Main Characters: Gabriel O'Brien, Joey O'Brien, Damian Fernando

Disclaimer: I don't own Glee. But Gabriel is all mine!

Joey belongs to the wonderful normallyweirdm and her story White Blank Page.

Names, characters, places and incidents either are the product of my imagination or are used fictitously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or locales is entirely coincidental.


Boys Of Summer

- Past -

When Joey was seventeen his big brother was his favorite person in the whole wide world. For a very simple reason. Gabriel owned a car and let him drive it.

It was summer break, a few weeks before the start of Joey's senior year in high school, and he needed something to impress the girls. What better thing was there than cruising around in a bright yellow Corvette cabrio?

At the time Gabriel was working at the St. Mary's hospital as a nurse and they made an arrangement that if Joey dropped his brother off at work and picked him up again he was allowed to drive Gabriel's car all day long.

Usually Joey took his best friend Hannah along but seriously? You couldn't talk up girls when your best friend who was a girl was with you. Joey also had a few buddies at school but they weren't interested in hanging out with him after school hours or during summer time. He liked to think it was because he was a total nerd. But he'd overheard enough talk to know that they avoided him because his brother was gay.

Meeting Gabriel always was adventurous and fun.

Part of the thrill was that it was strictly forbidden.

Their parents couldn't know that they were still in touch. They had told Joey that it was off-limits for him to have any contact to his older brother because he was a bad influence on him. Gabriel claimed they feared that being gay was contagious. So far Joey hadn't been infected though. Gabriel tried his best to lure him to the dark side but all he'd managed so far was to make Joey laugh so hard his sides hurt.

Also, Joey had just gotten his license and his mother was very reluctant to let him drive the family car. If she knew that Gabriel let him drive a sports car she'd run up the walls.

For a long time Joey had hated his parents for throwing Gabriel out at the age of sixteen. But Gabriel was a survivor and there was nothing that got him down. The fact that Gabriel stayed strong and independent although his family had abandoned him had impressed Joey deeply.

Their mom knew or at least suspected that Joey still had contact to Gabriel. Sometimes she would even ask him how Gabriel was doing and Joey would tell her that his brother was fine. She never asked for details, though. However if their father found out that Joey saw his brother almost every day... well, he had no clue how their father would react. But since he had been heartless enough to throw his eldest son out of the house and never speak to him again, Joey was afraid he'd be on the streets in no time as well.

The brothers loved going to the beach together. Gabriel was an excellent surfer and Joey loved to play beach ball and eyeing up the girls. As much as Joey loved his older brother he had always envied him. Gabriel was fair-haired with brown eyes, and girls loved that. He was easy-going with a big mouth and just chatted everyone up, girls and boys. Joey on the other hand couldn't talk to girls without stuttering and blushing. Hannah was the only exception but Hannah was his friend since kindergarten, she was like a sister to him.

"You know I really started liking you when I realized that you were gay," Joey had admitted to Gabriel once with a teasing smirk. "I didn't have to be afraid anymore that you'd snatch my girlfriends away."

"Which girlfriends?" Gabriel had laughed out loud. "You never had any."

"Duh! But if I had one she would ogle at you just like everyone else does."

"You know what, little bit?" Gabriel had wrapped his arm around Joey's neck. "The girls ogle at you as well. You're just too busy blushing and avoiding eye contact to notice."

"Really?" Joey was amazed. "Is that true? Are girls staring after me?"

"Joey, I hate to tell you but we're in fact blood-related. That makes you almost as attractive as me. Unfortunately though, being handsome doesn't save you from being a bad case of a nerd so you better get used to not getting any action."

"You're so... gah!" Joey had nudged his brother playfully.


"I'll bring my new friend if that's okay?" Joey asked when he dropped Gabriel off at his workplace. The brothers had agreed to spend the afternoon at the beach together, until then Joey wanted to spend some time in the mall and meet with a friend.

"Is he a nerd like you?" Gabriel asked with a wry grin.

"He's this new kid in town," Joey said and brushed his brown unruly hair out of his face. "We met at the library and while yes, we may have connected over a copy of Harry Potter, no, he's not a total nerd like me."

"It's your summer break!" Gabriel laughed. "What on earth are you doing in the library? Enjoy yourself for once!"

"Excuse me but I happen to like reading."

"How can you possibly be my brother?" Gabriel teased, shaking his head. "Alright-y, who's this Harry Potter loving friend of yours?"

"Well, his family only moved into town like two weeks ago and apparently he's going to my school after summer break and we want to talk to the principal so he gets to go into my class," Joey told him agitatedly.

"Gosh, that's so exciting!" Gabriel teased him again, getting out of the car. "Maybe I should check out the library one day. I heard it's a great place to hook up. All those smart library guys reading porn, they must be dying to try out the real thing."

"Don't you ever go anywhere near my library!" Joey threatened with a wide grin. His brother was a sex maniac and Joey was used to his big talk. In fact Joey knew everything about gay sex by now. His mother would be horrified.

"Take good care of my baby and don't forget to fill up the gas. I'm not paying for your field trips to the town's infamous libraries. You go, little bro!" Gabriel flashed Joey a thumbs-up, then he was gone, whistling, always so damn cheerful.


When his shift ended in the afternoon Gabriel changed out of his scrubs and into a pair of blue jeans and a white shirt that was a tad too tight. He always looked forward to spending time with Joey. The boy was fun to hang out with and to tell the truth Gabriel was impressed how smart his little brother was, although he loved to tease him about it.

He cared a great deal about his little brother. Joey was the only family he had left and it was nice to have someone around who really cared about him, too. Gabriel had a lot of friends and bedmates in the GLCS where he lived but he wasn't really close to anyone.

Joey had only been thirteen back when his brother had left home and Gabriel was sure that it had been so much harder for Joey to see him being thrown out of the house and abandoned by their parents than it had been for Gabriel.

Gabriel sauntered out of the hospital towards the parking lot, smiling to himself when he saw that his brother was already there, sitting in the yellow cabrio with the top pulled down.

Gabriel approached the car and checked out his brother's friend who was sitting in the passenger's seat and listened to Joey who was just excitedly telling a story.

It was a slender boy with big brown curly hair and pale skin. He was smaller than the O'Brien brothers and his dress style was just awful. He wore a nerdy red cardigan over a blue T-shirt and khaki shorts. A pair of old scratched sunglasses rested on his head, almost hidden away in his mess of curls.

There was nothing special about him and yet there was something that caught Gabriel's eye.

The boy had a smile to die for.

The way his cheeks dimpled, the way his eyes crinkled up, the way his adorably slightly crooked white teeth showed. Gabriel slowed his pace in absolute awe. Dang, what a cutie!

The boy looked at Joey with big attentive eyes and he smiled at his new friend as if Joey was the most awesome person in the whole wide world.

Looky-there, Gabriel thought to himself. Someone's having a crush.

"Who's your cute friend?"

Both boys startled when Gabriel leaned down at the driver's side. Gabriel's grin expanded when he noticed that the boy blushed at his words.

"Hey G! This is Damian Fernando," Joey introduced them. "Damian, this is my brother Gabriel."

"Nice to meet you, Gabriel." Damian spoke with a soft low voice and reached over to shake hands.

Gabriel took Damian's hand into both of his and held on to it. "Mmh, you have really soft hands, Damian. What kind of lotion do you use?" He slowly rubbed circles into the back of Damian's hand with his thumb.

"I, uh..." Damian stuttered, staring at his captured hand, apparently wondering how to get it back.

"Enough, G!" Joey slapped his brother's arm to free his friend. "You have to excuse my brother," Joey turned to Damian with a roll of his eyes. "He's gay. He flirts with everyone who's male."

It didn't escape Gabriel that Damian's eyes widened at this casual statement. At first Gabriel thought that the boy was shocked to meet a gay man. But when their eyes met there was a wondrous spark in the boy's hazel eyes and Gabriel realized that Damian was rather baffled that Joey was talking about being gay in such a casual way as if it was normal and nothing to be ashamed of.

"And female," Joey continued his list. "Now that I come to think of it he just unabashedly flirts with everyone. Including cats and dogs. And the cockatiel over at the rent-a-bike shop just down the beach."

"Oh, I just love animals," Damian said with another one of his killing smiles. He gazed at Gabriel once more but averted his eyes quickly. Gabriel sensed that Damian became positively flustered by meeting someone who was gay.

"Hop into the back, Kermit," Gabriel said with a dismissive wave of his hand.

"No, I'm driving," Joey protested, stubbornly clutching the steering wheel with both hands.

"Kermit. Backseat." Gabriel raised one eyebrow.

"Uh, I can sit in the back," Damian hurried to say and fumbled with his seatbelt.

"No, you stay put, Curly Sue," Gabriel said with a wink and Damian looked up at him with the most bemused expression his face but he let go of his seatbelt.

With a grumble Joey got up and into the back. Gabriel took the driver's seat and grinned at the dark haired boy next to him. "So, where do you wanna go, Damian?"

"We want to go to the..." Joey started to say from the backseat but Gabriel raised a hand.

"You're being very rude, Joey. I was talking to your friend," Gabriel mock-scolded his brother. "So, Damian?"

"We, uh, we thought we'd go to the beach," Damian answered with a shy voice. "If that's okay with you."

"Yay, we're going to the beach!" Gabriel reached over the boy's knees to open the glove box and retrieve his sunglasses from out of it. Sliding his Ray Bans on, he grinned at the boy and steered the car off the parking lot.

"Joey told me you were a nurse," Damian said in a polite attempt to start conversation.

"That's right! Best nurse there is in the St. Mary's!" Gabriel declared self-confidently. "If you ever need someone to take care of you just knock at my door, sweetheart!"

Gabriel loved to see Damian blush again. Apparently the boy wasn't used to petnames. Gabriel would make sure to use any term of endearment known to mankind for him.

"I think that being a nurse is really cool, I mean for a guy, you know, although it's generally seen as a woman's job," Damian stammered, clearly driving himself deeper into the mud. "Not that I think it was a woman's job. If I was a patient in a hospital I'd love to see more guys around."

"I agree," Gabriel said with a big grin. "It's always nice to have a few handsome guys around to stare at when you're bound to sickbed."

"Uhm…" Damian began twisting a strand of hair around his finger to distract from his red face.

"Gabe, just because you stare at men like they're ice cream doesn't mean everyone does," Joey chided his brother.

"Not everyone," Gabriel agreed with a sideways glance at Damian. "But according to statistics every tenth guy is gay! Can you believe that? I have my hopes up for Matt Bomer, because, dang, he's hot! Don't you think?"

Damian nodded awkwardly. "Well, yeah, he's quite good-looking, I guess."

"But of course you prefer blond guys, don't you, honey?" Gabriel stated as if it was a fact and winked at Damian again.

Joey slapped his brother over the back of his head. "Stop it, G, or else I'm gonna tell Damy about how you used to torture me when we were kids and he's unlikely to see past your crimes."

"Damy," Gabriel repeated the nickname with a sudden tenderness in his voice. "I like that. Can I call you Damy, honey?"

"Uhm, yeah, but please just Damy without the honey." Damian pursed his lips in a cute way, like he was trying to hide a grin that he wasn't allowed to show.

"Alright-y." Gabriel was pleased to see how Damian was slowly relaxing in his company. "Besides, I still torture Joey today. I can tell you about all the little things that drive him up the wall. Such knowledge can be useful at times. It's also good for blackmailing."

Damian laughed at that. His laugh was high and loud and then ebbed away in a long drawn-out humming. It was easily the most beautiful sound Gabriel had ever heard.

There was a guitar on the backseat. Gabriel pointed to it. "That yours?"

"Yeah, I like to play," Damian said with a humble shrug.

"Wanna play something for us when we're at the beach?"

"Alright-y." Damian smiled at him and Gabriel's heart skipped a beat. Dang, what the hell was happening here? He only knew this boy for a couple of minutes. Why was his heart pounding like crazy?

Damian leaned back towards Joey in a confidential manner and asked in a whisper, "Why does he call you Kermit?"

Of course Gabriel overheard and laughed heartily at that. "Because when Joey gets all excited or upset he jumps around the place like a frog!"

"He comes up with stupid nicknames for everyone," Joey explained with a shrug and a fond smile. "Just you wait, he'll come up with something for you, too."

Gabriel parked his car near the beach promenade and walked around to the trunk to retrieve a blanket. While Damian was busy getting his guitar Joey took his brother aside and hissed at him in a low voice. "Please stop flirting with Damian. He's not gay and I want to keep him as my friend."

"Don't worry. He'll survive a little bit of flirting." Gabriel winked at him. "Besides, you're wrong. He is."

"He's what?"

"One of my kind," Gabriel said with a wink.

"You wish!" Joey huffed and crossed his arms.

"Actually yes, I do," Gabriel replied smugly and then lowered his voice even more as he added in a low singsong, "but he's got a crush on you, little frog."

"You're making that up!"

"Hey," Damian approached them cautiously with his guitar case strapped over one shoulder. "You ready?"

"Yeah, we can go! This way," Joey said and went straight ahead. They looked around for a nice spot to spread their blanket and enjoy the sun. Of course the brothers had a favorite spot between a newspaper kiosk and a beachball field.

As they waddled through the sand Damian suddenly stopped and couldn't avert his eyes from the water, awestruck of the sight of the ocean.

"It's so beautiful," Damian murmured, tilting his head and admiring the soft waves rolling in, glittering in the sun.

"Have you never seen the ocean before?" Joey asked stunned.

"Of course I have," Damian replied with a smile. "But it gets me every time. Sometimes you just have to stop and stare when you see something beautiful."

"Well, you'll have a lot of stopping and staring to do at this beach, I can tell you," Gabriel said with a grin, his gaze straying over to a group of young men playing beachball nearby.

"How about we settle down over there?" Joey led them to a shady spot near the promenade but in great view of the ocean and a group of sun worshipers lying in the sand, mostly girls Joey's age as Gabriel noticed. Damian helped Joey to spread the blanket and they settled down.

"Ah, it's so hot!" Gabriel pulled his shirt over his head and stretched casually, showing off his six pack and biceps.

"Bragger," Joey muttered, because his brother was just perfect and of course he attracted some of the girls who craned their necks to get a good look at him. "Do you have to do that, G?"

"What?" Gabriel asked innocently, running a hand down his chest and then linked his thumb in his belt. He sat down on his heels and captured his blond mane with an elastic to keep it out of his face. From behind his shades he watched Damian, but the boy kept his eyes downcast, getting his guitar out of its case and settling it in his lap.

"He's a surfer," Joey explained to Damian with a sigh and pointing at his brother. "I guess if I'd be more into sports I'd had a chance to look like that, too."

"Joey, if you really wanna work out let me give you some brotherly advice," Gabriel grinned at him. "Don't overdo it, start it nice and slow. How about you read some books about it first?"

"Ha, ha," Joey replied humorless and stuck his tongue out.

Damian shrugged out of his cardigan and folded it next to him on the blanket. For a while he just tuned his guitar.

Gabriel watched the boy's long slender fingers move over the strings, trying not to drift off to filthy fantasies.

"What're you gonna play?" Joey asked, not taking his eyes away from the bikini girls nearby.

"Just this song that I like," Damian replied quietly, making Gabriel wonder if the boy was even able to rise his voice or if his low hushed voice would be drowned out by his own guitar.

Damian began strumming a fast steady beat and immediately gained some attention from people around them. Gabriel arched his eyebrow in surprise. Boy, this kid knew how to play guitar.

When Damian started to sing he changed in front of their eyes. His voice was loud and clear, yet emotional and so strong.

"Nobody on the road
Nobody on the beach
I feel it in the air
The summer's out of reach

Empty lake, empty streets
The sun goes down alone
I'm drivin' by your house
Though I know you're not at home"

Soon they were surrounded by beach girls and boys, swaying and dreaming away, admiring the boy with the guitar. Damian didn't take notice of his audience. He kept his eyes on his guitar and his dark curls fell into his eyes, hiding his face away.

"But I can see you-
Your brown skin shinin' in the sun
You got your hair combed back and your sunglasses on, baby
And I can tell you my love for you will still be strong
After the boys of summer have gone"

Gabriel was impressed by his choice of song and the way he sang it. There was so much emotion in Damian's voice, like there was an old soul in this kid's body. He was a boy with dreams and a passion that was ready to show.

"I never will forget those nights
I wonder if it was a dream
Remember how you made me crazy?
Remember how I made you scream?

Now I don't understand what happened to our love
But babe, when I get you back
I'm gonna show you what I'm made of"

It was a song of dreaming and longing for a lost lover. It was a song for a man with regrets, not a young green teenager who'd never been in love before. Also it was a very sexy song, definitely a song a mother would tag inappropriate.

"I can see you-
Your brown skin shinin' in the sun
I see you walkin' real slow and you're smilin' at everyone"

Gabriel found himself be totally captured by the way Damian was singing it. It was the whole experience, goosebumbs and all.

"Out on the road today
I saw a deadhead sticker on a cadillac
A little voice inside my head said
"Don't look back. You can never look back."

I thought I knew what love was
What did I know?
Those days are gone forever
I should just let them go but-"

Gabriel wondered if Damian was thinking of someone when he sung this and he couldn't help but feel jealous just at the thought that there might be someone special in Damian's mind. Then again Gabriel bet that this boy's never even had a boyfriend before. Maybe he wanted to. Maybe he was searching. Well, the kid was seventeen, of course he was looking for someone. Who wasn't?

"I can see you-
Your brown skin shinin' in the sun
You got that hair slicked back and those Wayfarers on, baby
I can tell you my love for you will still be strong
After the boys of summer have gone"

When Damian strummed the last chord the little crowd clapped for him and he looked up startled to find himself surrounded by people.

Jane, a girl that Gabriel knew from the GLCS, had even recorded him on her phone. She complimented Damian on his amazing voice and told him he should become a professional musician. Gabriel made a mental note to tackle her tonight and make her send a copy of her recording to his phone.

Damian's little audience moved on and Gabriel was glad to have him all for himself again.

"Didn't you say he was a nerd?" Gabriel chided his brother. "You forgot to mention that he's this superhot musician guy!"

Damian blushed but grinned happily. "I'm not that good," he replied humbly.

"You were great!" Joey emphasized. "Believe me, it takes a lot to take the girls attentions away from my naked brother! They were all fascinated by your singing!"

Suddenly Gabriel felt foolish for showing off like that in front of this boy, trying to impress him with his half naked body. He should be more mature than that. God, the kid was more mature than him. He cleared his throat and grabbed his shirt. "It's gets a bit chilly," Gabriel said, pulling it over his head and smoothing the fabric over his chest. "And I don't wanna distract all the ladies around us."

Joey raised his eyebrows at that. "Since when do you give a damn about being a distraction for someone?" he asked with a laugh.

"Language, little brother," Gabriel teased him.

"Duh! I learned all the swear words under the sun from you when I was only five." Joey grinned and turned to his friend. "Say, are your brothers and sisters anything like that?"

"No, not at all." Damian shook his head with an amused smile and cast a glance at Gabriel. "Looks like I've missed out on useful life lessons."

Gabriel grinned back at him and sighed dramatically. "Tell me, Damy, where have you been all my life?"

Joey rolled his eyes.

"Well, I come from a lot of places," Damian answered with a shrug, either unaware of Gabriel's flirting or choosing to ignore it. "My family moves a lot due to my father's job. We move to another city like every two or three years. That makes it hard to make friends. It never happened to me before that I met someone within the first week." He smiled fondly at Joey.

"Yeah, Joey always takes pity on stray cats and dogs," Gabriel said with a laugh. "He can't help it, taking care of people in need is like second nature to him. I bet he'd make a sweet nurse one day."

Joey just shrugged. "I'd make a better nurse than you."

"I bet you would." Gabriel smirked at his brother before turning his attention to Damian once more. "Tell me something, sweetheart. How come the first thing you do in a new city is go to the library to read Harry Potter? Why don't you just buy your own copy?"

Damian squirmed a little and hugged his guitar for support. "Well, it's just that my mother doesn't want me to read those books. I'm not allowed to buy them, so I secretly read them in the library."

"Naughty boy!" Gabriel exclaimed with a laugh. "Sneaking out to read forbidden books!"

"Why aren't you allowed to read Harry Potter?" Joey was clearly aghast. "I mean it's Harry Potter!"

"The more important question here is what else do you sneak out for that your parents can't know about?" Gabriel waggled his eyebrows at the boy, but Damian didn't provide an answer. He just grinned and plucked a few chords on his guitar.

"Don't you miss having friends?" Joey asked.

"Well, yeah, sometimes, but I have six brothers and sisters. We're a big family."

"I live in the gay community shelter," Gabriel told him. "We're one big family, too. There's always someone there to lend a hand."

"Geez, Gabriel!" Joey spoke up, knowing when his brother was being ambiguous.

"Kermit, why don't you go and get us some cokes?"

"I can go," Damian offered but Gabriel shook his head. "Let the frog hop off."

Joey pulled a face but obeyed. Gabriel was the one with the car keys after all. "Behave!" he warned his brother before he headed to the newspaper kiosk.

"You enjoy shocking people," Damian stated with a little smirk dancing on his lips when Joey was gone.

"I enjoy a lot of things," Gabriel replied in a flirty tone.

Damian's smirk grew wider. "That I heard."

"What did Joey tell you?" Gabriel scooted closer and leaned forward with a frown. "Because most of it is bullshit. Half of what I tell Joey is actually true. You know, I like story telling and my brother is a very eager listener."

Damian laughed at that and Gabriel again found that he really, really liked the sound of the boy's genuine laughter. Then Damian bit his lower lip with his teeth in an adorable way and Gabriel fantasized about kissing those lips.

"Have you ever kissed a boy?"

Damian was caught off guard. It took him a long moment to digest the question and he sat up straight with his big hazel eyes looking around the place cautiously.

"Why would I do that?" His voice was back to hushed and shy.

"Because you want to," Gabriel stated matter-of-factly.

"You can't always do something just because you want to," Damian shot back.

"But you do want to kiss a boy?"

Damian brushed his dark curly hair out of his eyes and rested one elbow on the back of his guitar. "No, not just a boy," he said finally. "It has to be someone special. Or else it doesn't mean anything."

Gabriel arched his eyebrows but didn't reply anything to that. Had Damian really just admitted that he was into boys? Gabriel felt like jumping up and doing a happy dance.

Also the boy had let on that he was a hopeless romantic. Gabriel on the other hand had kissed a thousand boys. Until today he'd never met someone special before.

"Have you met him yet?" Gabriel asked with curiosity. "That special someone?"

"You're very nosey," Damian replied with the amused smile back playing along the corners of his mouth.

"I can't help it," Gabriel shrugged. "Curiosity kills the cat, they say, but so far it's what kept me alive."

Damian watched him for another long moment, gnawing at his lower lip. "What gave me away?" Damian eventually asked, meeting the other's eyes with a hint of insecurity.

"The way you looked at my brother," Gabriel replied with a grin. "Like a lovestruck schoolgirl."

"Oh!" Damian blushed adorably and hid his face in his arms.

"C'mon, no need to be ashamed. We all fall for a straight guy sometimes." Gabriel tilted his head. "You're aware that Joey's straight, right? He may not have a girlfriend and won't have one anytime soon but he's not playing for our team, sorry."

Damian flinched slightly at his words, casting a look over his shoulder as if afraid someone might listen in. "I know," he said after a moment, avoiding Gabriel's gaze. "I swear I wouldn't have... I'm not..." He stopped his stammering and drew an unsteady breath, raking one hand through his hair. "You won't tell anyone, right?"

"Uhm." Now this question caught Gabriel off guard. "Well, I sorta have told Joey that I think you might've a crush on him."

The look of panic in Damian's eyes made Gabriel's heart clench. "But don't worry, it's alright," he hurried to say. "Just look at me, I'm openly gay and Joey loves me to death! He doesn't have a problem with that!"

Damian took a couple of deep breaths and looked like he was on the verge of having a panic attack. Gabriel realized that he'd just outed this boy. Damian probably never told anyone before that he was gay and he probably didn't want the first friend in a new town to know about his little secret.

Gabriel could kick himself for his insensivity. "Look, I'm so sorry, Damian. I didn't mean to out you. I promise I will keep my big mouth shut from now on. Your secret is safe with me and Joey."

Damian got to his feet in a hurry and brushed sand off his pants. "I'm sorry but I have to go. Please tell Joey I'll see him tomorrow."

"Wait! You don't need to go! I'm really, really sorry!"

"It's alright," Damian said unconvincingly, gathering his cardigan and guitar. "I just really need to go now."

"Come on," Gabriel pleaded. "At least let me drive you home or wherever you want to."

"Thanks, but my sister picks me up. It was nice meeting you." Damian walked backwards away from him. "See you around, I guess."

"Yeah, see you." Gabriel watched him leave until the boy was out of sight. His heart was pounding wildly in his chest. It had never been so hard to watch someone walk away.

"Where's Damy?" Joey asked when he came back with three cans of ice-cold coke. "Did you scare him off? Geez, Gabe, I'm only gone for five minutes and you..."

"He had to leave. He said his sister picks him up."

"Yeah, right, what did you say to him?" Joey asked accusingly. "You flirted, didn't you? I told you not to flirt with him!"

"Joe," Gabriel looked up at his brother in dismay. "I did something really stupid. I kinda told him that I'd told you that I thought he had a crush on you."

"You did what?" Joey exclaimed and plopped down on the blanket. "Why on earth did you do that? I really really really wanna be friends with him!"

"I just wanted to point out to him that you're straight. I wanted to save him from having a crush on a straight guy," Gabriel said defensively. "You have no idea how frustrating it is if you can't have what you want."

"Actually I do know how frustrating it is to have a hopeless crush on someone," Joey countered. "But have you ever thought that having a crush doesn't necessarily mean you want more? I had a crush on this girl once and I knew she was out of reach for me but that didn't stop me from dreaming about her and thinking about what it would be like if she was my girlfriend. Sometimes the dream is enough, you know? I'd be scared shitless to be actually acting on it and making a fool of myself."

"See, that's why you don't have a girlfriend, Kermit. No risk, no fun."

"I'm just saying that maybe Damian doesn't need to be saved. Maybe all he wants is to dream a little."

"You're just flattered that finally someone has a crush on you!" Gabriel teased and grabbed a coke.

"Do you have any idea how hard it is to find someone you can gush over Harry Potter with?" Joey exclaimed in annoyance, opening his own can.

"No wonder he thought you were gay," Gabriel chuckled.

"Look, I don't have that many friends," Joey said with a shrug. "I really like Damian and I want to stay friends with him. So could you please not embarrass him any further so he might consider to continue hanging out with me?"

"Alright, alright," Gabriel said with a sigh.

"Besides, stop making fun of my lack of experience," Joey said, now he was really pissed off. "You may have more experience in the sex department, but you've never even had a relationship before, Gabriel. You always talk so big about all the guys you've nailed and how you can have everyone you want. But did you ever have a real boyfriend?"

"I was with this guy for almost a month!" Gabriel said in his defense.

"What's his name?" Joey asked unimpressed.

"His name was Jack or Jake, something like that."

Joey rolled his eyes.

"We had candle light dinners and stuff."

"Oh, was that the guy you screwed on the table with the candles tipping over and almost burning up the whole apartment?" Joey shot back all smart-ass.

"Yeah, but it was very romantic nonetheless," Gabriel shrugged. "I mean before the table cloth caught fire."

Joey grinned wickedly at that. "I love you dearly, Gabriel, but I wouldn't come to you for advice on romance. I don't know. Maybe it's time for you to get serious with someone," Joey said, shrugging.

"Stop hitting on boys who are just around for summer time. Get real."

"Says Mr Awkward Around Girls," Gabriel said with a snort.

"At least I'm not just looking for a one night stand. I wanna fall in love."

Gabriel snorted again at that.

"One day it'll hit you, too," Joey predicted and for a moment they just sipped their cokes.

"You have his number right?" Gabriel asked. "You gotta call him and tell him that your big brother is a jerk and wants to apologize. I can take him out for dinner or stuff."

"You just wanna hit on him!" Joey said accusingly.

"Yeah, so what?" Gabriel defended himself. "He's really cute."

"He's my nerdy friend I met over a Harry Potter book, remember?"

"I didn't know your nerdy friends were so dang cute!"

"I bet he'd go with me to the next movie dressed as the characters!" Joey tried to scare Gabriel away.

"Let me come with you!" Gabriel said excitedly.

Joey rolled his eyes. "Anyways, he's seventeen and you're twenty."

"So what? It's not like I want to drag him into bed."

"You don't?" Joey arched his eyebrows skeptically.

"I just want to get to know him."

"Why?" Joey asked incredulously.

"Because," Gabriel shrugged, searching for the right words, "he's like, you know, pure sunshine in a dark place."

Joey scrunched up his face. "Who are you and what did you do to my brother?"

"Oh, you!" With a yell Gabriel jumped at his brother and wrestled him facedown into the sand. "I'm still same ol' me!"

"I hate you!" Joey sputtered, trying to fend his brother off his back.


- Present -

(Chapter 10 of No Regrets)

Empty lake, empty streets

The sun goes down alone

I'm drivin' by your house

Though I know you're not at home

It was incredible dark in this room.

Pitch black.

It could drive you insane.

The worst thing was being alone in the dark, because it wasn't just the darkness, it was also the fact that you couldn't hear a sound from outside. All you could hear was your own breathing and the blood pumping in your ears.

In all of his breaks Gabriel would slip into the darkroom and sit down next to the boy, caressing his forehead and patting his arms, murmuring to him. "Everything's gonna be alright, Wildcat, you're not alone."

The boy was still heavily sedated and probably wouldn't even remember Gabriel's presence. Still Gabriel believed that it helped. At least a little bit.

He stayed every day until his beeper summoned him.

"Hey there, Wildcat, sit up." He gently cleaned the boy's face with a cold washcloth and tried to get him comfortable. "You'll be okay again," he told him in a hushed voice, not knowing if he was saying these words to soothe the boy or if he tried to make himself believe them.

The truth was that since Blaine Anderson came to the facility Gabriel felt like he was on a rollercoaster of emotions. The situation made him angry, it made him sad, it made him feel too much.

The worst part was that at times he lost himself in the past and in the illusion that he was sitting in the dark with Damian.

I never will forget those nights

I wonder if it was a dream

It all came back to him. Damian! Damian! He was haunting him, he was everywhere. It was a blessing and a curse. He's not him! Gabriel hated seeing this kid and being reminded of Damian.

He hated thinking that maybe this kid wouldn't make it and he had to watch it happen.

He hated that there were people in the world who pushed this boy to the edge – his father, this blonde woman. Where was the mother? Where was the rest of the family and friends? He was angry that nobody cared that this boy was here and what was happening to him.

And he felt like it was on him, it was his duty to make sure this boy stayed alive. After all this boy was a real suicide candidate. He'd tried to take his own life already once. It wouldn't take much to push him over the edge a second time.

A little voice inside my head said,

"Don't look back. You can never look back."

The mental facility was a huge place and a respectable treatment institution. There was a ward with victims of rape and misuse, a ward with patients who were suicidal, patients with mental illnesses due to other kinds of traumata.

It was only Dr. Nolan's department that stepped out of line.

Dr. Nolan promoted his work by announcing to do anything to get his patients to a healthy state of mind. However, he walked a very thin line. Dr. Nolan prided himself in being specialized in healing gay people. They didn't have a lot of cases at the time, mostly adult men and women who turned themselves in by their own choice or urged by their families.

Luckily they didn't have any minors. Ever since Damian's case went public and caused bad publicity for the facility there hadn't been any kids admitted. Parents were scared. But of course Dr. Nolan had turned the facts around and made the public believe that Damian had been a very hard case, impossible to heal – a statement his family had refused to acknowledge for some time, but then the case had been closed and Damian's family had moved out of town, leaving everything behind.

Leave it all behind and move on. This was something that Joey tried to convince Gabriel to do as well. But if you're feeling guilty – if you are guilty – then it's hard to let go and impossible to forgive yourself.

I thought I knew what love was

What did I know?

Those days are gone forever

I should just let them go but-

After two weeks Dr. Nolan lessened the strict schedule on Blaine Anderson and Gabriel was able to take over. Finally he could switch the pills. Not everytime, of course, because the blood tests still had to show signs of the medication.

After two days Gabriel was glad to see that Wildcat began to come back to his senses. However, this was shown by nightmares and an unsteady sleep. Gabriel started coming to the facility in his freetime to be able to sit with the boy for hours, soothe him when the nightmares got too bad, comfort him when he started screaming in agony because some of the side-effects when the medication wore off were unbearable headaches.

Only Sienna the receptionist would know he was in the house, let alone in the darkroom with a patient. He'd made arrangements with her. She wouldn't officially check him in when he told her he just came back for something he'd forgotten in his personal locker. In exchange he'd buy stuff for her on the internet which her husband shouldn't know about, mostly novels and picture books, mostly porn.

One time Joey had found one of Sienna's straight sex novels in Gabriel's apartment. He hadn't said anything about it but he'd given his brother a very concerned look.

Another time after Gabriel had started dating girls for fun Joey had taken him aside and said with all earnesty, "I don't want you to turn straight, Gabriel. It's not right."

I can see you-

One day Wildcat started muttering to himself and Gabriel knew the boy was becoming conscious enough to realize there was someone with him in the room, so Gabriel stopped coming. He couldn't explain to the boy why he was there and he couldn't ask him not to tell anyone.

Instead Gabriel would sit in the nurse observation room and listen to Wildcat's room. The darkroom was wired like a baby monitor to alarm the nurses if the patients made a fuss.

One day Wildcat started singing and he sang the same cheesy pop song for over three hours. Listening to the boy sing brought a smile to Gabriel's face for the first time since Blaine Anderson had been admitted.

You got your hair combed back and your sunglasses on, baby

The day Wildcat was finally released from the darkroom Gabriel went to fetch him. When he led the boy out of the room, Wildcat swayed heavily. He tightened his grip on the boy's arm to make sure he wouldn't stumble.

He hated that he wanted to take the boy's hand instead of his arm.

He hated that he wanted to reach out and touch his dark curly hair.

He hated that his feelings were tumbling again just because this boy reminded him of the only person he'd ever loved. This wasn't right. But he couldn't stop his heart from beating too fast.

Gabriel told the boy that he'd punched him on his first day, because he wanted to steer the fighter in him again, he wanted to make him see that he could fight, that he shouldn't just give up, that he'd already succeeded once.

He called him Wildcat when he spoke to him because he wanted him to be one. Fierce, determined, fighting for his life. He didn't want to see him shrink away, hide away and feel guilty for something that wasn't his fault.

Gabriel gazed at his watch and cursed under his breath. He knew that Jason and Eric were in the common baths with their patients right now. He didn't want them to see Wildcat, he didn't want to give them an opportunity to mock the boy or him. However, his collegues had different assignments in a couple of minutes. Gabriel sat down in an armchair across the elevators and decided to wait it out and give Wildcat a couple of more minutes to adjust himself, and his brother more time to write stupid texts to him.

Stop it man! Gabriel was just texting back to his brother who would tell him about some cute male nurse in his hospital, trying to convince Gabriel to quit his job and move over to Ohio.

Now I know what girlfriend trouble means. You're more obnoxious than a girl could ever be, Kermit! – G

"This isn't Ohio," the boy suddenly said hoarsely, startling Gabriel. It was just when he remembered that the boy's family came from Ohio that he dismissed his fear that Blaine Anderson was a possible mind-reader.

"I wonder if it's snowing in Ohio," the boy murmured after a while and Gabriel checked the wheater report on his iPhone. He was spiteful at times and knowing that his little brother was stuck in snowy Ohio right now was amusing. "Let's see... yep. It's definitely snowing in Ohio. God, I hate snow. Good thing we're in sunny California, right?"

"I'd love to see snow now," Wildcat suddenly whispered, still loud enough for Gabriel to hear.

Gabriel wrote a quick text to Joey, mocking him about building a snowman while he was off to the beach later.

"Oh, Kurt..." The boy rested his forehead against the window and his breath made clouds on the glass.

Gabriel looked up. He knew the sound of that voice, that wistful longing. "Kurt who?"

Wildcat bit his lower lip. "I didn't say anything."

So there was someone special in Wildcat's life after all. Probably a boyfriend who's worrying himself sick over him.

I can tell you my love for you will still be strong

Gabriel remembered just too well how it had been standing outside these walls and not getting in. How he'd longed for a word from Damian, just to know he was alright. And he liked to think that Damian had been just as desperate, trying to reach him, if only to talk to him for a few words, hear his voice, take comfort of the knowledge that there was someone out there who still cared.

Still, Gabriel couldn't risk being caught. Now that Blaine got out of the darkroom Gabriel needed to fend off all of the really bad treatments and make sure that the boy's spirits weren't crushed too badly. If Gabriel was fired now there was no one who would take care of the wild cat.

He could only allow the boy to hear the voice of his boyfriend but he couldn't allow him to talk to him. He couldn't risk that word got around that the boy had been able to make a call. Gabriel would be the first target of accusing fingers pointing at him.

But he couldn't resist the pleading in Wildcat's eyes either.

After the boys of summer have gone

Whenever Gabriel went to see Blaine Anderson over the next few weeks he started talking to him, mocking him a bit for being a rich kid, trying to steer his thoughts off being gay and wanting to kill himself, trying to give him someone he could hate instead of hating himself. The boy needed to hate the facility, so he needed to hate Gabriel.

It was difficult with some patients. Some needed a shoulder to lean on, others needed an outlet for their frustration. Gabriel figured Wildcat would need someone he could turn his hatred to, but he wasn't sure. It had become way too easy to play the awful annoying guy.

Blaine Anderson turned out to be everything Gabriel had hoped for.

A fighter. Fierce but cautious. Full of hope and eagerness. A dreamer yet realistic.

It was easy being around him and yet so hard.

Gabriel found himself wishing to be able to stop time and stay sitting in Wildcat's room forever. He dreaded the day Wildcat would be discharged from the facility. Although he wished for this boy to be free he hated that he would never see him again.

Maybe it was for the best. He couldn't continue looking at the boy but seeing someone else.

I can see you-

Your brown skin shinin' in the sun

You got your hair combed back and your sunglasses on, baby

And I can tell you my love for you will still be strong

After the boys of summer are gone


Songs in this chapter:

Don Henley – Boys of summer


GLCS - Gay Lesbian Community Shelter (I invented this place. I don't know if such a place exists. More about it next chapter.)

Thank you for reading! :)