The muggle felt like he had been swallowed by an angry badger and instantly come out in the other end.
How did he get here?
Oh right… the white-haired wizard…
"For the sake of convenience i might as well learn your name for this journey. You already know me as Mr. Malfoy. And you are…?"
Instead of an evil mage, the muggle was now looking at someone who more resembled an evil lawyer.
Is that a real golden beetle holding his tie in place?
"I'm… Jacob, i suppose… you haven't turned me into a newt or something, have you?" said Jacob where he stood on all four, quite shaken from being apparated
"Don't be silly. If anything, i would rather turn you into a dung beetle, muggle. I mean, Jacob.
Now, how do we get to your shoebox, or barrel or whatever you live in?"
"We'll take the tube, i guess."
"Do i look like an idiot? How in Merlin's outhouse are we supposed to travel on a tube?"
"It's what we call the underground train..."
"Obliviate!
Well that was embarrasing…"
"What?"
"Obliviate!"
"We'll take the tube, i guess."
"No Jacob, i don't feel like being pushed between unknown people with dirty bodies.
Are there any more private alternatives?"
"I suppose we could ask my private jet to pick us up."
"And what is that, Jacob?"
Jacob flinched for a moment and thought to himself, as quietly as possible, since he had learnt during the two last weeks that the wizard apparently could read minds when having eye contact: Why is Mr. Malfoy so… polite? And does he really have that little knowledge about the non-magical world?
That truth serum seemed to had lost most of its effect by now and Jacob decided he might as well take it up a step.
He felt for some reason that messing with an evil wizard was interesting enough to weigh up the risk of getting incinerated on the spot.
His wiener had shrunk to the size of a big peanut by now, so what more did he have to lose anyway?
"Don't you know? It's one of those flying bird-shaped machines made out of metal. Everyone has at least one."
"Really? It would indeed be interesting to travel with one".
"Allright then. Since there's no space to land here they have to pick us up with the hang seat."
"The hang seat?"
"Yeah it's like a seat hanging down under it which can pick us up without stopping. Just stand like this next to me to show you're also a passenger, and i'll whistle for them to come. Should just take a couple of seconds."
Jacob bent his knees where he stood on the sidewalk, looking like he was about to sit down, and crossed his hands above his head.
Lucius watched the young man with scepticism, but eventually took on the same pose next to Jacob and faced the same direction. Lucius was too occupied to hold a serious face to notice Jacob being on the verge of losing his own serious face.
Jacob gave off a sharp whistle, and two old ladies walking across the street looked upon the odd couple with wide open eyes and slightly open mouths.
"Is that some new kind of yoga?" whispered one of the ladies.
"I don't know Margaret… do you have your pepper spray, just in case they are mad?" whispered the other one.
"No, i thought you had it."
"Just keep walking. And stop staring." said the other lady as they picked up their pace, throwing occasional glances across the street.
5 seconds passed.
"Jacob… Why did they look at us like that?"
Jacob couldn't keep himself together anymore and started laughing hysterically.
The old ladies both looked back with fear and started running as fast as was appropriate for women of their age.
"I'm sorry Mr. Malfoy" wheezed Jacob with tears running down his face while standing bent like a cheese doodle, still laughing.
"I was just joking and wanted to see if you believed me."
Lucius' face turned red and thin streaks of smoke actually came out if his ears.
"You little shit! How dare you mock me, the head of the Malfoy house!" said Lucius as he reached for the wand inside his suit.
The ladies who still were throwing occasional glances back simultaneously yelled "Gun! Aieeeeh!" in the bright voice that two horrified old ladies usually would have, threw their handbags and started running way faster than they should be able to.
People down the street moved aside and watched them with puzzled faces and looked around for a gunman, but all they could see was a businessman and a laughing youngster.
Lucius stopped for a moment, realizing no harm had actually been done. Those muggle ladies probably didn't know him anyway.
He took his hand out of his suit, holding no wand, and instead took on a slight smile. Then he started laughing aswell, though in a more proper manner than the wheezing Jacob.
This day was odd enough already, so why not have a laugh instead of getting all fired up.
"I admit Jacob, that was a good one. Do you usually go around and scare old women like that?"
"Nah, that was just a coincidence."
"I see. I suppose you don't have private jet then either?"
"No of course not, only the richest of the rich have those."
"I guess i should have realized that" said Lucius, still carrying a slight smile.
"Let's just move along then. How do we really get to your home?"
"We could take a cab."
"Then summon one with haste."
Jacob whistled loudly, and a black cab stopped right in front of them.
Lucius was a bit impressed, albeit not too much, of how fast that was without the use of a couldn't comprehend the dialect of either Jacob or the driver during their quick exchange of words, sounding rather like the drunkards in Knockturn Alley.
Jacob stepped into the back seat of the cab and Lucius followed after.
They both quietly watched the passing streets with solemn faces for a while. Jacob was just happy to be on his way home and Lucius… well, he had gotten a bit curious, now that he could look at anything he wanted without anyone of importance seeing him.
"Oh merlin's ass!"
Jacob thought to himself, again very quiet: "is that really how wizards curse? Wait… was Merlin real?".
"I forgot to exchange for muggle money at Gringott's. Is there any way to trade in gold around here?"
"You could try at the pawn broker over there. We're almost at my place anyway.
Oi, we're off here mate!"
Jacob handed the driver what few coins he had left and the odd couple stepped out on the street.
Lucius found himself in front of a shop with a sign saying "Reissig's Pawning".
It seemed very much like the muggle equivalent of Borgin and Burkes, judging by the ornamented swords and odd jewelry lying in display.
He stepped through the open door hearing something resembling a bell. It ringed again when Jacob came in.
Had this muggle some sort of connections with wizards, and how could he display an alerting charm so openly in the muggle world?
"Good day Mr. Reissig. Haven't sold my watch yet, have ya?"
A short man with a striking resemblance to an angrier version of bank teller Bogrod at Gringott's kept staring down at the counter, seeming to be tinkering with a box filled with cogs and springs.
"Do i look like i have a shortage of junk to sell?" said a coarse voice from the little man.
"Now what business do you have here today, Jacob?"
"You don't happen to buy gold, do ya?"
"Not from you."
"As so happens, i've got a new client for ya. Meet Mr. Malfoy."
The little man looked up from his tinkering and inspected Lucius' attire with a steady look.
"I suppose i have to open the vault?"
"No, it's just a matter of a small exchange for some… daily errands." said Lucius, sounding as formal as he usually did.
He took out a small silver lined purse from his pocket and took 20 galleons from it.
"How much would one get for these?" he said, and laid them in a perfect stack on the counter.
"One minute" said the man and took out a scale, a small beaker, a cup of water and some pointy instruments.
After he had weighted the coin, dropped it in water and inspected it in all sorts of strange manners he said "The gold ain't too much, but they seem well made and should have some collector's value. Eighty pounds seem fair?"
"That seems fair" said Lucius with absolute certainty, even though he had no idea how much 80 pounds was in the muggle world.
He always sent servants when errands had to be done here.
He didn't even consider the thought of asking Jacob about the purchasing power of such an amount, since that just would be embarrassing when wearing such a nice suit.
Hands exchanged money swiftly, and the odd couple were off.
"What have you planned to do later today when you have… you know, taken it?" said Jacob.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean like, are you going to sit in the park watching the birds or are you gonna go back home and just sit there all day?"
"I haven't really thought of that. What would one usually do when… tripping?"
"I think i have some ideas."
