"Jesus, they really love you here don't they?" Jude's guitarist, Neil, laughed as they walked through the backstage doors to the green room after her third encore.
"What can I say?" Jude grinned, taking a drink from the water bottle in her hand. "I am just that good."
"The energy out there was fucking insane!" the drummer, Cassie, whooped as she came through the door, holding up her sticks for Jude to see. The tip of one was broken off. "This is the fourth one I broke tonight!"
"Well, you killed it, as usual," Jude said, holding up a hand for Cassie to high-five.
"You know it!" Cassie smacked Jude's hand. "Great show, babes," she said, pointing at Jude and Neil before walking toward the dressing room.
"Miss Harrison?" a voice came from behind her and she turned to see one of the assistant stage managers with her clipboard and her headset. "They wanted me to let you know that VIPs are starting to line up whenever you're ready."
"Okay, thanks." Jude said with a smile, feeling guilty about having to repress an instinctive grimace. She usually tried very hard to be grateful for the fame, for the number of people willing to pay what she was sure was a small fortune just for a chance to talk to her backstage for 30 seconds and take a few pictures. The fans were sweet, for the most part, and security had been really good throughout the tour about keeping the creepers at bay. Her irritation wasn't really about the fans, tonight, it was something else that had been bothering her. Tonight was her final performance in Toronto, and she had yet to hear anything at all from Tommy.
She'd respected his wishes and hadn't called him again since that painful late-night mistake of a phone call almost four months ago, but as soon as she'd found out her Toronto tour dates, she'd wrangled VIP passes to both performances and sent them to Tommy along with a note that read "I understand if you don't want to, but it would mean a lot if you came. I'll be staying with Sadie, please feel free to come by. I'd love to see you. Let me know. You have my number. –Jude"
She'd felt sure that he'd at least text her at some point, but there had been nothing. She'd begged her sister to ask him about it, but Sadie, who was an advocate for clean breaks, had refused. Jude had even planned a visit to G Major during her small bit of free time, but though it had been nice to see the place again, and great to see some of her old friends (even Karma and Darius), Tommy, ultimately the true reason for the visit, wasn't even at work. When she'd asked Darius, as casually as she could, where Tommy was, she found out that it was his day off. She'd texted him that she'd stopped by the studio and that she was sorry she'd missed him, and he'd texted back "my day off sorry". The reply had been curt enough to sting a little, but at least it was something. She'd texted back "another time before i leave?" but he'd replied with an infuriating "maybe" and replying to him again had felt futile.
Both of the shows in Toronto, Jude's eyes had searched the crowd for Tommy, though she knew it was hopeless. Even if the lights hadn't been blinding, she wouldn't have been able to pick him out of the sea of faces.
"Harrison, look alive." Neil prompted, snapping his fingers a couple times in front of her face, and Jude realized she'd been staring off into space. "The sooner you start signing those autographs, the sooner we're out of here. Get to it, eh?"
Jude gave her head a little shake to clear it. "Yeah. Sorry, I'm on it."
She was halfway through the line of the thirty-some VIP pass-holders when she looked up and saw Tommy leaning against a wall at the back of the queue. Her heart felt like it stopped for a second, and she dropped the sharpie she was holding. One of the eager young girls in front of Jude picked it up and said excitedly, "Jude! Jude, here! You dropped this!" while holding it out to her.
Jude smiled at her distractedly and took the marker. "Thanks, sweetie. I, uh, I'm gonna be right back, okay? Just a second." Tommy had been looking down at the ground when she'd first caught sight of him, but he looked up as she made her way to him, ignoring the fans' confused murmuring. He gave her a crooked smile and her heart squeezed again. "You came," she breathed quietly when she reached him.
"Of course." He smiled, and the sound of his voice flooded her with warmth. "You were amazing."
"I, uh, I'm kind of…" she gestured at the line of fans.
"No, I get it," he said quickly. "Don't neglect your fans on my account. I'll wait, go ahead."
"Okay. Thank you so much for coming, Tommy."
"Of course," he said again.
Jude went back to the front of the line and did her best not to rush through the rest of the fans. She could feel Tommy's eyes on her, though he was all the way down at the end of the long hallway, and she knew he'd be disappointed in her if she short-changed any of the people here, all so eager to meet her. Finally the last two fans in line, primary school-aged sisters that reminded Jude faintly of herself and Sadie, took their pictures and were ushered out. Jude looked up to see Tommy walking towards her. He had ducked under one of the ropes defining the line, and one of the security guards moved to stop him. "No, no, it's fine, he's a friend of mine." Jude said quickly, and the guard nodded at her and stepped back.
"So, how about an autograph?" Tommy joked as he reached her.
She held up her sharpie. "Sure thing," she said, too flirtatiously, looking him up and down. He looked good. Really good. Her skin prickled a little and her tongue flicked out to wet her lips, her mouth suddenly very dry. "I'll sign anywhere you want." She'd meant it as a joke, but her voice came out huskier than she meant it. It was too far, she knew, as she saw him tense a little. "Sorry," she apologized with a sigh, "that came out weird. I guess I'm nervous."
"No worries. This is weird for me too." He smiled again and said, "But you look great, Jude. And you sounded amazing."
"You really think so?" she asked. "Did you like the new stuff, hearing it live?"
"I loved it, girl. More than loved it. I mean it, your sound… It was all incredible. You've come a long way. I'm really proud of you."
She felt herself flush a little at the compliment, and she felt a little surge of happiness when he called her 'girl'. "Thanks, Tommy." There was a pause, then, and she shifted, uncomfortable, before quietly saying, "I wasn't sure you were coming. I was starting think you weren't going to."
Tommy sighed. "I'm sorry, I should've let you know, this week has just been crazy, and I wasn't sure if I'd, uh, have the time, so…"
Jude could tell that was a lie, and she felt a pang of sadness. She pushed it away quickly and smiled again. "Well, you came, that's what–"
"Oi, Harrison, what's the hold up?" came Neil's voice from behind her. Jude turned to see him coming out of the dressing room. "Clock's tickin', love," he said as he walked up to her. "You still haven't told me where we're going tonight."
"Oi, jackass, I'm talking to someone." Jude scolded.
Neil reached them and looked at Tommy in surprise. "Oh, sorry."
Jude rolled her eyes and said "Tommy, this is Neil Martell, my guitarist. Neil, this is–"
"Tom Quincy." Neil finished. "Pleasure."
Neil held out his hand, and Tommy shook it, saying, "Yeah, nice to meet you. Great show."
Neil beamed. "Thanks, we try." He turned back to Jude and said "I'm serious, Jude, it's the last night! Day off tomorrow, no performances, no travel 'til late, we have to go big tonight. And you're the Toronto native, so you say where. I'm not spending another night trying to have fun in a damn hotel bar, you hear me? That's fine in fucking Moose town wherever, but Toronto's a real city, and you're gonna find me somewhere fun."
Jude shifted uncomfortably, glancing sideways at Tommy. "Neil, I don't want to go big, okay? Besides, I may be from the city, but that doesn't mean I know bars–"
"Clubs." Neil corrected, gesturing to his face. "This is club eyeliner."
Jude rolled her eyes again. "Either way, I left for London when I was still underage here, remember?"
"Never heard of fake IDs?"
She grimaced. "The only time I ever used one, I got arrested." Neil laughed loudly and Jude shook her head, "And you really don't want to go to The Chain, trust me."
"Oh, come on, you find the best places in London, you expect me to believe you don't know anywhere in your hometown?"
She glanced uncomfortably at Tommy again, who was watching her with an expression she couldn't quite read, his eyebrows slightly raised. She hissed, "Just drop it, Neil, I'm not in the mood."
"Ha!" Neil laughed again. "Good one. Jude Harrison not in the mood to party. Very funny."
"Neil, I'm serious, drop it. I don't want to go out."
"Please." Neil scoffed, still seemingly believing she was joking. "You're always down to go out." To her horror, he turned to grin at Tommy. "You know what I'm talking about." He looked back at Jude with a knowing smile. "He knows what I'm talking about. Harrison goes harder than anyone."
Tommy's eyebrows shot up higher and Jude wanted to strangle her guitarist. "Jesus, Neil, let it go! I don't know any clubs, okay?" she snapped at him.
"I can help you out." Tommy said casually, and Jude turned to him in surprise. "Club scene in Toronto is decent, depends on what you're looking for."
Neil's eyes lit up as he and Tommy started talking about nightclubs. Jude wished the ground would open up and swallow her whole. When they'd agreed on one of Tommy's recommendations, Neil took the sharpie from Jude's hand and wrote the name and address on his palm. "I like this guy!" Neil exclaimed to Jude. "I like you!" he reiterated, pointing to Tommy.
Tommy laughed. "Uh, thanks. Glad to help, I guess."
"You're coming out with us, right?" Neil asked Tommy, then turned to Jude. "He's coming out with us."
Jude tried to shoot Neil a look that would make him realize he needed to shut up, but he was, as usual, oblivious. Tommy laughed again, a little uncomfortably. "I, uh, I don't think I can, but thanks."
"Ah, come on."
"No, I really can't, man."
"Come off it! You can't miss out on an opportunity to party with–"
"Neil!" Jude said sharply, cutting him off. "Drop it!"
Neil looked at her in surprise, like he was realizing for the first time that she was legitimately irritated with him. "Sorry," he apologized to Tommy. "No pressure. But if you're ever in London we'll show you a good time, guaranteed."
"I'll, uh… keep it in mind."
"Good." Neil turned to Jude. "I'm giving you fifteen minutes, Harrison."
She started to protest again that she didn't want to go out, but he was already walking back down the hallway. She gave an exasperated sigh and turned back to Tommy, who was looking at her with raised eyebrows. She gave him a pained look. "Sorry about Neil."
Tommy laughed. "I'm gonna have to call Chaz and tell him I met the British version of him circa 1996."
"Neil's a good guy, honestly, he's an awesome guitarist, he's usually really professional… He's just a little intense sometimes about clubs and that whole scene. He's kind of… wild, I guess."
Tommy just gave a "hmm" and continued to watch her like he was studying her. Just say it, she thought. As if he'd read her mind, Tommy softly quoted "'Harrison goes harder than anyone', eh?"
"He's exaggerating," she muttered, embarrassed. "I really don't party that much."
"Jude, it's fine, I get it, trust me. It's that superstar lifestyle. I know better than anyone. No judgement, I promise." Despite his words, he was frowning slightly, a familiar crease between his eyebrows.
Jude was about to say something in response when a woman's voice came from the end of the hall. "There you are!"
Jude and Tommy both turned to see a tall brunette woman walking down the hall towards them. Jude caught Tommy's fleeting look of panic before he composed his expression and said "Hey, sorry," to the woman. That's when Jude recognized her, and her heart sank to her feet.
"It's just that when you said you were going to come backstage to say hi I wasn't expecting it to take 45 minutes," she said when she reached Tommy. She rested an arm on his shoulder, looking a bit like she was draping herself over him, and turned to Jude, stretching out a hand. "Hi, I'm–"
"Mikala Sterling." Jude finished, her throat suddenly tight. "Sure, hi." They shook hands.
Mikala looked between Tommy and Jude and laughed lightly. "Perfect place to bring your girlfriend, eh? An ex-girlfriend's concert? Tom sure knows how to show a girl a good time." Jude felt a jolt of pain in her stomach at the word "girlfriend."
Tommy tensed. "Mikala," he said in a low voice, "don't."
"I'm kidding!" Mikala gave another light laugh and brushed Tommy's cheek lightly with the backs of her long fingers. "You know I'm kidding." She turned back to Jude. "Really, it was a great show. I really enjoyed it. I see what Tom means when he talks about how talented you are."
Jude saw Tommy wince. "Thanks," she said politely, "that's nice of you to say." Her head was spinning a little at the idea that Tommy talked about her to his girlfriend. God, his girlfriend. She felt sick.
Mikala turned back to Tommy. "Baby, I don't mean to rush you, really, but I have a shoot obscenely early in the morning tomorrow, so I really need to get home."
"Uh… Right yeah, can you just give me like ten minutes? I'll meet you at the entrance we came in?"
Mikala shot Jude a quick glance, but smiled at Tommy. "Sure thing. Take your time." She put her hands on either side of his face and leaned in to kiss him on the lips. Jude felt the knife in her stomach twist and looked away. "Nice to meet you, Jude." Mikala said pleasantly.
Jude looked up again quickly and forced a smile. "Yeah, nice to meet you, thanks for coming." Mikala gave a little wave and turned back down the hallway, her heels clicking. When the door closed behind her, Jude let out a soft "oh."
"I'm sorry." Tommy said, looking pained. "I should've told you I was here with someone."
"With your girlfriend, apparently."
Tommy winced. "We haven't actually had that conversation. She just… I don't know where that came from."
"You're exclusive?" she asked, trying to keep her tone casual.
He hesitated. "We… haven't really talked about that either. Jude, I–"
"No," she cut him off "it's fine, it's none of my business. She seems… nice." Jude's voice came out higher than she wanted it to be. "She's very pretty."
He sighed. "Jude…"
"It's okay!" she insisted, her voice practically a squeak at the end. She cleared her throat and said, "It sounded like she wanted you to take her home, I don't want to get you in trouble. Besides, Neil's gonna be pissed when I take too long to change, so I should go anyway. It was good to see you. Thanks again for coming."
Tommy looked for a second like he was going to protest, but then he just nodded said "It was good to see you too. And seriously, the show was amazing."
"Thanks." She smiled. "Bye, Tommy." She hesitated for a second, then stepped forward and wrapped her arms around his neck. He slipped his arms around her waist and hugged her back. Somehow, after all this time, he smelled the same as she remembered. God, she'd missed that smell. It flooded her with memories of the studio, of writing with him, of waking up in his bed with his arms around her. She resisted the urge to bury her face in his neck, and instead forced herself to pull back when it had been too long.
"Jude…" he said softly. His gaze was intense, dark and sad and almost longing. He reached up a hand as if to touch her face, then pulled it back at the last minute and stepped back, pulling away fully and dropping his arms to his sides. He cleared his throat. "It was good to see you. Uh… take care."
"Sure. You too." She smiled as brightly as she could, and he gave her one last long look before nodding and turning away.
