AN: Wow you guys! What a great feed back, I'm really glad you're enjoying this story, thank you so much.
AN2: This story is now going to be a three-shot. Like I said, I can understand Callie better than Arizona and well, when I started writing her pov I just kept writing and writing and when I noticed it was way too long, so I thought (actually my friend came with the idea) that reaking it in two chapters would be the better option.
AN3: I wanna thank my kickass beta reader 'MaybeIShouldGetACat'.
CALLIE'S POV:
It was hard to sleep. My whole life, I have never had trouble falling asleep but after my conversation with Arizona today…I just couldn't keep my eyes closed for more than five seconds. I knew I shouldn't have been worrying about her. It was her mistake that had created this mess in the first place. She was the one in the wrong. Not me. She didn't deserve for me to worry about her. Yet I was. Because as much as I told myself I was in the right…As much as I wanted to pretend there was no shame in what I had done. I couldn't…not while my wife thought I wanted her dead. As I lay awake in bed her words kept echoing through my mind. 'Honestly, I do.' She'd worn this look of defeat on her face…one of silent acceptance. My wife honestly believed I'd rather have her dead than have to deal with her infidelity. How could she think like that? That wasn't the truth. Even with how much I currently despised her… my life would be ruined if I had lost her.
Though…as she had pointed out, in a certain way, I had lost her. Things would never be the same between us…even if she has forgiven me for making the call to amputate her leg…even if we can move past her infidelity it will never be like it was before.
I sighed as I thought back to our conversation. After her heartbreaking words, I couldn't stay there anymore. I needed to get out of her office. I wanted to run…to run and never be found. That was a selfish thought, but it was all that came to my mind. In that instance, I could tell that she regretted everything she had done and I knew she needed to talk. But listening to her talking about Lau- 'God, I can't even think about that woman's name.' When she mentioned her, I felt my stomach twisting in knots.
Despite the fact that I knew I should have stayed…should have convinced her that I didn't want her dead…she at least deserved that much, I just couldn't stay there. As soon as she told me that what was left over from the plane crash was the broken Arizona sitting before me…As soon as she said that our lives could never be the same, I just silently got up and walked out of her office.
She didn't attempt to follow as I went to get Sofia. I just picked up my daughter and headed home…No, we didn't head home. This wasn't our home….
So now…after all that, I found myself lying in a bed that didn't belong to me, staring up at the ceiling in the middle of the night, unable to fall asleep. Sofia is sleeping in the bed too, right beside me. She usually slept in Zola's room, in the extra bed that Meredith had so graciously prepared for her. But tonight…I needed her by my side. I needed her close to me. She gives me peace. She cools me down. She makes my world better and gives me hope that everything is going to be fine. She can make me feel all that just by smiling at me, even now, while she's asleep.
After hours of rolling around in the bed, I finally fell asleep…only to be woken up by my stupid pager! I growled and hauled my ass out of bed, placing a kiss on my sleeping angel's head. Walking into the kitchen, I saw that Meredith was already up with baby Bailey and after making arrangements for her to take Sofia to daycare I was on my way to work.
Now, three hours later, I found myself staring into the open leg of the 20 year old victim of a motorcycle accident. "The gap in the vessels seem too wide." I said as I tried to reanastomose the ends of the femoral artery. "This may be a more extensive fix than I thought. Why don't you go ahead and start harvesting the saphenous vein." I gestured for Murphy to start preparing the calf for a vessel harvest.
"Dr. Torres." Karev caught my attention as he entered my OR. "I think you may want to put your tools down." There was concern in his voice. 'What the hell was going on?' Why was my estranged wife's fellow in here commanding that I halt my surgery?
"Dr. Karev, I'm in the middle of a very complicated surgery. There's somebody on this table that needs my help. Why do I need to put my tools down?" I gave him a hard glare. It was the famous "Torres glare" that everybody knows not to mess with.
"But you need to. It's Robbins…"
What could Arizona possibly want now? Even though I felt guilty for my lie…even though I knew I needed to talk to her after walking out of her office…In the middle of the night when I was already tired and cranky, I wanted nothing to do with her. "Dr. Karev, unless this is in regards to my daughter, whom I left with Meredith and Derek I might add, then Dr. Robbins can take care of herself."
"I need you to put your tools down." He didn't even acknowledge what I had said. And now he was the one giving me the hard glare. I hesitated but after a few moments I put my tools down. "Page Whit to complete this." I nodded to Murphy before walking into the scrub room to scrub out. "Okay Karev, what is this about? What does Arizona need?" I couldn't explain it, but even as mad as I was at her, I was starting to get a little worried. I knew it wasn't nothing."
"Dr. Torres, I need you to listen to me-"
"I'm listening!" I cut him off. Could he please just get to the point? My hands were starting to shake as a feeling of dread started to come over me.
"There has been an accident." He looked me in the eyes. "We paged her in for a gastroschisis baby and when she didn't respond I went over to the apartment…
I could feel my heart beating faster. My whole body was shaking now. 'An accident?... Where is she? Where's my wife?' "Alex where is she?" Tears were now rolling down my face. "Where's Arizona?"
"I found her in the shower, she must have slipped and hit her head. EMS brought her over and they're working on her in Trauma 1."
I stared at him open mouthed, unable to process what he was telling me. But it didn't matter that I didn't understand because my legs were already carrying me towards the elevator.
"Callie, Callie wait!" He ran after me, and slid into the elevator before the doors closed. "She's in bad shape…she didn't have a pulse when I got there…I got it back but she's…it's not good. Shepherd thinks she has a subdural." I felt my gut churn as I listened to his words. She was dying! Why wasn't this damn box moving any faster! I whirled around and punched the wall.
"Callie!" Karev caught me and pulled me into a tight hug as I continued to hyperventilate as we descended the last two floors to the ER.
As soon as the doors opened, my reflex was automatic and I pushed myself out of his embrace and flew out of the elevator, running down the hall and skidding to a stop in the doorway of Trauma 1. I froze as I looked into the room. I could see her wet blonde hair matted with blood as Bailey, Shepherd, and Hunt worked on her. She was completely nude and wasn't wearing her prosthetic…Karev had found her in the shower. Why hadn't he covered her up!
My concerns for my wife's dignity were quickly knocked out of my head as the cardiac monitor started to emit erratic beeps. "She's crashing again!" That was Bailey, who already had the defibrillator paddles in her hands. "Charge to 200." My body started to tremble as I heard the machine rev up. "Clear!" I watched as Arizona's body jumped on the table as the electricity flowed through her.
Karev had finally caught up to me and I felt his strong arms holding me up as the loud beeps started again. "Arizona, please! Come back Arizona. Don't you dare leave me here. Come back!" I yelled as Bailey gave her a second shock.
"Torres, shut up!" Bailey yelled at me before turning back to her intern. "Charge again!" She wasn't giving up on my wife. "Clear!" Another shock and the monitor flat-lined. I watched in a daze as they did compressions and pushed meds, anything to get her heart started again.
"How long has it been?" Bailey asked the nurse next to her. I didn't need to hear what the nurse was saying. I knew how long it had been. It had been long enough for her to not come back. Her body had given up…my wife was gone…
"Arizona!" I yelled as I woke up, a sheen of sweat coating my face. My body was shaking so much that it was almost impossible to sit up. Once I'd pushed myself upright, I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and looked around the room. I was a little lost…'Where am I?' It didn't take too long to realize that it had all been a dream. My wife dying had just been a very very bad dream… "Thank God." I said, letting out a breath that I must have been holding for a good two minutes now. I looked down at Sofia. Still asleep. Good thing she'd gotten my heavy sleeping habits.
With my body still shaking, I went to the kitchen to drink some water…my mouth was so dry.
"What are you doing awake?" Meredith's question startled me and I looked out into the living room. She had baby Bailey in her arms. That baby didn't give them a break! It was a miracle if he had slept for more than three hours straight. "Is everything okay?" She added when she noticed my shaking hand.
"I had a nightmare." I gulped down all the water in my glass at once. "With Arizona. I dreamt that she…that she died."
Meredith let out a laugh. 'Why is she laughing? This is not funny at all!' "Don't look at me like that." She spoke up, apparently she had noticed my glare. "Don't take it too seriously. She's fine. She didn't die. She's still alive."
"How can I be sure that she's okay?" I still have that panicky feeling in my stomach. "She wasn't okay yesterday. We had a conversation and she wasn't okay…I mean emotionally."
"What?" She raised an eyebrow. "Do you think Arizona may be suicidal?"
My eyes opened wide in surprise. "Do you think she would?" I hadn't thought about that until now. Maybe my dream had been a premonition… 'Oh my God!' "I need to call her…" I said frantically as I dashed to the nearest phone. "I need to know if she's okay." My thoughts were not rational right now. Not after that horrifying dream and after Meredith had uttered the "S" word.
"No. You can't call her!" Meredith said as she approached me, baby Bailey now asleep in her arms. "It's 3:00 in the morning. You can talk to her tomorrow. It's too late…or too early…I don't know but…don't call her now. You'll scare her…and if you really think she is suicidal, you may trigger her. You need to wait until you can talk to her in person. Go back to bed, sleep, and tomorrow you can talk to her."
"How am I supposed to sleep now that I am picturing her lying dead in the middle of our kitchen, the floor bright red with blood because she slit her wrists!" I said, I was desperate. The word fear wasn't even close to what I was feeling.
"Callie, she's not dead, she's probably-"
"Everybody that I love cheats on me or dies!" I cut her off. "George did both." Hadn't I had this exact conversation with her husband a month ago?
"Callie, Arizona is not going to kill herself, okay? She's fine. You will work it out. You two will be fine." She said in a motherly tone as she looked in my eyes. "Now go back to bed before Sofia wakes up and starts crying because her mom isn't there."
"Okay…I will try…" I said with a sigh as I made my way back to the bedroom. I shut the door softly and looked at my sleeping daughter as I leaned against the wall. When I heard the lights flick off in the kitchen and Meredith shut her door, I knew what I needed to do. 'Screw this.' I wasn't waiting . I began to gather mine and Sofia's suitcases before waking up my sleeping princess. I was going to find my wife now.
AN4: Soooooooooooooooooooo? What do you guys think? What's going to happen next?
Give me some feedback, alright? See you next chapter!
