So someone asked me how Bella copes with Edward cheating and I would say her anger indications and what you'll see in this next chapter will show you enough. Also Edward and Bella had been having sex prior to his encounter during his initiation. Sorry for any mixups on that.
With my first story I promised a HEA, this story I can do no such thing. It is all generally written out in my mind and I must follow it for a reason. So if you're looking for one you may want to stop here.
Disclaimer for: language, drugs, sex, and possible violence.
SM would probably slaughter me for what I am doing to her YA characters.
BPOV
I tapped an erratic drumbeat against the window pane of Jaspers '68 Chevelle as I waited impatiently for Edward to emerge from the dark abandoned house. It wasn't making it any better that I was waiting for him to finish one of his random weekly fucks.
"Jesus Bells," Jasper scolded me at the my angry assault on his precious window pane.
"What is taking so fucking long," I said irritably, letting my forehead thud against the glass and I could almost hear Jasper cringing beside me.
"Here Bella, take a hit and chill the fuck out," Jasper said offering up the half smoked joint he had been babying for the last twenty minutes.
I brought the delicious smelling blunt to my lips and inhaled deeply, savoring the taste that illuminated my mouth. I brought the cigarette I had been smoking to my mouth as I took another sharp breath in. I allowed the two flavors to mix on my tongue, filling my lungs with flame and delight before I let out a slow relaxed breath. I licked my lips, marveling in the after taste of the weed and tobacco mixed with the salty flavor of my own flesh.
"It shouldn't be taking this long," I muttered, still slightly perturbed although the weed was quickly taking over my senses.
"You'd think after almost 8 years of doing this you'd chill the fuck out a little more," Jasper said, exhaling his own breath of smoke.
"Fuck off," I said, staring sullenly into the darkness.
Finally, after what seemed like hours, Edward emerged. He ran his hands over his smooth scalp and I felt a pang of sadness in the pit of my stomach as I thought of the beautiful hair he had lost so many years ago. He continued to run his hands across his head as he walked slowly to the car, and I knew this to be a nervous habit when he was feeling uncomfortable.
"It's about fucking time," I sneered as I hopped into the backseat, careful not to get my shoes on the holy upholstry.
Edward didn't acknowledge me or my remark as he climbed into the car indicating we could leave. We sped off down the dusty road as smells swirled around my head. I felt nauseous. There was the smell of the weed and tobacco from Jasper and I, but I could smell the perfume that had tainted Edward's skin. Visions flashed through my mind of some girls lips on Edwards, her hands tightening on his back as he fucked her.
"Got any more of that," I asked as Jasper tossed the roach out of the window.
"No darlin', all I've got is this," he said as he handed me a bundle.
I unwrapped it smiling as I slapped Jaspers bicep.
"Shit, wish I'd known you had this before!" I said, feeling as though I were a kid on Christmas.
Jasper looked at me in the review mirror for a second.
"Go ahead and have it all," he told me, and I realized my emotions were probably splayed across my face.
That was one thing I hated about weed, while it relaxed me, if I did feel an emotion it was plastered all over my face without me even realizing it. I didn't respond to Jasper as I pulled the syringe from the cloth. I inserted the needle into the hospital looking bottle next to me and watched as all of the liquid was sucked up into the vile. Goosebumps rippled across my skin as I felt the anticipation of this.
"Wait, you haven't used this needle have you? You know my phoebia of clean needles," I reminded him, and could see him roll his eyes in the rearview mirror.
"Of course it's clean," he stated simply.
I smiled to myself, not questioning him anymore. It didn't fucking matter anyway.
I wrapped the latex band tight around my arm, holding it tight with my teeth as I hit my arm ceremoniously searching for a good vein. It took less time that usual to spot a vein and I silently rejoiced as I tried to push the images of another girl screaming Edward's name from my mind as I pushed the plunger.
The liquid felt hot in my veins, and I instantly had a mettalic taste in my mouth from the needle. I licked my lips as I rested my head against the seat. The warmth spread through my entire body as I felt a sudden calm overcome me.
"Hey baby, have a hard night?" I purred as I licked Edward's neck.
This was what Edward wanted and needed. I was supposed to be the attentive caring girlfriend right? Lots of girls did shit like this, didn't they?
Edward didn't say anything as he turned in his seat, smiling at me with his gorgeous crooked grin. His lips crashed into mine, and every fiber in me screamed in pleasure, wanting more. I felt at a loss when he pulled away, and it took everything in me to keep from attacking him right here in front of Jasper.
"You know I love you, right baby?" Edward asked, his forehead pressed against mine.
I wanted to feel loved. To feel like Edward was telling me he hated fucking these girls every week. I wanted to feel like we were a normal couple.
Instead the liquid flowing through my vein could only see one thing, Edward. God was he sexy. I could mentally picture every tattoo that accentuated his beautiful body. My mind was running image over image through my head of every sex position we had been in, and all I wanted to do was take Edward right there, fuck everything else.
Thrusting myself towards him I kissed him passionately, as he groaned beneath me. Climbing over the seat to better reach Edward, I could barely hear Jasper as he laughed at hands found the hem of his shirt as I pushed my hands up his warm chest. I ground myself against his crotch as I tried to get as close to him as possible through our clothes.
"Hey now, let's not get the seats dirty," Jasper reprimanded and I felt Edward pulling away from me.
"Bella, let's do this later," he said, one of his hands resting on the small of my back while the other ran lightly over his head.
How was it that he had just fucked another girl and than rejected me? This was all just too fucked up. I crawled back into my seat resting my head against the cool glass. Where was Alice when I needed a fucking shot?
"It's Alice's initiation tonight," Jasper reminded me through my haze.
"Oh shit that's right, I think I'm supposed to pick her up in the morning. Anyone know what she has to do?" I asked, everyone had a different task to perform in order to prove themselves worthy.
"Not yet, but we're all gonna go watch, they're just getting her ready now." Jasper informed us as he turned off onto another dirt road.
It was only another few minutes before we had gotten close to the crowd, there were maybe ten people standing around. Usually nobody was invited to initiations like this, so I was intrigued to see what was going on.
Jasper and Edward pushed through the crowd with me behind them until we reached the front. We were standing at the edge of a ditch. I squinted, looking down into the darkness until I saw Alice and...somebody else?
"Who is that?" I asked to nobody in particular.
"A bum," someone behind me answered.
I felt like laughing, Alice had to hang out with a bum in a ditch? That wasn't too bad, I mean as long as she could take the disgusting smell. Squinting I looked closer and it appeared that the guy was passed out. Even better, she wouldn't have to listen to the guy if he was unconscious.
"That guy looks like he's fucking dead," Edward said nonchalantly.
"He is," a girl responded behind me this time.
"That is fucked," I said out loud.
We watched in silence as the guys arranged Alice and the dead guy together. She sat across his lap, as they draped his arms around her, so that it almost looked like he was cradling her. I wondered how long he had been dead down there. That guy probably wreaked like no other.
"Alright," we heard Mike, the brains of this operation no doubt, "if you move we'll know it. Everyone has seen how you are. Any volunteers to stay overnight and make sure she doesn't move?"
"I'll stay," I yelled before realizing what the fuck I was saying.
Mike looked over to me, assessing if I was trustworthy enough to stay. He was silent for a moment, licking his lips, his adams apple bobbing in his throat before he spoke.
"Alright, Bella. You both can leave after the sun comes up," he instructed with a nod of his head as the crowd began to disperse leaving Alice and I alone.
Alice was silent as I lay back in the dirt staring up at the stars. My mind drifted as the heroin continued to course through my veins. The wind picked up lightly as I felt it caressing my skin. I felt so at peace as I lay there in the silence.
"Bella," Alice's voice called shakily, she must be checking I was still there.
"In the flesh."
"This guy smells really fucking bad," she said, and I could tell she was trying to keep her mind off of what she was doing.
"How long you think he's been down there?" I asked, trying to make conversation.
"I dunno but there's maggots coming out of the side of his fucking face."
"You wanna get out of here?" I asked suddenly bored as fuck.
"We can't leave or I can't get in," Alice reminded me.
"Who gives a fuck, nobody's gonna come check on us. Let's get the fuck out of here Bones." I said, jumping up quickly and wiping the dirt from my pants.
"Bones?" She asked as she appeared beside me suddenly.
"Yea, Bones, the girl who sleeps with dead guys," I laughed throwing my arm around her as we headed out to the dusty road.
"I like it, makes me sound tough," she laughed as she looked at the dirt, I could tell there was something else on her mind.
"Bella," her voice was soft and timid, "is Jasper going to sleep with other girls even though he's with me now?"
My gaze fixed on the dirt as we trudged slowly. How was I going to answer her? It wasn't a lie to anyone in the club or out that the men tended to sleep around, while the girls were to remain faithful.
"It's what we signed up for," I repeated as I had to Edward so many years ago.
It was silent for a few moments as we were both lost in our own thoughts. The air was warm and the stars were bright, and I still felt extremely calm from getting high earlier. I took this moment of peace to imagine my life normal. Edward wanted me and only me, maybe we could settle down, start a family, have a cute little house. My grin broke through as I thought of what our children may look like. Would they have his eyes, his color hair?
"How do you deal with it," Alice interjected suddenly.
I stopped walking and Alice stopped a few steps ahead of me turning to look at me while she waited for an answer.
"I don't," I answered after careful consideration.
"What do you mean?"
What was this twenty fucking questions?
"I beat the shit out of people, I get high, I try to stay busy. Keeps my mind off of shit. Besides, it shouldn't bother me anyway right? I knew what the fuck I was getting into when I joined. I'm the only one Edward's told he loves...I think."
It suddenly occurred to me that I didn't know if I was the only girl he told that he loved. Sure everyone knew we were a thing, but sometimes in our lives that just meant I was his steady fuck. Was he telling other girls he loved them? Did he have feelings for any of these other girls?
I tried to avoid these thoughts, not wanting the negative feelings that would dredge up in my current state, but question after question swirled around my head.
"I guess," Alice stated, "I just wish I could be strong like you."
Suddenly I felt nauseous again.
"Bones don't say that," I said, my eyes trained now on the sky as I tried to blink away the tears pooling in my eyes.
"Look the sun's starting to come up," Alice nodded towards the horizon, "looks like I nearly made it after all."
Alice grinned widely at me. To her today was the dawn of her new life. I could tell by her face that she was anxious and nervous to be more like us. To me it was just the dawn of a new day, full of the same old bullshit as always.
My update was fast yes? Figured I should since the first chapter was SO short. No "N" bombs here today.
I can't promise my updates will always be this fast but I will try to update regularly once a week. So let me know what you think. Trust me I have great things in store for you all if you can stick with it....
