Jeff sits in his local bar nursing his fifth scotch when the seat beside him fills with a familiar silhouette. It pokes him in his arm, hard.
"Jeff, I need to ask you something."
He swivels on his bar stool, almost losing balance. "Britta, I'm sorry for your loss but I'm not attending another cat funeral."
"What? Daniel hasn't died." She shrugs off her leather jacket and orders a vodka neat, four olives. "I want to know what happened at Annie's."
It's been a week and Jeff still doesn't know what happened, not that he's thought much about it – seriously, he has better things to do with his time. But, you know, on the odd occasion that the memory resurfaces he ends up feeling irritated by it, like the annoying buzz of a fly that keeps circling the room and never fucking leaves no matter how much you swat the damn thing.
One minute he was watching the awkward show of Troy and Britta attempting to flirt, and the next he was faced with Annie and Big Chin. He doesn't know which is worse.
Okay, okay. Troy and Britta was the kind of harmless thing that happened between friends. He's picked up on it before. But Annie… Annie and Big Chin came out of nowhere and it's the way she reacted to him that's…worrying. It is all too much like it could lead somewhere, like kissing or – no. The thought of that arrogant son of a bitch touching his – their – Annie makes Jeff itch until he wants to rip his skin off.
"Hmm. Let's see. Well, we learned you like The Police a little too much. First it was Roxanne, and then it was-"
"Ha! Classic avoidance, pointy face! You know I was asking about Annie. Care to explain?" Jeff lifts his drink in response. "Okay, if you won't Maybe. I. Will." She pauses, inhaling deeply. "You-"
"Stop, stop, I've heard enough!"
"I haven't started yet!"
He smirks. "Just the thought of you analyzing me was enough."
Britta purses her lips angrily for a second before shaking it off. "So are you going to explain yourself?" In the silence she chews on an olive. "Is this about who Annie dates?"
"Dates?"
"Yeah. Annie and Josh have already been out twice. If you answered your phone you'd know that," she says smugly.
He fights the need to scratch his face. "Oh Britta, when are you going to learn that the holiday break, by its very definition, means taking a break. That's why I don't answer my phone."
"Whoa! Harsh. But that's okay. I know you're deflecting from the real issue." She frowns at the dubious look on his face. "Don't look at me like that. I know what I'm talking about."
"Yeah, because finishing Chapter 4 of your Psych book really qualifies you."
"I can't help it if I'm a slow reader, Jeff."
He smiles. "As entertaining as this has been, Britta, are we done? Right now this scotch deserves my full attention and you're kind of ruining that." He takes another swig and welcomes the haze that will knock him out later. Hopefully.
"No. We feel that you need to clear the air between you and Annie before school starts tomorrow."
"I'll buy her some purple pens. Air cleared." He pauses, eyeing her sideways. "Wait, we?"
"The group." Britta sips her drink, noticing the rise of his eyebrow. "Well, okay, maybe not the whole group, maybe it was just me, Troy and Abed. The point is, Jeff, anything that could affect us as a group gets discussed and you having this weird problem with the guys Annie dates co-"
"I don't have a problem with them." Jeff sneers as he signals the bartender and points to his near empty glass.
"History suggests otherwise…" He throws her a questioning glance and she shrugs. "Oh come on. Vaughn, Rich, and now Josh. Abed says the only common theme is Annie."
"Abed says? Please. The only common theme is Annie picking douchebags. Listen Britta, why do you think I was a good Lawyer? Not just good, great. Not just great but awesome. I played the jury because I knew how to play them. I read people. It's my job! That's how I know the likes of Vaughn, Rich and Josh are not good enough for Annie. If it was someone I liked, I'd have no problem."
"Really?"
"Yes, really." The frown loosens across her forehead but only slightly and he sighs. "I may not say it but… I care about you guys. I just want what's best for Annie. I want what's best for all my friends. I'm good like that."
"So you're not jealous?" She studies him seriously and shit, if panic came in drink form he's just downed a shot of it.
"Jealous? Don't make me laugh, Britta…oh wait, you can't."
She looks briefly offended and they slip into silence then, periodically sipping their drinks. Occasionally, Jeff glances at the TV above the bar but he's not really interested in the game. He feels covered in unease. Annie is not a topic he likes to discuss, ever. It leads to dangerous thoughts, fantasies. He gulps almost audibly, remembering the intensity of her anger and that pulse of lust as she looked up at him a week ago, the sheen of her pink lips that momentarily distracted him. He remembers tracing the arch of her neck as he pushed her soft hair over one shoulder, unable to stop himself, and the feel of her hand in his as they sat in this very bar on her birthday. His hand tingles at the memory and he flexes it to shake it out. Cursing his stupid brain for leading him down this path he turns to Britta as she tries to work her Totorola cell phone.
"Hey, squirrel, don't use that in here. This place is flammable. I know I'd be good looking even with a facial burn but I don't really want to test that theory."
She shoves him hard in the shoulder and he's drunk enough that he tumbles from the bar stool. They spend the next five minutes laughing and Britta shouts, "See, I can make you laugh, so there!" like it's the greatest achievement. Between dying laughter and gasps of air they realize that Britta's phone really is on fire and the barman has to spray it with water while she watches with an apologetic frown.
The next morning Jeff strolls through campus, Bio textbook in one hand and a pack of purple pens in the other. He's wearing his best jeans and leather jacket and he looks damn good. Shame he doesn't feel it but he's already thanked the eight glasses of scotch earlier that morning.
He's timed his entrance knowing Annie always arrives early on the first day of semester. They need a chat without the others and the interference of guilty feelings they usually stir in him. He'll tell her what he told Britta; he's concerned with her dating the wrong guys. And Big Chin is the wrong guy. He shouldn't have to explain that one but this is Annie and, well, she isn't a child but she is inexperienced. He's doing her a favor.
When he arrives at the library a few minutes later there's a little jolt in his chest when he sees Annie inside, although it's probably just indigestion. She hangs her bag on the back of her chair, chatting animatedly to herself, so pretty and happy that he can't stop his smile. Really, it's got a mind of its own where she's concerned. Big Chin suddenly rises from the usually empty seat and Jeff halts his stride, startled as he watches the meeting of their mouths, and his eyes snap shut in disgust.
Slowly opening one eye his heart panics at the sight of Annie perched on the edge of the table. She looks uncomfortable leaning back on her hands but then Big Chin whispers in her ear and she bites her lower lip, something blatantly seductive in the action, and the plastic pack of pens crackles in Jeff's grasp.
Bastard.
He shouldn't be the one who gets to do that. He's the wrong guy. It's all just wrong.
Jeff looks around the library, almost at a loss for words and what to do, but he needs to think quickly on how to handle this, to stop this before it goes too far. Annie clearly needs his help. He takes a deep breath, steeling his focus with a nod, and walks inside.
"Annie. Big Chin. Don't mind me."
"Jeff!" Annie squeals and stands suddenly, smoothing out her skirt. "You're here early."
Jeff takes his seat, extending legs in her direction. "I wasn't aware punctuality was a crime, Annie." It should be, with what he's just witnessed."I just wanted to have a chat with my good friend and give her what was promised."
He gently pushes the pens across the table and as Annie's face lights up and Jeff wants to pat himself on the back. He really is a God.
"Thanks Jeff, these are great." She stares at the pack for a moment and her smile slowly fades. "No, wait! You can't just ignore me for two weeks and then buy my forgiveness! Friendship doesn't work like that."
"Two weeks?" Big Chin frowns as he leans against a trolley of books by the window.
"Oh…yeah." Annie blushes and flaps her hand slightly. "We also had a, um, disagreement on my birthday."
Bullshit. More like an agreement. When they held hands he knew everything she was thinking because he was thinking it too. The disagreement came later, along with the guilt and the fear, which is why he ignored her for six days.
It was the right thing to do.
"So, what are you doing here?" Jeff faces the blonde now standing too close to Annie. "Thought you wouldn't go to this school with your big sister's toe?"
"Well Jeff, it is Jeff, right?" Jeff bites the inside of his cheek, hard. "When you really like a woman you just want to spend as much time with her as possible."
His fingers pinch the curve of Annie's hip and she smiles coyly, shooting her gaze to the floor, and Jeff wants to punch all the things; the table, the door, his stupid average face. He can't believe she's buying this shit.
"Well, we have class in an hour so you might want to wrap this up."
"Jeff!" Annie snaps.
"It's okay sugar. I can't blame him for wanting to spend time with you. Right, Jeff?" He laughs softly at the scowl Jeff throws him. "Besides, I'll be the one seeing you tonight so he can have this time now."
"How generous of you." Jeff clenches his jaw and tries to think happy thoughts, anything but the ones of Annie and Big Chin – no. No! He just can't go there. He can't. It hurts.
It hurts…?
Annie smiles shyly at Big Chin, seemingly hesitant about something before she grabs his shirt and kisses him fully. Jeff tries to be casual, fighting every urge to look away but it's difficult. After more sickening displays of kissing cheeks and touching hands and cutesy gestures of goodbye, Big Chin leaves them in silence.
Annie fusses with her folder. "Sooooo…?" She draws out the word as if it's new to her.
"So..."
She studies him and sighs, defeated almost. "You're not going to apologize are you?"
"That's what the pens are for, although I'm not even sure why I've got to apologize."
"Um, how about ignoring me after my birthday, your behaviour at my apartment, ignoring me again. Shall I write a list?"
"I haven't been ignoring you." She squeaks her protest and he shrugs. "I've just been busy. What more do you want from me, Annie?"
"The truth would be nice but you're not very good at that. You are a pretend lawyer after all."
Jeff tries to shrug that off but - dammit, how does she do that? The conversation is seriously veering off course and he needs to regain control. "Yikes. Listen, I'll tell you what I told Britta last night-"
Her head snaps up. "You were with Britta last night?"
"Yeah. Why?"
"No reason." Her gaze falls to the desk. "Continue."
"I told her that I don't have a problem with who you want to date-"
"Objection!" Her voice is loud without the noise of five people around them. "What about Vaughn and Rich? Hmm?"
"Uh, overruled. They were douchebags." He shakes his head because she still doesn't get it and he thought she was smarter than that. "If you dated someone good, someone I actually liked, I'd have no problem."
"Oh, so I need your approval now?"
"No, but I'm good at reading people, Annie. It's just another one of my many skills and you'd be wise to make use of them."
She snaps her arms across her chest. "How does Josh rate with your skills then?"
"Mr Average? He's an arrogant douchebag and I'm pretty sure he only wants one thing. Once you give it to him, he'll be off."
"Oh, really?" Jeff nods and Annie's face settles smugly. "Well that's where you're wrong, mister! He's already had it. He had it months ago! How do your skills explain that?" Her eyes widen and she gasps against her fingertips, red faced and flustered, and in the silence her face shows a flurry of expressions.
He isn't sure how to respond because his mind is blank and his mouth suddenly feels like a desert floor. Does she mean her and…?
"Wait. What?"
No. This wasn't supposed to happen. He was going to prevent it, stop it before it went that far. Dammit, Annie always messes with his plans.
"I told you." Abed's voice cuts through the silence.
"WHOA!" Troy stares at Abed, eyes wide and fit to burst.
In the doorway Shirley and Britta stand with their arms linked, both surveying the scene with puzzled expressions before breaking apart. Shirley mumbles something about a magic eight ball as she makes her way to her seat.
"Shirley, I have no psychic abilities, trust me." Abed pulls the strap of his book bag over his head. "I saw Annie leave with the Black Rider. That's why she wasn't with us at Denny's."
So that's when…
At the time Jeff assumed she was upset about Pierce and had gone home to cry into her pillow, not – Annie and Big Chin?
Seriously?
"Dude," Troy says quietly. "You didn't tell me."
"It wasn't my place. Plus I thought it would be good character development for Annie. She seemed really down at the end of the semester and in need of her own fun adventure." He pulls a notebook from his bag. "I didn't expect to be talking about this eight months later but this is what happens with plot twists."
"It twists things?" Troy asks.
Abed nods. "Exactly."
"When was this, Annie?" Shirley's voice is a little too sweet and Jeff is grateful for the wealth of rage he knows she's hiding. He needs people on his side.
When Annie doesn't answer immediately, Abed's eyes widen to relish the drama of his lengthy pause. "It was at paintball last year."
All eyes snap to Annie as she slowly shrinks back in her seat. "What was at paintball?" Pierce asks, entering through the door behind Troy.
"Annie slept with the Black Rider."
Pierce drops his calculator on the table. "What's a Black Rider?"
"Really, Annie?" Britta sounds surprised and maybe a little impressed, like she didn't know she had it in her.
Neither did Jeff.
Troy tilts his head, considering. "Is there something in paint that makes people horny?"
"Oh, Annie. I don't trust you dating someone named after one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse. That's a bad omen right there!"
"I wouldn't call it dating, Shirley." Britta shrinks back in her seat when she catches the look on Shirley's face.
"Sweet baby Jesus!" Shirley clutches Annie's arm tight. "This wouldn't have happened if you'd let me baptise you!"
Annie lurches to her feet, arms and hands shaking with rage, and Jeff knows she's desperate to scream until her lungs are empty. He kind of feels like doing the same thing.
"Yes, it's true! I had a…one night stand with the Black Rider! Yes, it was after paintball and I was covered in orange paint! You want to know something else? He washed it off my body! How's that for baptism, Shirley?" Her voice is too shrill to have heard the gasp beside her. "And yes, I enjoyed it but guess what? I'm an adult, it's allowed! Maybe once you all figure that out we can move on." She tugs the straps of her backpack and takes one last pointed look at Jeff before leaving.
For a minute the blinds slapping against the door is the only sound. Jeff notices she didn't take the pack of pens with her and can't put a name to the feeling in his chest. He only knows he doesn't like it. It's ridiculous but it feels like…like she's forgotten him…like she's left him behind.
"Pierce was right." Abed twirls a pencil in hand, looking down at his notebook.
Pierce rubs his palms together, a frown pinching his features. "I was?"
"Yep. You said Annie would have a one night stand in the summer."
"What? When?" Britta scrunches up her face to wrinkle her nose.
"It was during paintball, at the feast in Fort Hawthorne when he was trying to convince us to get ammo. He made that whole speech about how summer meant pool parties, dinners and one night stands and he directed that last one at Annie."
"I did?" Pierce's frown slowly fades into a smug smile. "Yeah, I did."
Jeff wonders if this is what the end of the world feels like.
For the next forty minutes Jeff suffers the delights of Britta saying things like, "Annie's a grown woman experiencing female empowerment for the first time." And Troy starts with "Yeah, she's hot" and Abed nods in agreement and Pierce makes a rude joke and Shirley smacks his arm and all these things make Jeff wish he had kept his mouth shut. When the discussion of Annie's sex life finally dies, Jeff wants to shout 'Hallelujah!' but he's not in the mood for Shirley's reaction so he thinks it instead.
As they leave the study room, Britta pulls him to one side and waits for the group to walk on ahead. "I'm guessing your purple pens didn't clear the air this time?" She smiles smugly and Jeff has to clench his jaw.
"You think, Sherlock?"
"I didn't see that one coming with Annie and Josh though. I'm strangely proud. I wonder if this is what being a mom feels like?"
He rolls his eyes. "Yeah, Britta, this is exactly what it feels like."
When they arrive at Biology, Annie is nowhere to be seen and Jeff panics at the thought of her missing class to go see him. Damn it, two dates and he's changed her already. He knew it, he just knew it.A few minutes later he breathes a sigh of relief at the sight of her hovering by the door and tests her gaze with a soft smile. She's hesitant but slowly her lips curve upward. It's not a true Annie smile. It's not his smile. But it's something.
Britta finally notices the brunette behind them and rushes over to hug her awkwardly. "Oh Annie, we're sorry about before. There's no judgment here. You're a grown woman and can do whatever you want."
"Or whoever…"
"Pierce!" Shirley smacks his arm and he stumbles backwards.
Annie apologizes for her outburst and they launch into a group hug, though Jeff sits this one out. Eventually she takes her seat next to him, staring at the desk, roughly twisting her hands in the awkward silence.
"I'm really sorry, Annie."
He's not sure if he's sorry for provoking her outburst or sorry for hearing it. Either way, he's sorry for something.
She nods but doesn't look up. "It's okay, Jeff. You were just being…you. I can't fault you for that."
"Okay…"
"And for the record, I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have snapped at you. I just…I don't like being ignored. I know it's irrational but I guess it's just one of those high school hang-ups that never quite go away."
"I wasn't ignoring-"
"Jeff, please, I'm not a kid, remember? You can no longer feed me lies any more than I can swallow them. You've ignored me ever since my birthday but…I understand."
"You do?" She does?
"Yes. Let's just…move on from this now. I think it's time." She nods decisively. "Yes, it's time."
His leg begins a nonstop tap beneath the desk.
"Here, you forgot these. Never forget the purple pens, Annie. What would you do without them?" With a small smile, he passes her the pack.
"I'm sure I'd manage but thanks Jeff." She says it in such a resigned sort of way that it fills him with unease and he has to swallow thickly. Annie finally turns to him and he sees the hurt, the embarrassment, but she still manages a smile. Impressed by her show of strength he stupidly wants to say "that's my girl!" but chooses to return her smile instead.
They sit there staring at each other, smiling, breathing, and Jeff is reminded of the moment they sat together on the couch after the model UN. It was easy for him, in that moment, to drop his guard and tell her how much he cared. At the time he reasoned it a consequence of his therapy and just something that needed to be said, especially as Annie was going through a crisis. And it helped, right? She won the fight against her multicultural evil-bitch twin.
But they hadn't mentioned it since, or her sexy awkward dance before Christmas or their hand holding on her birthday or the moment in her apartment when he wanted to rip off her clothes before he remembered they had an audience. It was their thing, their pattern; they had a moment and they ignored it. It had been necessary because she was too young and he was too old and he actually cared what the study group thought. But most of all, however reluctant he is to admit it, he couldn't bear the thought of ruining her in some way and losing her friendship forever.
He couldn't bear the thought of her ruining him.
And there it is. He feels stupid – pathetic even – admitting that and he's pretty sure his masculinity has just dropped on the scale but Annie has the power to hurt him and he really doesn't want to get hurt. He's seen first-hand how relationships can destroy people; he remembers the nights his mother cried after his father left, as if he could ever forget. He might also try (if you can call that one time with Michelle really trying) but he's no good at exclusive relationships and he knows that Annie would never settle for what he had with Britta. And why should she? She deserves more. Heck, Britta deserved more too. The difference now, he realizes, after years of denying himself, he deserves more too. He wants more.
He wants her. He wants Annie.
Shit.
Sitting in Biology is not the place to have this sort of revelation (though his therapist said it might happen when he least expects) but it's actually appropriate, what with it being the study and evolution of living things… or something like that. He was waiting for Annie to grow up and she was waiting for him to acknowledge it, and maybe grow up a little bit too. They were both waiting to evolve.
He comes back from his thoughts and slumps against the desk, exhausted suddenly. If this is what feeling things feels like, he's glad he stopped doing it as a child because, seriously, he never would have left his couch. Holy crap.
What the hell happens now?
Annie, meanwhile, has given up on him, showing Pierce a slide on the microscope at the end of their desk. The class is in full session and the background noise of chatter and laughter slowly filters through his conscious. Jeff catches Abed studying him, head tilted, and throws him a cautious smile before opening his textbook, though he's unsure if it's even the right page. When he sneaks a glance at Annie she looks up to check the rest of the group are doing their work and her eye finds his first, as if it's instinctual, as if they're in sync.
But they're not.
And it's at that moment that he realizes: she evolved long ago.
He's too late.