Highly-Poisonous-Highly-Dangerous-Neon-Ink

"I'm afraid you aren't going to make it, Mr. Black."

There was a collective gasp, as everyone's head swiveled over to the boy sitting up in one of the Hospital Wing's cot.

Madame Pomfrey, fresh out of Healing School, stifled a giggle as she tried to look stern in front of the second year boys. Sirius Black was covered in bright green ink after a prank on the Slytherins had gone wrong. This had not been the first time he and his friends, the Marauders they had dubbed themselves, had taken a trip to the Hospital Wing because of a prank. The whole school suffered, as well. Students bloating to the size of balloon after drinking pumpkin juice, Hufflepuffs that only spoke in rhyme, Professors that randomly awarded points to Gryffindors because they were too awesome not to. Madam Pomfrey had seen it all in the last six months she had worked there.

So that was why the young Healer decided to do the one thing she had thought she would never do:

Pull a prank.

James Potter's eyes widened considerably behind his glasses as he started to sputter: "What do you mean? It's just ink!"

The Healer shook her head sadly. "It's not just ink, Mr. Potter. This is Highly-Poisonous-Highly-Dangerous-Neon-Ink. Did you boys read the label on the bottle? It said that if this is put on skin, the person will perish as fast as you can say hippogriffs can fly!"

Remus Lupin, the group's bookworm, frowned. "I don't think that's accurate, Madam Pomfrey. We bought it at Zonko's and I'm pretty sure they wouldn't sell us Highly-Poisonous-Highly-Dangerous-Neon-Ink."

"Er, that may be correct. But, did you boys read the paper? There was a mix up on the products. The body paint and Highly-Poisonous-Highly-Dangerous-Neon-Ink looked so much alike, so they accidentally switched. They're doing a recall as we speak!"

"So I-I'm really going to d-die?" Sirius whimpered, looking down at his bright green skin splattered with black dots.

Madam Pomfrey nodded slowly.

Sirius threw the covers off of him, standing up. "All right, I'll be upstairs. I want to say goodbye to everyone." He walked away, shoulders slumping as his fellow Marauders bid the Healer goodbye.

For a second, Madam Pomfrey wanted to call off the whole thing and tell the boys she was just kidding. But then she looked at her office door, grimacing at the spray painting the boys had done a week ago. The horrid pink clashed with the brown of her door.

She smirked as she fixed up a third year's arm; this is going to be fun.


"EVERYBODY SHUT UP!" Peter Pettigrew squeaked, cupping his hands around his mouth. The common room quieted down and the students looked to find the source of the noise.

"Good job, Pete," Remus Lupin said, patting his small friend on the back. Peter blushed proudly.

"Oi, what is it?" A burly fifth year asked, cracking his knuckles.

Remus gulped. "Hurry up, guys!" He hissed at the stairs to the boy's dormitory. A few seconds later, James walked down, supporting Sirius' side, as the boys descended down the stairs.

The whispers started at one:

"What happened to him?"

"What do you think they're gonna say?"

"His skin is GREEN!"

At the moment, Sirius hopped off the bottom step, and with help from his friends, climbed on top of a nearby table. Clapping his hands, he cleared his throat. "Hello, fellow classmates. I have just been informed they I am going to die, so before you, I leave a will." He took out a scroll of parchment and unrolled it. "To Peter, I give you all my socks and that rock I found in the forbidden forest."

Peter wiped away a tear.

Sirius continued. "To Remus, I give you all my school books and that gigantic bar of chocolate I've been trying to finish since November."

Remus shook his head, sniffling.

"To James, I give you … wait, I don't have anything else … er, I give you whatever is under my bed and my brother!"

James held out a hand. "I'll take whatever is under your bed, but hold your brother."

"Fair enough,"

"Wait!" A third year interrupted. "What about us?"

"Oh yeah, we forgot about them, Sirius! What're we gonna do?" Peter whispered, looking at his angry classmates.

"No, I didn't, Pete." Sirius informed, patting him on the head. The Marauders walked towards an alcove by the staircase. "I'm saving the best for last."

"That's more like it." The burly fifth year said smugly, rubbing his hands together.

"Ready?" asked Sirius, as the Marauders all held onto a rope attached under the alcove.

"YES!" The students chorused loudly.

The Marauders tugged on the rope, and a net fastened on the ceiling released several water balloons filled with body paint. Everyone was hit with different colours of the paint as they glared angrily at the Marauders who were dry as a desert.


Madam Pomfrey ran around the Hospital Wing as she handed out potions that turned the children back to their original colour. Every Gryffindor seemed to have been hit with it, and it confused Poppy greatly as to who could have done this. She assumed the Marauders first, but then guessed they would've been outside trying to find a good place to bury their friend.

Sometimes Poppy's mind disturbed her greatly.

"I'll take that." Sirius Black declared as they entered the Hospital Wing. He swiped a cup of Colour-Changing potion off of the tray, and chugged. Wiping a hand across his mouth, he said, "That was quite the prank you pulled, Madam, I'll have to say."

"You're telling me ..." James laughed, shaking his head.

"I actually thought Sirius was gonna die!" Peter giggled.

"But then I sent a letter to Zonko's and they said that there hasn't been a recall for Highly-Poisonous-Highly-Dangerous-Neon-Ink and that Highly-Poisonous-Highly-Dangerous-Neon-Ink doesn't even exist." Remus stated.

"So we put two and two together – "

"And voila," Sirius' skin slowly started to change back to its normal shade. "Thanks for the fun, Poppy, but we got to skedaddle! We haven't pranked the Slytherins in days!"

"It was agony!" Peter exclaimed.

"It was torture!" James crooned.

"It was … actually kinda peaceful …" Remus admitted, looking sheepish.

"Remus John Lupin," scolded James. "Have we thought you nothing?"

"Are we bringing out the middle names now?"

"Sorry." The boys waved cheerfully at the Healer and skipped out of the infirmary. Madam Pomfrey sighed, having just learnt something very, very important:

Never prank the Marauders …

"Hey, lady, hurry up with the potion! I'm dying!"

… Because it'll just come back to bite you in the arse.