Part One

"God, it's freezing," Sydney shivered as she stepped inside and rubbed her arms vigorously. She and Alex had just returned from their anniversary dinner, and she hadn't been warm since they left the house.

"Lightweight," he teased.

"You grew up here!" she protested. "I'm from California. Snow wasn't in my vocabulary until you moved me across the country."

"Are you complaining now?" he laughed. "You were all for it when the company moved me back here."

"I know," she smiled. "I love it here. I'm just really, really cold."

"You'll get used to it. You just haven't gotten to experience a Boston winter yet. We'll get you toughened up."

"Great," she laughed. "I'm starting the fire. Can you play the messages? Shelly was supposed to call me about a meeting tomorrow morning."

"Sure," Alex answered. "You want coffee or anything?" he asked as he hit the button on the answering machine.

"No, I'm fine." She walked into the kitchen and sat down at the counter to flip through the mail still stacked up and unread thanks to a very busy week. She opened a happy anniversary card from her dad and listened to Shelly explaining what time and where to meet before classes started the next day, handing it to Alex to read and smiling at her dad's thoughtfulness. The next message was from one of Alex's friends wanting to set up a tennis game, and Sydney tuned out to continue her perusal of the mail until suddenly a familiar voice ripped her from her thoughts.

"Syd," it began, sounding somewhat nervous and uncertain. She sat straight up, shocked he would call here after a year without any sort of contact, even a short e-mail to ask how she'd been or a card to wish her a happy birthday. "Sydney," Eric continued, "it's Weiss. I'm sorry to call you like this...I wanted to actually talk to you, but this was the only number I could find. I know we all sort of agreed this was the best way, but...God, this is hard," he sighed. Sydney felt all the blood rush out of her cheeks as her hand flew to her mouth. Alex looked at her strangely, alarmed by her weird behaviour and the voice he didn't recognise but seemed to know Sydney so well.

"Sydney, who is-?"

"Shh," she cut him off harshly, holding up a hand to silence him.

"It's...it's Vaughn, Syd," Eric's voice continued. Her heart suddenly seized in her chest, and she desperately wanted to turn off the machine so she didn't have to hear anymore. She felt funny earlier in the day but brushed it off as a little wave of sad nostalgia as she remembered the bittersweet day she both married her husband and said goodbye to the man she would always love. From the sound of Eric's voice, she knew something was horribly wrong, and her funny feeling was part of that connection she'd always shared with Vaughn. "He's hurt," Weiss confirmed. "It's really bad. They're not sure...they don't know if he's going to make it. I don't know how you two ended things or what kind of terms you left on, but I think...I really think you need to break them. He needs you, and I have a feeling you need this, too. Please, just come. I would tell you to think about it, but I'm not sure there's time for that. Alright, I should go now. I hope I'll see you. You know where he is."

With that, the message ended, and the beep signalling the end rung with a horrible sense of finality in her ears. She felt Alex staring at her, his blue eyes piercing her skull, but she could barely think, barely move...hell, breathing was a significant achievement at this point. All the old feelings returned, awakened from their dormant state in her mind and heart just at the sound of the name she hadn't dared to speak. All the emotions she thought to pushed to rest washed over her as though they'd never been away, as though she never let go. Maybe I haven't, she realised. Maybe she forced her memories of him to that place reserved for that time in her life and spared herself the pain of dealing with them. Maybe they were still sitting there, waiting for her to let herself feel again. But I feel with Alex, she tried to convince herself. But she knew it wasn't the same. It was love, and it was happiness, but it never was or would be passion and emotion. Now the only person who ever gave that to her was hurt, possibly dying, and she wasn't there. For a year, she told herself he was safe, and it was enough. It had to be enough. Just as he needed to know she would be loved and happy, she needed to know he would be okay and have the life he deserved to live.

"Sydney, are you okay?" Alex asked her in concern, stepping around the counter to

gently grip her shoulders. "Who was that? Who's Vaughn?"

"Michael," she answered weakly. "Vaughn is Michael." She shuddered as she spoke his name aloud, her mouth so easily forming the words as though she never stopped.

"Michael?" Alex asked in surprise. "As in your old boyfriend, Michael?"

All she could do was nod, unable to come up with any words. She sat there, staring at the machine, praying she would wake up. But she didn't, and Alex still gripped her shoulders, and her heart was still ripping apart at the idea of a world without Michael Vaughn. "I need to go," she whispered.

"Go where?" her husband asked in confusion.

"California. LA," she answered. "I need...I need to be there. Eric said..."

"Sweetheart, take a breath," Alex tried to soothe her. "It's okay. Why don't you just call your friend and find out what's going on? You can't just jump on a plane tonight."

"I have to," she insisted, wrenching free of him and standing on weak, wobbly legs. "You heard him. There's not time. I have to go right now."

"Right now? You're going to leave right now?"

She nodded, walking slowly with measured steps to the hallway. She picked up her jacket and slid her arms through the sleeves again and slipped her feet back into the shoes she'd left at the doorway.

"Wait, Honey, this is crazy!" Alex protested.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I have to go. I'll...I'll call you from LA."

"Eric!" Sydney cried, sprinting down the hall and into his arms. He immediately opened them to hug her, squeezing tightly as she clung to him in desperation. The flight here had been miserable, full of worry, anxiety, and uncertainty. What would she say? What would she do? What if he died? Could she survive without him?

"Syd, I'm so glad you came," Weiss said quietly, returning the hug with equal fervour.

"I had to," she responded simply, stepping out of his arms to look at him. He looked like hell, like he hadn't slept in days. "Weiss, what happened?" she asked in a whisper, afraid to hear the words she knew would crush her.

"He was stabbed, Syd," he answered. "In the chest. It was a few days ago, but-"

"How bad?" she asked.

"Syd..."

"God dammit! How bad!" she demanded.

"Bad, Sydney," he admitted. "It punctured his lung. By the time we got to him...it collapsed before we got him any treatment."

"No," she whispered, shaking her head as tears rolled down her cheeks.

"He stopped breathing in the ambulance," he continued, "and now he's on a respirator. I didn't call right away because I thought we might know more later, but nothing's changed so far."

"Oh God," she breathed. "No. He has to be okay, Weiss."

"They're doing everything they can," he assured her. "He wasn't improving, so they did surgery today to try to repair the damaged parts of his lungs, but Syd, it's really not looking good. That's why I thought you should come. If anyone can help him, it's you," he said seriously.

"What?" she asked in confusion. "What can I do? I can't fix him."

"Yeah, but...I just think he might come around. Having someone that cares about him...I don't know," he sighed. "I just think having you here might do him some good. And at least...at least you'll be with him if he doesn't make it. I know that's how he would want it."

"I don't understand," she shook her head. "Where's Lauren? Why isn't she here with him?"

"She's uh...she's away," he lied. "We can't reach her. But Syd, you know you're the one he wants with him. Whatever did or didn't happen between you, that's the way it is."

"Okay," she nodded. "I'll stay with him."

Weiss led her to Vaughn's room and left her alone with him. She choked on a sob and sank down into the chair beside the bed, overcome with emotion at seeing him again. She never imagined it would be like this. Somehow she always knew she would see him again, but it wasn't supposed to be like this. He wasn't supposed to look so pale and fragile. He wasn't supposed to be dying in front of her. He wasn't supposed to be dependent on a machine just to keep on breathing. He was supposed to hold her, whisper in her ear, tell her he'd always loved her. Now she might never hear his voice again, never feel his arms around her, never look into his eyes.

"Vaughn," she whispered, picking up his hand and squeezing it tightly in hers. "I'm here now, Vaughn. I know we haven't talked or written or been there for each other, but I'm here now, and I'm not leaving you," she vowed, glancing over at the monitors, half-expecting an improvement as she spoke to him. But there was nothing, and he remained still and lifeless. "I love you, Vaughn," she whispered. "You have always been the one, and I'm not sure I know how to go on without you. Even though we weren't together, you were with me. You were always with me. Knowing you were alive and happy kept me going. Please, don't leave now. Don't give up now, after everything we've been through. I won't let you die. You can't."

She held his cold hand in hers, trying to infuse some warmth back into it as she sat beside him and watched his bandaged chest rise and fall with the help of the respirator. Every now and then she let her eyes close and slept for twenty or thirty minutes, but mostly, she stayed awake all night watching over him. Finally, around six in the morning, she finally fell asleep.

"Syd? Syd, wake up," a voice called.

She started awake, her eyes shooting open to see Weiss hovering over her.

"Hey, sorry," he apologised. "I just thought you should go get something to eat."

"Why, what time is it?" she asked sleepily, rubbing her eyes and sitting up. "How is he?"

"Almost nine, and looking better," he answered with a little smile. "They're going to start lowering the levels on the respirator and see if they can get him awake."

"Really?" she asked, glancing over at him, afraid to hope. He did look slightly better than the last time she checked, and suddenly, she didn't want to go. "You know, I'm not very hungry. I think I'll just stay here," she decided.

"Syd," he scolded. "Come on. Twenty minutes, tops."

"I don't want to leave him," she protested quietly.

"He'll be fine. Now come on, get up," he ordered. Sighing, she reluctantly followed him out of the room, breathing a silent prayer that Vaughn would be okay while she was gone.

As promised, Weiss returned her to the room within twenty minutes, and she reclaimed her seat by the bed. For the rest of the day, she sat beside him, talking to him quietly and reading magazines Weiss brought to keep her entertained. By late afternoon, the doctors deemed him ready to go off the respirator altogether. He continued breathing fine without it, but he still didn't respond to her words or her touch. "Come on," she whispered. "You have to wake up. You have to be okay. I need you to be okay, Vaughn."

Finally, just as night fell over the city beyond the small hospital window, she felt a tiny movement against her hand. She looked up and saw him shifting in the bed just a little, his eyes beginning to flutter. She stayed silent, watching as he battled his way towards consciousness. After several minutes, he finally forced his eyes open. He's awake, she rejoiced inwardly.

He was groggy and struggling to focus his eyes on anything in the room, but he was awake. He would live. All her prayers were answered as soon as his green eyes opened to the world. Sitting beside him, watching him trying to process his surroundings through the drug-induced haze, she wondered how exactly she survived over a year without those eyes. Her heart felt both lighter and a thousand times heavier now that he was with her again after so long. The ache she pushed aside lifted, but the love returned. She wanted so badly to squeeze their intertwined hands and tell him all the things running through her head, but she couldn't, not yet. Not until he was ready to hear it.

He finished scanning the room and seemed to become aware of a hand touching his. He hadn't moved his head yet, but he shifted his fingers around and felt her hand. She tightened her hold just a little, trying to reassure him and make him feel safe. It worked, and he relaxed. Finally, after several more minutes, he gathered the will to turn his head to face her. His eyes registered surprise, but his face painted a picture of relief. "Syd," he breathed in a raspy voice.

Her name never sounded so wonderful. "Hi," she answered quietly, smiling and squeezing his hand again. With her free hand, she picked up the cup of ice the nurse brought by when he started showing signs of waking. Some of it was beginning to melt, but she helped him with a few pieces to soothe his scratchy throat. "Better?" she asked softly.

He nodded in confirmation and squeezed her hand again. "Syd," he whispered again.

"What's wrong? Do you need something?" she asked in concern.

"You're here," he breathed.

"Of course I am," she answered tenderly, moving closer to the bed so she could press a light kiss to his forehead. "Where else would I be?"

"Alex," he answered, the name causing his eyes to turn a little dark. "Boston."

"I couldn't stay when I found out you were hurt. Really, Vaughn, you should think about investing in your own private room here," she teased softly. "You got yourself in trouble again, and I had to come."

"Sorry," he apologised. "Didn't mean to make you come so far."

"I came because I wanted to. Don't be sorry for that," she shook her head. "Weiss called and said you needed me. I got on a plane and flew here right away."

"Thank you," he whispered, tears suddenly filling his eyes. He looked away, bothered by something but not ready to tell her what it was. "What's the damage?" he asked after a moment.

"You were hurt pretty badly," she answered gravely.

His eyes turned dark again as his expression turned sad. "You came because I'm dying," he deduced.

"First of all, you're not dying," she stated firmly. "And second, I came because...because if things were the other way around, I would want you to come to me," she answered. She thought about telling him how she felt, that seeing him like this made her realise she was still in love with him, but he was too weak for that right now. And maybe it was wrong to tempt him again with something they both knew they couldn't have anymore. While she sat here praying for him, she thought to herself all the reasons Lauren might not be here with him. None of them were adequate. He deserved better, and if Lauren was out of the picture, she really might consider leaving Alex as well. But judging by the wedding ring on his finger, Lauren was still very much in the picture, and she couldn't do that to him now. "I know we said no contact, but you know I'm never going to stop caring, Vaughn. The minute I found out something had happened I had to come here to be with you. You're always a part of my life. You always will be."

"You're part of mine, too," he responded quietly. "Are you leaving soon?"

"I probably have to," she admitted sadly.

"Alex," he nodded.

"Yes, Alex. And my job. I would stay until you were better, but I have responsibilities. You do, too," she said pointedly. Again, he looked troubled, but he didn't say anything. "Let's not worry about that now," she suggested. "Right now you need to rest and heal. You scared us for a few days, but you're getting better now."

"Okay," he agreed, tightening his grasp on her hand. "Syd?"

"Yeah?"

"I missed you," he said quietly.

"I know," she murmured. "I missed you, too."

Vaughn fell asleep again shortly after their quiet confession, and just as she had the night before, Sydney stayed beside him to watch over him. She slept a few more hours, but she still didn't want to waste the little amountof time she had left with him. Now that he was awake and on the road to recovery, she couldn't justify staying much longer. Soon she would need to go home, back to her real life, back to Alex and Boston and cold winters. She realised guiltily she'd barely even thought about her husband since she arrived in Los Angeles, and she never called him like she promised to. Before she could really consider what that meant, it was morning again and Vaughn awakened. She helped him eat the breakfast they sent up for him, and for a few hours, it was as though she never left. They talked and laughed quietly, ignoring the year-long separation and their respective spouses. He filled her in on everyone at work, and she told him about the adventures of teaching English at the public university. He fell asleep again just before lunchtime, so she gathered the courage to leave him alone and go grab something eat with Weiss.

"Thank you for coming, Syd," he thanked her.

"You don't have to thank me," she shook her head. "This was for Vaughn and me. We needed it."

"Yeah, I know," he nodded. "But I know it wasn't easy."

"Actually, I'm a little scared how easy it was," she admitted.

"What about Alex?" he asked quietly. "I mean...are you two okay? Everything's...?"

"We're okay," she nodded in confirmation. "Things have been good. It's been a good year."

"And he's okay with you being here?" he asked worriedly. "I was nervous about leaving you a message like that, but I couldn't come up with any other ideas. I didn't exactly want to call your dad and ask for your number...I wasn't sure how well that would go over."

"Probably a good idea," she laughed. "But I...I haven't talked to him," she confessed. "I don't think he was too happy when I left, but..."

"Sydney," he scolded. "You haven't called your husband since you got here?"

"It's not that easy, Weiss," she argued. "He doesn't understand about Vaughn and me. He'll never understand it."

"Yeah, especially if you don't ever try to explain."

"Weiss, you asked me to come," she sighed. "I'm glad you did. I needed this. But you're the one who called. You left the message. You knew he would probably hear it. You don't get to criticise me now for the way I handled things with my husband."

"I'm not trying to criticise you. I just think you should have called him. He's probably worried."

"I'll call after lunch," she tried to appease him. "I've been busy with Vaughn. I didn't want to leave him until we were sure one way or the other."

Weiss nodded, but he looked down at the table, obviously worried about something. "We're on pretty dangerous ground here, aren't we?" he asked intuitively.

"It doesn't matter," she shook her head firmly. "I'm going home later. I have to. Lauren will probably be here soon anyway, and then she can take care of him."

"Yeah," he agreed weakly. "Yeah, you're right."

They made awkward small talk for the rest of the meal, and then Sydney called the airport and managed to find another flight to get home. She started to return to Vaughn's room, but she knew she needed to call home before her husband flew out here himself. "Hi," she said quietly when he answered, guessing he would be pretty angry she hadn't called or answered her phone.

"Sydney, what the hell?" he yelled. "I've been calling you since you left."

"I know, I'm sorry," she responded softly. "I turned my cell phone off on the plane and I completely forgot about it," she lied. She did think about it. She could have taken it outside and given him a call just to let him know she got there okay, but she didn't. She didn't want to leave Vaughn's side.

"Where the hell have you been?" he asked heatedly. "Jesus, you jump on a plane and fly off to California and don't bother to call me for two days?"

"Alex, I'm really sorry," she apologised again. "He wasn't doing well, and I've been at the hospital since I got here. He woke up yesterday, and there's no one else that can be here with him right now. I didn't want to just leave him by himself. He almost died," she tried to explain.

"Where's his wife?" he asked heatedly. "Why isn't she the one with him? You haven't seen this guy in years!"

"One year," she corrected quietly. "It's been one year, and she's out of town. They've been trying to get a hold of her, but no one's been able to reach her. She's overseas, I think."

"So what? Are you staying there?" he asked accusingly.

"No, Alex," she sighed. "I got a flight for tonight. I'll be back late. He's doing better, so I'm coming home."

"And that's all that's going on?" he asked uncertainly.

"Yes. That's it. He needed someone here, so I was here. I'll be back soon. I'm sorry I didn't call you, but I'll see you in the morning."

"Alright. Do you need me to pick you up?" he asked, resigned to the situation but still not sounding too happy about it.

"My car's at the airport. I'll just see you in the morning." She bid him good night, struggling to respond properly when he told her he loved her and hanging up the phone with a heavy sense of guilt. She hurried into the bathroom and splashed some cold water on her face before she started to cry. Get a hold of yourself, Bristow. You knew this was how it had to be. His wife will be back soon. Your husband is waiting for you, she reminded herself. So why is it going to be so hard to look him in the eye and tell him you're leaving? She thought about the question for a moment but couldn't come up with an answer. Instead, she dried off her face and prepared herself to say her goodbyes.

"There you are," Vaughn smiled as soon as she returned to the room. The relief on his face made her stomach churn. "I woke up and you weren't here."

"I know, I'm sorry," she apologised. "I had to go do a few things."

His face sank as he gathered the implication of her words. "When?" he asked quietly.

"Soon. I should get my things together and get ready to get to the airport. You know how traffic can be," she said lamely.

"Yeah," he answered listlessly.

"Vaughn," she murmured, taking a seat next to his bed again and picking up his hand. "Don't do this," she pleaded. "Don't make it so hard for me to go. You know I have to. This is what we decided."

"I know," he answered. "But I hate it. I don't want you to leave again, Syd. I don't want to go back to the way things have been. I miss you."

"I miss you, too, but it's not an option. I have Alex, and you have Lauren. We made this choice," she reminded him. "We've gotten by okay, and we will again."

"So this is it? Goodbye unless one of us gets hurt?"

"I don't want that," she shook her head. "Seeing you...I don't want to cut you out of my life again." She reached into her purse and found a small scrap of paper and a pen. She scribbled down her number and handed it to him. "Here. This is my cell phone number. I want you to call me whenever you need to. Even if you just want to talk, catch up."

"You'll really let me call?" he asked sceptically. "What will Alex think?"

"It doesn't matter. I'll work it out," she assured him.

"Can I give you mine?" he asked hopefully. She handed him the pen and paper, allowing him to write down his own number. She folded it up and placed it in the pocket of her purse for safe-keeping.

"I should go now," she announced sadly. "Be safe and get better. Remember to call me for any reason."

"Okay," he whispered, unable to speak out loud and contain his tears at the same time. "Bye, Syd."

TBC