Tobias doesn't reach for my hands and we enter the Justice building. Just walks alongside me like a stranger, just a fellow tribute. His eyes look navy, extremely dark and they look straight ahead without even a glimpse of kindness or sadness swimming in them. Tobias has always been a wall of support to many, including me, but in that moment it felt like our two hearts beating as one had lost pace.
Tara burst into the room crying, choking on her own sobs.
"Why did you do that?" was all that I could register from her inaudible cries. Dominic was there and he sat her down, rubbing slow, small circles on her back.
"You know why." I said. Dominic's eyes were now sober, without tears. He'd always been the brother I'd never had. He worshipped my sister even though I had despised her as a sibling always should, but I still never left her side. I let the guards take them away after our few minutes were up, I didn't bother to clutch onto my sister until the last moment. She was a slobbering mess and I didn't want to cry as well when I faced the cameras. As I saw their figures disappear behind a closing door, I thought of their baby and the family that I had kept together. I saw them walking out into their future with their child, who would someday be frightened of the reaping, just like every other.
I stepped on the train bound for the Capitol with not a tear in my eye. Again, Tobias was beside me like a ghost. His eyes were as clear as a shiny reaping bowl, without a tear. We entered the dining car with the woman in green whose name I learned is Zelia, who immediately departed to find our mentors just as the train was about to leave. Just us now. This was better. Still, an instant shiver began at my shoulder blades and tingled through my body. I felt Tobias' breath behind me; that had been so warm on my skin a second ago, suck in air and exhale a shaky breath. He moved to the window and watched District 7 for what could be the last time. I touched the rimmed edge of a scalloped china plate with the tips of my fingers set out on the elegant dining table. In an instant, a tremendous rage filled me. I grasped the plate in hand and admired its pristine porcelain surface, then smashed it forcefully against the fresh carpet. I thought about the feeling in my gut when his name was called. I reached for another plate and felt it shatter against the wall. Another, then another. I tore around the table for every plate and flung them about the floor. In between my choked sobs I flung the knives and silverware and all of them stuck in the navy wallpaper. I fell to the floor, blood soaked among the scattered glass. And I didn't even hear Tobias cross the room to me, but he did; he crouched beside me as I lay covered in blood and broken china. Slowly, he picked me up lithely in his arms and held me through my tears. Brushing my hair and rocking me like a child. He is all I ever wanted, but not like this.
"Paisley." He whispers into my hair. "Paisley, Paisley." Just my name, over and over.
"This is a horrible nightmare, isn't it?" I ask. "A horrible nightmare." I pull away from him.
"I would like to think so," he says dully. "but I can't." I pull him tighter into my arms.
"We'll face this together, won't we? You won't desert me?" my tears have all but stopped now.
"Of course… I wouldn't even think of leaving you." His arms tighten around my waist. "I guess that I'm glad that if I have to go into this… I have you beside me." I reach my face up to his and press our lips together in a hasty forceful kiss. Then, as if thinking the same thing at once, we both rose off the carpet and dusted the little shards of white china off of ourselves. I looked down at my hands, which were cut in dozens of places with blood encircling the miniscule wounds. Tobias reached for a napkin off of the table and pressed it to my hands as we moved away from the dining table and sat by one of the windows.
"Geez, Paisley. The last time I saw you that angry we were eight." He laughs as we sit down, our knees touching. I smiled as I think back to the day. Although Tobias and I have known each other practically since birth, we had never spoken until we had both left school to begin working in the forest. Normally in District 7, children don't begin the arduous process of chopping down trees until they've reached a certain age, usually fourteen or fifteen. As eight year olds, we worked in the lumber yard. We rose before the sun with our hatches in hand and we hacked branches apart before throwing them in the heavy, and not to mention, loud machine that incinerated the wood into sawdust on the other side. My first day, I worked silently among the few other children manning the same machine. It was loud and hard to breathe with all the sawdust in the air, and the other children began making a game of throwing their hatches at the branches to cut them. I remember even then, I thought that they were stupid for not doing it the way you're supposed to, and silently kept about my work. Right as I had lifted up my hatchet for another chop, I felt a sharp stinging in my ear. My fingers fumbled to my ear and found that it was bleeding, but there was no blood on my small axe. A hatchet that had been thrown had obviously missed its target and was now planted in the wall behind me. Tobias had thrown an axe at my ear. I screamed and yelled furiously and chased him out of the lumber yard with all the other children following, cheering on. Once Tobias had reached a clearing in the woods, I tackled him down and rubbed his face into the dirt.
"You threw a hatchet at my head, granted." I snapped back. We both smiled.
"But you gotta admit, it was pretty good aim for an eight year old."
"Yeah, whatever, I still tackled you."
When our trainers walk in, they step over the avoxes cleaning up the china with no glances their way. One, the woman, I recognize as Johanna Mason, the favourite of District 7's victors, and the other is Blight, a man who won his games before I could even walk. They both walk in the room with authority, and Blight wastes no time in getting to the games.
"Why is hell's name would you volunteer for a fully grown eighteen year old?" Blight immediately begins to shout. I am immediately struck and it takes a moment to realize he is speaking to me. He cocks his head to the side, angry for an answer.
"I.. I.." I stumble.
"Her odds are significantly better than yours and you decide to-"
"She's pregnant!" I stand up and finally get my voice out. "She's pregnant and she's vulnerable! Didn't I do the right thing?" he stops short, surprised by my courage.
"Fair enough." He says and sits down at the table and shoos away the remaining avoxes. I am left standing there with anger still raging inside of me and he had cut me off. Johanna begins to speak up as she fills a plate with the Capitol food.
"So who broke all the plates?" I swallow.
"I did." She purses her lips and nods as she sits down. She gestures to the knives in the wall.
"I like your handiwork." She says bluntly. I say nothing. Tobias follows as the mentors do and grabs himself a plate of food and so do I. At the moment, Zelia comes prancing into the dining car.
"How about we watch the recaps of the day?" she suggests excitedly in her Capitol screech. A TV appears out of the wall and I watch as Tobias reached for my hand under the table. They start with District 1, as usual. A strong tall boy with light brown skin volunteers, same with the girl. Black hair and extremely pale skin, tall and lean. The list goes on and after that I only remember a few. District 2 had volunteers as usual, both who were even bigger than District 1. A girl only thirteen is reaped from District 5. Finally, they reach District 7. Tara's name is called, and then I am soon up on the stage. On TV, I look like a maniac, not like the brave warriors of District 1 and 2 when they volunteer. My bones feel empty when I know Tobias' name is called. He looked as if he knew it would be his name pulled from that bowl all along. We go into the Justice Building immediately after and to my surprise; they cut to Tara, still throwing up. Soon she's babbling and I can't believe what I'm hearing through her sobs.
"She volunteered for me! Me! So I could stay with the boy I love when she's going into a fight to the death with hers!" Immediately I feel Zelia, Johanna, and Blight's eyes on the two of us. Tobias fiddles with his food and holds on to my hand tight. I squeeze his hand back. Zelia shuts off the TV after that.
"You two?" Blight shouts. Wow, he can really get worked up quickly. All he ever speaks in is a shout, I notice. Before I can answer, Zelia shrieks.
"Ooh! How wonderful! Why, won't this be a story for the Capitol! The lovers from District 7!" I look into Tobias' eyes and see the same look I saw the night before.
