Authors Note

This story… came to me in a dream when I was a small boy. I had always aspired to be a writer when I grew up… so one day I decided to write a fan fiction, and here's the sequel. This fan fiction is dedicated to a special person - India-rose! Also special thanks to the person who made me write this fan fiction John Smith. I love you both.
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Edwards cry of joy at her acceptance was so loud, so full of joy and happiness that all over earth it could be heard, even if only faintly. However, the sheer volume and direction of the cry of "hoorah!" was so loud that it eventually made its way to a worm hole that shoved it through millions of trillions of light years and down into a tent on the planet Vastaren. Now this was a special tent, as inside were two leaders of long time warring tribes; the 'Took-a-ro'n'n'v'su'gs' and the 'Meershans'. Both had been participating in a long, bloody war that had literally blown up hundreds of suns in an attempt to kill one another, and had finally made peace.

As Edwards voice made its way into the room and "Hoorah!" was heard, the two sides picked up arms and began killing each other again. Strangely enough, the word "Hoorah", in the ancient dialect of Jckarmlan, meant: 'Go stick your head up in a blorfanian swamp gargoyle's rectum'. Peculiar as it may be, it happened to be the rudest insult possible to throw at the opposition, and once again Vastaren was thrown into turmoil. Many thousands of Vastaren years later, a recording of the unfortunate event that had started the second conflict was be shown of that room to the most amazing hypermathematicians the universe had ever seen, who had used the game commonly used in birthday parties, "Twister" to pinpoint the location of the cry to earth. The message was sent out to the people, to which the 'Took-a-ro'n'n'v'su'gs' and the 'Meershans' both replied. The angered off springs of the fallen war hero's made peace once again, and vowed to destroy the planet of the disgraceful infidel whom had started the war. So after carefully planning out their attack they assembled their most skilled pilots, marines and snipers, creating a space fleet large enough to blot out the entire Milky Way.

Sadly, through a slight miscalculation, the entire fleet was accidentally swallowed by a small poodle named Rex, somewhere in the vicinity of London.

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The shady figure slid down the hill, past the dead, senile trees. It looked left, then right and continued running down the pathway, covered by dead leaves, tangles by the old roots, holding it down from the raging wind which constantly blew in this isolated land. The beast was quite tubby, and his fat slammed down on his waist as he bounced down the hidden road. It was a panda, and the expression on his face was not a happy one. The panda was sweating hard, it was exhausted from running for three whole minutes, but it was nearly at the main road, once he reached it, he would be safe.
He looked back, searching for something, and when he made sure nothing was there he turned around.

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"Be gentle with me!" screamed T-pain as Harrison Ford pushed the master of all 783 forms of rap-fu onto the floor.

The ex-Indiana Jones movie star snickered, "All your bases are belonging to me now…"

"AHHH, YOU'RE RIPPING ME APART, TAKE IT OUT!!!!!"

Edward woke suddenly. It was just another nightmare he thought to himself.
But why was it so real.
Why did it hurt so much.

And how did he manage to wet his bed for the sixth night in a row.

He missed his mentor, T-Pain, master of all 783 forms of Rap-fu. He was a compassionate man, and always thought about other people's safety before his. Edward cursed under his breath. How he wished that he had stayed and fought, rather that running like the coward he is. He pulled himself out of bed and looked at Bella, whom was sleeping on the bed opposite his. She moaned quietly. It was quite obvious she was having another erotic dream for the sixth night in a row, but Edward resisted taking advantage of her vulnerability. He walked outside, his pipe shrivelled up in the cold night. The breeze blew in his short hair, and his hair didn't move because he had short hair. He walked around, butt naked, not realising it, and looked down on the beach. Waves crashed like thunder onto the sandy shore, the sounds echoed in Edward's mind, he closed his eyes and shed a tear.

"Edward… Edward…"

Edward's ears twitched, he shook his head, thinking he was hallucinating again.

"Edward… Edward…"

Edward looked up. Before him stood the ghost of T-pain.

"Master?? Is that you", the naked vampire asked, running down the beach, tears flowing from his eyes, running down his cheeks.

Sand blew ferociously, making it hard for the vampire to pursue the ghost.

"Young padawan, you must not chase me. Follow your own path. Go to Japan, find Michael Jackson, the other member of the Three Holy Elders of the Council! There he will train you, to become a great pedophile!" Exclaimed the eerie ghost.

"What?" replied Edward.

"Hmm?"

"You said pedophile."

"No… I didn't."

"Yes you did."

A sweat dripped from the ghost's brow, "Well, that no longer matters, but I told you, I didn't say pedophile!"

"You so did!" Accused the naked vampire.

"Okay… just… use the force… and go to Japan…" mumbled the floating pale blue rapper.

"But T-Pain…."

But before Edward could utter a word, T-Pain had disappeared into the night.

Po wiped the sweat off his forehead, and stopped to catch a breath. He looked down at the dusty road, still no sign of vegetation. He looked up and screamed.

"Surprised to see me", said the shadow.

The distraught Panda managed to reply, "Tyra Banks…"

"My powers have doubled the last time we've met!" Exclaimed the African American super model.

"Good… twice the pride, double the fall…" The endangered specie snickered.

Tyra screamed, and jumped into the air, pulling a gleaming sword out from in between her cleavage. She ran at the Panda, looking to catch him off guard, and swung. Po jumped into the air, just dodging the deadly blade, and dropped back to the ground, shaking the dirt road. The vibration made Tyra stumble. Never before has she witnessed such strong flab energy from one being. She finally regained her balance and lunged at the kung fu master fiercely. He caught the tip of the blade in between his middle and index fingers and broke it into pieces. The panda breathed out and looked back at the angry super model.

"I see your skill is as sharp as ever", commented Tyra, "but I too have improved."

She reached in between her tight leather top and put both hands between her cleavage, and pulled out two bazookas. She aimed and fired at the panda. Po jumped into the air once again, but the shock from the impact of the rockets threw him off his balance. Tyra took this perfect opportunity to aim, and fire again. The rockets hit his man boobs, or 'moobs', and exploded. His man boob fat vibrated, and slowly, his whole body. The dark mistress took aim, and fired again. Po was in great pain, the vibration of his fat was making him lose weigh extremely fast, and soon he wouldn't have enough blubber to repel Tyra's onslaught. He had to think fast. He kicked the first rocket away, and took the impact of the second with his hands. His hands were now greatly burned. He lay there. Helpless. Disorientated. Tyra walked over to the injured animal briskly. She placed the weapons back into her cleavage carefully and pulled out a large battle axe, and placed it on the Panda's shoulder.

"So… It is my time." The Panda remarked.

A grim smile appeared on the model's face, "So this is the day, the great Po, dragon warrior, master of the golden army, friend of the furious five meets his end. And what a honourable death for a great warrior, to die in battle, for a lost cause."

"I regret nothing." The calm warrior said.

Po closed his eyes and Tyra lifted the gleaming battle axe. She applied force, and it cut through the air, and just be for it connected with his neck, Po whispered-

"I'm coming Elizabeth…"

Tyra sheathed her battle axe, and returned back to her lair.

In some vague place in Japan Sasuke put on his maid apron and continued dusting Orochimaru's den. His sharingan, an eye technique said to be the gift of gods detected the dust particles on the furniture, and he swiftly eliminated the targets with his chakra duster.

"Sukee-chan!", The voice from the kitchen called, ":Muffins are ready!"

"Hai Orochimaru-sama." Sasuke obediently replied.

He didn't like the nickname, he had to put up with it for the time being. He had to defeat his brother in the cleaning industry.

Many years ago, his brother, Itachi, was a great pest exterminator for the village of Koboha. But on one night, he betrayed his whole clan, and turned into a cross dresser. He had become… A cross dressing maid. Chibi-Sasuke had come home that night, and found his father, with nail polish on his fingers and eye liner on his eyes. His mother, with cologne, and a very sexy leather jacket. Behind them, stood his brother. Sasuke cried with agony, and collapsed. He had always looked up to his brother, but now all that he worshipped had crumbled on him.

"Big brother… why… did you do this?" the boy asked.

"To test my gay power", the grotesque figure replied. "Live, cling on to life, cling onto your gay potential. And when you are strong enough, chase. Chase after me, and challenge me to a hair dressing, fashion design battle. Till then I will be waiting foolish little brother."

Sasuke snapped out of his daydream. He was sweating, and his make up was starting to wash away. He quickly ran back into his room, and reapplied his foundation with Loreal Paris, true golden shine, and ran back downstairs into the kitchen.
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Back in America, Edward had finished packing his belongings, and climbed into the x-wing. He sat in the cockpit, and Bella climbed into the passenger seat.

"Are you ready?" Edward asked.

"Of course, this will be a fabulous vacation", replied the excited human.

"Okay, I'm starting the engine, this x-wing is sort of old, so it might vibrate a bit, so be sure that you've been to the bathroom before I start," warned the vampire.

"Of course I have!" Bella lied.

Edward started the engine, and Bella pissed her pants.
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