Kids: The crankiest of kids in the whole wide world,
our next cartoon pays tribute to Slappy The Squirrel!

Helga Pataki: Criminy! Enough with the singing already!

Kids: That's Helga!

Helga Pataki in...

Helga Goes Walnuts

It was a beautiful day at the Pataki household, Helga was watching Tom & Jerry like she would on a normal Saturday morning. But then, a cereal commercial for Reese's Puffs played, much to her anger.

"Eh, stop it!" Helga angrily said, throwing the remote at the TV, breaking it. "Stupid network cuts out my favorite cartoon for some razz-a-flappin' crud ball commercial."

Then, the door knocks, and Helga answers the door. Helga is hugged by an identical person identical to Helga, her cousin, Hilda.

"Helga!" Hilda exclaimed, happily. Helga was clearly in no mood to be greeted by her identical cousin.

"What can I do? She's my cousin." Helga said to the reader. She then said to Hilda, "Hello, Hilda."

"Hi!" Hilda replied. "What happened to your TV set?"

"It's havin' a bad day, whatdya think happened?" Helga said, shoving Hilda off of her. She then noticed Hilda more excited than usual, she also noticed a box of Resse's Puffs.

"Want some?" Hilda asked, then, Helga snagged the box out of her cousin's hands.

"Now there's a color found in nature." Helga said, notifying the cereal color. She takes a bite and as soon as the taste hits the tongue, her mouth puckers and like a rocket, she jets into the sky and comes crashing back down to the ground.

Later, she pours all the cereal down the drainage and flips the garbage disposal switch on and the disposal crushes it to bits. The sink groans in disgust.

"No wonder you like that Uncle Grandpa show, that junk's rotting your brain!" Helga then said. "I oughtta get you brain food. My famous walnut fig dough surprise!"

Helga looked through the cabinet. No walnuts.

"What's the surprise?" Hilda asked.

"I'm out of Walnuts." Helga then said. "C'mon, let's go pay a visit to Luke Loud. We'll get some walnuts from his backyard tree."

"Luke?" Hilda exclaimed in horror. "He hates you, Helga!"

"Thanks, Mrs. Exposistion." Helga said, nonchalantly.

As they left, a certain pair of Cartoon friends ran from Soos the Guard.

At Luke's house, he and Edmund were playing poker. The 2 blonde girls made it to the backyard, with Hilda looking concerned.

"I dunno, Helga, why can't we just buy a pack of walnuts?" Hilda asked.

"Because that wouldn't be funny that way, messing with the 5th graders is much more fun this way." Helga said. "Who would be in hysterics over a checkout line? Besides, this is a fanmake based on a Slappy the Squirrel cartoon."

"But this is reality!" Hilda notified.

"Don't tell her, she might crack." Helga said to the audience. She then noticed Hilda was petrified with fear, Luke was behind Helga.

"Hold the phone. You're doing that frozen fear thing, which means Luke..." Helga said, smiling, taking out a wooden club, whacking Luke with it, knocking him out. "Was behind me."

"That was like Tom and Jerry, Helga!" Hilda exclaimed in shock.

The 2 snuck near the tree, only to find Loki Loud, but luckily, Helga gave Loki an "Enchilada", when it's actually a stick of dynamite wrapped in a tortilla. And since he hasn't had anything, Loki decides to eat the enchilada, only for the dynamite to explode, causing him to lose all of his teeth.

20 minutes later

Loki was keeping guard of the walnuts, even setting traps up, until a nut tapped him on the head, coming from the tree. He climbed up to see the commotion, only for Helga to whack him with a frying pan.

"You know, you remind me of a young Mark Walberg." Helga said, then Loki fell into one of his own traps.

30 minutes later

Helga came across a xylophone with an apology note on it, Helga decided to play it and behind the bushes, Loki was snickering to himself, but when Helga played the notes, Loki unexpectedly got hit by 2 explosions, disintegrating into dust. Helga proceeded to vaccum up the dust.

40 Minutes later

Loki set up a TV, a couch, and popcorn, and then hid. Helga then noticed, and decided to watch TV on it. And the program that was being shown was a documentary on squirrels. Unfortunately, the VCR was malfunctioning.

"Criminy, they don't pay me enough for this short." Helga said, trying to fix the tape, but she made it worse by getting the reels out of the tape and unknowingly getting Loki tangled in them, when she tried to play the tape, Loki literally got sucked into the program.

"Thanks for the walnuts!" Helga said, before giving Loki a bomb, and nonchalantly leaving. THen, the bomb exploded, sending Loki flying and crashing into the tree with the xylophone attatched to the dynamite. The walnuts played the notes, yet, no explosion.

Helga then nonchalantly threw 2 nuts in the air, and the nuts landed on the 2 notes the dynamite was supposed to explode and, KABOOM! The thing exploded and Loki was knocked unconscious.

That night-

Helga just finished up baking her walnut fig dough surprise, and Loki appeared in the frond yard.

"Let's see, I tricked him, blew him up, and humiliated him what's-" Helga thought, then Hilda pulled a rope and Loki was bashed by an anvil.

"I guess that brain food was worth it after all!" Helga then said, then, she broke the 4th wall and said, "Now that's comedy!"