All's fair in Love and War
By: Soleia Nova
Disclaimer: Okay, just one question: Who out there actually thinks I'm Johnen Vasquez? (Crickets chirp) Didn't think so. Only things I own are the plot for this fic and my characters Vix and Xanade. Oh, and, before I forget, major thanx to Chaotica for letting me use some elements from her fic 'Irken Child' (read Her stories, they're really good). Now... let's get this over with shall we?
Chapter one: Home
Bold : emphasis
Italics: thoughts
*Asterisks*: flashbacks
"Is that him?"
"Could that really be Zim?"
"No way, he's too tall, that couldn't possibly be the little runt!"
"Oh, but I beg to differ my dear ladies..." Zim snapped before resuming his course to the Tallest's main quarters. Astounded Irken whispers followed him and he couldn't help but smirk at their stupidity. Of course, it didn't help that he was dressed like a human in a bright red T-shirt, baggy black jeans, a black vest, and fingerless black gloves. As soon as he reached the Tallest however, it was and entirely different reaction. Red dropped his drink and purple nearly let his book fall into one of Red's mini-laser grids. They were set a-stutter by the now nearly six foot tall sixteen year- old invader. Zim gave them a slightly superior little smirk and gave a short bow.
"Hello Almighty Tallest, how are you today?" His voice was mockingly polite.
Red and Purple gulped then shared a look.
"Zim how...?"
"You'd be surprised what that Earth gravity will do to an Irken."
"When did you -?"
"Get back? A few hours ago, why? Still surprised that I'm still around?"
"Not really" Red answered with a shrug. "We figured you wouldn't die that easily."
"Uh-huh. Is this what I'm here for? To be bored to death by your pointless questions My Tallest?"
The leaders of the Irken people were taken aback b such a blatant show of disrespect. Red was about to push a button on his arm cuff to call for the guards when Purple held up an arm. The intensely devious look on Purple's face showed that he was up to something.
"Now, now, now Zim... Calm down and I'll tell you why you're here. Red and I have been thinking- well actually I did most of the thinking- that you should give up on Earth and try to invade another planet."
"This wouldn't happen to have anything to do with the fact that I'm almost as tall as you two right now, would it?"
"And if it did?"
"Then I would have to say: 'screw you guys, I'm going back.' Besides, any race that gives an Invader like me any trouble is worthy of being conquered."
"True though that may be Zim-"
"True though that may be what? You think you should send a better invader to do it? Be my guest and see if the fool isn't caught and dismembered within a day. I only survived because I can adapt, and I don't think you've trained the regular invaders to do that."
The Tallest were speechless. No one had ever, without having a death wish, had ever talked to them like that. Especially not the Invaders, who were programmed to remain loyal no matter the circumstances. They suddenly realized that by sending Zim to rot on Earth they had given him the chance to think for himself, to question the Irken natural order, to question them! That wasn't good. It wasn't good at all.
"And just what do you plan on doing once you completely conquer the planet?" Red sneered, thrown off a bit by Zim's impassiveness.
"Hand the planet over to whoever the Hell wants to rule it and go invade another" was the infuriatingly calm reply.
Red and Purple shared a look as they realized that Zim wasn't going to A: listen to them and B: back down. Sighing they told the Invader that since his Voot Runner could obviously no longer accommodate him, he would have to wait a few days for a replacement before leaving. The Invader simply shrugged. There was plenty to do over the next few days. Including the annual fighting tournament that Tallest Red always held, one that had almost always been won by someone who was no longer around- NO! He wouldn't start thinking a bout her now. The thought came too late however as it had opened the floodgates of his fondest memories.
*6 Years ago, age 10*
That had to have been one of the most grueling days of invader training he'd ever had. Luckily, because of the Tallest's initiation ceremony everything had ended early and they had all been wandering around in no particular direction but sticking together in their ranks. Zim, not being one to follow the masses, separated himself from the rest of the Invaders and went off to explore on his own. That was when he saw her, inspecting a long, thin, whip-like device. She lashed out with it and the blade on the end shot out, attached to a laser rope, which could probably cut better than the blade itself. She'd been dressed in a long, dark blue shirt with bell sleeves and a light blue diamond in the middle, black leggings, a short, pale blue skirt, a sleeveless medium blue jacket that was almost as long as she was tall, and mid-thigh length black boots. She paid the person who'd had the whip on display and after slipping the parcel in her bag turned and caught his eye. She smiled and walked over, bright tangerine- colored eyes shining. Before she could reach him however, a guard, one of the Tallest's personal ones, had grabbed her by the arm.
Disengaging herself roughly she snarled something at the soldier, who backed down, and started her path toward him once again. She stopped about a foot away from him and cocked her head as a greeting.
"Hello. My name is Xanade. What's yours?"
"Invader Zim" he replied, saluting smartly.
"Stand down Invader, and don't be so formal. Listen, I'm kind of on a personal shopping expedition, but that loser won't leave me alone for a second! So what say you and I get outta here and go get some lunch? I'm starving!"
Zim looked at her warily.
"Won't we get in trouble?"
"Don't worry. If we get caught, I'll take all the blame and make sure you don't get punished, okay?"
Zim nodded slowly and a large smile broke out all over Xanade's face.
"Alright then, here's what we'll do…"
Ten minutes later they were out and about, lost in the crowds of the shopping arena while the guard was temporarily 'indisposed'. They headed for a food stand and bought a kind of Irken candy that was basically caramel dipped in chocolate and baked inside a kind of soft dough, which resulted in the center being very gooey. He ate greedily and with a grin, Xanade had told him to eat slowly because they could always get more. Blushing, he'd told her he'd spent all he had on that one and she smiled, saying that she would buy it for him. Unfortunately for them, the guard had gotten himself away from the Blorch rats at the zoo and had reported Xanade missing. On the screens that floated all over the shopping arena lit up and both Tallest appeared on screen.
"Oh no…" Xanade groaned in annoyance as she stood, hands on hips and glared at the screens.
"Attention all Irkens in the shopping arena!" announced Red. "Young Xanade has been reported missing" a picture of her appeared on screen. "If you see her please escort her to the main entrance where an entourage will be waiting to bring her back to the Massive. That is all."
Apparently knowing that her cover was blown, Xanade grabbed Zim's hand and hauled him toward the main entrance. The guards who were there chuckled at the girl's unpleasant expression. The captain took her by the arm.
"Who's this?" he asked, noticing Zim.
Zim immediately snapped to attention, bringing one arm up to salute.
"Invader Zim, third class reporting sir!"
Xanade grinned at the poor captain.
"He's coming with us."
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Once aboard the Massive, Xanade was brought before the Tallest who glared at her, barely glancing at Zim. They looked disapprovingly at Xanade and were about to speak when she interrupted.
"Don't even say it you two! I know you're only trying to –ahem- 'protect' me, but it's all getting a lee-tle tired, don't you think? I can't even go out and make friends without bringing half the armada with me!" She was waving her arms about wildly now. "I mean come on! How am I supposed to be a kid if you guys won't even give me ten minutes alone!? I mean, Zim here didn't even know who I was 'till you two went and made the little public service announcement!"
"Who's Zim?" Purple asked suspiciously.
"Him!" Xanade said, pulling the young invader forward and brandishing him like a shield.
"An Invader? Xanade, what are you doing with an invader? They're all so far below your class."
"Oh. Yeah, that wasn't rude" Xanade snorted sarcastically, crossing her arms. "So what if he's an invader? I can be friends with whoever I want."
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Those words echoed in his head three months later as he held her prone form in his arms. She had tried to stop him from destroying all of Conventia, and had succeeded, but now she was unconscious, and he couldn't tell if she was breathing. A pair of medics took her to the Conventia hospital, and that was the last he had seen of her. When he had asked about her at his banishment, he was told that he would never be able to see her again, that she hadn't pulled though. That had crushed him and that had been the beginning of his madness.
*End flashback*
Walking through the dimly lit corridor to his surprisingly large quarters, Zim pulled a small silver and black object from his pocket. He flicked it open and a holographic image immediately projected itself three- dimensionally. A picture of him and Xanade greeted bright Ruby eyes. The girl was hugging him from behind, one of her hands over one of his, the other draped around his neck. She was wearing the outfit she'd worn on the day they had met and the soft smile on her face betrayed the fact that she was very fond of the boy she was hugging. Zim found himself scowling and he slammed the holo-imager shut, clutching it tightly in one fist. He opened the door and stuffed the device in his pocket to hide it from Gir. The little robot was seated on Zim's couch, watching a DVD of the Scary Monkey Show, his last brainfreezie in one hand and a rubber moose in the other. The only acknowledgement he got from Gir was a glance his way and a quick, high-pitched: "Hi master!"
With a heavy sigh, Zim, trudged into the next room and tossed himself onto the bed. Then he noticed a small, glowing notepad, propped up on the desk. Curious, he picked it up and pressed the part of the display that said: 'read message'. What it said nearly gave him what the humans would call a 'heart attack'. It was a line from something Xanade had written and made him memorize. She had her own part and he had his. Her part was scrawled on the pad in gorgeous Irken calligraphy, a style Xanade had loved. It read:
"Stoic soldier, all alone
Confined to your heart of stone
With my heart I set you free
For you to love and be with me"
He scanned it once again, to make sure he wasn't hallucinating, and fell backward onto the bed. Staring up at the dark ceiling he furrowed his brow in confusion. Either this was an extremely cruel and elaborate joke or… he had been lied to. He sincerely hoped the latter wasn't true because then those two idiots that dared to claim themselves rulers of his race would pay. They would pay dearly. As he drifted off to sleep he mumbled his verse of the recognition.
"Sweetest princess ever known
Why you have no friends is shown
I'll free you, give you all you lack
If you love me I'll love you back"
Well? Whaddaya think? Was that or was that not the sweetest thing you've ever heard? Please review, I'll simply DIE if you don't. Flamers WILL be sent viruses; so don't even play with me like that, 'cause I will get ghetto fabulous on your butts. Next chapter: The tournament and things to come. Is Xanade alive, or is it all some kind of hideous joke? Gotta tune in to find out. See ya!
