A/N: It's another chapter! So soon! Haha so here we have Clarissa ruder than before, but not as rude as she will be. How she can be rude to such incredible cuteness as Honey is beyond me... even though she's my OC, I don't understand her at all.
Forgot to say this before, but I don't own OHSHC. Oh, and if you review, tell me who your favorite host is? I'm curious.
Without further ado... a recap.
"Ahh! Attack of the rose petals!" I immediately yelled without thinking, in English, then cursed myself for not keeping quiet. I even had my hands up in a fighting stance.
As the petals drifted towards the ground I looked to see a group of seven boys all dressed like… cowboys? Staring at me, open-mouthed. I stared back.
|!|!|!|!|
I recognized Ootori and Souh, but none of the others. "Uh… welcome?" The second shortest one said.
"Huh... huh… hi…" I said, spitting out a rose petal. "I'll be leaving now…"
"Why so fast, princess?" A voice behind me said. I wasn't sure what I walked into but I was prepared to run out. "Don't you want to stay and visit with me, prince of the lonely western wild?" I turned to see Souh closer than necessary, smiling a smile most would find irresistible… but one that plain creeped me out. What was he even talking about?
"No… not really." He smiled but his eyes began tearing up.
"Alas! So cold. Perhaps a golden cowboy can warm you up?" What the… what… wait… was he? I had no idea what was going on but when he stroked my cheek with his finger I shut my eyes tight and shot out with my fist.
"LEAVE ME ALONE!" I screamed, barely remembering to yell in Japanese. When I opened my eyes I found the two short boys staring at me somewhat scared, and the two redheaded twins tilting their heads in confusion.
"Eh, she's worse than you in the morning, Kyoya-senpai." They said together. I blinked twice. How did they do that so perfectly?
"That may be true, but what is she doing here in the first place?" Ootori asked. "Clarissa Chandler doesn't come to the Host Club, and she spends most of her time studying, like Haruhi."
"Oh." The twins said as I blinked again.
"How did you know that?" Was all I could say. A glance at the second shortest boy showed he was just as confusedly offended as I was.
"Senpai, you really shouldn't do that to people." He said. I nodded my head but felt a tug on my arm. Fearing the worst, I pulled it up and looked down not to see Souh, but the short boy.
"Clarissa-chan, wanna eat some cake with me and Usa-chan?" He asked in a voice that fit a boy in his kindergarten years, but he was wearing the high-school uniform.
"I don't like cake. How old are you?" I asked, brain numb.
"I'm a third-year! I'm in the same class as Takashi." He excitedly said as he pointed to the extremely tall one who was sitting in a chair, watching everything. He seemed to be the only sane one… if you overlooked the cowboy garb.
I shook my head and turned to go when I saw Souh sitting in a corner, looking very depressed. "Uh… Souh… is he okay? In the head?" As I said this Souh visibly flinched, as if he had been shot in the back. Everything was dramatically overdone with this guy.
"Tamaki-senpai…" The brown-haired short boy said. "Are you turning into an empty husk again?" So this happened all the time?
"All of you… especially Souh… and Ootori… and the twins… you're all really freaking me out. A lot. I'm going to leave now." And as I turned once again to leave, the sound of a powerful motor and a laugh that sent shivers down my spine, worse than even Kira's, echoed around the room. The floor began to shake as a dirty-blonde girl rose up on a platform. The laugh was coming from her.
"Tepid! Quite tepid!" She shouted. I blinked.
"No. No no no no no. This is not for real. This is a circus! A madhouse! I'm going to complain to the headmaster about this!" And I marched off yet again only to be washed away with a sea of yellow-clad girls. I did my best to glare at them but they ignored me and all ran towards some seat or another as I was knocked to the ground.
"I hate to bother you," I heard from above me. It was Ootori, and his tone did not suggest he hated bothering me at all. "But would you go cheer up Tamaki? He needs to entertain his guests." He didn't hold out a hand, so I pushed myself off the ground and looked around. The twins, the short and tall one, and the semi-normal short boy were all talking to the girls and pouring tea. Every now and then a girl would squeal and swoon. Weird.
"Um, no? I'm not going near that creep." I heard a moan and Souh, pale of all color, flinched so hard he righted himself and fell on top of the nearest person, the brown-haired guy.
"Haruhi… is Daddy really a creep?" The girls the unfortunate Haruhi had been entertaining backed away with a nervous apprehension, tinged with excitement.
"Senpai. Please get off of me." The boy's voice, which didn't sound like a boy's at all, piped out from under Souh, who had half-toppled over the couch. Suddenly, the twins were behind him.
"Tamaki-senpai, you're acting like a creep to Haruhi." They said in harmony. I shivered and turned back to Ootori.
"I'll give you one last shot, since you seem somewhat reasonable. I'll explain it very slowly, and I won't repeat myself, so listen. I am leaving! Because one: Souh is a creepy weirdo. Two: the twins are kind of disturbing me." Even as I said this, I glanced towards them, and they were hugging each other while two guests screamed in fangirl-ism. "Three: you're all dressed up like cowboys. Four: There is a person under your floor! With an astonishingly scary laugh! Five: All these girl's swooning is giving me a headache. Six: Because no matter how many times I ask, you bunch of idiots didn't tell me a thing! Seven: I was attacked with rose petals! Eight: The short guy is really, really weird! And he's eating more cake than he probably weighs! Nine: Because the only sane people in this bunch are technically insane by normal standards! And finally, Ten: You somehow knew about me, but I've never even talked to you before!"
"Are you done ranting?"
"Yes! No! Tell me how and what else you know!" I said. "I demand it."
Suddenly, Ootori's smirk grew wider. I felt my satisfaction and triumph at my long rant fading away.
"Clarissa Jane Chandler. Half-English, half-Japanese. Father is stockbroker Warren Chandler Jr., mother Shinju Nakatsuka-Chandler, formerly of the Nakatsuku plastic company's CEO's family. Despite being somewhat wealthy, you are a scholarship student. Your best grades are in English and Art, your worst in Science. You do not wear the school uniform, using the untruthful excuse that you don't have enough to pay for more than a sweatshirt."
I cut him off. "Fine! But I bet you wouldn't wear that banana-poof uniform either!" He glanced up bemusedly from his notebook, a continuous presence no matter what had happened in this oddball music room.
"I'm a boy. I would never need to wear the uniform." I blushed. My tongue had gotten out of control again, and I found myself shooting back with a typically mean response. I could be rude with annoying people or people I didn't know.
"Are you sure? You guys dress a tad weird. I wouldn't be surprised to find out this is a group of secret crossdressers and cosplayers." Again, a bemused smile. I wondered if my rude comment had hit any truth.
"Back on subject. I also know about your friends, Yuka." I held my breath as he smirked again. Ooh, I wanted to punch him so badly! So I did –not in the face, as I wanted, but in the gut. He was wearing glasses.
I ignored the death glares a few of the girls were giving me and the shocked faces off the boys and stomped –finally- out of the room.
"Wahh! She hurt Kyoya-kun!" I heard the short, cake monster wailing as I slammed the door.
|!|!|!|!|
The next day, as I hurried to get ready for school, pulling on my customary black skinny jeans and Ouran's gym uniform sweatshirt, I realized I must have forgotten my books at the school. I frowned and as I caught the bus, tried to remember the last place I set them… was it in the classrooms? I hoped it wasn't in the music room.
As luck would have it, I searched the entire day and found no sign of my silver book-bag in the classrooms. As I finished marking down on my arm the passages in the textbook the teacher was talking about so I could look them up later on today, the bell sounded. I added the final letter –using my native language since writing in Japanese was still harder than writing in English- and dashed out. My plan was to make it to the music room before any of the odd characters, especially Souh or Ootori, got there.
I ran all the way, got lost twice, but managed to find it before any of them got there. I found my bag in a far corner of the room, mostly dark, where another pile of junk was. I grabbed it and was about to leave when I heard the short one's chatter. I froze, looked around the room, and darted under a curtain. Underneath was a piano that I banged my head on, but it was a double hiding spot so I ignored the pain and crawled underneath it.
"Do you think she liked the cake we brought, Takashi?" The happy little guy said.
"Yeah." An unfamiliar voice, but when I peeked out the curtain, I saw there was only the tiny blonde and the huge, dark guy in here. The tall one began arranging tables and chairs that had previously been stacked up.
"I think she liked it. It had strawberries, and Haruhi-chan loves strawberries!" Haruhi was the name of that semi-normal guy Souh was harassing yesterday, right? Why was the short guy referring to him as a her?
"I wonder what Tamaki-kun will have us cosplay today? Or maybe no cosplay. Usa-chan likes cosplay. I think we should do a bunny cosplay sometime, except Tamaki got mad when Hikaru and Kaoru tried to get Haruhi to dress up as a bunny."
"Oh, Hunny! Mori! You're already here?" I heard the voice of Haruhi.
"Yeah. You know what? Class ended early for us. Did you and your papa enjoy the cake?" The shorty said.
"Haruhi's dad is too overprotective." Said one of the twins. I peeked out again and watched as he placed his arm on Haruhi's shoulder.
"Yeah. So is her "other" father, or so Tamaki thinks he is." Said the other twin, copying the first twin. I was struck with a childhood memory of Dr Suess. Thing 1 and thing 2.
"Maybe she should come play with us!" They finished in harmony, making me shiver again as I wondered about the whole he/she thing.
"Hey! What are you doing to my little girl!" Souh cried as he came in the room and saw the twins entwining their limbs around Haruhi, who just ignored it all. Behind Souh came Ootori. The sight of him made me remember my comment yesterday about crossdressers, and his reaction. Had I been right, after all?
"Mama! Make them stop!" Souh yelled at Ootori, pointing to the trio. This was too much. I let the curtain drape back down to hide me, bit into my elbow, and shook with laughter; effectively giving myself away.
"Eh? What do we have here?" The curtain was pulled up by the twins to reveal Haruhi shoving Tamaki away as he pushed a… teddy bear towards his/her face.
"Oh!" He gasped as he caught sight of me. "It's that girl from yesterday! Spy!" He freaked out and grabbed Haruhi's hand. "Haruhi! I'll protect you!" He pulled him/her towards the nearest sofa while I laughed so hard no sound came out. Everyone stared at me as I sat down and held my ribs to keep them from exploding. Finally the laugh died out into actual sound, but I didn't stop for awhile. The whole time their blank, confused faces kept me going.
"Are you done?" Asked Ootori when I was quiet for a little bit.
"Yes… I think so…" I said, casting an uncertain look to where Tamaki hiding behind the sofa with his teddy bear in hand almost made me start up again.
"Then what are you doing here?" I felt myself getting annoyed again.
"Shut up, mama, I just came to get my book-bag."
"Then why were you under the piano?" The twins asked.
"More importantly, how long was she there?" Said Ootori.
"The answer to both questions is that when I heard those two," I pointed to Takashi and the short one… either Mori or Hunny. "I freaked out and dove for cover."
Ootori's eyes grew darker. "In other words, you know about Haruhi?"
"Um… I think? She's a girl or he's a boy… I'm a little confused as to which is which… why does that matter?" At this point he started talking about private police or something. I ignored him and started checking to make sure everything was in my bag and the writing on my hands and arms were intact. With alarm I saw that the words were beginning to fade. After accidentally messing up a science experiment, I'd had to wash my arms and face very thoroughly and now the after-effects were showing.
"That's all very nice, but I have to go now. Cheerio!" I said and dashed towards the door, eyes on my hand. Somehow, there was a banana peel on the floor and I slipped and hit my head on something. I closed my eyes as pain began to spread through my head. "Ow…" I moaned.
"Are you alright?" I heard the short guy ask. My finger went of it's own accord to a spot on my forehead where the pain went from sharp to throbbing. I touched something warm, wet -and as oxygen hit the substance- sticky.
"I… I'm fine." I said as I remembered the fading notes. "Get away." I said, and opened my eyes, afraid of what I would see. Haruhi, the twins, Shortie, Souh, and Takashi all bent over me with concerned faces… or Takashi's was slightly concerned, and mostly blank. Ootori stood behind them, furiously writing away at something.
"Away. Please." I tried again. They remained there.
"That looks really bad." Haruhi said. "Maybe you should go to the hospital." I freaked out. Hospital? I couldn't write down my homework and all the lesson references I'd need if they took me to a hospital.
"No." I pushed myself off the ground, first sitting, then standing. I was aware of my knees threatening to give out and the room starting to spin. I looked around to see what I had hit my head on, and saw it was some type of teapot or something. "Sorry for breaking your… pot." I said.
"Don't worry about it." Haruhi said. "It's not like it was an expensive antique vase or anything. Right, Kyoya-senpai?" He/she glanced at Ootori. "Right, Kyoya-senpai?" His/her brow furrowed in worry. "Oh no." He/she said as the glasses Ootori wore were pushed up and light reflected on them so his eyes were impossible to see.
"Very like an expensive, antique vase, Haruhi. And yes, Clarissa. You're going to have to go to the hospital." I shook my head and instantly regretted it as needles of pain stabbed through my brain. A drop of blood slid down my face and into my eye. I brushed it away and caught sight of the writing.
"Can we talk about this tomorrow? I have homework… and lessons…" Ootori noticed the almost-gone writing on my hands that were visible with my rolled up sleeves, and grabbed my arm.
"These notes are from today's lessons." I almost replied with a certain witty Sherlock Holmes phrase, but the pain in my forehead called for a quick departure.
"Tomorrow it is then." I said and tried to leave. Walking proved to be too much, the room started turning somersaults and my knees stopped working with a rubbery type of feeling about them. I fell towards the ground for the second time today, but impossibly fast and strong arms caught me. I looked up into Takashi's expressionless face and closed my eyes, wishing I was dead. This was so embarrassing.
A/N: Yes, I used the totally cliche broke-something-of-the-host-club's plot. But with all those banana peels, how can you not be breaking something of theirs? I'm seriously doubt that realistically, Haruhi would be the only one in debt. Not that it matters, this story was written with the idea that cliches can be funny if treated right. But this isn't a parody. It's just something that will hopefully make people laugh. The fun thing about tightly-wound characters... when they unravel, it makes for lots of laughs!
So, there's gonna be a little poking fun at another cliche plot, while I'm using it. I'm so two-faced. Oh well!
If your reading this, and reviewing, should the banana peel return?
