title: miles high in the deep
a/n: okay, so i forgot last chapter, but maya was fifteen/sixteen then, and josh eighteen. there's a bit of a time jump from that chapter to this one, and there will be more in the future :) so in this chapter maya is seventeen, and josh twenty, in college.
also, thank you for all the reviews/favourites/follows!
summary: Josh and Maya play the long game. (And it's one second each seven times she wishes she hadn't started it—but at each end comes a new beginning.) —josh/maya, always almost, and never quite right.
[If it makes you feel any better, she's standing right in front of you.]
well, the streets are empty where we used to run
and the cars are all on fire
It's the perfect cliche. There's always the missing jigsaw piece, the last ember. They are good at keeping promises (almost, almost), and this is really no exception. It's a few words every now and again when he's knocking on their door, and it's several more as they both get older. And they forget, they do, they do.
And the second time just has to be a mistake... right?
"Boing!"
Josh just about hears (feels) something go off in the back of his mind. It's a beautifully familiar sound unmatched with a beautifully unfamiliar remark. But Josh really doesn't care right now, because he turns, and gorgeous, gorgeous Maya Hart stands gloriously in the five feet something she is. She's so beautiful.
"Maya," he says with a sloppy grin and before he knows it she's smothered him with a hug (something brings him back four years but he ignores it) and he reciprocates. It's like before, before that mess of a triangle and before Maya forgetting and before him forgetting—things feel carefree. Things feel like the nervous Maya and the flustered Josh. Because it is them, no more, no less.
(Her hair smells like cinnamon and she reminds him of home but all that is not important he tells himself to forget.)
"Look at you," Josh beams at the blonde. "All grown up."
"Josh, you saw me last Thursday," Maya replies, but she sports a smile on her face. Josh wonders if she still likes him like that—one hundred percent understandable if she doesn't, after all, he messed up big time and they both went their separate ways (Josh is pretty sure the long game faded into the backgrounds of their lives and "someday" would only ever be in history books), and Maya started to date Zay—officially. There were times when Josh had had to contain himself from lunging at the younger guy who seemingly was Maya's new "boing", and he'd found himself coming to an understanding with himself. They were being what they should be—Maya was doing exactly what he'd told her to—and there was no doubt in Josh's faith with himself, but he knew—he knew—that Maya was Maya and he was Josh and kissing her was one step way too far. Because from that moment onward... it seemed like everything in their path blew away.
They both moved on.
And it's been two years.
"I know, but you're in college now," Josh grins.
"I am," Maya whispers, more to herself than him. "I'm in college now."
You live your life, I'll live mine... I know you're out there, and... I'm out there, too.
Josh no longer sees Maya like that. Maya's his niece's best friend, and he loves her equally as one.
Maya shakes her head and snaps out of whatever daze now, and turns to Josh once more. "It was really nice seeing you. Like, here—" And Maya has this adorably dorky smile uplifting her lips and Josh's heart skips a beat. "It's weird, but awesome," she laughs nervously. "'Til next time?"
Josh thinks about their situation three years before. Similarly: "'Til next time."
They start seeing each other more often—they're in completely different classes; completely different years, but it's like the word's compelling them to crash (like, quite, literally) into each other—moreover Maya, because she's clumsy and all high klunky boots but Josh secretly loves it. Something has definitely not shifted between the two of them but it's a moment when Josh is helping her up and she's averting his gaze and biting her lip when maybe, just a tiny bit, he does see her like that.
And then the moment is gone again.
But it's not only then—sometimes Maya forces Josh down at one of the seats in the college cafe when she needs to ramble and he listens with a stupid smile on his face. Then there's the times when she listens to him, and it's equally stupid and magical and everything in between it's perfect.
Talking to her has always been easy, except it's really, really different now.
There's that one flash of a moment when he feels like the Maya who recklessly jumped on his back and stole his acceptance letter (the little ferret) is back. She giggles a little louder, smiles a little wider, and she doesn't let it rest. But it's a flash of a moment, and it's gone before he's back, too.
He misses that Maya.
One day mid-November Maya arrives at his dorm all soaking and burning tears.
He reacts like lightning, pulling her in. It's empty and Maya shivers as the cold draught hits her, to which Josh replies by shutting the window. The room is all bare walls and notepads and Maya shivers again. She's stopped crying and he's long taken his jacket off to wrap it around her bare shoulders. She's still shivering incessantly and there's nothing Josh can do to stop that.
But he will try.
"So," Josh starts, and he tucks a piece of gentle blonde behind her ears so he can look at her clearly (he knows when she's lying). Maya looks up, just once, and immediately tears her gaze away. Josh frowns, but doesn't push it. "Maya? Is there any reason you're here at—" Josh peers at his wristwatch. "—eleven?" She is not replying and Josh frowns once more. "What, did someone..." He doesn't need her to answer to know it's something about that Zay of hers. It's an old necklace around her neck, what Josh usually notices when he sees her. It's old, but beautiful—a crescent shaped golden emblem. Vintage and a million dollars worth, probably. Josh asked her about it once, and she'd told him all about it.
...It's not on her neck.
Josh doesn't say any more about that and neither does Maya. Instead: "You wanna stay here tonight?"
Maya nods numbly.
So Josh pulls out one of his old baggy lacrosse shirts and passes it to her. She takes it, a thoughtful look on her face.
"You can go take a shower, it's all clean," Josh smiles weakly. "You can take Schnoopaloop's—" Maya suppresses (by such a force Josh nibbles on his lip) a laugh. "—bed. He's off at some internship in Georgia for the rest of the month. That's clean, too. And... wait, I'll get you a towel." He passes her an old faded purple one and before he knows it she's disappeared to the bathroom.
(Josh tries to ignore her crying.)
He buries his face in one of his Mastermind textbooks and plugs his earphones in to drown the noise. It's about twenty, thirty minutes when Maya's back in his room, wearing his shirt and nothing else. Josh swallows inwardly.
"You okay?" he asks, and she places the wet towel in his laundry basket (and although he does his very best not to focus—her shimmery strapless dress goes down the rubbish bin in a blink), before taking a seat beside him.
"Just about," smiles Maya. It's the first two words she's said since she got here and whether it's supposed to come reassuringly to him he doesn't know, but he takes it as a good sign because he's an optimistic fucker. Maya edges closer to him and Josh panics when Maya rests her head on his shoulder. Her voice is drowsy when she mutters what is probably the three most harmless words on the planet to make him feel like... like... gosh, he doesn't even know. ("Thank you, Josh.")
Then she's out like a light.
...But Josh lets her linger on his shoulder for a while.
The moment she wakes Maya's totally back to normal.
Alright, so there's that initial "Where the hell am I?", then she sees Josh in pyjama pants drinking a glass of water and she falls off the bed.
"Good night's sleep?" Josh asks, placing the glass down and walking up to Maya, pulling his hand out. (It's so cliche.)
"Good night's sleep," Maya nods, rubbing her head. "Kinda. I have one hell of a headache... and my eyes feel so swelled up. I look like some demented panda, don't I?"
"You look fine, Maya," Josh says. "Gorgeous."
"Stop it," Maya scoffs.
"No," grins Josh.
Maya smiles at him. "Well, I'm gonna go—" She groans. "Shit, my clothes are all in my dorm," and she bites on her nails. "What do I do? I mean, I can't exactly leave like this, because... we can't get..."
She stops herself, but Josh's eyebrows perk up. "We can't get what?"
Maya blushes bright red. "You know, the wrong impression. Plus, my room's literally at the other end of the school."
"Then I guess you'll just have to stay here forever," Josh says. Her eyes widen, and Josh finds it so fucking adorable. "I'm kidding. I called you roommate... well, she called you, and I answered." Maya's eyes widen even more. "No, she knows why and not like that. She was just worried about you and I asked her to bring you some spare clothes. So," Josh brings up a heap of clothes and hands it over. "here you are. See? No one will ever know." He looks over at Maya's old vintage-y bag hanging on his green wheely chair. "Oh, and your bag. She dropped that off, too. All's sorted."
"God, I love you," Maya says with a wistful sigh.
Josh freezes and although he and she both know it's all supposed to be in Maya's typical jokey manner it scares them. Maya's never had those words out of her mouth before, and Josh has never heard it from another girl—especially Maya freaking Hart, the girl who plays with his feels inadvertently over and over again.
"Well, that came out weirdly, Boing," Maya shakes it all off with a laugh (of some sorts). "But you know what I mean, didn't you?" She gives him a wink and Josh swears his heart melts. Maya picks her stuff up and heads for the bathroom once more. "I'll be off," she says, and with a twinkle in her eyes: "No peeking." And then she's off and Josh seriously needs to get checked out or something, because he's really not thinking straight right now. (Hasn't for a damn long time.)
Josh gets changed, too, and pretends nothing's happened.
They walk to class together and yesterday night's completely forgotten (seems like they've been doing that a lot), and they're back, whirling in old habits, being who they are. Josh sees Maya's gold crescent's still abwesend (not that he expected much) and then sees through her little facade (he's done that through watching, something he's known to be rather good at). ...She's trying her hardest not to break.
Because she's Maya, the girl with the greatest capacity of love Josh has ever seen.
"Well, this is my stop," Maya says as they reach one of the rear classrooms—seems like class has just begin, with students tumbling in, tumbling out, scattered around, happy. Josh nods. "I'll see you around, Uncle Boing," she whispers, tiptoeing so her mouth is just in level with his ear. Josh flinches but hides with some highly strung noise between a laugh and a cough.
"I'm not your uncle, Maya," he teases slowly.
Maya shakes her head and snorts, "Too right." Pause. "Well, thank you, Josh. Again."
"My pleasure, Gorgeous."
"Goodbye," is her last reply.
It's a little more than a month later when they collide like that again.
Sure, they have more run-ins, some more on purpose than mistakenly, and it's really great again. Zay is not once brought up but after some time (Josh watches still) Maya smiles like she used to, and Josh knows that whatever bad blood has been cleared. He texts Riley over the course of the weeks and she assures him that they're still friends. She questions why, and Josh doesn't say anything, but it's like Riley can read his voice from a hundred miles away.
Niece Riley does ask about Maya more than the one time, and Josh asks her about long distances with her Western Hero. Their replies are the same, pretty much, with Josh's short mutter of "Great", and Riley's equally hoarse one. They both know something's—most things—aren't so great because they're both Matthews and they work that way. Riley's aware of him and his (slight) feelings for Maya, as Josh is aware of Riley's insecurities with a boyfriend she hasn't seen in two months.
With an almost complete degree in psychology, Josh tells Riley they're the "strongest couple I have ever seen". It's that agenda in which Riley replies with, "You do know she's single, right?"
It doesn't take a dummy to realise it's Maya she's on about.
"You do know we haven't been playing the long game for two years," Josh points out. It's hard lying to her; but Josh has always been a terrible liar. He's been told too many times. Riley doesn't answer for a while, but Josh knows what she's thinking about—she knows everything, the little frizzball. "And anyways, I don't like her like that." Oh well, a shot's to give.
"Liar," Riley taunts.
Oh, God. "She's three years younger than me."
And Josh can hear Riley's despair as she hangs up.
He spends Christmas at Morgan's this year. He's tags along Alan and Amy, holding a few bauble hats and there's something stuck in his throat. Something he needs to say.
Morgan opens the door with a cheery smile and a pretty face—she's engaged now, Josh can tell. He's never seen his sister this happy—and Morgan's always been all Barbie dolls and happy endings, his whole life. She holds Alan and Amy and then she holds Josh—she holds him a little tighter and by her grip Josh knows that even through dolls with plastered smiles and all happily ever afters, nothing's perfect. The twenty-nine-year-old kisses his forehead and mouthes something but Josh's attention is elsewhere.
It's a lot quieter than Cory's, and for reasons Josh is glad, but he misses Auggie and Riley and screaming and everything out of place. Here in Philly it's quiet and the cars drive silently. It's home, and yet it's every second Josh wishes he's back to a place that actually feels like so.
On the last day Morgan holds him tight again.
She's telling him something, but Josh doesn't know what.
He doesn't get the whole deal with New Years. Sure, it's great, 2017 to 2018, romantic, blah blah blah, but it's nothing so dramatically amazing. A New Years kiss is just a kiss—why is it all uber exciting and new and everything right then?
Josh finds himself in an old dress shirt and black jeans holding a glass of champagne that supposedly will last him the night. Cory's call in the middle of the night had startled him, of course, but this situation was kinda the least of his worries.
Except for right now, of course.
Apart from college, he's never actually been to such a "New Years" party, back again with the whole big deal thing... there's college and all, but that's mostly horny teenagers making out in the basement with a sappy movie on and a game of Cluedo left unwanted on the desk clouded with tequila and scattered out-of-date humbugs. He speaks of his experiences, only.
It's probably some epic way of reuniting Riley and Lucas, topped with that whole New Years romance thing he still—and probably never will—understand. His niece and said boyfriend deserve the world and more, but it's no big fuss. Really though.
(Until Josh feels a tap on his back.)
"Yeah?"
And Josh has a double-take, quite literally. The whole fucking world really hates him, doesn't it?
Maya is stunning. Her hair swept back in curls and sparkles, her dress flowing in all the right places, in just the right shade of pale blue. She smiles and her eyes twinkle as she gives Josh a hug. God damn it, he loves her hugs.
Then they let go. "You look absolutely beautiful, Maya."
Maya beams. "Thank you, Josh. You look pretty handsome, too."
Josh beams back. The world really does hate him.
"You look bored out of your mind," Maya utters.
"I kinda am?" offers Josh.
"You kinda are," Maya grins. And then her expression is sombre and Josh wonders what he possible he could have done wrong now. It has happened before. Maya blows a strand of her hair out of her face and to the top of her head—"And I kinda am, too." She collapses onto the sofa pulling Josh with her and she smirks at the tray of all sorts of alcohol placed in front of them like holy grail.
As Maya makes for one of the glasses, Josh pulls it from her reach, quirking an eyebrow, "Aren't you too young for that, Miss Hart?"
Maya sticks out her tongue. "No fair. Plus, you're technically still underage."
Josh laughs and the sound of hers echoing is heaven to his ears. "Okay, I'll let it slide for tonight, kid."
Maya pouts. "Don't call me that."
Josh almost doesn't heart because he's downed a shot and it's one but his vision's getting a little hazy. Maybe it's Maya, maybe it's just him outing on one pretty crappy day. Maya follows his trail, drinking colourlessly, recklessly, and she mutters the occasional sentence but really, nothing's making much sense at all. Her words are soon slurring and so are his and it's not even midnight and they're trashed.
They watch the disaster they call family (and friends) rush in and out, all over the place, talking, kissing, whispering. It's funny. They're all cuddly and cheerful while Maya and Josh are wasted in a matter of ten minutes.
In the corner of his eye, Josh spots Zay staring at them. "M-Maya," he calls out weakly. But he never finishes his sentence. Maya opens one eye, and the cute little smile stretching her cheeks is replaced with something serious it scares him a little—it's like the face she had, what, seven minutes before? Either way, it's really unsettling.
"Josh?" He hums in response, still a little too drunk to function properly. Things are catapulting here and there, back and forth and his mind is a crazy place. But he listens to Maya because he likes her voice. "I-I need to talk to you. Kind of away from everyone here. Please?" Josh peers at the girl in front of him in such curiosity Maya looks away instantaneously. But he nods and lets Maya take his hand (like old time's sake, always, always).
They are stopped before they make it out of this crazed catastrophe.
"IT'S A PAAAAAARTY, MAYAAAAAA," screeches Riley, a corresponding Lucas by her side. If Josh wasn't so drunk himself he'd cringe at the state his niece is in, and harder for the poor cowboy attached to her hip. Maya groans at her best friend but flashes Josh a fake smile. Riley screams louder, "So... you need to enJOYY it! No no noo sneaking out. You need to have... fun." She turns her head lopsidedly. "Oh, hey, Uncle Joshhhhh..."
"Hey, Niece Rileeeey," he replies, just for fun.
Then Maya tugs on Josh's sleeve and he knows she's getting impatient. He loves it.
"Wh-what?" Josh asks innocently.
Maya stamps her heel, disgruntled, but finally pulls him along, past drunken Riley and drunken Lucas and drunken everybody else. The bay window is only ten strides away, and they're soberly sane enough to know what it's all about.
They're five strides through and Farkle quite starkly pops out of nowhere, a tray placed upon a wobbly hand, a flower in his mouth (and a lipstick stain on his right cheek, one Josh blatantly tries to ignore).
"May I enlighten—"
"For fuck's sake," Maya growls. "Everyone's too drunk anyway."
"Uhuhuh?"
"Josh, listen," Maya strains.
Josh nods. "I am." Josh wonders if Maya is drunk at all because in this moment, this lighting, she looks so sure. Josh's vision is too blurry to check if it's her magical talent of pretending. Putting up the facade she always does.
"I didn't come crying at your door because of Zay," she murmurs. It's small, her voice has shrunk to an extent Josh needs to clean his ears, but he does hear her. Instead, he looks at her blankly she bites her lip, and: "You know, the night when I was all crazy, over the place. The night you gave me your top?" Maya doesn't give Josh a word in edgeways before she continues. "Strangely enough, the whole me-and-Zay situation was the least crappiest thing of the day of all my crazy shit falling all over the place. Like... it was—"
"TEN!"
A countdown goes off somewhere in the back of their minds but it goes by unnoticed.
"It was mutual. No, it was more than mutual... we were," Maya swallows. "We were always a lot better off as friends."
"Like you and Lucas." It's his first (sober) reply.
"EIGHT!"
"Like me and Lucas," nods Maya. "More than anything we were siblings... and I think we always knew that. But we built up something so good for almost two years now... and it would be a shame to, I don't know, make it all crumble." ("FIVE!") "Because we knew we both deserved better than that." She pauses, just for a second. "Most of the time I was... 'dating' him it felt like that. Zay and I... I like us being friends, more than anything. We work better that way."
"You think so?" Josh carelessly throws in.
"I-I know so," Maya says.
"THREE!"
"So it wasn't Zay."
"No," she confirms. "It was everything else. Plus, I lost my mum's lucky necklace. You know, the one with the moon and the stars. The three letters."
"I thought Zay gave that to you?"
She doesn't answer. In fact, it's like she doesn't want to say anything more although Josh is almost, almost certain she's still got the universe to talk him through. Josh really contemplates on her drunkenness as she turns to face him—blue eyes so damn bright and contrasting and gorgeous.
And there's something else that goes off in his mind, but it doesn't matter because all of a sudden there's something, someone with hands in his hair, lips on his mouth, and that's pretty much startles him to the depths of the earth.
But through his haze he knows it's Maya.
...He kisses her back.
Because it's Maya.
And it's the only thing he's sure about.
to the guest reviewers (thank you all:D):
Jen: i couldn't agree with you more! there's poor helpless maya and josh who feels downright horrible—i guess josh was kind of a jerk but you're right, it is hard for him to see maya with zay. and i do, too :)
Guest: hahaha they are xD
Melissa: well, i never thought of that haha, but i think you're also right. there's a part of maya who knows josh is jealous, and she's mad about everything else it all sort of falls into place. and thank you so much :)
Gmw fan: yes, she's scared about this "someday", surely, and he is, too. they know each other back to front and although maya truly does care about zay, there's always josh (and the kiss) she can't forget. thank you for reviewing :)
Guest: me all the time bc joshaya xD
Guest: :'(
Allie (we have the same name!xD): gahh :'(
Guest: i assure you a kiss like that will come :)
Guest: *wink wink*
Joshaya: thank youu and so am i! xDD
