The Journals of Wisdom, Power, and Courage
Chapter 2: Old Foes, New Tricks, New Foes, Newer Tricks
Nzyvo then, after freeing the Shapeshifter and convincing her of anti-Dipper alliance (Shapeshifter didn't like the way Dipper dressed and Nzyvo dressed better), to go over to the next people for group.
First, she went to the dumps with jack-o-mellon and smashed them, shouting "I HAVE NO HALLOWEEN OR SUMMERWEEN SPIRIT!" And that drew the Summerween Trickster to their location. Nzyvo smirked at him and began "Let's make a deal..." before cutting to the next scene to withhold her awesome debate skills for later.
Then she went to the Land Before Swine and jumped on the pterodactyl's back, snickering as she held up metal plates of kind.
Finally, Hooha's Pizza, where she kicked the Fight Fighters arcade and Giffany came out with the same code stuff that brought Rumble to life. Nzyvo already held up the disk.
"Here I fixed this shit so you can jump back in it I'll explain later but for now I'm awesome I'll help you become stronger and date Soos. Also, readers, if you want a less shitty Giffany coming to LIFE life and taking over the world, read run:gifocalypse."
*Cue intro*
Stan drove the whole Shack in a car. We did not know why until after a cop car containing Durland and Blubs drove after them, sirens playing Blues Brothers style.
"NO NO NO NO NO!" Stan cried, "WE NEED TO LOSE THEM!"
"Or come up with a good enough distraction!" Mabel offered.
Then Soos leaned out and threw a banana and like in Mario Kart the cops were spun around before falling into water and getting fished out by Lakitulu.
"Good." Said Stan.
Then suddenly Nzyvo jumped on the shack-truck! And yeah she was back in her mecha again, it would be stupid if her main weapon was not.
"BOO!" She shouted.
"OH SHIT!" Cried Stan this time since he was at a loss and not at a won.
"Say Dipper there's more keys for you to be found." Said Journal 3. "A lot of keys to be exact. Again 616 of them total."
"I have a message for you all:" Said Nzyvo. "Die."
Suddenly the pterodactly jumped down on the shack and began tearing out at the team, while they drove around and tried to avoid getting killed. Unfortunately it now had cyborg censors so it could see if people walked between its eyes. Also the stuff about don't move only works in the movies, Amazing World of Gumball taught me that.
And it could shoot fire. Like, Bowser Fire.
So the dino shot the Mystery Shack around and it spun out of control and fell into the woods, where it was tipped over and everyone fell out. Nzyvo got into her cockpit and flew over there and laughed at the time, while Dipper got mad and angry.
"YOU'RE A MARY SUE!" He shouted.
"You think that's bad? I still have three more friends. In fact I'm not actually Nzyvo, I'm one of her friends right now."
Then she morphed, and was the Shape Shifter! Aaahh!
That's not the opinon that the Mystery Shack had. They just groaned.
"You froze me, dammit." He said.
Journal 3 was clearing his throat and Dipper went "NOT NOW!"
Giffany appeared on the television and then she used her powers to lock up the doors when the gang was about to head back inside saying "Where do you think you going?" But Stan just used a key to unlock it and ran outside.
But inside was the Trickster! And was made of poison so he can't be eaten either! Ahhh!
"You're really not going anywhere, except captured. Hahahah."
Then the actual Nzyvo appeared on her mech (forgot its name) and laughed evilly as she said, "Well you're now surrounded. Give me the journal motherfuckers."
Then her foursome of gangs got out guns on them. Giffany could climb out of the door and stuff like on Grudge, so that's how she aimed guns.
"Well it's hopeless." Said Dipper. "But why were you trying to kill us again anyway?"
"Because I need the power!"
"What power?"
"The power of all journals brought together! Now, hand that shit over! Now! also the keys would be pretty nice but i'd rather wait for you to get them all."
Dipper was about to get sad and surrender and then he went throguh character development and realized "WAIT NO! I DON'T HAVE TO! SCREW YOU!" And then took off running. Nzyvo just laughed and went "Hold them hostabge motherfuckers!"
Then Giffany grabbed Soos, Shape Shifter grabbed Wendy, the Trickster grabbed Mabel, and I guess that leaves the cyborg dinosaur to somehow grab Stan. Fuck Waddles.
Dipper meanwhile cried out "DON'T WORRY I'LL SAVE YOU!" But he was still running because he knew that he needed to get to a spot where he wasn't so captured.
"Dipper." Said Journal 3.
"I don't want your advice it might even get me killed. And no we're not key hunting at this time."
"DIPPER!" The journal shouted.
"WHAT?"
"This is a time. A good time, where one has to look at their inner strength and wisdom. And also courage. Especially courage."
"Your point?"
"That running away like that was kind of cowardly but naw it was your only option never mind."
Dipper huffed, annoyed. "Yeah. Sometimes if you just charge into action you'll lose. This isn't like an anime where you're secretly chosen to be more powerful than anyone else and can win any confrontation."
Then Candy and Grenda came up to him. Journal 3 started sniffing.
"Hey," Said the journal, "I smell keys on that tiny one."
"Well." Said Dipper. "I'm sure those are house keys or car keys or something-"
"No it's THE keys, and there's lots of them. DIPPER COME ON!"
"Wow your private is talking." Said Grenda.
Dipper pulled Journal 3 out of his pants and said "No it's my journal that's talking."
"Aw." Grenda was disappointed.
"Hi there." Said Journal 3. "I am very annoying now."
"We already know." Said Candy. "We heard him screaming at you before we came. Say, we don't really like you where the hell is Mabel."
"Kidnapped." Dipper answered.
"WHAT REALLY?" Both Grenda and Candy gasped melalcoholicly.
"Yeah and I think the Journal says I can save them?"
"We can help you!" Candy cheered. "My strong friendship with Mabel will give me adrannaline making me really powerful, strong than you!"
"Dude. I knew Mabel our whole lives. You've only known her for, like, a month. I'm her closer friend than you."
"Let's not argue! Stop arguing, and start fighting!" Cheered Grenda. "Now where is that kidnappers ugly face! I bet he's so ugly that anyone who looks like him is terrible."
"Uh. Her name is Nzyvo. The 'N' is silent. And she looks a lot like a Mabel recolor for some reason."
"Aw I wish I didn't call Mabel ugly then."
"Well let's go anyway, three heads are better than one."
"We can make it higher than three."
But they were walking though town and suddenly Nzyvo dropped by on her mech! It was growing these drill-arm things and had the other Mystery Shacks captured.
"LET THEM GO THAT'S MY SISTER, UNCLE, CRUSH, AND SOOS!" He said.
"You were rejected dumbass." Said Candy. "Give up on that crush you'll die single."
"Okay."
"Ahem can we stop talking about shipping for like ten seconds?" Asked Nzyvo. Ten second later, "Thank you. Now, I'll take the journal and look for Journal 1."
Dipper cried "NEVER!" And felt a huge amount of courage sweep through his body when he did the courages (actually stupid) thing of running straight up to Nzyvo and her mech.
He accidentally did a Farore's Wind and so he then teleported back when Nzyvo was about to punch. This time since Candy and Grenda were part of a mini party they could see that shit that just happened too.
"Hey wow, what was that?" Asked Candy.
"I uh... I have these powers."
"WELL SO DO I!" That wasn't Candy (as cool of a twist as that would be) it was Nzyvo preparing a Power of Power and so she shot out a stream of fire against the gang, making them run around and stuff to avoid the attack.
Dipper got kind of angry, then looked at his journal. "Okay if you have the answers let me hear them! What do you think I should do?"
"Um try throwing me like a weapon. If it doesn't hurt something at least you'll get the satisfaction of throwing me, and also Nzyvo wouldn't see it coming. Because that would be a way of her getting what she wanted but in a be careful what you wish for way." By the way this was quiet enough for Nzyvo not to hear this.
So he threw the journal and you know who did see it coming? GIDEON! He laughed as he held it up in the air. "HA HA HA! Now Dipper, I'll will- ooh hey there I didn't know Mabel had a twin!"
"I'm her twin." Said Dipper.
Gideon ignored this because he's a massive assbag, and instead he went to Nzyvo with Bugs Bunny eyes blinking a lot complete with the sound effects. In a reference to this Nzyvo looked at the cameras and held up a sign reading "OH boy..."
"Hello nurse!" He said! (Gettig carp past the radar!) "Would you like to team up with me. Also before anyone asks I broke out of prison by flying out on my jetpack. Yeah I had a jetpack I hid it in my hair again."
"No. I have cool monsters and you're just some kid. Find another partner."
So he got angry and did that by summoning... BILL CIPHER!
"And just what the hell kind of fan fic would this be witout me?" Bill said, laughing.
"Bill, I want you to fuck Nzyvo." Ordered Gideon.
"Hey, I don't know what fan fics you're reading, but this isn't one of them."
"NO NOT THAT! I mean fight her back! 'Fuck' in this case means 'FUCK THAT PERSON I HATE THEM!'"
"HO HO, I know you meant that! I was just messing with you."
Nzyvo looked around and started thinking. "Wait a minute... shit, this means I'm asleep, right?"
"YEP!"
Of course it was all black and white around them.
"Crap." Said Nzyvo. "Sleeping risks falling behind schedule. I gotta stay awake. Well team, do that thing we practiced. The anti-Dream Demon move to wake up."
Then she faded away as she woke up, and the Trickster, Shape Shifter, Giffany, and somehow the dinosaur all faded shortly after.
"So now it's me and you, Bill." Said Dipper. "And my friends."
"We're not your friends, we're Mabel's friends. You're not the same person you know." Joked Candy.
"By the way," Bill laughed, "Nzyvo may be pick-pocketing you while you still sleep. HA! HA HA HA!"
"Is she?" Asked Grenda.
"He'll never tell you! Because he's Bill." Replied Dipper.
"HA HA HA YOU'RE STARTING TO CATCH ON TO MY PERSONALITY! COOL!"
"Not cool, we'll fight!"
He told Candy and Grenda about dreaming bigger (Incestption), so they dreamed up laser guns and fired at Bill. It is here that Bill realized how screwed he was and that once again they were in a tie, so he quickly told Gideon "Okay we'll talk later." Then he disappeared and Gideon woke up. But Dipper and co were still in the mindscape.
"Shoot." Said Dipper.
They eventually woke up alone and on Candy's shirt there was a paper. It showed a drawing of Nzyvo mooning and text that wrote "Ha ha ha I stole your keys: The Compass Key and the Map Key, which have an especially useful use in finding the other keys faster and not relying on the Journal."
"SHOOT!" Cried Journal 3, "THAT was the keys you had on? While all keys have their own little uses, the Compass Key has a 'compass' that points to the nearest one, while the Map Key gives out a map of the immediate area with the general vague idea of the keys noted on it. Useful for the other keys! I'm just guestimating and the three keys I had you fetch was because I figured they wouldn't be moved."
"Oh boy." Said Dipper. "Now Nzyvo's gonna have all the keys and all the things and it's all Gideon's fault. Let's try to find him at least, maybe there's a way we can get a lead on where Nzyvo went from that."
"You mean..." Said Grenda, "Like torture? Interrogation? Because I'm down with that."
"No! We're humane, so- you know what I've had a bad day. And these are the bad guys. Let's do it."
They all started pounding their palms and walked meanacingly with grins, but it looked stupid since none of their targets were around. Some crazy townsperson went "GANGS ATTACKING!" And Lazy Susan went "CALL THE POLIVE!" And just like that Dipper had to outrun Blubs and Durland again.
Dipper, Grenda, and Candy were hiding out by some pushes while Durland was searching with a flashlight, and it was like a parody of those things with the big ass search lights only not really.
"...Almost out of sight..." Whispered Dipper.
Suddenly they found Wendy, and tried to not scream in startleness.
"I escaped with my own survival skills." She said, "I like Mabel and all, but there's no way I'll get bested by anybody that even looks like her."
"Okay so the question is... can we best Nzyvo? Also, Bill's involed." Dipper said.
"Who's Bill?"
"Oh. Right. You're not involved with that thing. Um, he's this killer triangle guy who shows up in dreams."
"Sounds lame. Like a 6 year old's idea."
"He's a lot more badass than that though. Be careful."
"Okay let's look for him."
So Bill and Gideon were wandering around. Well, Gideon was awake and Bill was following him invisibly, but then Gideon went back home and fell asleep. So he could talk.
"So," He said in his dream, "I overheard this Nzyvo talking about some kind of evil power."
"Oh hoo yes... it's a massive power! The ability to hop through a godly world thingy! But you don't need that-"
"YES I DO! TO RULE EVERYTHING!"
"Hey, I'm the shouty guy, okay? Don't try to out-shout and out-ham me."
"Hrmp. Fine."
"Good. Now, with that out of the way, we can come up with a plan. You see, that Mabel palette swap wants something called these Keys."
"You know can I just date both Mabel and her recolor? Two heads are better than one."
"You obviously don't know this one friend I have, but fine." Bill shrugged. "Anyway, I don't think Nzyvo's right for you."
"Why? She's not like my half-sister or anything stupid like that, is she?"
"No, no, no! I garuntee that you don't have to worry about being related to any crushes here! Now, I'm gonna give you these specific directions to a helpful location. We'll meet there and talk later. Heheheh!"
Bill vanished.
"Dang it, Bill!" Cried Gideon to the Heavens.
Meanwhile, back in Nzyvo's base.
"I can hack into that compass and find us a good place..." Said Giffany, looking at the two keys Nzyvo just stole from Candy. "To start our journey."
Nzyvo looked at the captive Stan, Soos, and Mabel, looking bored.
"Ugh! This shit is way too easy! Wait a minute, where was that red-headed one?"
"Escaped." Said the Shape Shifter, looking at his nails all bored-looking. "Anyway is there anything on TV?"
"I can be on TV..." Said Giffany in a creepy stalker way.
"Go away maybe bug Trickster since he wants to be loved."
"Okay!" She disappeared from TV and hopped to another place. She went inside a lamp. But it was a sexy lamp like in A Christmas Carol, with the leg and the lampshade looked like a skirt. I assure you there's no shoot your eye out because that would be graphic.
The dinosaur just roared and Nzyvo shouted "SHUT UP!" At him.
"So, I guess we're just... waiting until she can crack the code?" Asked the Trickster himself.
"Yeah." Nzyvo nodded. "Giffany, I hope you're fast at hakcing."
"Okay." She said. Then like in Gurren Lagann, Giffany went into a wireframe as we saw on a computer screen her running into the key and breaking down firewalls. Then she found a box and used a key (there's a key inside a ke keyception) to open it but then frowned.
"Turns out this doesn't need to be hacked. You just have to hold on to the key for a few seconds, and while you're holding a key it gives you the power to understand and use their abilities." She said, slipping back out.
"Alright!" Cheered Nzyvo, "Let's go hunting for the other keys!"
She also downloaded the two keys on to her cell phone. The nearest location was Gravity Falls Oregon, where Dipper was.
"Hm..." She said, "Looks like I should have captured this guy anyway... his keys are closer and they look kinda interesting."
"THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN TELLING YOU YOU IDIOT!" Yelled Journal 2.
"SHUT UP!"
"Yes ma'am." Said Journal 2.
"Okay I've put a supernatural tracking device on Nzyvo now based on the keys. Finding her should be easy! And when we find her, we might find Dipper!" Bill boomed.
"Huh?" Asked Gideon.
"Long story. But trust me, she'll want him for a few things."
"Okay so let's go!"
Suddenly Dipper felt like there was about to be people after him. Again.
He, Candy, Grenda, and Wendy found themselves surrounded by Nzyvo's group.
"What do you want?" He asked. "You already won."
"I just wanted the keys you already had. When Bill put you all to sleep I didn't get them. And no, I didn't win until after getting ALL the keys!"
Suddenly Wendy snuck around, and FREED everybody! He spun around a fighting axe triumphantly.
"Okay maybe this shouldn't even BE in Gravity Falls." Nzyvo said. "After all, a lot of the keys aren't really there. We must take off! To a new location! A new world of threats and dangers!"
"You're just copying me." Said Journal 2. "I told you that word for word."
"HEY!" Gideon cried out, "Journal 2! You betrayedme!"
It was Gideon! He and Bill were there, but we could only see Bill's shadow since he was still in that dreaming thing!
"So you're cornered now. Ah hahahaha!"
"Laughing is my thing!" Bill shouted, then he went "Oh right none can hear me. Shit."
"I can hear you!" Nzyvo cheeered. "I just... can't see you."
"Oh shit that's even worse! I normally like attention, but not like this! NOT LIKE THIS! I WANT TO BE SEEN, DAMMIT! WHY DO YOU THINK I HAVE AN EYE BUT NO EARS?"
But then Bill went back to laughing when he saw Nzyvo swatting her arms around by where she heard Bill as if she was finding a light switch in the dark.
"YOU DUMBASS!" He shouted, but then he felt something when Nzyvo punched him. "Ow! How did you do that? You can touch me too?"
"I'm a lot more special than you think."
"How special?"
"Heh. You'll find out soon if you follow me to track down the other keys along with Dipper..."
Journal 2 nodded.
"And to get around quicker maybe I should STEAL YOUR POWER OF COURAGE!" Nzyvo yelled.
"WAIT! She can do that?" Asked Dipper.
"Um... duh, yeah." Said Journal 3. "She'll steal and hijack the abilities of Farores Wind."
"Like I just told Bill!" Nzybo laughed as she punched Dipper (this was to show that she was like an anti-Mabel, Mabel would never punch Dipper so that he was sent flying down.) and then yanked Journal 3 (Journal 3 said "HANDS OFF MY JOURNAL JUNK PERVERT!") and lifted him abouve her head. "I'm a LOT more special THAN you think!"
So then green winds started whirling around the team, and Dipper and company grabbed on, but also Stan Soos and Mabel broke free because reasons (oh right Wendy saved them) and grabbed on too, but then Gideon and Bill also leaped on. (Wait not Bill he'd just follow them around with his floating powers.) Nzyvo took off flying in this green tornado and suddenly they were already out of Gravity Falls.
In the weird Farore's Wind travel thing there was all sorts of green wind around everybody and they were flying around going all WOAH!
"DIPPER!" Journal 3 creid, which got Dipper to groan in annoyance because seriously fuck that thing it's like Navi but I can't draw it as a sexy naked woman and say that might be canon this is clearly a fucking book. "NOW'S THE TIME TO MAKE A COUNTER-ATTACK! YOU HAVE FACED ALL OF THESE ENEMIES BEFORE INCLUDING NZYVO IN CHAPTER 1! DO THE COURAGE MOVE AND SAVE US ALL!"
Dipper looked in to himself and saw his courage and worked over by Nzyvo's group which was kept close together by the magic.
"WHERE ARE YOU TAKING US?" He asked.
"First, to this one key spot. Ever heard of the town calle dPiedmont?"
Dipper gasped. That's where he's from! Also Mable.
"So uh... what's the next key?" Dipper casually asked trying to keep it cool. Haha, it's funny because he's just a stupid dork.
"Another really useful one. It's called the Laser Key, and it... well, it fires lasers. I'm only telling you this so you can gasp at my amazing plans."
"DIPPER IF YOU ARE TO MATCH THESE OLD FOES WITH NEW TRICKS, YOU HAVE TO INVENT A NEW TRICKS YOURSELF!" Said Journal 3. Dipper actually nodded to this, but only because that's kind of what he was thinking about already. So he swam over to... picking randomly, the Shape Shifter, ready for a battle.
"What are you doing dumbass?" Asked the Shifter. "We haven't even landed yet!"
"I just want to prove something..." Dipper said softly and vehemently.
So then he summed up all the courage in him as Journal 3 said "Remember! courage isn't about doing strong things, because that's just called being fucking stupid and getting yourself killed. It's about knowing there's risks, but working for the best outcome anyway when it's possible!"
So he punched the Shape Shifter in the face. Anyway, this action just had him kinda laugh and then start shape-shifting as some random guy.
"AS SOON AS WE LAND, YOU CAN'T TELL ME APART FROM THE TOWNSPEOPLE HERE! I'LL BE SPYING FROM THE INSIDE LIKE... um, some random spy. I don't know, Austin Powers is a spy?"
Dipper also realized another strnegth that the Shape Shifter had was that he did not want to harm a regular citizen that much.
Anyway the vortex ended and they were in Peidmont and the shape Shifter ran off laughing as Nzyvo whipped out her newest keys and also laughed, getting Giffany, Ticksters, and the dinosaur-cyborg all by her.
"WE'LL RULE THIS NEW TOWN AND MAKE IT A WORLD!"
"DIPPER ACT NOW DO SOMETHING COOL!" Shouted Journal 3.
"Um... um... I'LL SAVE MY FRIENDS AGAIN1"
So he used this Wind Punch that cut the rope holding Mabel, Stan, and Soos over a cauldron of acid and saved all of them. (Oh yeah I should have mentioned to keep them from escaping again Nzyvo put them in that cauldron in the first place.) Then went out and then but he saw the team was already going away. He was sad and was about to bang his hands on the ground but then instead of pounding on dirt he pounded on a mecha that was mostly burried in the ground. Forgot to mention that this is actually by a forest and Dipper was standing at the edge of the forest.
It looked a lot like Nzyvo's but it was redder and not as cube-ish. A really hardened face thingy. Also glowing from inside of its cockpit was some kind of thing shaped like a drill.
"What is that?" He asked.
"Well, based on how nobody cares about that glowing thing," Soos answered, "I'd say it was something that was burried recently."
Nzyvo laughed. "Yeah, it was, some kind of weapon I intended to fuse with, but unlike my trusty mecha I can't get that to work. So I slammed it here. If you can get it to work, hey, that would actually kind of throw some fun into my mission because it means you have a chance to win."
"You don't get away with this you evil bitch!" Shouted Stan.
"I ALREADY HAVE! LOOK!"
Suddenly they looked and found that instead of talking to Nzyvo they were just talking to a cardboard picture of her with a speaker attatched. It was a realistic figure kind of like in Soos and the Real Girl when he fell in love with Laura Croft. Mabel got into the mech and grabbed that drill necklace thingy and plugged it into some glowing hole on the mech that matched it. She turned.
"Oh. Well shoot, now we're stuck out here." Said Dipper. "And maybe with that new mecha."
"And you're stuck with me also this is where your parents live so I'LL JUST KIDNAP THEM!" Cried Gideon!
Oh no not the parents!
Stan checked his watch. "Worse we only have three days before the cops drive all the way here and arrest me like from the beginning!"
The mecha sprang to life and grew arms and legs and Gideon was like "WOAH THIS IS SCARY BILL LET'S RETREAT!" And then they retreated.
The new mecha emerged from the ground and Dipper asked "So how come Nzyvo can't get it to work but you can't?"
Mabel shrugged. "Maybe she's just too stupid to figure out put the drill in the spiraling-ish hole thingy?"
"Okay I'll believe that she does seem kinda dumb."
Then everyone just looked around awkwardly.
"Well, now what?" Asked Dipper.
HSRG'H ZYLFG GL TL WLDM LNT LNT LNT!
Closing A-
"DIPPER WAIT!" Shouted Journal 3, "I KNOW WHAT'S 'NOW WHAT!' KEYS, CHOP CHOP!"
Closing AN:
Um, I had to change quite a bit of this chapter, especially towards the end. Originally Dipper's Power of Courage near the end would have also given him some Zelda abilities, like the Lens of Truth, and he was going to spot out the Shape Shifter and kill him. But I kind of wanted to keep Nzyvo's little band alive a little longer than that. You'll see what I mean in later chapters.
