Disclaimer: I own nothing. Literally, even the idea for the fic can technically be attributed to the fanvid, so all I own are the order in which I put the words :)

Rating: I'm planning to put a chapter in at the end that could turn the rating of this from T to M, but I haven't 100% committed to that yet, so T for now. Eventual mentions of suicide in later chapters.

Warning: In case you couldn't tell from the description, characters, genre, or author note, this is malexmale. If that bothers you, click away. Don't flame for something you knew from the beginning you wouldn't like!

Inspiration: Go to Youtube and search "Love Like Fools Stony ann2who". Ah-may-zing.

Enjoy!


And so it all boils down to this

We've got our aim, but we might miss

We are too fragile just to guess


A month after the Avengers first battle saw a Tony Stark that was a shell of the one who had flown into the wormhole. Insomnia plagued him in the most horrifying of ways and his old habit of being awake 72 straight hours only when he was engrossed in a new invention became the norm. Only when he was so exhausted that his entire body rebelled could he drop onto the couch in his lab and close his eyes.

Not that he wasn't plagued by nightmares when he did manage to sleep; his body and brain were just so exhausted that the nightmares couldn't wake him.

He just remembered the cold, the dark, the endless silence…moments after entering space, the suit had shut down. No, the suit hadn't shut down…his arc reactor had stopped working. With no source of power to draw from, the suit had lost power and JARVIS had disappeared. Torn between which would kill him first—the dark, cold crush of space or the shrapnel—it had taken him only a moment to acknowledge that with JARVIS gone, he was going to die alone.

But hadn't he always expected that?

No…he'd thought he'd at least have JARVIS. But here, on the other side of a wormhole with an active nuke, he was going to die surrounding by thousands of Chitauri and the silence of space.

Tony acknowledged that his reaction to surviving the experience was rather counter-intuitive. After all, if he was having nightmares of dying alone in the crushing silence of space, wouldn't the proper response be to immerse himself in the world so he didn't feel so alone?

But no, he isolated himself more. He spent time holed up in his lab, alternating between making enough tech to keep SI and Pepper happy and altering his suits. Even Bruce had given up on trying to engage him in some kind of social interaction, although the scientist had chosen to stay at Stark-soon-to-be-Avengers Tower (it had seemed like fate that the 'A' was the only letter to survive the battle with Loki, and he had to admit it looked much better this way).

So he occasionally ate whatever takeout managed to find itself on his work table—he suspected Pepper or Bruce, but never actually saw or took notice of either of them in the lab—and slept when his body demanded it.

He occasionally wondered what the press was saying about him these days. When he left this long, they usually started making things up; what would the story be this time? Rehab? Private island? That had been his favorite…

"Sir, my security protocols are being over-ridden." He scowled; only one organization had the power to do that. He had found the subroutine they'd thought they'd surreptitiously added and edited it. He removed anything that could pull information from JARVIS, but allowed them to still override the security protocols. Much as it irritated him to have uninvited guests (particularly SHIELD guests), he'd been ignoring his phone and other methods of communication and acknowledged SHIELD probably needed to make sure they could still get to him if Avengers business came up.

It didn't mean he had to like it when Romanov or some other agent walked in with consulting files or some other nonsense like that.

"Official consulting hours are…"

"Stark." He didn't look up.

"Why, Widow, what happened to your beautiful dulcet tones?"

"Agent Romanov is on a mission, and I'm not here on consulting business."

"If you're not here on consulting business, then I can't see what you could need from me. You're not speaking very urgently, so I assume there's no threat requiring the attention of Iron Man. And yet, you're bothering me in my lab. Very rude."

"Well, Stark, seeing as you don't seem inclined to leave the lab very often, it was that or drag you out." Tony quirked an eyebrow at the spy before dropping his attention back to the shoulder piece of a new suit he was working with.

"Nothing usually stops you from doing that. But seriously, Fury, you're killing some great suit time, so what is it you need so desperately you're invading my SHIELD-free zone?"

"I want you to get Rogers to live here." Okay, that got his attention. He put the shoulder piece down and actually made an effort to keep eye contact with Fury.

"You want me to ask Rogers to be my roommate? Why?"

"Rogers won't ask. He'll do it if I order him to—the man will always follow orders—but he'll be uncomfortable the entire time and that'll defeat the purpose."

"Care to share the purpose?"

"The Council would prefer Rogers stays on his own; they think an out-of-time Captain America is easier to control."

"Technically they're right."

"I know. I have enough easily controlled soldiers, Stark. That's not what the Avengers are supposed to be." Tony couldn't help it; he let out a snort.

"So you want Steve to live with me so he can pick up my attitude and blatant disregard for authority?"

"I'm hoping the two of you will…balance each other out. Maybe you'll teach him to disregard authority a little more—or at least not get all apologetic when he does—and you'll learn how to follow orders every now and again."

"Oh, come on, Nick—I thought you liked it when I made your life difficult."

"Stark, you are a Grade-A pain in my ass, but at least you get your shit taken care of. There are worse things." Tony pretended to swoon, going so far as to bring the back of his hand to his forehead.

"Why, Nick, I do declare…that may be the sweetest thing you've ever said to me!"

"Will you do it, Stark?" He pretended to think about it for a moment, even though both he and Fury already knew the answer.

"I suppose I could spend some time teaching Captain America to rebel. But you know he won't just move here because I ask."

"Then use some of that goddamn charm, Stark."

"Aye, aye!"

"And get some sleep, Stark. You look like shit; even your charm ain't enough to convince anyone of anything looking as bad as you."

"Great, thanks, Nick." The spy gave a curt nod and swept from the room.

What had he just done? Agreed to leave the lab for the first time for something other than a shower in a month for what…Steve Rogers? For the team. Because someone needs something from Tony Stark besides getting my shit together.

"J, how long have I been awake?"

"65 hours, Sir."

"And what time is it?"

"One a.m., Sir." He glanced back at the door Fury had just walked out of.

"What the hell was Fury doing here at one in the goddamn morning?" JARVIS didn't answer; the AI was quite able to distinguish between rhetorical and real questions, although sometimes he chose to answer both. Tony hadn't realized sarcasm was programmable, but he supposed the AI had picked it up from it's creator.

"Alright, well, I should be able to work until tomorrow night, fall asleep, and be well-rested enough to deal with Rogers, right?"

"History would suggest there is a 23% chance that this will end poorly."

"Which means the chance that it doesn't is high enough to risk it. Thanks, J." And he started picking at the shoulder piece with renewed vigor.

STONY*STONY*STONY

The doors to his lab slid open a few hours later. JARVIS didn't say anything, which meant it was Bruce, Rhodey, or Pepper.

"Tony."

"Pepper! I haven't gotten to the cell phone thing yet, but I'll get there—I promise! I just need to finish a few things with…"

"Tony."

"Yeah, Pep?" He finally looked up from his suit to see Pepper—perfect, pristine Pepper—looking at him with…ugh, pity. He despised that look. "What, Pep? I'm fine!"

"No, Tony, you're not! You spend day after day in here, working on your suits…you've built five in the last three weeks alone!" She gestured to the corner of the room that had Marks 36, 37, 38, 39, and 41…40 had not gone well, but he was determined to get back to it. After 42, of course.

"Hey, I went through three in the fight with Loki alone! I have to be prepared! Besides…they're not just suits—you know that."

"That's just it, Tony. They are. I don't know why you've convinced yourself that they're the only thing that matter, or why you can't seem to remember the world outside your lab exists, but—"

"I remember, Pep. That's the problem." He spoke in a low tone, but he knew she heard him. He walked over to DUM-E to remove the DUNCE cap as he continued, unwilling to make eye contact. Tony knew that Pepper wouldn't leave until she was either satisfied with his answers or so fed up that she couldn't think of something to say. The latter was always more likely. "The nightmares are so much worse. "I can't sleep. And my suits…they're a part of me." So maybe if they're strong, it means I am, too.

"They're machines. A distraction." He gave a short, derisive snort, crossing his arms defensively.

"And what's everything else? You, the Avengers, SI…how is any of that more or less of a distraction?"

"I don't mean your nightmares, Tony. I mean your life. The company, your team, Rhodey and me…we're part of your life. We want to help you, but we can't do it unless you talk to us. And you can't talk to us unless you leave this damn lab!"

"Not true…that's what phones are for!" Not having slept in over seventy hours meant this conversation was likely going to end with him getting defensively snippy and either saying something to hurt Pepper's feelings or set her off. The faster made the second option the reality, the faster he avoided the first. "It's better when I'm down here—I can help SI, help the team, and I don't have to worry about someone else having to deal with my nightmares. What more do you want from me, Pepper?"

"I want you to remember the goddamn rest of us before you start thinking the world is better without you being a part of it!" She turned on her heel and he watched as she stormed out of the lab, a picture of angry perfection in the pristine white pencil skirt and suit jacket. Even her hair looked angry as she rounded the corner to get to the elevator.

I am remembering the rest of you, he thought miserably. That's why it's better for me to be down here working through this crap on my own. Iron Man saved me before; he can do it again.

STONY*STONY*STONY


A/N: Please Review :)