Chapter Two: How the Pieces Fall
Freshman Year, Fall Semester
Ryder ran through his audition song in his head. Relax, he said to himself. Marley and Jake are auditioning too. You have nothing to worry about. Although Jake's audition was something to worry about because he was another competitor for the role of Gabe. And of course Marley wanted Natalie; there were only a few roles for freshmen and sophomores. It was expected that seniors would get Diana, Dan, and Dr. Madden. Everyone was a little surprised that NYADA was doing Next to Normal, as there were so few roles, but that was the reality of Broadway.
The reality of Broadway. This was even less competitive than Broadway, what if he didn't get cast? What if he failed? Then he'd be a screw-up all his life, a miserable Broadway wannabe.
.
.
.
Jake was scared shitless.
Ryder and pretty much all the other male freshmen were auditioning for Gabe. Either Gabe or Henry, and Gabe was by far the more desirable part. Marley would be auditioning for Natalie, and she'd probably get it…
Jake wondered what she was thinking right now. Probably confident she'd get it. And then she'd be making out onstage with whatever Henry had been cast…
Wait a second.
As Jake's name was called into the audition room, and he walked in, he introduced himself. "My name is Jake Puckerman, and I will be auditioning for the role of Henry…"
.
.
.
NYADA was fast as hell at casting, but they always waited a couple extra days to string the students along. For Ryder, those days were hell. Waking up. Wondering if he was cast. Eating breakfast. Wondering if he was cast. Going to class. Wondering if he was cast. And so on, and so on.
So when the cast list was finally posted, Ryder was one of the first kids to see it. He scanned through the list.
DIANA — Rachel Berry
DAN — Olly Stroud
DR. MADDEN/DR. FINE — Lionel Vincent Thomas
NATALIE — Marley Rose
HENRY — Jake Puckerman
GABE — Ryder Lynn
Ryder couldn't believe it. Not only would he play Gabe (his dream role for Next to Normal), Marley would play Natalie and Jake would play Henry. Ryder was confused, though, because, at NYADA, you rarely got a role you didn't try out for. Hell, you rarely got a role. But it was incredibly uncommon to get a role you didn't ask for. So Jake must have changed his mind—perhaps when he realized that whoever played Henry would get to kiss Natalie—in this case, Marley.
So if Jake still had feelings for Marley, and Marley to date had still rejected him since their breakup, it really was high school all over again. And if it was high school all over again, then Unique possibly still had feelings for him. Damn, he really hoped she didn't. No. He wanted to hope she didn't.
This ignoring-his-feelings-and-pretending-he-didn't-have-them thing was getting him nowhere. He had to actually reject any possible feelings with pure logic—that was a good idea. Then he could legitimately have no more feelings for Unique.
So Unique was a girl. A girl in all respects except who she was born as—God, this was confusing. He needed help. Advice. From someone who understood.
Who? Sheldon Beiste? No, he hadn't spoken to Beiste since before his transition, he didn't want to make things awkward. Kurt Hummel? He'd never actually met Kurt, that wouldn't work. Blaine Anderson? If Blaine understood Unique, that might actually work. But—damn. Saying any of it out loud would make it that much more real. If it was in his head, he could ignore it.
Ryder dialed Blaine's number. He hadn't talked to the guy since he'd been transferred away from McKinley and Blaine had graduated from high school. He finally pressed the call button and put the phone to his ear.
"Ryder?" Blaine's familiar voice jolted Ryder back to yet more untouched memories. "Long time no see, man!"
"Yeah, Blaine," Ryder said.
"How's NYADA going? I heard you got the lead in the musical! Congratulations!"
"It's not the lead. More like the freshman lead," Ryder said defensively.
"Freshman lead," Blaine laughed.
"How'd you even find out?" Ryder asked. "I didn't think you went to NYADA anymore."
"Rachel told me," Blaine explained. "She's playing Diana, I think. You'll be working closely with her, then. Doesn't Gabe have loads of scenes with her?"
"Yeah," Ryder said. "He's always talking to her. He convinces her to try to kill herself at some point."
"That's pretty messed up," Blaine said.
"Next to Normal is pretty messed up. Well, some of it is."
"Anyway," Blaine said, "why'd you call? Not that I don't want to hear from you," he quickly added. "I mean, you're always welcome to call me—"
"I—I needed to talk to someone like you or Kurt or someone," Ryder explained. "I—"
"Are you coming out to me?" Blaine seemed amused.
"No!" Ryder sighed, frustrated. "Well—I don't know. You know Unique Adams?"
A sly smile crossed Blaine's face (not that Ryder could see it over the phone). "Yes," Blaine said.
Ryder had had this all planned out. But when it came to actually saying it, confessing what he was scared might be true—he couldn't do it.
"Nevermind," Ryder said. "Bye." He hung up and leaned back against the wall. Why couldn't he get his shit together? Because he was afraid he might like a boy?
Ryder shook his head and lay back down on his bed. He lay there, staring at the ceiling, for about five minutes before Jake came back in.
"Hey, man," Jake said as he searched through their closet for his pajamas. "Congrats on getting into the musical."
"You too," Ryder muttered distantly.
As Jake changed, Ryder returned to his own thoughts. Why was this so hard? Why couldn't he just face the fact that he might like Unique?
And for the first time, Ryder's head didn't try to deny that fact.
For the first time, he was being honest.
A/N: Thank you for all the reviews! I'll try to update every week but that may not always work, just stick with me. And yes, Unique/Ryder is endgame. Kitty will show up, but the four main characters have not met her at NYADA yet. And yes, I have a good reason for this story taking place at NYADA. It was originally going to be NYU, but NYADA gives me an advantage that I'm not sure NYU would. Plus I get Rachel and Kurt to work with, too.
