Chapter Two – The Vanishing Glass

"Rubeus..."

"Yes, Minerva?"

"What are we going to do?" She moaned in dismay. They were being escorted out of the Muggle motel they were staying at for the night; Hagrid had sat on the bed and broke it clean in half as soon as he put his weight on it. They didn't have to money to pay for the bed because they wasted all their money on the casinos.

"Right, and don't come back!" The American muggle with the British accent who owned the motel shouted after them.

"What are we going to do?" Minerva repeated quietly.

"Dunno what yer gonna do, but what I was plannin' ter do after this one night stand was ter get back ter Hogwarts. 'pologize ter Dumbledore."

"If he's alive, you mean," she replied gravely. Then she glared at Hagrid. "What do you mean, 'one night stand'? And what's with the sudden speaking difficulty?"

Hagrid winked. He pulled out Sirius' bike out of his beard, got on it, and pedaled away, leaving Minerva McGonagall all alone in Las Vegas, Nevada.

A tear glistened on her cheek. "It always ends like this," she told herself morosely.

-x-x-x-

Albus Dumbledore was not, as some believed, dead. No, he was still alive, his heart was still beating. He wasn't about to die by some measly punch in the face, no matter what age. No, Albus was strong. And he was courageous.

A gasp broke the dawn's silence on Privet Drive (yes, dawn. Dumbledore felt quite comfortable on the sidewalk and fell asleep). A witch called Poppy Pomfrey saw a naked old man lying on the sidewalk, face covered in blood.

"Oh dun doodly dear me!" She exclaimed, hands on her large chest.

And that was when she realized her love for Healing. Dumbledore, happy to find out that the only thing broken was his nose (and 48 bones in his ear, but Poppy said he could just Q-tip those out of his system), gave her a job healing Hogwarts students at the Hospital Wing in the castle.

Ten years later, Harry Potter woke up.

"WAKE UP YOU SHITTY LITTLE RETARD EXCUSE FOR A COUSIN OF MY DEAR DUDDERS!" His Aunt Petunia's shrill voice was the cause of his stirring. Damn, and he was having a really good dream about flying Barbie bikes.

As for the verbal abuse, well, today's it was actually mild compared to other days. Sometimes it was "! #$%, ^&$*******! *******! *** *****!" …And Harry didn't like that word. At all.

He got out of the cardboard box the Dursleys make him sleep in.

"FINALLY!" Petunia shrieked, even if it had only been 0.01 milliseconds after she screamed at Harry to wake up. "GO WATCH BACON! MAKE SURE IT NOT BURN!"

At first, Harry was confused. He thought she was going crazy, and was screaming her head off to make Harry watch his favorite cartoon (it was called Bacon). But then he remembered that his aunt had a disease that makes her suddenly have bouts of Down syndrome and a number of psychological sicknesses.

Harry did as he was told, and headed for the kitchen.

"Good Morning, Boy," A bubbly, smiling Vernon greeted him with cheer. Harry questioned this felicitous manner his uncle was—oh yeah, now he remembered. His Uncle Vernon also had a disease.

"WEEEEEE ITS MAH BIRTHDAUUYWOO," Harry's cousin Dudley emitted a sound that sounded like a whale mating song as he fell in step behind Harry to the kitchen.

"I had a really pretty dream, you guys!" Harry told his loving family as he cooked the bacon. "There was this flying bike—"

Vernon slapped him across the face. "BIKES DON'T FLY!" he thundered.

"B-but," Dudley whimpered. "E.T…." Tears streamed down his cheeks.

Petunia hugged her son. "Aww, it's okay Diddykins," she kissed him on the head many times. "Don't cry, it's real, it's true that bikes can fly if you just believe in your dreams, miracles happen…"

Then Petunia let out gas. It was another one of her mental defects.

-x-x-x-

"OHH YOU SON OF A BEACH GET IN THE FUCKING CAR NAOO DONCHOO RUIN MY DINKY DUDDYDUMS' SPECIAL DAY!" Petunia slapped Harry's eleven-year-old arse as he climbed in the car.

It was lucky, Harry pushed Arabella Figg (the old lady whom the Dursleys ask to watch Harry when they were away) down the stairs and she broke her neck and both of her femurs, and is suffering from numerous fractures on her left tibia. Now she can't take care of Harry, so the Dursleys have to take Harry with them on their trip to the zoo.

"Hi," Piers, Dudley's boyfriend, was going on along with them for his boyfriend's birthday. He just arrived with his mom.

His mom, Mrs Polkiss, went to Vernon and Petunia. "I want my son to be back by 12 midnight, no less!" She stormed away. "And still chaste!" She called as she drove away in her yellow Lamborghini.

Harry scoffed. "Still chaste? He wasn't chaste to begin with when he started dating my cousin." He glared at Piers.

Piers smiled innocently.

Harry hated Piers.

Hated him so much.

Piers went inside the Dursley's car, and shut the car door. He was leaning on the car window.

Harry hated Piers.

Suddenly, the car's glass window vanished. Piers fell out of the car and died.

Vernon hauled Harry out of the car and stuffed him in his box. "STAY—NO MEALS!"

So how do you guys like it? Please Review/Fave/Story Alert/or whatever you want to do! And if you're a Dramione shipper, be sure to check out my other in-progress fanfiction, Hermione Granger Sneezed! :)