There it is guys, Chapter 2, what do soldiers think about before going into the fight. hope you enjoy reading this. I will make it as if Jane's unit is followed by a reporter to make a live army show, thus resulting in Jane kind of communicating with Maura through her TV. Hope you enjoy this. please do let me know what you think.

Lara

xoxoxoxo

Regrets.

Even though she was exhausted that night, Jane couldn't sleep. It wasn't the fact that they were in a middle of nowhere in their sleeping bags with rain and sticky sand all over them that kept her awake, no, it was the fact that nearly 2 months ago she abandoned everything that tied her with her old life in Boston. But most of all her life with one Doctor Maura Isles, the best thing that ever happened to her. Jane made it clear for herself, she loved Maura like her friend like her sister, and there could never be anything else between them. But who was she kidding, it was impossible not fall for her best friend. And now she was angry, angry with her self for being such a chicken and never revealing her true feelings to Maura. She missed her, even her ridiculous facts that she just tended to spat out. Oh man, what wouldn't she give away just hear that Google mouthing again. When was it that it all started? When did she start to feel jealous of all these men that Maura kept on going out with? No matter, she needs to forget, she needed to protect her country. And here she was in the middle of desert with five of her best recruits and a camera crew. When did army become Hollywood. Oh well, she guessed it was only fair that people learn what is it that actually happens in warzone. Right now she was on the watch out while her team got a quick nap before going in hot and heavy.

"Times like these, what is it a soldier is thinking about?" asked a reporter sitting opposite her, in between them fire made cracking sounds of logs breaking.

"huh? Sorry, what was that?" Jane dazed out of her thoughts and looked at the reporter sitting opposite her.

"I asked, times like these, what does a soldier usually think about?" reporter asked scared for his life about asking the wrong question at the wrong time.

"Everyone is different, everybody has their own story. But usually its regrets" Jane said with a sad smile on her face, looking nowhere but the fire.

"Regrets?" reporter pushed carefully, if he was careful enough, this would make a great story and a documental movie.

"Yeah, you know, things that they could have done differently, things they shouldn't have done at all or things they never got to do" last part came out nearly in a wishper and reporter instantly knew where to press.

"Do you have any regrets Lieutenant?" he asked carefully

"I have plenty" Jane sighed, before the reporter had any chance to even formulate his next question she did his job for him.

"I regret not being strong enough to admit my weaknesses, I regret never admitting how I felt, regret failing the one person that meant life to me, but most of all I regret hiding all of my emotions behind actions. People like me and those guys sleeping there on the ground, we give everything we had away and put our lives on the line because we think that there is nothing else left for us. We think that even if we die here and now no one will know and no one will miss us. We don't realise that by leaving everything behind we still hurt someone, be that family, friends or even pets. We leave thinking it will be best for everyone. Well truth is, it could be best for everybody else but its not healthy for us because even though we might seem thick skulled, stubborn and act now think later kind of people we are still gentle and sensitive. The only difference is we realise what we are missing when it's truly gone and out of reach." Jane took a bite of bread that was in her hand and drank some water out of the flask while still looking at fire that was making cracking sounds that were surprisingly relaxing.

"But Lieutenant, you only get deployed for 2 years; surely you can go back to your lives after that and finish or redo some of those things." Reporter, now genially interested in the conversation said to Jane. Surprisingly Jane smiled before speaking again.

"Hm, yeah, I suppose you could be right in that sense, however there is always a BUT in situations like those. Yes we can go back to our lives, but it will not be the same, we were gone long time and as much as we would want time to stay frozen and thing be exactly the same when we left, they won't. As time goes on things progress, yeah sometimes for the better but sometimes for the worst too. Let me give you an example, see Daniel over there" Jane pointed at the man quietly sleeping in his sleeping bag in a little ball. Reporter nodded. "Well his wife gave birth to their daughter yesterday, he missed a piece of him welcomed to this world, and now he won't be able to see her grow up from infant to a kid, he will blame himself for the rest of his life, he will just learn how to coop with it. Even though he never been as happy as he is right now, he also never been sadder than he is now. It's a mind trick really, you make yourself feel sad but happy at the same time and see which emotion wins." Jane took another swing of water and swallowed it in small but long sips.

"Now Marka over there" Jane pointed at a small woman curled up in between her 4 comrades, Jane smiled at the picture, Marka was always like a little sister to her friends and comrades and they made themselves her over protective brothers. "Her uncle died yesterday, her parents died when she was 3 and so he took her in, she grew up calling him dad, she just talked to him yesterday, and then BAM and heart attack, the next call she got was from morgue, it kills her to know that she won't be there for his funeral but she is also kind of happy that she won't be able to see him like this, mind games again. It's always like this in the army, you lose things but you gain new ones along the way." The reporter was on the edge of tears right about now. But Jane was not finished yet, she needed to get her regrets off of her chest. And so she started.

"You know for my entire tough act and 'I don't give a crap' attitude I most possible have more regrets then the whole our group combined together. I never went to university, just joined up to the academy and thought it will be easy to protect my country, thought I will die an honourable death, serving the country I loved with all my heart. But somewhere along the way I realised that no death is honourable enough if it hurts not only me, but other around me, I started to think what my family would feel like, my mother would most possible dig my body right up and kill me again. And I thought may be cop is not something I should be, but then again once a cop forever a cop, it became part of me and it will always be a part of me. I love being a detective, solving those puzzles putting the bad guys behind bars, but then somewhere along the way I fell in love, that stupid feeling when you feel like you can defeat the world because you have that one person you love. Well I didn't tell them how much they meant to me then, I just thought it's better to have them as a friend then risking everything by tellin' them how I felt, so I left it alone, buried it deep down in my heart, chained it. And then somewhere along the way I did a lot of stupid things, shot myself to save friends, was jealous of any contact they made with someone, fell even more in love everyday but didn't realise it and then just hurt them in a way that I don't think I will ever be able to fix. Yes I will return home one day, if I am not dead, but it will not be the same, our relationship will never be the same and I am not sure there is a relationship left to fix, somewhere deep down inside my heart I hope that there is still something worth fixing and that if it is possible I will do anything in my power to fix it. But right now its up to them to give it a thought and for me to survive this and bring my men home to their families and then I will deal with my personal drama." Tears were flowing freely from the reporters face now, he was not hiding his emotions any longer he just let them all out, never has he expected to be cracked open by emotions and simple words like that. Jane sat there looking at him sympathetically for couple more minutes before standing up and passing past him with last words.

"This is what we soldiers usually think about before goin' in a fight." She patted him friendly on the shoulder. "Call her as soon as you are back home, you deserve another chance, just don't fuck this up again, it's your last chance Mungo!" she winked at his shocked face, and clapped her hands together.

"Everybody up! We are moving out in 30 minutes" and with that she left the reporters side and went the river to fill in the flasks. Rounds of yes ma'am sounded through the night and recruits one by one started to pack their stuff up. Reporter sat there staring at the fire thinking to himself for at least 3 more minutes before murmuring to the camera man " I need to call Cindy, wait here I will be right back" and with that he stepped aside to make a call to a girl he so desperately loved for so long but never told her anything.

Next to the river, Jane took the picture out of her pocket and murmured to herself

"You keep me going, Maura! I really hope there still is a relationship that needs fixing." And with that she kissed the picture, placed it right back in her pocket and started filling the flask in.

On the other half of the world Maura Isles was watching TV with the Rizzoli family that she quickly started to call HER family, when they came across a live report from Iraq, USA marine base. After listening to everything Jane said, Maura quickly excused herself from the gathering, tears daring to spill. Everybody understood and just nodded, as soon as Maura reached her bedroom she collapsed on her bed and started sobbing in the pillow. It was not until 2 hours later that Maura was drained of tears and had no strength left to even move. So she just quickly slipped into one of Jane's jersey shirts, closed her eyes and let sleep overtake her, before she fell victim to sleep completely though, she murmured to herself just barely above wisher. "Yes, Jane, there is a relationship worth saving. And you better make it out alive." And with that she let the sleep overtake her.

And there it guys, let me know how you feel about this.