Rukia replied not even looking up this time.

"oh yeah? for one of those mangas you always read?" Ichigo asked, slightly interested.

"no, bleach fanfiction" Rukia replied before cheering "yes! Finished!"

This got Ichigo's attention. "Please tell me you aren't shipping your self with anyone." he asked, smirking at the faint blush that appeared on Rukias cheeks.

"No. that's just messed up." Rukia said, logging on to fanfiction .net and uploading her story.

"Wait, are we aloud to break the forth wall that badly?" Kon asked from the desk.

"Sure, what were you expecting to happen?" Rukia asked.

"Bad things I guess. I don't really like bad things." Kon reasoned, "So are you doing the smart thing and writing me X Orihime?"

Rukia hit him, knocking him over to Ichigo who hit him harder.

"No, wrote what would of happened if I wasn't arrested." Rukia said grinning.

"Ah, so I beat Renji and Byakuya all the way back to soul society and saved you?" Ichigo guessed.

"nope, they almost kill you same as ever, then Urahara turns up to save me. There's no way in hell you would of ever won that fight!" Rukia laughed at Ichigos annoyed expression. "And then I get the same training as you and we kill Aizen!" Rukia continued enthusiastically.

Ichigo frowned "what?"

Rukia just passed him his laptop "just read it, Strawberry, I'll send it you."

One bad story later

Rukia hit the ground, wincing slightly at the cuts in her arms, a few moments later Ichigo landed next to her, he was actually more injured then her and was breathing kind of fast.

"well this is another fine mess you got us into Rukia." Ichigo said grinning, at her.

"oh shut up, how is this my fault?" Rukia asked smiling back at him.

"well it was you who killed Starrk, that kinda pissed him off a bit" Ichigo replied.

"oh. right." Rukia laughed "how proud of killing number four were you again?" she asked smirking.

"oh shut the hell up. You ready for this?"

Rukia felt slightly annoyed that she couldn't use her blizzard Bankai without freezing Ichigo to death in a few seconds, but she just nodded. She didn't need it anyway.

As one they turned to Aizen and empowered there hollow masks and charged.

sorry for the cliffhanger but…

Ichigo skipped the authors note and shook his head, "I'm impressed, you see a lot of people put themselves into Bleach and become Mary Sues, but you managed to turn a cannon character into one. That's quite the feat." he knew he was going to get kicked from the moment he opened his mouth. That didn't mean it didn't hurt. "Oh come on Rukia, you became stronger then most captains, and killed four of the espeada. You know I'm right."

Rukia frowned "well you didn't have to be a jerk about it."

"o.k. I'm sorry, but what kind of username is "ChappyChappyChappy"? that's just stupid."

The next kick to the head Ichigo did not expect.

"Idiot, it's a perfectly good name!" Rukia snapped "what's yours then? If mines so bad"

As Rukia and Ichigo bickered over usernames, Kon took over the computer and quickly entered "Kon" "Orihime" "romance" "M rated" and hit enter with a look of anticipation on his face:

Top of Form

No entries found with current settings/filters. Note: M rated entries are not displayed by default

Kon sniffed sadly and changed it to Rukia and hit enter again:

No entries found with current settings/filters. Note: M rated entries are not displayed by default

Kon only just stopped himself from weeping and then only put his name in, figuring he'd be paired with at least one good looking chick.

Kon screamed.

"The hells wrong with him?" Ichigo asked confused as Kon continued to scream and cry.

"Huh looks like he found out pretty much the only person shipped with him is you" Rukia said before laughing at Ichigo's sudden look of absolute horror.

"But… but that makes no damn sense. He's the most woman obsessed thing ever. And I hate him. So WHY?" Ichigo said distraught and slamming his head into a wall.

"Wait, wait, this one isn't me and Ichigo, so it must be with a hot chick!" Kon declared and started reading with gusto.

Ichigo looked at Rukia

Rukia looked at Ichigo.

"He doesn't know who that is does he?" Ichigo said sadly.

Why do I love you when I should hate you?

The small figure of Kon kicked the door down with steel like determination, and marched straight into the captains meeting, there was looks of shock from many present, they were not expecting the captain's boyfriend to barge in like that.

Especially not crying.

Kon looked into the eyes of the person he had so often declared his love for, and spoke the words he knew would brake both of there hearts.

"Yamamoto. I'm… I'm leaving you. I know the truth now, I know everything."

The old captain looked at Kon with infinite sadness and regret.

"Kon, I'm sorry, I didn't know that…." He began but was interrupted.

"It doesn't matter what you thought! It's your fault! I'LL NEVER TALK TO YOU AGAIN!" Kon screamed at him in anguish he stopped, his entire body shook with rage, Kon moved forwards and kissed the old man passionately for the last time, his stuffed paw gently caressing the old mans face, the captains wet tongue breathy dueling with the one made of cotton before the kiss was finally broken, the mod soul whispered "good bye my love" and quickly left. Ignoring Yamamoto's desperate pleas for him to wait.

There was a long moment of silence, before the head captain started to weep softly. Unohana put her arm around the man, trying to console him.

"Are you going to be o.k. sir?" Unohana asked quietly.

"Yes, because I am going to win him back, no matter what. I swear it." Yamamoto said confidently. "I love him too much not to try"

Back to reality

"I think he's dead." Ichigo said poking the still form of Kon with slight interest, "no wait it's a self induced comma never mind." he picked up the poor animal and put him in a draw out of the way. "Now what do we look for?"

With a sudden CRASH! Kenpachi, for some reason, dressed as a woman, and what looked suspiciously like Rukia with a purple afro with yellow stripes in it, smashed into Ichigo's window, climbed into the room, and sliced Ichigos desk into a pile of firewood, Kenpachi grabbed Kon and jumped out the window. The afro Rukia paused and struck the sailor Moon pose, shouted "peace out bitches!" and then pulled out a T.V remote and…. Vanished?

There was a pause.

To call it a moment of stunned silence would be an understatement.

Finally Rukia found her voice, "you know? I look damn good with an afro."

"No Rukia. Just please no." Ichigo said still staring at his desk, "so Kons gone huh? That kinda makes it all worth it."

"Well no. I'm pretty sure he's going to be back any minute now." Rukia said calmly, "I'll explain."

"Oh no" Ichigo groaned.

"Oh yes!" Rukia declared, pulling out her sketchbook. "See over the years, two people codenamed "transvestite Zaraki" and "sixties Rukia" have been turning up randomly and steeling our stuff." The page showed a bear with spiky hair and a pink frilly dress grabbing a box off a fox with thin squinting eyes and a creepy smile, while an afroed rabbit laughed in the background.

"But they always return them within an hour." Rukia finished, the next page showing the bear throwing the box at the foxes face. "Do you understand?"

"You're drawings are so bad, part of me is suicidal." Ichigo said darkly.

"Jerk" Rukia said angrily

"No, no, you don't get it, my inner hollow is actually trying to kill itself, show me more, quickly!" Ichigo laughed before getting hit over the head by the book.

"It's not funny, so shut up. NOW!"

Meanwhile in Ichigo's inner world.

"no I'm not going to give you the cloth from my sword form so you can hang yourself." Zangetsu sighed.

"Damn, I know! If Ichigo gets sad, it'll rain, so I could drown myself." The white hollow grinned "hey Ichigo! Dead puppies, hurt kittens, you suck, Rukia will never feel the same way as long as you live" he ranted wildly.

The real world.

"Excuse me one second."

"Sure"

Inner world again.

"Ha Ichigo you came to help me die right?" the hollow asked as Ichigo materialized in front of him.

"No." Ichigo said simply, and after a pause, Ichigo punched the hollow in the face and left.

"Well that's just bloody rude." The hollow complained while the sword spirit laughed at him.

Real world again, well it's an anime so it's not really the real world, and it's a (bad) fanfic so its not even bleach's real world…. Look the point is we're back in Ichigo's room. Shut up.

"I was gone five seconds and you're already reading Yaoi?" Ichigo asked annoyed as Rukia looked at the next fanfic page.

"It's not yaoi. It's what comes up if I enter your name." Rukia laughed, "lets see shall we? Ok then, you and Renji date, you and my brother have a one night stand, you and Gin? Never seen that before. Oh and here's one where Grimmjow gets you pregnant."

Ichigo groaned, "What is wrong with my fans?"

"Rule of anime Ichigo, if you are a hot character, you will be obsessed over, if you are friends with a hot guy, they assume it's more then that, you hate some one? You're going to be paired. you talk to a hot guy? Paired. In the same room for 5 minutes? Better believe you'll be paired." Rukia grinned at Ichigo who banged his head against a wall. Again.

"O.k. fans need to realise something. I hate all of the Espadas guts; I will never be friends with them. AND I WON'T HAVE KIDS WITH GRIMJOW MOTHER FUCKING JAEGERJAQUEZ!"

"It's Jaggerjack"

"Shut up Rukia."

"O.k. look the only reason you are saying this is because the author is an IchiRuki fan. Over wise you may well have become gay for a cheep laugh."

"Is that supposed to be reassuring? Wait does that mean you and me…?" Ichigo trailed off embarrassed.

"No. nothing funny about that."

"Nothing funny about us reading fanfiction."

"Touché" Rukia grinned, "So is Grimmjow not you're type or what?"

"No it's because he's evil." Ichigo insisted.

"But what if you get to know him better?" Rukia suggested,

"O.k. I'm going to explain something about Bleach to you. There is no grey in this world." Ichigo said calmly.

"Err what?" Rukia asked bewildered.

"There is good. There is evil. That's it; there is no neutral area here. Everyone is either plotting the deaths of innocents, or risking there lives to save innocents. And that's that, they never swap sides."

"What about Uryus dad? He's pretty neutral." Rukia insisted after a moment.

"Yes but he's neutral good." Ichigo rebutted, seeing Rukias blank look he sighed "it means he's a good person but only really cares for himself. Right, there are three types of people in this world. The good, the evil and…"

"The ugly?" Rukia interrupted.

"The neutrals. Also shut up." Ichigo glared at Rukia until she closed her mouth. "and the good guys are the soul reapers, the hollows are evil, except Nel because apparently the heartless hollows can feel love or something, which kinda goes against everything a hollow is supposed to be but, ANYWAY, the neutrals are all the humans who don't know about everything, but if they found out would immediately become good, because all humans with enough spiritual pressure to distinguish themselves from cats are good people by proxy." Ichigo paused, "are you with me so…. STOP MAKING BUNNY DRAWINGS TO EXPLAIN D'n'D ALLIGNMENTS!"

"Fine" Rukia groaned putting the book away.

"Right, but then you can divide those classes further, into Chaotic, lawful and neutral again. So lawful is your brother or Aizen really, people who follow the rules and are usually calm and collected."

"Aizen doesn't follow the rules." Rukia pointed out.

"Actually since he's in charge of the bad guys he does follow his own laws. Making him lawful." Ichigo argued, "Look are you going to fight me on everything I say here?"

"Yes. Also please tell me you are going somewhere with this."

"I have two places I'm going." Ichigo replied "but first: o.k. so chaotic is doing whatever you think you should be doing, regardless of the rules."

"So basically you?"

"Hey you catch on pretty quick." Ichigo nodded, "also Grimmjow, Nnoitra or anyone who has ever even thought about joining squad 11 ever."

"So please explain what you are talking about."

"Here it is 'the point' chaotic good me, is never going to get pregnant with chaotic evil Grimmjow EVER because of the way alignments differences work in this universe." Ichigo finished.

"See I would of just said it's because you are both men, but whatever" Rukia said laughing as Ichigo hit his head on the wall again.

"O.k. but my second point. Which alignment would be the biggest threat to both sides of the war?"

Rukia considered this "chaotic neutral?"

"Correct. Now who do we know that only ever does what he feels like all the time with no consideration for others?"

A long way away

Gin Ichimaru sneezed suddenly. Before shrugging and continued to plot.

I'm getting sick of these flashes back and forth, how about you?

"Now isn't it good there's only one person like that? Imagine loads of Gins running around" Ichigo said, causing both of the soul reapers to shudder in fright.

Then Transvestite Kenpachi burst in and threw Kon at Ichigo's head and left cackling.

O.k. that's it I quit!

"Welcome my brothers, my sisters; I am glad you all could make it." A figure in a dark grey cloak, which had a heavy hood covering there face, spoke calmly to a room full of hooded figures which were all wearing a lighter shade of grey, "I welcome our newest member, and hope she will help us further our goals."

One of the people bowed slightly, "I will try my best."

"So our spies are in place?" the leader spoke again.

"Yes, both Yamamoto and Aizen have no idea we even exist, let alone that we have spies in there highest positions. We can not be stopped."

"Well then soon my friends, THE TIME OF THE CHAOTIC NEUTRALS APPROACHES!" the leader shouted madly, causing the rest of the figures to cheer shout and clap. As a gigantic banner showed the words:

"There is no good or evil. There is only fun and boring."

"My friends!" The leader shouted standing up dramatically, "let's break some rules."

DUN DUN DUH!

Yep, I lied, I totally know where the plots going. This is goanna be fun, for me, the bleach cast? Not so much. No.

And because I feel like it, here is the 13 captain's alignment (feel free to skip it and just review instead if you aren't interested. Also review if you disagree with this, also review just to say how much you like/hate this story. Thanks :D)

Genryusai Shigekuni Yamamoto= Lawful good.

Soi Fon= lawful good or neutral good, not sure

Gin Ichimaru = Chaotic neutral

Retsu Unohana= lawful good

Sosuke Aizen= lawful evil

Byakuya Kuchiki= lawful good

Sajin Komamura=lawful good

Shunsui Kyoraku=chaotic good

Kaname Tosen= lawful evil

Toshiro Hitsugaya= lawful good

Zaraki Kenpachi= is it possible to be chaotic chaos? No? alright, chaotic Good (borderline)

Mayuri Kurotsuchi=chaotic evil

Jushiro Ukitake=chaotic good.

p.s. MPreg stories are evil and need to die.