Thank you guys so much for the follows! I was so nervous about posting this story, because I wasn't sure how people would react to it. But I'm so glad you guys liked it! Thank you so much!
Anyway, I will be going on a trip soon where I won't have a phone or computer or anything, so I'm sorry if I don't update for a few days! Buuut to make up for that, I wrote a super long chapter so I hope you guys like it! Feedback is appreciated! :)
Of all days to hold a support group meeting, I cannot believe that they chose Friday, right after school. Now I won't just be staring at the clock and waiting to go home. Instead, I'll be staring at the clock and waiting to go out with Christina. Since time seems to go by agonizingly slow when I watch the clock, I look down.
I press the toe of my boot into the floor and twirl a piece of my hair around my fingers because I don't really have much else to do at the moment. Christina sits in the metal chair beside me, scrolling through social media on her phone. I can't do the same, since my phone is a simple flip phone. The kind where I have to press a number three times to get a certain letter, which makes texting tedious.
I am vaguely aware of some other people walking in and taking their seat in the circle of uncomfortable chairs. I look up to see if I recognize any of them, seeing as most, if not all, of the members of this group are from our high school.
Across the circle from me, two boys take their seats. One of them has dark skin and talks far more than the other boy, and I recognize him because I've had classes with him before. I don't remember his name though. The other boy has short brown hair and dark blue eyes. He is also far more muscular, and I decide to let myself appreciate his arms for a moment.
He looks up at me after a moment, and our eyes meet. He looks at me as if he's seen a ghost before looking down quickly. The boy next to him seems just as confused as me, but I look down, not really caring anymore. I reason that he's probably heard some type of rumor about me or my family, and that's the least of my concern right now.
After a few more moments of silence, one of the school's counselors takes her seat. I shouldn't be surprised to see Tori here, but I am. She is the only school counselor that I had ever taken a liking to, which is why Matthews insisted that I start seeing someone else. Of course, she gave a long, convoluted explanation about how I might not make as much progress if Tori and I were too friendly with each other.
"Hello, everyone." Everyone looks up, as she scans the room, her eyes lingering on me for a moment. "I'd like to thank you all for coming today. Before we start, I'm going to explain a little bit about this group and its rules since I see that we have a good amount of newcomers."
She starts passing around a stack of papers which list the policies and procedures. I take one and set it down on my lap, knowing that I'll never read it.
"Because this group is focused around grief and trauma," Tori continues, "you may be hearing some very personal stories. Everything that is said in this room must stay in this room. If any member is caught talking about something that another member brought up during one of these meetings, there will be repercussions."
"Kinky," Christina mutters, just loud enough for me to hear.
I snicker but stop immediately when Tori shoots me a look. She continues to talk about the order of the meetings and how everyone will have a chance to share and how each person will have a certain amount of time to do so.
"And now, we're going to do some introductions so that we can get to know each other." It takes all of my energy to keep myself from groaning. "We're going to around the circle, and I'd like for each of you to say you're name, your age, and what you hope to gain from this group.
"I'll start. Some of you already know me as Doctor Wu. I'd rather not say my age." Some of them laugh politely at this. "And you can call me Tori, if you'd like. We'll go around the circle, starting with you."
"Okay," says the dark skinned boy that I saw earlier. "Hi, my name is Uriah. I'm 16, and I'd like to get better at accepting the past."
Uriah smiles, and Tori nods at the boy next to him, signaling for him to speak.
"I'm Four," the boy mutters. "I'm 18. And I guess I would say the same thing as Uriah."
"Okay, but that's it. Nobody else can use that answer anymore." She smirks, as some of them laugh politely again. "Thanks for sharing, Four."
He nods at her, and she gestures for the next person to speak. After a few more people named Myra, Lauren, Rita, and Lynn introduce themselves and give vague answers about what they hope to gain, Tori looks at me, and I sigh.
"I'm Tris," I say, still looking at Tori. "I'm 16, and I'm here because Principal Matthews made me."
I hear a few people snicker, including Christina, as Tori simply purses her lips at me.
"And what do you hope to gain?" she asks in a dangerous tone.
"I don't know," I say, knowing not to push her any further.
She must know that she isn't going to get a better answer out of me, since she simply nods at Christina.
"I'm Christina," she says, still smirking. "I'm 16, and I'm pretty much here for the same reason as Tris."
Tori takes a deep breath, but she doesn't even try to get a better answer this time. Instead, she looks around the group.
"Thank you all for sharing," she says. "We will be addressing a lot of your goals in this group, such as accepting your past, forgiving yourself..."
I find myself zoning out, as Tori finishes giving her spiel and then lets everybody share. Just from sitting back and listening, I learn a lot about each person.
Myra's boyfriend was stabbed to death, and she says that she still has nightmares about it all the time. Lauren's father was killed, and she was later kicked out of the house by her step father. Rita's sister committed suicide by jumping from a building. And Lynn lost her best friend to suicide as well.
In between all of these, Tori asks Four, Christina, and I if we would like to share, and we each decline. When the group ends, I walk out with Christina before Tori can stop me to talk about my behavior. Because Caleb is already at work, he couldn't pick me up after the support group. Instead, Christina and I walk together to her house.
"Not gonna lie," Christina says, as we walk. "That was more intense than I thought it would be."
"Yeah," is all I can think to say back.
I try not to mention any of the stories that we heard today. She must have been thinking about her father and Will ever since we left. I know that it is hard for her to think about them and sitting and listening to everyone talk about the people they have lost in their lives probably didn't help much with that. I throw my arm around her shoulders. The movement is not enough to suggest that I pity her, yet just enough to show that I am here for her.
When we get to her house, she goes through the fridge and pulls out whatever she can find before leading me to her room. Her sister, Rose, comes out of her room and smiles at me. I can't help but smile back at her.
"Hi, Tris," she says sweetly.
"Bye, Rose." Christina smirks, as we duck into her room. "We have some PG-13 things we need to talk about."
Rose rolls her eyes before returning to her room. Christina drops onto her bed, putting the food on the floor in front of her. I sit on the floor and start picking at the food, as I give her a look.
"What do we have to talk about?" I ask.
"I don't fucking know." She lays back on her bed. "I just didn't feel like entertaining her."
For the next few hours, we sit there, talking about everything and nothing like we always do. Every time I space out, she throws a potato chip. For a few minutes, we make a game out of it where I try to catch the chips in my mouth. I catch it once, and we start screaming in celebration until Rose bangs on the wall, telling us to be quiet.
Once some time has passed, we finally start getting ready for the party. Christina insists on doing my makeup, and she lays out an outfit for me consisting of a tight red crop top with straps instead of sleeves, a black jacket, black leggings, and knee-high boots. Once she is done with my hair, makeup, and clothes, she gets herself dressed and does her own makeup. We both look at each other one more time to make sure we're ready before we walk out of her room.
"Where are you going?" Rose asks when she comes out of her room and sees us dressed up.
"Out, little one," Christina replies. "Mom will be home soon, don't worry."
When we finally leave the house, Christina lights a cigarette as we walk down the sidewalk. Even after all this time, it amazes me that Christina's mother is okay with her going out and going to parties. My parents were never like that at all. Then again, my parents were different than Christina's in many different ways. I stop thinking about it, as Christina hands me her cigarette.
"Finish it," she says. "You look nervous."
"Yeah," I say, knowing better than to tell her that I was thinking about my parents. "Just a little."
As we approach the house, I can already hear voices and loud music. I take a deep breath, not knowing what to expect. We walk in, and I am overwhelmed not only by the amount of people but also by the loud pop music and the amount of yelling. There are people dancing, people yelling, people playing beer pong...
This is completely different from Eric's parties. At his parties, there was music playing, but never pop or top 40 music. There usually wasn't yelling unless someone decided to start a fight. Even when people were dancing, it wasn't like this. And even then, there were some people who would stay off to the side and get high on the couch.
Eric's house always reeked of pot, but it doesn't seem like they have it here unless they're doing it in the backyard. Christina looks back at me, an amused smile on her face, as she grabs my hand and leads me through the house. We stop in front of a table covered with bottles, flasks, solo cups, and shot glasses. Just as Christina starts pouring shots for us, I feel someone tap my shoulder.
"No way!" Uriah shouts, as he grins at me. "You're Tris, right?"
"Oh... Yeah." I say, still shocked that he is here. "Uriah?"
"Yeah! I can't believe you're here! I never see you at these parties, I meet you at a support group, and then you're here all of a sudden! That's so cool!"
I find myself unable to hold back my smile when I look at his goofy grin.
"Tris!" I turn, as Christina comes up next to me and hands me a shot glass before looking at Uriah. "Oh, hi!"
"Hey! Christina, right?" She nods her head at him. "I'm Uriah! It's so cool that you guys are here! Pretty much the entire support group is here, but since it's your first time here, you guys can meet my brother if you want!"
"Your brother?" I ask.
"Yeah, Zeke!" he says, pointing in the general direction of where Zeke might be. "You know him?"
"Oh, kinda," I say, even though I've never even spoken to him before. "It's okay, we can go talk to him later."
"Suit yourself." He shrugs his shoulders and grins again. "Let me know if you lovely ladies need anything!"
Christina giggles, as Uriah disappears into the crowd. I roll my eyes as she nudges my shoulder with hers.
"He's cute! This is way better than Eric's." I shrug my shoulders instead of blatantly disagreeing with her. "Ready?"
I nod my head and we both take our shots at the same time. My face scrunches up instinctively. Even after all this time, I still hate the burning feeling, but I do like the way that it makes my head feel light and warm. We stay by the table for couple more shots before we both take a beer and start weaving through the crowd.
Other members of the support group start approaching us. They mostly talk to Christina since I'm too busy sipping on the beer, hoping that each sip will make this party a little more bearable. The only girl that I really take a liking to is Lynn, since she seems pretty similar to me personality-wise. Myra, Lauren, and Rita seem to like Christina more.
I notice Uriah across the room with Four. Our eyes meet, and he waves at me, that goofy grin still on his face. I smile and wave back. Four gives Uriah a funny look before looking over to see who he's waving at. His eyes fall on me, but he looks down as soon as he realizes that it's me. I roll my eyes before returning my attention to the beer in my hand.
After some time, I notice that people are trickling out slowly, as everyone from the support group as well as a few other people start sitting in a circle in the living room. I look at Christina to ask what they're going, but she is still talking to Myra.
"Hey there!" I spin around and find myself face-to-chest with a tall, dark skinned boy. "I'm Zeke! My brother, Uriah, said you guys are in that group together?"
"Oh... Yeah." I take a step back so that I can see his face without craning my neck. "I'm Tris, and this is Christina."
Christina turns around at the sound of her name and waves at Zeke, obviously tipsy.
"Hey," he says, nodding at Christina. "We're gonna play Candor or Dauntless. Would you two like to join?"
"Why the fuck not?" Christina chirps before I can say anything.
I roll my eyes, as she follows Zeke into the living room. I trail behind them and sit next to her in the circle. I sit too quickly, and I end up spilling a bit of my beer on the carpet in front of me, but nobody seems to notice. Zeke sits across from us and grins.
We never really played Candor or Dauntless at Eric's parties. Someone mentioned it once, and he said it was a game for kids. I always agreed, yet here I am playing anyway. Still, I know that if I was sober, I would not have agreed to this. I take another huge gulp of beer, knowing that I'll need it to get through this game.
"Let's do this!" Zeke says, looking around. "Shauna, Candor or Dauntless?"
"Candor," says the girl next to him, who I guess is Shauna.
"Good." He smirks. "Did you enjoy what we did before the party?"
I snort, as everyone around me starts laughing or wolf-whistling at her. She rolls her eyes, but she is still smiling.
"Yes. Yeah, whatever," she says before taking a sip of her drink. "Lynn, Candor or Dauntless?"
"Dauntless," Lynn answers, her face still scrunched up in disgust.
"I dare you to shave your head."
Lynn simply shrugs her shoulders, as she stands up and heads toward the bathroom. I find myself reacting along with everyone else, even though I know that if I was sober, I would find all of this utterly stupid. Actually, I probably would have left by now. But I don't, which means that I start cheering along with everyone else when Lynn comes back in with a shaved head and starts the game up again.
"Uriah," Lynn says.
"Dauntless," he shouts without having to be asked.
"I dare you to go the entire weekend without any cake."
The entire room erupts in laughter, but I just sit there, confused. I guess it must be an inside joke. I do start laughing when Uriah starts peeling his shirt off his body while mumbling, "fuck that." Once the laughter has died down, Uriah turns to Four and grins.
"Four. Candor or Dauntless."
"I don't know," he sighs, looking very sober. "Candor."
"Okay. Why..." Uriah stops and starts laughing seemingly at a joke that he hasn't even told yet. "Why are you scared of Tris?"
I look up, confused, as Four stares angrily at Uriah.
"What? I'm not-"
"Don't lie, Four!" Uriah continues, as some people start laughing. "You freaked out when you saw her at the support group. Just tell us why!"
Everyone stares at Four, including me, as he glares at Uriah. He looks around the room, his eyes lingering on me, as if he's considering if he should tell the truth or not. Finally, he shakes his head and pulls off shirt, leaving him in an undershirt. I try to stop myself from staring at his muscular arms, but I can't help it. I only look away when he looks up at me. And when I look around, I see that a lot of the girls are also sneaking glances at him.
I sigh and take another sip of my beer, trying not to think too much about what just happened. I figured that Four was looking at me because he had heard something about me, but I never would have guessed that he was looking at me because he was afraid of me. I can't even start to understand why someone as big and strong as him would be afraid of me to begin with.
I keep sipping steadily throughout the game, until I am swaying slightly where I sit. When the game ends, everybody puts on whatever clothing they had taken off. Zeke and Shauna stay sitting together while Christina, Uriah, and Lynn start walking back to the table to take more shots. They tell me to come with them, but I wave them off, seeing as I can barely stand up by myself.
"Need a hand?" I look up and see Four standing over me.
I guess he realized I couldn't stand up.
"No," I lie, my head getting fuzzier by the second. "I got it."
I start pushing myself off the ground slowly. I stumble to the left, but Four catches and helps me into a standing position. Everything is blurry for a moment. Before I know it, I am sitting outside on the front step with a water bottle in my hand, and Four is sitting next to me. When I look at him, I vaguely remember that he said something confusing during the game, but right now, I can barely remember anything that happened during that game.
"Are you okay?" he asks, making me realize that I'm staring at him.
"No." I giggle and look down. "I'm never okay."
"Is that so?" I simply nod in response. "Why don't you drink that water?"
"Don't want it," I mutter. "Why are you helping me? I don't even know you."
"True," he says. "But I'd like to know you."
I smile and look at him. He looks back at me and for the first time, I admire his amazing eyes. And the stubble on his face. His strong jawline. His full lower lip paired with his spare upper lip.
Before I even know what I'm doing, I'm pressing my lips to his. When he kisses me back, I feel myself getting dizzy, and I can only guess that it's a mix of the kiss and the alcohol in my system. He pulls away abruptly, and my lips ache for more.
"Tris." He sighs and looks down at his lap. "There's no way. You're way too drunk."
"I'm not drunk," I say, already knowing that it's a lie.
"Right." He chuckles, rolling his eyes. "Well, either way, I really think you should drink some water."
I roll my eyes and simply look down at the bottle in my hands, silently refusing to drink it. I lean against him unconsciously, as my eyelids start to feel heavier. He starts to say something, but I don't hear it. I don't hear anything. Everything is muffled. And then, everything goes black.
