I knew something was off it had been for a while. The silence of the archer was different than his normal silence. He was concerned? Worried? Cold? I couldn't tell which was something that never happened between me and the archer…we always understood each other…in perfect since…but the last two weeks had been strained little communication or time together. We shared a room from time to time especially when it got too cold. We loved to cuddle…or at least I did, as far as the archer goes I wasn't so sure anymore.
As much as he was sneaking away and wondering off I was sure this had to do with a girl that had to be staying near by. I mean me and Longshot weren't really together, but our feelings had been made very clear many times. No physicality had been made yet but he still knew, and he had been sending me the same signals, I thought. But this had nothing to do with me even if I wasn't what he wanted something is wrong. And all bad feelings aside friends don't let friends suffer over some internal battle. He should know that he shouldn't have to face this alone. Looking at his long solemn face, it wasn't right, it wasn't normal. The big brown eyes that twinkled to let me know what he was thinking, have been growing sadder and full of deep hatred for something….me maybe? I mean I know I didn't show him I cared like a normal girl would. Or maybe he didn't know I liked him at all. Or maybe he didn't feel the same way. When we were younger it was easier these feeling didn't exist. I knew only a few things then. I needed him and jet, and it seemed like they needed me too. And even if they didn't need me I needed them and that was enough. I didn't know why I thought it had been because they were my family.
But over the last two years or so…I've been noticing changes…with both boys but my attention was drawn to Longshot. He was finally starting to grow out of his childish stage and into the body of a young man…or had he always been this way? Maybe it's just that I was finally starting to notice. And now when I saw his eyes it didn't just mean safety and home it made my heart jump and flutter skipping sometimes as much as three beats at a time. When we would spare or play or even cuddle, when he skin would rub mine touch mine, electricity would shoot through my body in waves of siring heat. The kinda thing that would make my cheeks go red and my mind go stupid for a little bit of time.
With everything going on through the last few weeks it was clear though. He didn't see me like that. He never had. He never would. He found another girl. One more developed I'm sure. One prettier and more feminine. The more I sat at the table with the other freedom fighters the more I could feel my eyes beginning to tear up and the harder it was getting to act like 'just one of the guys.' I got up and went to get ready to spar. I needed to get out these feelings of hurt, anger,….betrale. I know he wasn't mine but I wanted him to be and for some reason I thought he always would be and I would never have to worry about something like this happening. And I never in all my life imagined it would hurt like this. I've been hit cut sliced punched thrown…and none of that could even compare to what I was feeling right now. The sinking stabbing burning pain that felt like it sank from the center of my chest to the deepest pit of my stomach.
Walking past longshots hut there was a small sliver in the curtain that hung in front of the door…I know it was wrong to look but I couldn't help myself I had to. Stopping and looking in to see him half way undressed pale skin mostly covered by the bandages he kept on him to hide his scares. But the pale skin was still beautiful to me. He was built but still slender. Feeling the blood rise to my cheeks again I watched him, until he turned around. Showing his back. And what was on it. Long scratch marks done by another human, another female. Marks of intimacy. Marks showing he had been seeing someone, someone who wasn't me and never would be no matter how bad I wanted it to be or how bad that it hurt that it wouldn't. I ran not caring if my footsteps made noise or not. I grabbed one of the cords leading to the ground and jumped tears clouding my eyes and hatred burning deep in my stomach.
"Smellerbee calm down your hitting too hard, remember save that for the fire nation." I barley remember hearing pipsqueak laughing. I guess I had been playing too rough. Only due to what I saw and who my next sparing partner would be. Him. I was going to throw everything I had at him make him hurt like he made me hurt. This explained everything why I wasn't allowed to share a room with him anymore even when it was really cold. Why he wouldn't look me in the eyes anymore. Why he was always gone at night. I mean what else could it be… seeing him standing in front of me yet again brought back all the anger I still hadn't gotten out. And I went at him full force with everything I had.
After everything that had happened today I decided to eat alone to avoid any further questions on what was wrong with me. I didn't even hear him walk up…guess that's why he's as good as he is at archery. "Can I sit down?" Its sad how well I knew him, he never really had to talk to me I knew what he was saying. "I guess if you feel you have to…" he sat down with his legs crossed with his canteen between his legs and starred me directly in the eyes. "Bee is everything ok you seemed very upset today?" "I'm fine nothings wrong maybe I was just mad I have a right to get mad whenever I want about whatever I want." "Your right of coarse you do I was just a little worried. Do you want to stay in my room tonight?" as mad as I was I couldn't turn him down I still cared. And by all means I wanted to curl up to him again. "Yes I do." I stood and followed him knowing all I was doing was setting my self up for more pain.
