Well, after several exchanges of "You do it," "No, you do it," with daydreamer2578, I finally decided to make this a multichapter. Thought it would be interesting to do a few different conversations between characters we don't normally see interacting.

So, without further ado...


Casey vs the Princess

kicka$$ninjagrl: Casey?

kicka$$ninjagrl: Casey? Are you there?

kicka$$ninjagrl: Caaaaaaaassseeeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyy…

kicka$$ninjagrl: I know you're theeeeeeeeerrrrreee…

kicka$$ninjagrl: Very well, you leave me with no choice.

jcasey1980: How did you do that, Wu?

kicka$$ninjagrl: I knew it! You were ignoring me!

jcasey1980: Of course I was ignoring you. I ignore everyone.

jcasey1980: How did you get my computer to start playing music?

kicka$$ninjagrl: Please. Child's play for a hacker goddess.

jcasey1980: Then tell your inner child to make it stop.

jcasey1980: What is that noise, anyway?

kicka$$ninjagrl: Noise? That's t.A.T.u.!

jcasey1980: My ears are bleeding. Make it stop.

kicka$$ninjagrl: I was going to, but then you insulted my favorite girl band. Now you must apologize.

jcasey1980: Wu…

kicka$$ninjagrl: Apologize, John Casey.

jcasey1980:

jcasey1980: I'm sorry. Now turn off the music.

kicka$$ninjagrl: Don't apologize to me, you didn't insult me.

jcasey1980: What?

kicka$$ninjagrl: Apologize to t.A.T.u.

jcasey1980: I'm not apologizing to Mr. Roarke's midget sidekick.

kicka$$ninjagrl: Then enjoy their dulcet tones. All day long. Aren't you logging in your sales numbers today, too? Gosh, you'll be at your computer for a while.

jcasey1980: Wu…

kicka$$ninjagrl: A simple apology to my favorite band. That's all I require.

jcasey1980: All right.

jcasey1980: Oh, tattoo. I'm so sorry.

kicka$$ninjagrl: t.A.T.u.

jcasey1980: Oh, come on.

kicka$$ninjagrl: It's " t.A.T.u.," John, not "tattoo." You're apologizing to the wrong pop culture icon.

jcasey1980: For crying out loud…

kicka$$ninjagrl: Ooh! Look! I have a bootleg of their 2004 concert in Helsinki! Let me just send that your way…

jcasey1980: Fine! Fine.

jcasey1980: I'm sorry, t.A.T.u. It was wrong to insult you.

kicka$$ninjagrl: There. Was that so difficult?

jcasey1980: You have no idea.

jcasey1980: Huh. The music stopped.

kicka$$ninjagrl: I'm a woman of my word.

jcasey1980: Well, this has been as fun as a colonoscopy. Now, if you don't mind, I have work to do.

kicka$$ninjagrl: Entertain me.

jcasey1980: What?

kicka$$ninjagrl: I'm bored. Entertain me.

jcasey1980: What makes you think it's my job to entertain you? Why don't you go bother your boyfriend the gremlin?

kicka$$ninjagrl: Morgan's at sensitivity training.

jcasey1980: Sensitivity training? Why does he need that? Isn't he already half woman?

kicka$$ninjagrl: Oh, he's all man. Take my word for it.

jcasey1980: As long as you promise to never, ever elaborate on that statement, I will absolutely take your word for it.

kicka$$ninjagrl: Anyway. It's all a misunderstanding. Some lady mistook this place for a hardware store and asked Morgan if he had any vises.

jcasey1980: Why would that land him in sensitivity training?

kicka$$ninjagrl: Morgan thought she was asking him to explain his bad habits.

jcasey1980: That'll do it.

kicka$$ninjagrl: So, he's in sensitivity training, she's in therapy, and now I'm bored.

jcasey1980: I don't see how that's my problem.

kicka$$ninjagrl: It's the world's problem. You're merely the one I have chosen to solve it.

jcasey1980: Oh, joy.

kicka$$ninjagrl: So. As I said before. Entertain me.

jcasey1980: And how, exactly, am I supposed to do that?

kicka$$ninjagrl: I don't know. Tell me a story.

jcasey1980: I'm not your nanny, Wu. Tell yourself a story.

kicka$$ninjagrl: Let's see… t.A.T.u. Live in Spain, Lena Katina's solo work… t.A.T.u.'s Greatest Hits…

jcasey1980: Wait, wait…

kicka$$ninjagrl: Yes?

jcasey1980: If - (and I can't believe I'm actually going along with this) - if I were to tell you a story - ONE story - will you let me finish my work in peace?

kicka$$ninjagrl: Providing the story pleases me, yes.

jcasey1980: All right.

kicka$$ninjagrl: Yayyy! Yay Casey! Yayyy!

jcasey1980: All right. Here we go. Once upon a time, there was a girl. Named… Charlie.

kicka$$ninjagrl: Charlie's a boy's name.

jcasey1980: It's short for Charlemagne. And this Charlie is a girl, trust me.

kicka$$ninjagrl: Okay,

jcasey1980: Anyway. Charlie was a very special little girl.

kicka$$ninjagrl: Is Charlie a princess?

jcasey1980: Heh. Yeah. Yeah, Charlie is definitely a little princess.

kicka$$ninjagrl: Oooh, good, I like princesses.

jcasey1980: Don't we all. Can I continue?

kicka$$ninjagrl: You may.

jcasey1980: Thank you. So, as I was saying, Charlie was a special little princess. She saw things that no one else could see. Where everyone else would see a tree, or a horse, or a castle, Princess Charlie would see the history in each of these things. She would see the lovers who had sat beneath the tree, the rivers the horse had crossed, or the enemies who had tried to breach the castle walls.

kicka$$ninjagrl: Ooh. That's cool.

jcasey1980: I agree. And for the longest time, Princess Charlie's visions were kept a secret by the King… King Beckingham. But on the Princess' 18th birthday, suitors from all across the countryside came to win her hand in marriage. And as each prince bowed before her, Princess Charlie saw the actions hidden in each one's past, and knew immediately that they were all liars and cheats.

kicka$$ninjagrl: Like most men.

jcasey1980: But then, the Princess saw one who stood off to the side, and had not approached. And so she came down from her throne and approached him herself. And when she was face to face with the prince, she saw the deeds of his past. And although some of those deeds were dark and terrible, she also saw that his intentions had always been noble.

jcasey1980: "What is your name, sir?" asked the Princess.

jcasey1980: "I am Prince Sawyer, of the Central Province," he replied. "And I am here to fulfill my obligation to King Beckingham. But although you are a beautiful princess, you would not want to give me your hand in marriage, for I am damaged by my dark past."

kicka$$ninjagrl: Ugh. This isn't going to be one of those "will they/won't they" things, is it? I mean, how long can that stuff go on?

jcasey1980: Well, it keeps the fans coming back for more.

jcasey1980: The Princess replied, "I have seen the actions in your past, and while they are indeed dark, I see also that your heart is pure."

jcasey1980: "How do you see these things?" Sawyer asked.

jcasey1980: "It is my gift," replied the princess.

jcasey1980: Now, unbeknownst to Princess Charlie and Prince Sawyer, the most despicable prince of them all, Price Bryant, had overheard the entire exchange. And when he realized the Princess' gift, he decided that he had to have the Princess for himself, so that he could use her visions to manipulate others.

jcasey1980: But Bryant knew that he was no match for Sawyer, and resorted to trickery instead. He whispered amongst the other princes about Princess Charlie's gift, until the each of the princes drew their swords to battle each other for the Princess' hand.

jcasey1980: As the fights broke out, Prince Sawyer stepped in front of the Princess to defend her. Bryant saw his opportunity, and snuck behind the princess to snatch her away while Sawyer was distracted. He clamped his hand over the Princess' mouth and carried her off to his horse.

jcasey1980: When Sawyer realized that the Princess was gone, he gave an agonized cry. He tore through the other princes, cutting each one down until he was the last one standing, finally collapsing at the King's feet.

jcasey1980: The King, heartbroken, summoned his most powerful knight, a dark and terrible warrior by the name of Sir Johann. Moments later the servants trembled as the pounding of Sir Johann's footsteps echoed through the halls of the castle. Sir Johann was known far and wide, as much for his propensity for violence as for his steadfast loyalty to the King.

jcasey1980: Upon hearing of Bryant's treachery, Sir Johann vowed to rescue Princess Charlie, even though Princess Charlie really annoyed the snot out of him.

kicka$$ninjagrl: You're kinda breaking narrative, Casey.

jcasey1980: Sorry. Anyway, as Sir Johann prepared to leave, Prince Sawyer approached him and demanded to accompany him. "I work alone," Sir Johann growled. "No longer," came Sawyer's reply, "for I know where Bryant will take the Princess. We have a history, he and I, and today we write the final chapter of that history."

jcasey1980: And before Johann could even argue, Sawyer mounted his trusty steed Portia and was on his way. Johann climbed upon his own horse, Victor, and soon he and Sawyer were at The Axis, an abandoned temple built into the side of a cliff that Bryant was using as his hideout.

jcasey1980: As they approached, they saw Princess Charlie, bound with rope and seated upon the highest floor of the Axis. Bryant was right behind her, keeping lookout for any intruders. Johann and Sawyer hid in a cluster of rocks before Bryant could notice them.

jcasey1980: "To attack from the cliff side is impossible," Sawyer said. "Bryant will clearly see us as we approach. We must find a way behind."

jcasey1980: "Bryant will hear us if we approach from behind," Johann said.

jcasey1980: "Then I shall attack from the cliff side, to distract him, while you go behind," said Sawyer.

jcasey1980: "You'll be giving your life as that distraction, Prince," said Johann. "Why would you do such a thing?"

jcasey1980: "Because although she looked into my past as saw all of my deeds, the Princess chose to see the good in me. And for that, I love her. I would gladly give my life for hers."

jcasey1980: Johann saw, then, what he had to do.

jcasey1980: "I am known far and wide as a dark and terrible man," said Johann. "But I am not so dark or so terrible as to let a man in love go to his death." And with that, before Sawyer could stop him, Sir Johann attacked the Axis from the cliff side.

jcasey1980: Bryant saw Johann immediately, and fired arrows which pierced Johann's armor. And still Johann fought on. As he came closer, Bryant used his higher position to rain down blow upon blow with his mace, and still Johann pressed forward. And finally, when they were face to face, the beaten and bloody Johann drew his sword and prepared to do battle with Bryant.

jcasey1980: Bryant drew his own sword. "You stand here a beaten man, Johann," said Bryant. "You knew to approach me in that fashion was suicide, and still you did it. What madness has caused to you act in this way?"

jcasey1980: "Love," was Johann's simple reply.

jcasey1980: "Love?" Laughed Bryant. "Am I to believe that the mighty Sir Johann, scourge of the underworld, feared enforcer of King Beckingham, has actually found it in his shriveled heart to love this woman?"

jcasey1980: "No," replied Johann, "but he has."

jcasey1980: Bryant, realizing his folly, spun around in time to see Sawyer, sword drawn. A moment later, that very sword was buried in Bryant's chest. Wordlessly, he fell to the ground.

jcasey1980: Sawyer quickly rushed to Princess Charlie, releasing her from her bonds and kissing her deeply. Their reverie was interrupted, however, by a crash from behind.

jcasey1980: Johann had dropped to the ground, his wounds finally overcoming him. Sawyer knelt beside him.

jcasey1980: "Why did you do this for me?" he asked.

jcasey1980: "It is my duty… to protect the innocent." Johann struggled to reply.

jcasey1980: "But I am far from innocent," Sawyer said.

jcasey1980: "Your heart is," Johann said, with his last breath. And then he was still.

jcasey1980: Prince Sawyer and Princess Charlie returned to the Castle and were married. And Prince Sawyer took Sir Johann's place in the King's army, protecting the land and the woman he loved. And when Princess Charlie gave birth to a son, they named the child Johann.

jcasey1980: And they all lived happily ever after.

kicka$$ninjagrl: John…

jcasey1980: What?

kicka$$ninjagrl: That was beautiful!

jcasey1980: Glad you liked it. You going to leave me alone, now?

kicka$$ninjagrl: I mean, I never would have guessed that you'd be able to come up with something like that!

jcasey1980: I'm full of surprises. Goodbye.

kicka$$ninjagrl: I seriously was crying at the end! I knew there was more to you than being a big meanie!

jcasey1980: Wu, I've got to get back to work.

kicka$$ninjagrl: You should seriously write a children's book or something! I mean, really!

jcasey1980: Look, you asked me to tell you a story, and I did. Now, are you going to leave me alone, or are you going to keep yammering on all day?

kicka$$ninjagrl: Jeez, Casey. I was just trying to give you a compliment.

kicka$$ninjagrl: I mean, everyone around here walks on eggshells around you because you're always so grouchy and you've got no patience for anyone and you think it's okay to push people around.

kicka$$ninjagrl: And the one time I get some kind of evidence of a real person underneath all that, I get my head bitten off for it.

kicka$$ninjagrl: If you think that's yammering, then fine. I'll leave you alone.

kicka$$ninjagrl: But for the record, I don't think you're as dark and terrible as you seem to think.

jcasey1980:

jcasey1980: Wu?

kicka$$ninjagrl: What?

jcasey1980: You really liked the story?

kicka$$ninjagrl: :) Yes, John. I did.

jcasey1980: Well… thank you.

kicka$$ninjagrl: You're welcome.

jcasey1980: Wu?

kicka$$ninjagrl: :) Yes, John?

jcasey1980: That trick you did with my computer - making it play that song.

kicka$$ninjagrl: Yyyyyyyessss…

jcasey1980: Can you show me how to do that to Bartowski?

kicka$$ninjagrl: Meet me by the laptops.

jcasey1980 signed off at 10:16:56 AM

kick$$ninjagrl signed off at 10:17:09 AM

nrdhrdr01 signed on at 10:48:29 AM

nrdhrdr01: Casey?

nrdhrdr01: You there?

nrdhrdr01: Um… this is kind of embarrassing, but my computer is playing Neil Diamond and I can't make it stop.

nrdhrdr01: Would you happen to know anything about that?

nrdhrdr01: Wow. It's really loud and… Diamond-y.

nrdhrdr01: Casey?

jcasey1980: Payback's a bitch, princess.