High on a hillside, Captain Misato Katsuragi of NERV, or rather Sir Misato Katsuragi Hellsing, stood atop the armored personnel carrier that served as the NERV command center for the operation. She was wearing one of the pieces of clothing left to her by the late Sir Hellsing, a dark double-breasted suit of durable fabric, felt a bit like tweed, but it was black. Her H&K was on her hip on a leather gunbelt.
Misato sighed and lowered the binoculars from her eyes. The town in the valley below was dead. Lights off, no heat signatures, plenty of movement, and she hadn't heard from her vampire in hours. Bending down, she reached one hand down into the turret hatch and snapped her fingers.
"Phone."
"Yes Ma'am." She heard, sounding like someone was calling her "mom", before the phone was in her hand.
She knew, for a fact, that vampires routinely developed telepathic abilities at any significant level of power. She also knew, for a goddamn fact, that after exchanging blood with the living, even weak vampires could communicate with the exchangee with their minds.
Why then, she thought as she flipped open the phone, did this vampire, this annoying, snarky, troll of a vampire, insist on using the telephone?!
She punched in the number and held the phone up, listening to it ring.
"Moshi moshi." Came the rumbling bass voice.
"Have you even been to Japan?"
"I am one point oh four three percent Japanese, I will have you know."
"How… no, you know what, I don't want to know. Report, where are you, why haven't you gotten started yet?"
"Still looking at the menu."
"Vamp-"
"Oh sorry, got to go, here comes the appetizer." He said and hung up.
Misato stamped her foot on the deck of the tank, fuming at the phone.
Shinji flipped the phone shut and slid it into his jacket. All around him, red eyes were lighting up the night.
"Pretty brave, coming here all on your own, lap dog." Came a sneer from the darkness.
"Oh, I'm sorry, you caught me on an errand. You see I am looking for a real fucking vampire, but I keep finding these little shits with bush league trash talk."
"Hey, we aren't some fucking ghouls! We're real undead!"
"Oh really?" Shinji said, a little smile coming to his lips.
"Yeah really." The voice finally gained direction and stepped out from the shadows into the moonlight. He was tall, with ivory pallor skin. He wore dark trousers and a dark dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up, open down to the third button to show off his chest. The skin was tight across his long face and his hair was brushed back in something that passed for a pompedour. As he took his hands from his pockets, his nails shifted into long black claws.
"Well, maybe you could tell me where to find Satchmo'."
"Heh, oh I saw him just this dusk, when he sent me here to kill you. You see we've been watching Hellsing's bullshit for a while now. We know what you are, and my sire sent me here because he knows I am beyond anything you could imagine."
Shinji's smile became a manic grin. "Oh, tell me more."
"I don't need guns, I've left such human things behind me. The night and the shadows are my weapons, my familiars are legion, I can regenerate from a single drop of blood in the blink of an eye! You are like an insect as to a god compared to me!" The vampire said, raising his talons to sky and cackling at the moon.
Shinji began to slowly clap. "Impressive. You have me at a disadvantage though. What is your name, oh vampire king?"
"Edward! Remember it well for it is-"
"Wait, Edward?"
"Yes, Edward."
"That's a stupid name for a vampire."
"What?"
"It's a stupid fucking name for a vampire, weren't you listening Eddie?" Shinji said with a sneer, one red eye glowing over the rim of his sunglasses.
"Silence!" The vampire screamed and lunged for Shinji. He moved like lightening, but stopped short when the barrels of the shotgun jabbed into his throat. Edward had less than a moment to consider it before all facility for thinking was removed with the pull of a trigger.
In a flash, Shinji had the vandalized battle rifle out. As he fired into the darkness, screams filled the night. All the way outside town, atop the APC, Misato heard the screaming before it was slowly drowned out by deep, dark, terrible laughter.
"Come, get up! I just shot your fucking legs off! I thought you were real fucking vampires!"
And the profanity… oh the profanity. The laughing didn't even stop, she just figured he grew another mouth to shoulder the burden.
"You pieces of undead shit! Utterly fucking embarrassing, that's what you are you depressing pile of douche nuggets! Hey, don't run away from me! Don't you know it will just make me want to chase you more!"
She had gotten used to it, but the way his voiced changed as he descended into blood soaked mania still disturbed some of the men. He stopped talking and started growling out the words, and they shook through the spine like someone was dancing jigs on your grave. It was like Clint Eastwood doing voices for South Park.
Misato listened for a while longer then dialed the phone again.
"Don't you fucking know its rude as shit to call someone during dinner!"
"You're playing with your food, and if any are still alive, that means you haven't found the alpha yet. Get on with it."
"…"
"Vampire." She said impatiently.
"Fun Nazi."
"Eat shit and die you undead sack of…" Misato groaned and grabbed at her hair. He was rubbing off on her. "Do you at least have an idea where the alpha is?"
"Well one side dish did… oh helloooooo, that's funny."
"What, what is it?"
"My leftovers all just turned to ash. Damn, and I wasn't finished yet."
"Well one of them had to be… just a moment, HQ is calling." Misato transferred lines.
"Katsuragi, go ahead… I don't have any information on other forces in the area, who is stepping on my operation… the Vatican?! What are they even doing here, this is nowhere near their… who? Oh holy hell if he is here that means... fuck fuck fuck."
Misato quickly switched back to the vampire.
"There is another friendly operator in the city, do not engage, retreat immediately, I repeat, get your dead ass back here now! Vampire, are you there? Answer me dammit! Shinji, respond!" Misato nearly threw the phone down when the line went dead. Instead, she hopped down through the turret hatch.
"Get me down there, now!"
No Life King Of Tokyo-3
Chapter 2: Sword Dancer
"You know, its rude to interrupt someone's meal." Shinji said, standing in a solid three inches of ash that filled the street sidewalk to sidewalk for at least twenty yards. He could not see that which had killed the alpha vampire, but he could sense its presence. So angry, so pure, so… familiar. Shinji scrunched up his nose, smelling the air.
"Oh, I smell… is that… rage with a side of hypocrisy? So lovely to see Section XIII again." He said, holding his weapons at his sides while shadowy hands reloaded them.
"Be silent and contemplate your fate, for the LORD's judgment has come to pass upon ye…" Screamed a voice, shrill like a caterwaul.
"Oh… ooooooooooh, oh sweet Ronnie James Dio, tell me you're a virgin!"
"I am his angel of death and mercy, his pure blade against the heathens and monsters!" Came the shrill voice again.
Shinji held his laughter to a snicker as the woman approached. She looked barely more than a girl, but he could sense, NO… he could feel the enduring, burning rage that she exuded. The kind of eternal hate that only the world weary can have, only when they have lived long enough to have dreams, to see them crushed, built back up, and crushed again. The hate of the young was but a cinder before this fire.
The black robes of her habit swirled in the breeze, gathered at her waist with a sash tied into a belt. Looped through the sash was a rosary that only swayed slightly, held down by a steel cross as long as a man's hand. Her head was bare and her long red hair flowed down past her shoulders. Her crystal blue eyes practically shined in the darkness.
In her right hand she held a cruciform hand and a half sword. The blade felt dangerous, Shinji wasn't sure if it was blessed, silver, or, more likely, both.
"Hey you remind me of someone, you ever meet a psychotic Scotsman named Ander-"
"Do not speak his name cur! I will not have it dirtied by your tongue." She snapped and pointed the tip of the blade at the vampire. "Now kneel down and ask forgiveness before the end!"
"Oh you are just too precious." Shinji said, raising the battle rifle in one hand. "Now lets see if you are going to be any fun like he was. You know, before he became a filthy monster…"
Shinji smirked when the insult sent to the red-haired girl into an even higher state of rage. He gave her a moment to raise her sword before he pulled the trigger.
BLAM
She fell backwards, most of her skull gone, the sword clattering to the ground. Shinji kept the rifle up.
"Oh come on, tonight has just been disappointment after disappointment. I know this little song and dance sister, get up."
The corpse began to stir, one hand reaching back to grab the blade before it began to rise. Flesh and bone knitted back together from nothing, finishing with the neat little thirty-caliber hole between her eyes closing up.
"What, did you really think I was going to just turn around and let you have a free shot?"
The girl shrugged then started to roll her neck and shoulders. "It was a worth a try, vampires are fairly retarded in my experience. So you are NERV's new pet abomination then?"
"I work for Sir Hellsing, she just happens to be following NERV orders right now."
"Ah yes, the mighty Alucard reborn. I've always wanted to test myself against Alexander's killer."
"Let me guess, student out to avenge her master?"
She laughed and tossed back her hair. "Hardly. It just gets tiresome always being compared to a dead man, no matter how righteous. So vampire, ready to face your end?"
Shinji chuckled and made a little bow with one foot in front of the other. "A name, if you would, to remember you by. Just in case."
The girl planted the tip of her blade in the ground in front of her and laid her hands across the pommel. "You may call me The Great Asuka Langely Soryu, vampire. Remember it so you may tell them at the gates of hell who banished you from this world."
Asuka's eyebrow began to twitch as the filthy beast doubled over in laughter.
"HAHAHAhaha… woo… okay give me a minute miss… what do I call you, miss great, sister Soryu, what? Oh it doesn't fucking matter…" The vampire said, stifling laughter. "Sorry, I just…. Oh hello."
With teeth clenched and lips pulled back in a growl, Asuka pulled her sword from the ground. As the tip drug against the pavement, it sparked and the whole of the blade ignited in white-hot flames. She screamed a banshee's wail as she swung the sword and fire shot out in a great ribbon across the roadway towards Shinji. The flames opened up like a chesire cat's grin complete with teeth and bore down on the vampire.
Shinji raised his weapons in an inverted cross a moment too late. His suit burned to dust and his skin to char in the blink of an eye. Even as he stood, his flesh began to fall to the ground as ash.
"My fire is my faith made manifest, the holy will of the LORD. No unholy monster can survive its heat!"
As the guns clattered to the ground and the last of the body collapsed to cinder, only the white gloved hands were left untouched, bouncing as they fell in little craters within the sea of ashen vampire remains.
Asuka was getting ready to call her superior and inform him of her success when the vampire, despite having no mouth, no head, nor even a body to speak of at all, continued speaking.
"And here I thought the last of you had been put down. How predictable that Iscariot would keep the last one for themselves. But you know, I'm happy for you, I really am. Even after you tried to kill me. And tore me to pieces. And threw every piece into a fire. It only burned so much because I was so happy for you."
Asuka threw up her free hand to shield her eyes as a dust devil kicked up, throwing ash everywhere.
"See, since your mother's mother's mother's WHORE of a mother consorted with demons, that makes you just a little bit demon yourself. Which means you're not truly human."
When two red dots appeared in the center of the thickening dust storm, Asuka's eyes went wide and she quickly grasped her blade in both hands and raised her guard.
"Which means you get to see something Anderson never did. How I dispose of all the fucking trash I find walking the earth!"
Somewhere in the pitch-black storm, those perfect, completely unsullied, white gloved hands lifted up and came to float in the air, right in front of those glowing red eyes. Fingers extended into a magic sign, they framed one perfectly formed eye that glowed like a jewel in the darkness and stared right into the soul of the paladin Asuka Langely Soryu.
Dust and ash turned to the beats of leathery wings as the storm tightened in upon itself. From the eyes to the face and the neck, to the shoulders where wrists and arms met body and built a chest and legs, he came. Black hair flowing from his head, framing those crimson eyes and white fangs that flashed in the moonlight as the last of the storm fell away. Black leather and straps wrapped around every inch of his body but for his head and those perfect white gloves.
Asuka screamed as she swung her sword, unleashing a firestorm against the vampire. For every lash of fire, for every beast of flame she loosed on him, the darkness swallowed the flame in a flash of teeth, drool, and scarlet eyes. When he began to walk towards her, her screams took on a very different timbre.
"Well come on Lilith-spawn! Surely you must know more spells than this pathetic wytchfire. Bring out your familiars in their fullness, call upon your dark pacts, set loose the armies of hell and FIGHT ME! If you are going to ruin my night, the least you can do is save us all a lot of awkward embarrassment and stand your ground! Tell you what, I'll put on some horns if it will help get you in the mood, how's about it? You can have it just like little old great-great-great grandma."
Asuka charged with a banshee's scream, her sword trailing flame behind her. Shinji drew his guns and met her, clenched jaw fixed in a manic grin. Blessed silver met blued steel as they met, the vampire blocking the paladin's blade with his weapons crossed in an X. The weapons rattled against each other as both pushed forward, neither fighter able to overcome the other.
Asuka stood her ground until she felt the ground start to become slick beneath her. She pushed hard to fling herself back from the vampire and shot out a gout of flame from her left hand at the red-eyed familiar that had tried to consume her from below.
Shinji raised both guns and opened fire. Asuka easily dodged the stream of silver rifle bullets and even the gear slug, but caught the wave of silver buckshot in the chest. The silver did no harm upon her and she quickly lifted her guard as she regenerated, just in time to parry the vampire's rifle as it stabbed towards her breast.
"Oh yeah, just like that!"
She growled and swung her blade in a horizontal arc, forcing the vampire back. The tip of her sword caught the stock of the rifle, tearing the already abused wood apart. Shinji threw the battered remains of the rifle at the witch as he stepped back. She sliced it in two in one stroke, leaving it to fall to the ground in a pile of junk.
When she heard the slap of the shotgun closing Asuka made a circle of fire in the air and summoned her strongest defense. Flame formed the head of a lion just in time to catch two finger sized projectiles before they reached the witch. She saw them for a moment, spinning there in the air, before they exploded. The witch was flung back, but Shinji was disappointed when the dust cleared and she still stood.
"Quality craftsmen are so hard to find. Well harder for you lot I would think, after that whole Leonardo thing."
The right side of the vampire body flowed into the snarling mouth of a hound and he set his strongest familiar on the witch. The hellhound Baskervilles was met by an equal beast, a lion wreathed in fire. As the beasts obliterated eachother back into shadow, Shinji could see the witch wrapped in fire herself, her long hair indistinguishable from the tongues of flame that flowed off and around her.
She raised her sword in both hands and prepared to charge. He raised one white gloved hand with his fingers formed into a blade.
"Our abilities seem equal beast. Lets end this, here and now!"
"So many women are all about the foreplay. I'm happy to see you like to skip straight to penetration!"
The BOOM of 20mm cannon broke the night and both monsters looked to the armored vehicle that fired the shot, and the woman in a dark suit climbing out of it.
"Stand down, both of you! NERV welcomes the continued assistance of the Vatican, but will not tolerate any further unauthorized encroachment."
The vampire sneered at the witch as their both powers receded. "Anderson at least cut off my head before mommy told us to play nice."
"AND YOU!" Misato screamed at the vampire. "I don't know how this happened but I'll be damned if you didn't start it or make it worse. What did you do?"
"I haven't the slightest idea what you mean." Shinji said, straightening his suit jacket as it reappeared then sliding on his sunglasses. His weapon had melted away into his shadow.
"Bullshit! Tell me everything this instant!"
"Well excuse me, I didn't expect the Spanish inquisition." Shinji said, grumbling before his ears perked up.
"That is because, Señor nightwalker, nobody expects us…"
"Well well, what do we have here..."
"Because amongst our chief weapons are surprise, fear, ruthless efficiency, an almost fanatical devotion to the pope, and of course our snazzy uniforms." Said the man in the red and black vestments who stepped out behind the paladin. Asuka was letting her sword hang in one hand and rubbing the bridge of her nose with the other.
"Father Kaji…" Asuka said with an irritated growl.
"Oh, a priest with a sense of humor, that's a new one. Check that off the bucket list." Shinji said then snapped his shotgun out from under his coat. "And the next item, killing a priest with a sense of humor!"
"Stand down!" Misato barked, then pointed at the Catholics. "Ryoji, send your subordinate away! We will discuss this gross violation of jurisdiction alone."
"If I may…" The vampire began.
"BE GONE, NOW! And you are absolutely forbidden from engaging the paladin. The Vatican will reciprocate of course, right?"
"Yes yes of course. Asuka, please go on ahead, and leave the pet vampire alone."
The girl grumbled.
"Sister Asuka…"
"Yes Father Kaji!" The red head said, stomping off in a huff in the other direction. Shinji melted away into the shadows, scowling. Misato stepped down from atop the armored vehicle and approached the inquisitor.
"Start talking, why are you here?"
"Short on pleasantries as always. Would it be so wrong to catch up a little, perhaps share a drink between friends?"
"I have no pleasantries for you, nor will I ever admit to being any friend of yours, Kaji."
"Oh come on Misa-chan, it could be like that week in Rome-" Inquisitor Kaji said before quickly shutting his mouth . Misato had raised her right arm and used another gift from the late Sir Hellsing as a silver plated pistol slid out of her sleeve and into her hand.
"One more word, papist pig."
The priest gave a petulant frown and took a step away from her. "I am here on with my young ward on Section XIII business. I am afraid I cannot discuss it further."
"You are here in gross violation of multiple treaties. Now, tell me what you are up to and maybe I won't pursue sanctions against the Vatican."
"Shut your filthy mouth…" The priest said with a sneer. "I will not sit here and tolerate a godless neuter talking down to me."
When asked to justify her following actions later, Misato Hellsing nee Katsuragi could only offer that the Section XIII Inquisitor 'startled' her.
Misato whipped the small pistol across the Inquisitor Ryoji's jaw with enough force to send him to the ground.
"NO! I will not be lectured by a child bothering cliché! You and your subordinate are illegal combatants in an active combat zone under UN jurisdiction. If you continue to refuse to cooperate, I will arrest you both. If you should resist and as this point I REALLY hope you do, I will have my pet eldritch abomination eat you without the most infinitesimally small bit of remorse. Do I make myself clear?!"
The priest raised his hands from his swelling cheek, palms up in a gesture of compliance, and nodded.
"And before you even think of setting your girl on us, and yes we are well aware of her, thank you very much, certain specialty ordinance for dealing with her disgusting kind is already in the air. Now Father Kaji, start talking!"
The vampire boy with the too deep voice was all but bouncing up and down in his seat "And then what? Did you hit him again, shoot him in the knee cap, what? Oh come now, don't leave me hanging."
Misato sat across from Shinji in the tight confines of the armored personnel carrier as it rumbled along. She had one leg crossed over the other and was holding the bridge of her nose in one hand and was resisting showing the vampire the pleasure she had taken in dealing with the inquisitor.
"You can read my mind, why are you so intent on hearing me say it?" She said, suppressing a laugh at the vampire's child like antics.
"Its not the same."
"We had a frank discussion and compared intelligence on the alpha vampire in the area, this Satchmo character. They were pursuing the bottom up strategy, so even though they had a good idea of its location they had no interest in making a strike at this time."
"But if I take him out, that's the end of it. Then we move on to the alpha that created him."
"Exactly. That is the top down strategy. Kill the alphas to destroy all of their underlings and keep moving down the family tree."
"And that's where we are going now, to address Mr. Satchmo?"
"Yes, we should arrive shortly after 0200."
"The night is looking up." Shinji said, leaning as far back as he could with a toothy grin, one glowing red eye peeking over his sunglasses. "Oh, and I am going to need a new gun. The witch destroyed my rifle."
"Well, wrap this one up neat and tidy tonight and I will speak to R&D. No playing with your food though."
The vampire shifted into the form of the sickly child in a white shirt and dark slacks, and said in a much more normal voice. "ugh, yes moooooom."
"You know that face loses its effect when you keep using it like that."
The child with the sunken eyes and pallor grey skin slumped forward, resting his elbows on his knees.
"W-when he uses my face… you know, like that… that's just what he wants." The boy said, his tone quite pathetic compared to even a moment before. In a wave of crawling darkness, the vampire shifted back to his normal form of a fit young man in a black suit. Uncharacteristically, he was silent.
"The hell was that?"
"…"
"Answer me, what was that just now?"
"Just another trick, that's all." He said in his unnaturally deep voice.
"You aren't telling me everything, vampire."
"No, I am not. And I am done talking."
It was another hour before he spoke again. He had crossed his arms and legs and sulked after the last time.
"Stop here. I can feel him."
"No, we are still an at least 50 clicks out, keep going.
"You like the boy, right?... it doesn't matter if you say anything or not. If you want to continue liking him, stop here and stay back. This is not the trash we have been disposing of so far."
"If its that bad we will just call in an airstrike."
"It would accomplish nothing."
"… that bad?"
"Yes."
"How has he stayed hidden this long?"
"Your machines sense our kind differently than we ourselves do. He has figured out to how to hide from you. But to me… well its like a dog walking into another dog's territory. You can smell it."
Misato knocked on the drivers sear in the front of the vehicle. "Stop it here. The vampire is getting out."
"Yes Ma'am."
Shinji stood and slipped his shotgun from the shadows, loading it as he walked down the rear exit ramp.
"You come back vampire." Misato said, still seated. "Eliminate the target and return to me. I will accept nothing less."
"Yes master." He said before melting into the night. When he had gone and the hatches closed up, Misato reached for the radio.
"I need authorization for a possible N2 airstrike. It is a contingency, just get the request moving."
"So you're the mighty Alucard, I-"
BLAM
Shinji consumed the headless vampire's body with one bite and a mass of shadows. It was the eleventh piece of low level meat he had found so far, and he was getting really tired of the delays.
"Yeah yeah." He said right before he thrust his bladed hand clean through another vampire who never got a chance to spring his ambush. "Do you know how annoying this gets, do any of you really?"
Shinji aimed blind down one side of an alleyway, fired, then swung his weapon to the other side of the street and fired again without looking. Both vampires burst into flames with their bodies peppered with silver.
"Everyone is always introducing themselves and oh, they already know me! Just once…"
In a blur, Shinji reloaded and fired. A whole pack of young nightwalkers, none more than a few nights turned, died in a swarm of silver fletchettes.
"I'd like to be the one going please allow me to introduce myself, I'm a man of wealth and taste."
Well get on with it then.
"Oh my…" Shinji said. There were no vampires around him, though he could sense dozens standing off, watching. None of them were the source of the words. It wasn't so much a sound, nor telepathy. It was like the very presence that hung over the area changed to give the impression of speech. It aroused his interest, among other things.
"Satchmo, I presume?"
That is what the plebeians call me, yes. I am a perfect being, a gestalt of millions, unlike such base creatures of yourself. I am not one enslaving the many. I am a nation given form, all of one mind and one purpose. I am Sachiel. But you, primitive, have been beneath my notice. So please, introduce yourself, man of wealth and taste.
Shinji slipped his shotgun into the shadows. He pulled his sunglasses away from his face with one hand and loosened his tie with the other. He brushed his dark hair away from his glowing red eyes before raising his hands straight out to his sides. He took a deep breath, and as he breathed out, his suit fit more loosely, and his skin lost all color. The sickly child looked out into the night then yelled in his young, breaking voice.
"I am the vampire Shinji Ikari! I serve the Royal Order Of Protestant Knights, the Hellsing Organization. I hunt freaks and every one I meet wants to test themselves against the vampire Alucard. Well, I'm not him!"
Shinji brought his hands together and formed a secret sign, two fingers and the thumb on each framing one eye.
"Releasing control art restriction system level three, level two…" Shinji said before his voice transitioned back into the sinister basso with its supernatural echo. "Level 1. Situation A recognized, the Cromwell Invocation is in effect. Limited release of advanced abilities is authorized until the target is silenced."
If you are not the vampire Alucard, then what are you?
"Your worst fucking nightmare, that's what!"
Shinji's right arm shifted to drooling shadows and he slammed it into the ground. With the full breadth of his powers he could finally sense where the real enemy was, far below.
"Now get up here!"
The ground around the vampire began to crack and buckle. When his prey didn't rise, insect legs each the height of a house split from his shadows, stabbed into the ground and began to heave. Cracks turned into crevices as the earth split.
"Well perfect being, what's taking you so long?"
I had hoped to not have to bother with such a small threat, but it appears you warrant my attention.
A hundred meters ahead, one gigantic arm split from the ground, and then another. Shinji removed his shadows from the ground and let one whip like arm and the massive of segmented legs hang there as he began to laugh.
The angel Sachiel pulled itself from the ground with long, gangly limbs. Its flesh was tinged green with rot but translucent enough to see the flows of blood and straining muscles. Armor made of amalgamated bone covered its shoulders and formed a bird like mask across its headless torso.
Shinji let the undead monster bring itself to stand on bird-like feet before speaking again.
"That's a perfect fucking being?"
I am the divine result of eons of undead evolution on this world and so many others. You are nothing but a dead end foot note that I will crush here tonight!
"You're kidding, you're joking, I can't believe my ears! You're kidding me, ya gotta be, you can't be all there is. You're funny, see I'm laughing, you're really just too much…"
Shinji threw his arms down and released his shadows fully. The undead life forces of the observing vampires were snuffed out by tendrils of his power then with a roar a column of darkness, teeth, and eyes rose from the ground high into the air. It formed a serpent , the head of which emerged from shadow with huge gnashing teeth, glowing red eyes, and a single horn atop its frilled head. It was bent over to be face to face with the angel.
"And now with your permission, I'm gonna do my stuff."
The angel raised its arms in defense but was too slow and too weak as the huge jaws clamps down around its entire torso. The serpent rose, lifting Sachiel high into the air, then slammed it down hard enough to make tremors that rocked the NERV APC fifty kilometers away. It slammed the angel down again and again until every supporting bone in its putrid body was crushed. The serpent raised itself straight up to the sky, unhinged its jaw, and with disgusting gulping sounds, swallowed the angel whole.
As quickly as it had formed, the serpent was pulled back towards the earth and standing in the middle of a crater that flattened buildings and trees for hundreds of meters around, was the vampire Shinji Ikari, his body a man shape outline of bloodshot eyes and flashing teeth.
"Fuckmothering yes that felt good."
Leather straps overtook his shadow body as his hands were covered in sealed white gloves. He straightened his tie even as it formed and as his suit took shape he slipped his sunglasses back on his face.
"Enemy eradicated. Limited release complete."
Shinji reached into his jacket and withdrew his cell phone.
"So that's your field report then?"
"Yuuuup."
"So you found the angel, dug him up from underground and…"
"Ate'em."
"Yes, ate him…right."
"You sound like you don't believe me."
"Well, its just that the last time we killed an angel it took several N2 weapons with hexagrammic wards in silver and blessings from both popes, the patriarch of Constantinople, the Dalai Lama, and a witch doctor from Brazil."
"Ugh."
"What?"
"I don't like Brazil."
"Whatever. Were you able to learn anything from the angel?"
"Lots, none of which I am willing to discuss over the phone."
"Fine, we are coming to get you now. You can give your full report at HQ."
"Don't bother, I'll meet you there."
"And just how are you going to get all the way to Tokyo-3?"
"I'm going for a walk."
"OH NO YOU DON'T!" Misato screamed into the phone, but it was useless, he had already hung up. She was seething as she dialed again.
"Pick up the phone, pick up the phone, pick up the phone right fucking now!" She snarled through clenched teeth as the phone rang.
"I'm sorry, the person you have dialed has not set up their voice mail system yet. Goodbye." Beep.
end
Hehe, good times.
So what is Asuka? Not telling yet.
Extra content:
Gun porn is part and parcel to Hellsing, but I couldn't find a good place to fit this in, so here it is as an extra. Imagine Stephen Fry as Jeeves speaking this.
Ahem,
Hellsing Arms modified, 12-bore over and under shotgun, Orthrus
Adapted from a favorite fowling piece of the third Sir Hellsing, Arthur, this weapon began life as a Holland & Holland 28-inch custom grade. It was modified in 1985 shortly before the late Sir Hellsing's death. Much of the engraving work is original to the piece, however substantial work was done to apply and bless a new coating of silver over all the exterior metal.
The barrels have each had their geometry modified for tighter groups and accurate sabot fire.
Due to the radical change in profile with the shortening of the barrels, a new hand guard was necessary and carved from the same piece of wood as the new bird's head grip. Speaking of which, the checkering on both pieces of furniture, as well as the carving of the canine grotesque on the pommel, was not done by the gunsmith responsible for the rest of the piece, the disgraced Walter C. Dornez. The woodwork was actually accomplished by the Hellsing's groundskeeper, a Glaswegian gentleman known only as Willie, whose name and fate have been lost to history.
While the piece itself is of the utmost quality, the real utility of the weapon comes in the variety of ammunition available. 00 buckshot and 1 ounce gear slugs may be produced in silver, in quantity, with the accompanying molds. Additionally, under collaboration with our American counterparts, several specialized payloads have been developed.
First, the "dragon's breath" incendiary around is used without much modification, only the addition of a small package of silver nitrate, which ives the resulting flames a certain sparking quality.
Second, the APFSDS derived sabot dart. This round consists of a sabot around a quite slight core. This core consists of preporforated silver body over a small amount of trigger explosive, commonly known as detcord. Once the relatively light projectile is lodged in the target, the explosive sends hundreds of nearly invisible fragments into the flesh. In undead targets, this has been documented to have very positive incendiary results.
Finally, we have produced limited quantities of our version of the American FRAG-12, a fin stabilized grenade round capable of being launched from any 12-bore weapon. Our only modification is the addition of blessedsilver alloy in the outer shell. Once the projectile leaves the barrel, curves fins deploy. On impact with a solid surface or after a pre-set distance, the explosive is triggered.
These specialized rounds have all been deployed in the story so far. The dragons breath was deployed against ghouls shortly after Shinji and Misato met. The APFDS was used against Maggot. The frag-12 rounds were used unsuccessfully against Asuka. She got both rounds in a defensive familiar.
