Title: 10 Simple Rules For Dating My Daughter- Rule 2
Author: Me
Category: Comedy/Fluff (hopefully) :P
Pairing: Gil/Cath, Family Fic
Rating: PG
Content: Nothing bad. All very light and nice.
Summary: Rule TWO!
Spoilers: None
Archive: Sure, please let me know though so that I can tell everyone how
cool I am.
Disclaimer: Don't own nuthin :)
Feedback: Would it help if I begged?
Author's notes: Someone sent me one of those funny lists everyone gets in their emails. This one was called 10 Simple Rules for Dating My Daughter. I thought they'd be fun to base around our favourite couple and their favourite child. So I used the rules and wrote a little ficlet around them. Hope you enjoy.
Copyright to Fatcat 2004
RULE TWO: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.
"Soooooooo...who are you?"
I'm looking at my daughter's date sitting on the couch. He doesn't seem very impressed that he's in the house. He should be. I almost called dispatch to pull him over before he got here.
"Anthony"
Anthony? Anthony? What happened to 'Honk Boy'? At least this one came to the front door.
"Who are you? What happened to...Dwight?"
I hear a squeal behind me and turn to see a mortified expression on my little Lindsey Bug's face. My wife doesn't look too happy next to her either. What?
"Gil!" My wife looks gorgeous when she's pissed. "This is Anthony..."
Anthony. Pfft. What sort of name is that for a man? I bet he's an Italian lothario. Probably has a harem ...
"He's in the same year as Lindsey at school..."
Same year? I didn't hear anything about same classes. He's probably slow. Has to take all the special classes.
"His father is a chef at the Bellagio..."
A chef? But...they have knives! He probably dices up his dates and stores them in the Bellagio's super sized meat locker. I'm feeling light headed all of a sudden.
"Erm...Dad?"
I've got my head between my knees, taking big deep breathes and have to look up when Linds calls my name. She's looking a little worried. Probably because I've gone pale at the thought that my little girl is about to leave the house with the Italian Slasher. He's probably wanted all over Italy. Cath has moved to my side now and is rubbing her hand up and down my back in a soothing gesture. I love it when she does that. It makes me want to purr. Not that I would. A manly man doesn't purr. I bet Anthony purrs. I peek at him out of the corner of my eye and my body straightens when I see what he's doing.
His eyes are moving slowly up and down and I follow his line of site until it reaches my daughter. I resist the urge to grab the kid and throw him bodily out of the house. He's checking out my daughter! NOT IN THIS LIFETIME! My little Lindsey Bug isn't old enough to be checked out. Warwick checks out the dancers on the strip. Nick checks out Sara. I check out my wife. Constantly. This kid can check out his teacher for all I care, but he sure as hell ain't giving my little girl the eye!
"Hey!"
His eyes dart towards my narrowed glare, before he blushes bright red and lowers his face to gaze at the ground. Yes son, I saw what you were doing. You probably have peeping tom tendencies. You stand outside the windows of innocent girls at stare at them. I bet he's got a record. I'll check before I let them leave the house tonight. Lindsay moves towards the couch and sits next to her pervert date.
Cath has stopped rubbing her hand up back and has moved her hand towards the nape of my neck to play with the curls there. She loves doing that. I love it when she's doing that. It makes everything tingle. In a manly way of course. I think she's trying to distract me from the fact that our little baby is sitting only a couple of inches away from this kid. It's working...Dammit!
I sigh and put my arm around my wife's shoulders and pull her to my side. She smiles indulgently up at me when I peek down the front of her top. My wife is so hot. She's just gone stiff in my arms and I glance up to see a weird look on her face. I don't think I've seen this one before. It either means, 'my pervert husband wont stop looking at my perfect breasts' but I don't think it's that, Cath loves that I think she's the sexiest person on the planet. It could also mean, 'Eek! I've left the iron on!' it might be that one, I haven't seen that one yet. I open my mouth to ask what's wrong when I see out of the corner of my eye the reason my wife has gone so stiff in my arms.
That...BOY...has his arm across the back of the lounge and is leaning towards my daughter. He's whispering to her something that I can't quite catch, but his eyes aren't on her face. Oh no, his eyes are a good deal south of her eyes. I can feel Cath stroking my back again, but its no use this time. I lunge across the room just as this Italian Lothario Slasher Date From Hell moves his arm from the back of the lounge to my daughter's shoulders. I reach them in only two steps and lean over to grab him by the lapels, stopping him mauling my little girl. I hear her let out a little squeak. See, she's too traumatized to speak. Don't worry sweetie, Daddy's here. I won't let him hurt you.
I start towards the front door, dragging the kid behind me. I'm talking over my shoulder the entire time, telling him he should learn to keep his hands to himself and his eyes above the shoulder of all ladies, BUT especially my daughter. He shouldn't even be aware that there is anything below my daughter's neck. As far as he's aware there is only this big gap of space between my daughter's neck and the floor. Like Thing in the Addams Family.
I let him go once I open the door and he scurries out before I have the pleasure of tossing him out myself. He quickly jumps onto his motorcycle and races off the minute the engine roars to life. My eyes widen in shock, and I turn to my wife, my mouth open.
"He has a MOTORBIKE! Lindsey could have gone off on that thing and died."
Cath's eyes roll. I don't think she's taking this seriously enough. We could have lost our little girl. I grab my little Lindsey bug by the shoulders and look at her face. I can see by her face that she doesn't see how close she was to being...I gulp and pull her into a hug.
"Erm...Dad?...He rides a moped."
I shudder at the thought. He's probably in a bikie gang.
"I know Princess, its okay, your Mom and I won't make you go out with that biker hooligan."
I set her at arms length again and swallow convulsively before I manage to let her go. I grab my wife and pull her into a hug of her own, thanking my lucky stars that we all managed to get out of this with no one hurt. Slowly I pull back and dab at my eyes before moving towards the kitchen. I think after a close call with death like that we all need a hot a chocolate. I turn back to ask my girls if they want marshmallows with theirs, and see them looking at each other before Cath bursts into laughter. Poor thing. She's nearly hysterical with panic. I see Lindsey struggling to hide her giggles behind her hand and worry at the toll this night has cost my family.
"Lindsey Bug, do you want extra marshmallows? Will that make you feel better?"
If anything can. My little girl's probably scarred for life. I hear her snort and my wife clutches her stomach as her hysterical laughter continues at our daughter's show of fear.
"Sure Dad. Extra marshmallows would definitely make me feel better."
She's such a tough person. Just like her Mom. They'll be fine. But just in case I'll get the number of the Trauma Psychologist we have on staff at the lab. Just in case they need to talk to someone. I'll protect my family from Italian Bikers that carry knives, they don't have anything to worry about while I'm here.
The End :)
