Chapter 2 Bottling Up the Past
Severus stepped off the train not bothering to say goodbye to the other Slytherins. He walked toward where his mother stood alone waiting for him. Before he reached her he glanced over to where Lily was standing with her family. Her parents hugged her as Petunia stood with her arms crossed. Severus sighed. He missed Lily already and it hadn't even been a week.
Neither Severus nor his mother spoke as they drove home in the car Severus's father had insisted the get, he didn't like apparation. When they got to the house Severus went up to his room.
He got out a quill and a piece of parchment and thought about what to write. He needed to get Lily to see him. He had very few choices for a meeting spot. Spinners End was tiny.
Finally he decided that the tiny restaurant on the edge of town would be a good place to meet. He dipped his quill in the ink and began to write.
Dear Lily,
I would really like to talk to you. Please meet me at the restaurant sometime. Reply to let me know if you will come.
Severus
He folded the parchment and put it in an envelope. He'd have to send it the muggle way since he didn't have an owl.
Once he addressed and put a stamp on the letter he got into bed. He would post the letter in the morning.
Severus awoke early, got up, and went down stairs. Once he'd mailed his letter he went back up to his room feeling better. It felt good to know he'd actually done something. He hated feeling like he wasn't in control.
For the next few days he stayed up in his room constantly except for meal times and when he checked to see if Lily had written him back.
It was five days until he finally got her response. It didn't come the muggle way as he had expected, but rather from the owl Lily had gotten when she started at Hogwarts.
Severus anxiously opened the parchment and read her response.
Severus,
I can't. You know that. Not after what you did. I know you say you didn't mean it, but you still said it. You can't change that. No matter what you do.
Lily
Severus felt like crying. All the hurt from that first night was back again. But he didn't. He couldn't. That wouldn't get him anywhere.
Instead he got another piece of parchment and wrote a reply.
Dear Lily,
I know saying I'm sorry won't do any good. But I am sorry. More sorry than you could ever imagine. I just need to see you one last time. We were best friends for so long. I'll never forget what a good friend you were to me. You were the best friend I'll ever have. I miss you. Please come.
Severus
He knew he was begging and he didn't like it, but he didn't have a choice. He also knew that he would make her feel guilty. He felt a little bad about it, but it would be worth it if he got her back.
He attached the letter to the leg of Lily's owl and watched as it flew away. She wouldn't really say no, would she? He hadn't really stopped to think about what he would do if she did. He had hoped that it wouldn't be an issue. But it might be.
When her reply came Severus opened it even more nervously. Would she be mad? Would she give in? He had no idea.
Sev
He smiled, she was using his nickname again.
You were my best friend, as well. I'll never forget that. But I can't forgive you, no matter how bad I want to. Please don't make this harder than it already is.
I miss you, too.
Lily
The last sentence was scratched out almost too much for him to read but after several minutes concentration he figured it out. I miss you, too. She missed him.
He was so close to getting her to give in. He knew she would relent eventually. She was too kind not to.
He started what he would hope would be his last letter.
Dear Lily,
I don't expect you to forgive me. What I did was unforgivable, I know and regret that. But just give me one chance to talk to you. Just see me for ten minutes. After that you can never speak to me again and I won't bother you. Please.
Severus
When the reply came he felt slightly less anxious. She was going to give in, he was nearly positive.
Sev,
Fine. Ten minutes. That's all. After that I'm leaving. And please don't bother me again. I need to move on with my life and you make it much too hard.
Lily
Severus grinned. She'd said yes. Ten minutes were all he needed. If everything worked as planned by that time she would agree to be friends with him again. He thought about what he was going to do and felt slightly guilty. It could be worse, he thought. At least I'm not using a love potion.
He sat down to write one last letter.
Dear Lily,
Thank you. I will see you next Saturday at noon them, unless that does not work for you.
Severus
Lily's reply came quicker that time.
Sev,
That is fine. See you then.
Lily
Saturday couldn't come fast enough. The next week dragged on for what felt like forever. Finally it was time. Severus walked to the restaurant and sat down at a table. He was at least half an hour early but he couldn't take waiting and worrying any more.
He spent the next twenty minutes anxiously wondering what he would say when Lily arrived. He really wished she would just get there so he could stop worrying. Luckily she arrived right then.
She looked around for a moment and Severus waved her over.
When she reached the table she looked uncertain as he got up and pulled out her chair. She sat down and politely said, "Thank you."
Severus nodded. "Would you like something to drink?"
"No thank you."
"I forced you to come here, the least I can do is buy you a drink," Severus insisted.
"Fine, just get me a water."
Severus nodded and walked up front and ordered two waters. Before returning to the table he tipped the contents of a tiny bottle into one drink. Shoving the bottle into his pocket he returned to the table.
He set one glass in front of Lily and the other in front of him. Lily took a sip to be polite and the looked at Severus expectantly. "Your ten minutes start now."
Severus took a drink to be sure that the effects of the Veritaserum in her water had time to take effect. "Do you really hate me?" he asked.
Lily shook her head. "I could never hate you, Sev. You were my best friend. I just don't understand how you could have said that to me. I thought I was your best friend," she answered honestly.
"You are my best friend. I would choose you over the Slytherins if I could. But I can't. You don't know them like I do. They're going to join You-Know-Who, they'd kill me if they thought I cared about a muggle born. You don't want me dead, do you?"
"No, of course not. But there has to be something you can do. People don't like me being friends with you either. I don't want to lose you, Sev. But I can't stand hearing people talking about you and telling me how I can do so much better. My friends can't understand how I could be in love with someone like you."
Severus opened his mouth to reply, then closed it fast when the effect of what she'd said sunk in. "You're...what?"
"My friends can't understand how I could be in love with someone like you." she said it calmly as only someone forced to tell the truth could.
"No one has to know," he said.
"No one has to know what?" Lily asked confused.
"About us. I love you but nothing's going to get easier. The only way we have a chance is if it's a secret."
Lily nodded. "I would like that. To be able to see you without everyone talking about us."
"Yes, that would be nice."
"I have to go." Lily said reluctantly. "My parents will be worried. I told them I'd only be gone half an hour."
They walked outside and a little way down the street until they reached the place where they had to go separate ways.
"Meet me at the park tomorrow," Severus said.
"Alright," Lily agreed as she turned away from Severus.
As she walked away, Lily couldn't hold back a smile. She knew Severus had put Veritiserum in her drink, and she knew she should be mad, but she wasn't. She didn't have to pretend anymore. In a way the bottle of Vertiserum had brought back their past. Without it their past would have been gone forever.
Severus watched her until he couldn't see her anymore. This was not how he'd imagined the day to work out when he'd stolen the Veritiserum from Professor Slughorn. This was better than anything he'd ever hoped for. Any guilt he felt about using the potion was gone. It was worth it to know how Lily felt. It was worth it because he'd gotten her back.
