Chapter 2 "Not Always Rainbows And Butterflies"

Disclaimer: We aren't SM. If we were SM, WolfH00r MIGHT have gotten arrested during the filming of BD wedding scene. BooBoo = Jail Bait. Sigh. He is such an adorable Seth, don't even pretend like you don't agree.

Dailyicandy: I agree that WH would have been arrested, however, I would have been joining in on the wedding night! I'm just sayin'.

IMPORTANT A/N: We had someone ask about the "Drawn to You" timeline in relation to "Losing Control". It's about 8 months later. Remember, Lillah found out she was pregnant at the end of LC and she's now close to having the baby. ALSO, Ness was dreaming when Jake said he imprinted on Leah. That's all. Just a dream. No J/L here.

Thanks for the reviews and the story alerts! Hope you enjoy Jake's perspective!

It's not always rainbows and butterflies
It's compromise that moves us along, yeah
My heart is full and my door's always open
You can come anytime you want

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay a while
And she will be loved
"She Will Be Loved" - Maroon 5

Jacob's Point of View

I get as close to the cottage as possible, but stay far enough away so that Ness won't know I'm there. Lowering my large wolf body down to the ground, I tilt my ears forward, trying to listen to every little sound. I can tell Edward and Bella aren't in the house, which must mean they are hunting nearby. When Ness was younger, they would have me stay the night to watch over her, even if they were staying close to the cottage. Now that she is older, that has changed.

It's probably for the best though. It doesn't take a mind reader to see things are changing between Ness and I. Of course, I'd still put money down that Edward has read some of my thoughts lately. Either way, there's no way he'd let me anywhere near his daughter's bedroom now. If nothing else, for fear I'd tell her our, mine and her parents', secret.

My focus narrows in on the faint light coming from her bedroom window. Even though this is her weekly dance day, it's too early for her to be awake. My heart starts pounding, instantly worried for her. Why is she awake?

If she was in my bed, she'd still be asleep. This thought shakes me to my core. It's one thing to consider kissing Ness, which is a constant for me now, but beyond that, I'm still not accustomed to thinking of her in that way. Even though I knew she was my imprint the day she was born, for so long that meant loving her as a big brother or godfather. She was my world, but I never thought of her sexually. That started changing about a year ago; now more often than I'm comfortable with, I see her as the woman I want more than anything on this earth.

Not only is it scary to think of her that way, but these thoughts of her are so much more intense than I ever imagined they would be. I'm overwhelmed with the need I have to feel her red lips on mine, to put my hands on her hips and pull her close. Even when I just think of kissing her, it's all I can think of, all my brain can focus on. The desire to tell her, claim her, and make her mine is all consuming.

I stop myself right there. If I continue thinking this way, I won't be able to survive today. Her dance day is the worst day of the week for me. Not having her near me, close enough that I can be by her side at a moment's notice, is the worst feeling in the world. Having to suffer through that feeling once a week is excruciating.

Needing to relax, I close my eyes and just listen, focusing on her familiar heartbeat. I'm so lost in the rhythm I nearly jump when I hear two sets of feet approaching me. I'm not surprised when seconds later Edward and Bella walk into the little area of the forest I've carved out for myself.

Seeing them, I'm glad I was able to control my thoughts about Ness. Now that I can focus again, my mind automatically shifts back to my original worry. I don't bother phasing back, knowing Edward can read my mind and that he'll tell Bella everything.

Do you know why Ness is awake?

Edward frowns at me then explains for Bella, "Renesmee is awake. Jacob is concerned."

"I'm sure she's just getting ready for dance class." Bella shrugs, but I catch just a little worry on her still oh-so-readable face. Turning to me, she changes the subject awkwardly, "Why are you out here, Jacob? Shouldn't you be sleeping?"

I give a short bark of laughter and she smiles at me. I explain to Edward and he gives the message to Bella. "Jacob is helping Sam by covering for Jared. He's taking a little time off from patrolling to be with Kim and the baby."

"Oh, that's very sweet of you, Jacob," Bella smiles.

My only response is a growl of frustration and exhaustion. I don't mind helping out, but it feels like everyone else is moving on with their lives while I'm trapped, waiting.

Edward gives me a small frown and I push back a snarky comment about him being the reason I'm trapped. It does me no good to irritate him when I'm so close to finally being able to tell her.

Forty-two days. The countdown until her birthday is often on my mind because it's also the countdown for my release from the prison Edward has me trapped in.

Edward looks resigned to the inevitable, so I know he read that thought. As much as I consider him a friend now, I'm getting to the point where I don't care how he feels about this situation. Keeping this a secret from her has become more and more difficult with every day that passes. I've waited to tell her long enough.

"Just a little longer, Jacob." Edward mumbles.

Bella shakes her head at the two of us, "You both know I hate this, right? It's not fair to her."

Neither of us says anything in response, but I agree with Bella. The only reason why I ever agreed in the first place was so I wouldn't lose her outright. Bella huffs at our silence then turns to me, "She has dance today, but I'll try to find out if there's some other reason why she's awake so early."

I bow my head in thanks. Bella gives me an understanding smile then waves as she and Edward head for the cottage.

I stay where I am, listening as Bella and Edward enter their home. I can clearly hear the conversation they have with Ness. I manage to choke back a growl when Ness tells Edward she's "fine". I don't believe her. I don't think Edward or Bella believe her either, but they let it go. When Bella and Ness exit the cottage, I lift myself from the ground then shuffle off into the woods again, moving back toward the Reservation.

-0-

Sam pops in my head just as I approach the beach. "Hey man, you're up early. Everything ok?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," I almost laugh at myself as I use the same lie Ness just used. "I couldn't sleep so I let Seth and Leah crash early." I manage not to share with him the reason why I couldn't sleep, though I'm sure he can guess.

Sam chuckles in my mind, "Damn, you're turning nice in your old age. Almost a benevolent dictator."

"The only dick I know is your brother," I grumble at him. Even though Embry, Sam's half brother, is one of my closest friends, I'm ready to kill him. He's pushing my patience to the edge.

Sam sighs, "Give him a break. He's willing to do whatever it takes to help Lillah out. Emily thinks the baby will be here any day now. After that, things should calm back down."

"I hope so, because I can't take him any more. I told him not to bother patrolling again until after the baby arrives. He's useless anyway." The sand is rough beneath my paws, but I take the opportunity of an empty beach to stretch my legs out. I run as fast as I can down the beach, grumbling in my head over the images Embry has been sharing with me these past few weeks.

Sam just laughs at me. "You're one to complain. If Ness asked you to move to Russia with her, you'd have your bags packed and standing on her doorstep in ten minutes."

"That's different," I counter. Instead of turning around, I move through the woods, aiming for the cliffs.

"You keep telling yourself that. The truth is, it's not different at all. It's just that you and Embry have different women at different stages of their lives. Embry is doing what his imprint needs of him, while you would do what your imprint needs of you. Same thing." Sam is no longer laughing, and I hate him for being so damn logical. I don't want logic right now.

This makes Sam laugh, "Sorry man, I'll let you wallow in peace."

As promised, Sam is quiet the rest of the morning. The next thing he says to me is, "Later Jake." Then he's gone, phased back to human.

I'm nearly to my place when I feel Paul phase. His mind is jumbled, not focusing on any one thing. He's been like this for months. I give him a quick debrief but I get the feeling he isn't paying attention.

My guilt kicks in as I turn back into my human self. Before he and my sister got married, I rode him pretty hard about not knocking her up before he made it legal with her. Now I feel like shit for acting like that.

Of course, no one would have ever guessed they'd have problems getting pregnant. Emily, Kim, and Lillah had no issues, seemingly getting pregnant right away. Not Rachel. After the first couple of months, they started getting worried. Kim ran a bunch of tests and came to find out that Rachel was having girl issues similar to Leah. Gag. From what they could figure out, even though Rachel had never phased, since she had the wolf gene on both sides, her body had been effected by the presence of the vampires.

Last I had heard, Kim was working on solutions with Paul and Rachel. I hope it happens for them soon. Rachel has stayed pretty positive through all this, as far as I can tell, but I can't imagine it has been easy for either of them.

I should have asked Paul what was going on, gotten an update on Rachel. Unable to stand or think a moment longer, I walk through the house, dragging my ass to my bedroom. I haven't patrolled this much in years. Even though I'm not aging, it's exhausting to be on guard so much. I don't even bother getting dressed, my body dropping onto the bed. My last thought is that I'll check with Paul tomorrow at the bonfire.

-0-

The dreams, or nightmares, are nothing new. I'm so accustomed to them that I'm able to stay asleep through the torture. My mind flashes between scenes of Ness walking away from me, Edward taking her away, her kissing another man, and her laughing in my face when I finally tell her that I imprinted on her the day she was born. Even though I know they are dreams, they still disturb me enough that my sleep is anything but restful.

My eyes are grainy when I manage to pry them apart. Looking out the window I realize I must have been more exhausted than I thought; it's almost dark outside. When I check the clock next to my bed, the time makes me jump up; I'm suppose to be at the cottage by now.

Grabbing my cell phone I check the messages that are waiting. A couple of texts from Leah and one from Jared, thanking me for patrolling for him. I shoot back a reply to Leah, explaining I can't meet her because I'm spending the evening with Ness. I toss the phone on the bed then stretch my body, trying to work out the stiffness in my shoulders.

I glance down and notice my dick is hard. Nothing new about that, buddy. Rolling my eyes, I ignore it as I pull on some clothes.

My phone buzzes just as I grab my keys. It's Leah again. She's snippy that I'm "blowing her off". Ever since Embry imprinted, she's been more surly than normal. I haven't asked her why, though I can guess. Embry imprinting leaves just her and Seth as the only wolves with no imprintee. I've tried to make myself available to her more. To be there for her. So far, she hasn't said anything, but I figure she'll explain herself to me eventually.

However, when I haven't seen my imprint all day, Leah is low on my priorities. Instead of replying I ignore her message and slip my phone into my pocket before leaving the house. I pause in the driveway, considering. Drive or phase? Phasing will get my there much quicker, I decide. Stripping down again I stuff my clothes in the pouch around my leg and let my wolf side take me to my imprint.

-0-

The movie has been playing for an hour, but I haven't been paying attention. My irritation with Embry, concern for Leah, and Rachel and Paul have been pushed to the back burner with a more pressing worry. Ness.

Just like every Friday night, Bella and Edward went up to the main house and left Ness and I here in the cottage. The movie tonight was her choice and even though she selected one of her favorites I can tell she's zoned out.

We are sitting on opposite ends of the couch, which gives me a clear view of her. It's almost impossible for me to keep my eyes off of her, but she's barely made eye contact with me all night. Her hands are folded on the arm of the couch and her chin is resting on top. As serene as she looks, I know there is something wrong. Just like this morning, something isn't right with her. Her skin is paler than usual, no faint pink on her cheeks, and she seems distant, sad.

Unable to take it any more I finally ask, "You ok?"

She doesn't even lift her head, just shrugs her shoulders and mutters, "I'm just tired from dance."

I want to leave it at that, but I know there is more to it. I've known Ness since the second I laid eyes on her after she was born. This isn't her "tired" face; it's her sad one, and that concerns me.

I'm hopeful she's changed her mind when she finally lifts her head from it's resting spot. My hope is quickly replaced with fury. This is the first time tonight I've gotten a good look at her eyes. They're red, like she's been crying, and there are dark circles under them. My first instinct is to find out what has upset her and attack it; but I fear pushing her to find out what's wrong will make things worse.

As much as I cherish alone time with Ness, I suddenly wish Edward was here. I'd give anything to have him probe around in Ness' brain, tell me what's going on in her head. Times like this, I can understand Edward's frustration with not being able to hear Bella's every thought. Bella and Ness are very much alike in their ability to keep their thoughts hidden.

What really sets me on edge is that this has never happened before. It's a first, having Ness shut me out, and I don't like it. My heart hurts knowing she's not willing to share her sorrows with me. Taking a deep breath I hold it in for a second then release it a little too loudly. Ness' head cocks to the side and her brows crease in concern.

"Are you ok?"

I shake my head and brush off her question, but unlike me, she pushes back. "You sure? You seem irritated."

I try to come up with an excuse that doesn't include my worry over her. "Just normal Alpha stuff. It's nothing."

She sits up and turns to face me, her legs folded under her body. "What's going on?" she presses. She's a stubborn one, that's for sure. And a big fan of taking the focus off herself whenever the opportunity presents itself.

I jump on the first thought I come across that I can use to explain my mood. "It's just Embry," I choke out. He's the easiest one to blame and my second biggest irritation; my first being whatever is bothering Ness.

I try to leave it at that, not wanting to go into details. Ness doesn't need to know that every second Embry is phased all he thinks about is Lillah, the baby, and sex. A lot of sex. Sex with Lillah here, sex with Lillah there. Apparently their doctor mentioned that sex can help bring on labor. The doctor also mentioned no sex for six weeks after she's had the baby. His thoughts are almost as bad as when he first imprinted on her. It's difficult, but I manage to keep my cringe internal as I remember all the things he's unknowingly shared with me recently.

My statement seems to catch her attention, but I'm guessing it's the distraction that has her interest. "What about Embry? Is everything ok? Lillah seemed fine when I talked to her today."

The roll of my eyes is something I can't hold back. "Oh, they're fine. They're great, in fact. It's just dumb ass Embry and his broadcasting everything when he's phased."

"Broadcasting what?" She narrows her eyes slightly.

I cringe again, but I know this time she sees me; I really don't want to discuss this with Ness. We've never had a conversation that touches on anything sexual. This is completely intentional on my part. Once that type of discussion is opened up I won't be able to forget it. Ever.

Ness' eyebrows quirk. I am very familiar with that face and I know she's not going to let me get by without an explanation. I mutter out an answer, "The doctor told them they could maybe induce labor naturally." Her head tilts a little and she waits, knowing there is more I'm not saying. "By having sex," I barely squeeze the words out past my tightening throat. I think my voice actually cracks.

Eyes growing wide and a squeak of "oh" alerts me that she realizes what I mean about Embry's thoughts. Her cheeks begin to turn pink, giving them that natural color I'm so use to seeing. The color gives her a beautiful glow that is accented by the curls falling on each side of her face. I roll my eyes at myself when I realize I sound like a teenage girl gushing over a crush. I can't help it though; she is beautiful and I would be stupid not to feel something for her.

If the guys ever heard these thoughts, I'd never live it down. Not because of how I'm thinking about my imprint. In fact, it would be just the opposite. They'd never let me live it down because, to them, it's about time I felt this way. This reaction to my imprint is completely normal, I've just been fighting it because of my promise to Edward. Unfortunately, it's getting harder to fight every day. It jumbles my brain every time it hits me - that I'm physically attracted to her - but I love the feeling. I'm tired of fighting being drawn to her. For once, I need to give in, to appreciate the beauty of my Ness.

I watch her tongue glide along her bottom lip and I'm blindsided by the urge to kiss her again. Her lips are beautiful; bottom slightly fuller, a perfect Cupid's bow on the top. Today they are pink, bare and now shining from the moisture. The urge to press my lips against hers is so strong it takes my breath. I'm not sure how to suppress it, but I fight with everything in me to not move from this spot on the couch. To move closer to her would be too much temptation. To move away from her would upset her, and me. This time it's harder to push the thoughts away than it was this morning. This morning, I wasn't this close to her.

I feel completely unprepared for how to make it through the next forty-two days until her birthday. The wolf is practically howling within me with the need to tell her. He's impatient. I'm impatient. I thought I could handle waiting for her to become an adult. It seems like only yesterday she was that infant I was holding in my arms. To now think of her in other ways, it's weird and yet absolutely right. To push that feeling back, to deny my natural connection with her, is nearly impossible.

As my thoughts are again focused on wanting her, I'm thankful she didn't pick up her father's ability and that Edward isn't around. Hopefully Bella is shielding us for the night.

I shake my head and try to clear it to get myself back on track when I hear her speaking. "He- Embry thinks about that? Lillah would be so embarrassed to know that you've all seen..." she says, sounding a bit horrified as her words drop off.

"Oh God, NO! He wouldn't disrespect Lillah by letting the pack see her that way. It's just his thoughts are constantly on it. Anticipating when it will happen next." I know this explanation isn't right, but I don't know how else to make Ness understand without flat out telling her the truth. Embry is so lost in his own thoughts he isn't able to control what he shares with us. The other guys and I try to push his thoughts from our minds but it's hard some days. There are certain things I don't want to know that he shares. Like how many orgasms he had the other night. T-M-FUCKING-I.

"Is it always like that? Do any of the other guys think about their imprints that way?"

"Yes," I answer before I realize what I'm saying, "I mean, not about sex, but our minds are never able to shut down thoughts of our imprints. Not that we would want to." The part of me that doesn't want to deal with Edward's anger hopes she doesn't notice what I'm inadvertently saying by using "we" and "our". The wolf, however, is hopeful she puts one and one together to figure out I imprinted on her.

She nods in understanding and I can practically see the wheels turning. I feel the uncertainty wafting off of her. At times I get the feeling she is afraid to ask too much of me; which is insane. I would do anything, be anything, tell her anything she asked. Of course, she doesn't know this. Right now, all she knows is that I am her best friend. Unfortunately, it seems that isn't enough this time.

Her eyes shift back to the television but I can hear every word she whispers, "I never really thought about you guys sharing stuff without meaning to."

I'm tensed up, waiting for her to go on, wondering if she'll ask whatever question is on her mind. Unlike my fellow shape-shifters and the other imprints, Ness doesn't usually push; she isn't nosy.

It does surprise me though, that she has never asked me if I've imprinted. Maybe she just assumes I can understand imprinting because of the mind link. I'm hoping this is the case, but honestly, her patience amazes me. Anyone else probably would have just flat out asked me after all this time, but not Ness.

As much as I expect it, I also live in fear of the day she comes out and asks me if I have imprinted on someone. There is no way I would be able to lie to her, no matter the promise I made to Edward. Everything would come spilling out of my mouth. There's a weight on my shoulders that I know won't lift until I can be honest. Forty-one days and three hours. I'm anxious and riddled with a need to look into her eyes, confess to her that she's my imprint, and show her how much she means to me, holding her closely.

She doesn't ask me though, instead turning her whole body back to the movie; essentially locking me out. Somewhere between where she's sitting and where I'm at, there is suddenly a huge wall. This isn't the first time; this invisible wall between us has been making appearances too often lately and I'm not sure what to do. I don't know if it's there because she suspects I'm hiding something or if she's trying to push me away. Either option scares me because either way I have a chance of hurting her.

Moving a hand over my chest, on top of my heart, I massage the heel of my palm into my shirt. There's an ache deep inside. The feeling surfaced a while ago but has grown progressively worse. In the beginning it happened when I was away from Ness, then it started happening even when I was with her. There isn't a doubt in my mind that it's all because I need her so badly, I need to be honest with her. There is a very real chance that I'm hurting both of us by keeping this promise to Edward.

We are silent through the rest of the movie. While Ness switches to another one, I grab us some snacks from the kitchen. My stomach is growling in protest, wanting something more substantial, but I'm more concerned with being here with my Ness. While I wait for the popcorn to finish, I make a mental note to talk to Edward, try to appeal to the part of him that doesn't want to see his daughter tortured.

With the popcorn bowl in hand and resolved to figure out what I can do to finally tell her, I settle back onto the couch. Ness grabs the popcorn bowl from me, giving her impression of an evil laugh as she holds it tight to her body. When her eyes are again locked on the television, I decide to push through her wall. I reach over, easily pulling her next to me, using the excuse of wanting some popcorn when she protests. The opening credits begin to roll just as I finally feel Ness' small frame relax into my side. The sensation gives me some relief and I can feel the tension easing out of her body.

Finally, she rests her head against my bicep. I lean over her, my lips hovering above the crown of her head. Instead of kissing her like I want to, I inhale deeply, allow her sweet scent to engulf me. The stress I have felt all night finally starts retreating.

We watch the movie in silence, but the wall seems to have been removed for now. When her breath hitches a short time later, I glance at the screen to see what is happening. However, that just confuses me more. The actors on the screen are laughing as they dance around a room. I'm suddenly struck by the idea that she's not as relaxed as she's trying to make me believe.

-0-

I don't pay any attention to the movie. My mind is focused solely on Ness. I know as soon as she falls asleep. I listen to her soft breathing, adjusting my breath to match hers. My hands move without instruction, gliding over the smooth skin of her arm. I slide my cheek over her soft hair, the movement stirring up her scent. Just as my lips move over her temple, the door to the cottage opens.

I tighten my grip on Ness, but relax when I see Bella walk in the door alone.

"Don't look so relieved, Jacob Black. That's still my daughter you are holding." Bella is speaking so softly it can't even be classified as a whisper, but I still hear her clearly. She moves to sit on the other end of the couch. Her eyes follow the involuntary movement of my fingers along Ness' pale skin. After a brief moment she glances back up at me. "It's changing, isn't it?"

I don't have to ask her what she means. "Yeah. Truthfully though, Bells, it's been changing for the last year or so, I was just able to hide it better. Now, I fight myself every moment I'm with her, to keep from touching her, from telling her. I know it's only forty-two days, but I don't think I'll last that long. The pull she has on me- it's getting so much stronger."

Bella is staring at Ness curled up against me and finally speaks, her voice still barely a whisper as she shakes her head, "I've tried talking to him, but his mind is set." She doesn't say any more, but I know my chances are slim of changing Edward's mind if Bella couldn't even sway him.

Bella's head jerks up suddenly and she exhales sadly. "Edward is on his way. You both look exhausted. Why don't you take her to her room and stay with her for a while? I'll clean up in here and cover for both of you."

I don't have to be told twice. I easily stand up with Ness in my arms. When Bella rises from the couch I lean over and give her a kiss on the cheek. "Thanks, Bella, this means a lot."

"Sure, sure." She winks at me but then she turns serious. "Just, behave. I understand, Jacob, but she's still my baby."

"I know. Thanks again."

Before I can leave the living room, Bella whispers again, "Hands above the blankets, Jacob. I mean it, no funny business. I will be checking. I'll cover, but you'll need to be out of here by dawn."

I don't bother turning around, just nod in agreement. I can't begin to explain my gratitude to Bella for giving me this night.

I manage to reach Ness' bedroom in about two steps. I pull the covers back from the bed and gently tuck her in. I return to the bedroom door but before I shut it I can just hear Bella speaking to Edward.

"I caught an odd scent as I was heading back. I called Carlisle to explain and he thought we should go investigate right away."

Edward doesn't respond to her comment though, "What is Jacob doing in Renesmee's bedroom?"

"He's just tucking her in for me. She fell asleep during the movie. He's going to watch her from his spot while we go check on this scent." I'm impressed by Bella's lying ability. It really has improved over the years. The lack of blushing probably helps, but still, there's an improvement.

Edward sighs and I know she's won. After one or two more questions from Edward, Bella leads him out. I exhale in relief when I hear the cottage door shut behind them. I ease Ness' bedroom door shut, just in case Edward is still listening.

As I turn around, I hear an odd noise coming from the bed. When I get closer, I realize it's Ness. I rush to her side, but when I reach her I can't make out what she's saying. My worry for her is so strong, I don't bother removing my shoes. I stretch out as much as I can in the iron bed and pull her against my chest. My lips move back to her hair as I try to calm her down by running my fingers through her curls.

Her tension eases, but she's still mumbling in her sleep. Just like Bella. The similarities between Bella and Ness are numerous, but as much as I see Bella in Ness, my love is only for my imprint.

She continues to mumble, and while I can't make out actual words, I do recognize my own name. That is quickly followed by a sigh and her snuggling closer to me. In her movement, her lips press against my neck. I know she isn't kissing my skin, it's just an innocent touch, but the slight movement of her lips from mumbling feels amazing. I should push her away, but I can't.

My heart is pounding so hard, I'm certain Edward will hear me. Locking my jaw, I manage to pull my neck back slightly, away from her lips. Of all the times when I've had to stop myself, this is probably the hardest. Before I've had to keep from touching her, but I've never had to pull away from her touch. This is yet another first as I try to get accustomed to changing our relationship from friends to- more.

Lovers? My dick springs to attention and I groan. Even if by some miracle I could tell her tomorrow she's my imprint, there's no way we are ready for that. I pull my hips back from Ness' body, just in case.

She's finally relaxed again. She's still mumbling but it isn't frantic like before. It's nice being back in her bedroom again, but it's very odd. When Ness was younger, I would stay the night to guard her, and to babysit her. Tonight is not about guarding. The change Bella mentioned is overtaking both of us. I can feel deep down that this night is what my imprint needs, what we both need to give us a bit of peace.

So far the only two wolves that have fought against imprinting in any way have been Sam and Embry. I chuckle to myself at the irony; I should have known as soon as Embry started fighting the imprint that he and Sam were related. When everything happened with Sam and Emily, I hadn't phased yet. Of course, I've seen Sam's memories over the years, but it's not the same as living through watching a wolf not be with his imprint.

When it happened with Embry, it was painful to watch. Even more painful was reliving his nightmares when he was phased. The more he fought it, the worse off he got. He wasn't able to sleep peacefully again until he shared a bed with Lillah; just sleeping next to her. That one night with her made all the difference.

While I haven't fought my imprinting on Ness, I did make a promise. Over the years I've had nightmares about Ness but they are happening more frequently. Between covering for Jared and Embry, work, and my sleep being interrupted by nightmares, I'm honestly exhausted.

I close my eyes and listen to Ness softly mumble. When she finally quiets completely, I pull her tight against me again. There are still a few blankets and our clothes between us, but my body feels like it is on fire with excitement at this touch. As close as we are, I can see her eyes moving underneath her eyelids; a sure sign she is deep in her dreams.

I pause for just a moment but my curiosity pushes me on. Reaching for her hand, I place it against my cheek. Bella taught me this trick years ago, but I rarely use it. But if Ness won't tell me what's on her mind when she's awake, I have to do whatever I can to figure out what is going on in her dreams.

Closing my eyes, I watch the flashes of her dream against the black of my eyelids. She's laughing and smiling as she talks to a group of women. As I watch the faces in the group become clear. She's amongst all the imprints; Lillah, Kim, Rachel, Emily, and even Claire. Ness is so happy in this circle. She considers them her friends, though there is something wrong here. Almost like she doesn't feel like she completely belongs; an outsider looking in.

Dark figures start approaching the women, but none of them seem scared. Quickly, I understand why. These are all the wolves. Each man stands behind his imprint, his hands on her shoulders, leaning forward as if he would use his whole body to shield her from anything that might attack.

Ness is alone in the circle, unguarded. She looks up to the group of wolves outside of the circle and she sees my face. It's always shocking to see myself through Ness' eyes. I don't spend a lot of time looking in the mirror, but the face she has for me always seems too perfect. I push the me in her dream to move to her, to stand behind her and protect her just like all the other wolves.

When the dream me doesn't move, she gives me a huge smile, jumping up from the circle to join me. I can feel her emotions so brightly they almost burn me. She is excited and full of something I can't really put my finger on. Instead of pulling her tight though, dream Jacob gives her a hard smile and looks to the right.

Ness follows my eyes and her gaze lands on Leah. I can feel her emotions shift automatically when she sees her. If I didn't know better, I'd almost say she switched to jealousy. Before I can analyze though, she moves over Leah, looking at the last wolf standing outside the circle.

Seth. He gives Ness a smile, but he doesn't look like his normal happy self. And Ness' emotions switch to sad. Her cheeks in her dream turn darker and her body next to me warms up. She's blushing? At Seth? What the hell is going on here?

I drop her hand, unable to watch any more. I remind myself it is just a dream. But why was Ness sad when she looked at him? Seth would never do anything to hurt Ness. He knows she's my imprint and he has helped me to protect her over the years.

I close my eyes, trying to fall asleep. Just as I'm about to pass out, one thought makes it past the rational part of my mind. I'll kill him if he's done anything to hurt my imprint.

-0-

I wake up when I feel dawn approaching. The sky is still black, but I know I need to get moving soon. I take a moment to revel in where I am. Ness' bed. With Ness curled up around me. The wolf in me growls in satisfaction at that.

We are both still fully clothed, but somewhere in the middle of the night she turned around; her back now to my chest. She managed to free her legs from the blankets and when I look down her legs are twisted with mine. My hands did manage to stay above the covers like Bella asked, but one of Ness' hands escaped. She has her arm wrapped around mine and is holding my arm tight against her body.

I can't help grinning. She's holding me tight. She wants me here with her just as much as I want to be here.

As happy as this makes me, I know it's is a rare occasion. Bella can't let me stay here every night for the next forty-one days. First, Edward would know and second, Ness would wonder why I was spending the night. No, this has to just exist as a preview, something to hold me over until I can finally have her. Forty days and eighteen hours.

My heart stutters when I think of leaving Ness but I know I can't stay here and risk Edward finding me. Bella gave me this night, but I can't push her kindness further. I slowly work on retrieving my limbs from Ness' grip.

Once I'm finally free, I slide off the bed. When I stand, I realize just how cramped up I was. It feels like I was stuffed in a shoe box instead of sharing a full-size bed with my imprint. Next time, she will need to stay at my place. I hold back my grin, thinking of a next time. If I have any say in it, when next I share a bed with Ness, she will know she's mine. She belongs with me, no more standing alone in the circle. The pressure in my chest builds when I recall the loneliness she felt in her dream.

I move to the bedroom door when I hear her softly whisper my name. Turning back around I'm just barely able to understand her next words, "Don't. Want. Leave."

Dropping to my knees beside the bed, I first check to see if she's awake. She isn't. This must be another dream, but I still feel the urge to reassure her.

Leaning forward, I brush her curls aside. My fingers trace the delicate features of her face. She is so precious to me; always has been, always will be. I watch as my fingers outline her lips and without considering what I'm doing, I lean over her. My lips press against the very edge of her mouth.

I pull back quickly before she can wake up. My fingers twist in her hair as I whisper my goodbye to her.

"I don't want to leave you, but I have to for now. I'll see you tonight and I'm always here if you need me. Soon enough we can be together. When you know you're mine, I'll never leave your side."

Forcing my body to stand and walk away from her is like telling myself not to move while someone attacks me. It's unnatural. However, for now, I must fight my urge to be with her.

Before I close the door to her bedroom, I whisper to her again, "I love you, Renesmee."

I dash out of the cottage and move to my hiding spot in the woods. I quickly phase and I've barely settled my body down against the ground when I hear them approaching.

"Are you sure you smelled something, Bella? We've been running through the woods all night and we haven't come across that scent at all."

Bella approaches first and gives me a wink when she sees me. I give her a short nod just as Edward appears.

"I must have been imagining it, Edward. Like Carlisle said though, better safe than sorry."

Edward grumbles something about missing a night with her and I'm grossed out even thinking about it. About that time Edward turns to me, snarling. "If you think that is bad, try being me, picturing you with my daughter."

So I take it you aren't willing to discuss moving up my telling her to before her birthday?

Edward crosses his arms and shakes his head, "No, Jacob. I know it has been rough lately, but you can cool your hormones down for forty days, seventeen hours, and forty-five minutes."

I know Edward is aware that it isn't about 'hormones' so I let that slide for now. Just barely. The truth is, I'm so rested and happy to have spent those hours next to Ness that I can't be bothered to get angry. Not wanting to give him the opportunity to see my thoughts from last night, I don't respond, just stand up and walk away from the clearing.

As I leave, I throw one last thought back at Edward. It's a jab. She's safe, slept through the night for the first time in weeks.

Edward doesn't reply but I hear him relaying the message to Bella. I don't stick around to find out what she says in return. I'll just let her deal with her precious, pain-in-my-haunches husband for now.

Running back to the Reservation helps to stretch my cramped muscles. Leah and Seth must have dropped off before I phased because I don't feel either of them. I'm thankful for the quiet, especially from Seth. After seeing Ness' dream last night, I don't think I'd be able to stop from confronting him. I try to remind myself it was just a dream, but the way she reacted didn't feel like it was that simple.

Sam joins me a short time later but today he is quiet, only giving me a short "Morning" when he phases.

Just as I'm about to return home, Sam stops me.

"I just wanted you to know, we are here to help. I know this time sucks for you, but the wait will be over soon. I know how you feel, but I also understand where Edward is coming from. Claire is practically my daughter, and as much as I know Quil is perfect for her, I would do anything to keep her as my little girl for as long as possible. Just remember, he isn't doing this to make your life hell."

Giving Sam a bark of thanks, I phase back, deciding to walk back home in peace. I need the quiet of my own mind as I sift through everything.

I get what Sam is saying. As shitty as this situation is, I understand that Edward is just trying to protect Ness. I appreciate it, but when I see her upset, I have a hard time agreeing with it. She is confused right now, and I feel like I am the one causing that. I hate it.

But, one thing is certain, these next few weeks are going to be the longest weeks of my life.

-0-

A/N: DON'T FORGET, we can't reply to your reviews if your private messaging on FFn is disabled. Jake says go fix that shit! Also, remember to check out our website for random updates. We also have a FAQ page there. Oh! And a tumblr where you can ask the "Let Love In" series characters questions. We know you want to talk to Embry, Lillah, Jake, Ness and the rest of the gang.

See y'all in two weeks!