What's wrong with us?

Pt2

Chakotay was stunned. Never in his wildest dreams did he ever imagine having this kind of conversation with B'Elanna. Way beyond that even, he never expected to hear what B'Elanna had told him. It was almost like all the space stations had aligned and everything was in his favor. But as B'Elanna's words began to fester inside his mind, he suddenly felt guilty. He felt guilty knowing something so extremely intimate about her, without her knowing.

B'Elanna told him that she had to leave, that Tom and the baby were waiting. But Chakotay didn't hear her, he was already reliving that day in his mind. He remembered how it had started; he had walked off the bridge into the turbo lift. But what he was confronted with was not the typical Starfleet grey interior.

It was Dorvan. But a Dorvan that he vaguely remembered. A Dorvan that was never destroyed by the Cardassians. Everything was new, and bright. There were children playing in the streets, there were mangos hanging from the trees, and everyone had a smile on their faces.

And then he heard it. A voice from behind him.

"Hello Chakotay."

Chakotay turned and was shocked by the beauty of the women before him.

The women spoke again, and this time his memories began to resurface.

"Chakotay, are you feeling alright? Don't you recognize your own mother?"

Chakotay took a giant step and embraced his mom. They both cried in each others arms. She whispered something in his ear, and he opened his eyes. Standing in front of him was a very very pregnant Kathryn Janeway and a child holding her hand.

She stood in front of him and smiled. "So does your wife get a hug as that as well?"

And then it was over.

He was simply back in the lift alone. The grey on the walls reminding him of the cage that he was in. His mother, Kathryn, Dorvan they were all gone. In fact they had been nothing but a myth. That night he tried to recreate the dream in a vision quest, but he didn't succeed. Chakotay felt betrayed. As he was closing his medicine bundle and putting it away he remembered something that he kept tucked in his Maqui uniform.

"I wonder if it still is there."

As he slid his hand inside the deep pocket inside his Maqui uniform, he touched the side of it. He pulled it out and let it land in his lap. It was a small portrait of his family. A family that only existed in his mind. It had been years since he had thought so deeply of his mother. And he had to force back tears when he remembered how long ago she died.

People in the village had told him that time heals all wounds no matter how deep they are.

But this wound never healed. It still hadn't.

Later that night Chakotay was setting inside one of the bars on Deep Space Nine, alone. There had been a Voyager going away party tonight but Chakotay given his current state of depression, decided not to attend. Besides Kathryn was there, and Kathryn wasn't a person that he really wanted to see.

It had been a formal affair. Just before he had made it to the bar, he ran into B'Elanna. She was wearing a long black dress. She had been a little surprised to see him, undressed for the occasion.

When he told her that he was not planning on going she was shocked.

"But Chakotay, the whole crew is going to be there for the last time together!"

"I understand that B'Elanna but there is someone that I just can't see tonight."

"You mean the captain?"

"Yes I mean Kathryn. After what you told me B'Elanna I feel guilty knowing something so personal about her without her knowing."

"Chakotay you and she are just meant for one another. Can't you see that? She felt the same way when she told me. Why don't you go and get changed and just say goodbye to her at the party. She deserves that at least. She was our captain for 7 years after all."

Chakotay nodded and went back to his room to change.

He was just about to leave his quarters when he heard Kathryn coming down the hall with Seven. His stomach turned a few times. A part of him had wished that he had told Kathryn about their relationship. But it was to late now, and Seven had probably already done the efficient thing and told her.

Now he was positive that he wasn't going to that party.

So here he sat at the bar alone drinking a whiskey, alone. He had already had a couple of shots when he felt a chill go down his spine. He could sense her without even looking around. She was here looking for him. Even thou it was loud in the bar he could hear her heels hitting the ground as she walked across the floor.

She stood next to him.

"So Chakotay, you decided to just not come to the farewell party tonight?"

Chakotay looked over at her. Damn she was still as gorgeous as she always was. She was dressed in along blue gown and her hair was up in a clip. He continued to stare at her. Drinking in the sight of her in the long dress. When he finally realized that he was staring at her chest he turned his head and refocused on his drink.

"I didn't think that it would be a good idea for me to come until later. I figured that some of the crew may want to celebrate without one of their commanding officers for a while."

Kathryn stood coy. "I think you just didn't want to come because you were afraid that you might actually have to have a conversation with me."

Chakotay finished his drink and placed it back on the table.

"Is that what you think Kathryn?"

"Yes I do. And I think that you really wanted to evade the issue with Seven as well."

"I am assuming that she told you about us dating."

"Actually she did Chakotay. But I heard it from myself first. But that's another story. What I want to know is why you didn't tell me about it."

"Since when is it your right to know everything about everyone Kathryn?"

She took a step back. Obviously concerned about his changing tone. "I thought that we were friends, Chakotay and I just thought that you would clue me in on a changing part of your life. That's all I meant."

Chakotay put his jacket back on and paid his bar bill. "Really, so does that mean that you don't keep any secrets from me either?"

"I don't keep anything from you Chakotay."

"Bullshit."

They were heading out of the bar when she had heard him say it. But she was shocked.

"What do you mean by that Chakotay?"

"I can name to instances right now where you never fessed up to me!"

Kathryn crossed her arms in front of her. "Well why you don't name then right now Chakotay!"

Chakotay turned and met her gaze with his own. "I would but I wouldn't want to embarrass you."

He turned around and headed down the hall. She stood in the same place.

"I think you are just afraid that you don't have anything to share, because I never hid anything from you.

Chakotay stopped and pivoted on one foot. He gave her a stare that she would remember for the rest of her life. He stood facing her from the other side of the hall.

"Are you calling me a coward Kathryn?"

"I didn't call you anything commander; you proved my point solely on your own."

And then Chakotay snapped.

TBC