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MEANT TO LIVE

Chapter 1- Who is to blame?
Song:Running up that hill-Placebo

A sixteen year old Lily Evans had just finished packing her trunk to go home for Christmas. Normally she would've felt excited about coming home and seeing her parents and her sister, but lately she hadn't been feeling at all.

She went into the bathroom and took a last glance at herself in the mirror, and decided to skip breakfast. Instead she decided to go for a walk on the outside grounds of the castle. It had snowed last night, and everything was so beautiful, so perfect, so...unlike her.

As she left her dorm, she noticed Remus waiting for her. She must have forgotten he had told her he would check on her to make sure she ate.

Remus Lupin was very concerned witht his best friend's health. She didn't eat and he was sure she had trouble sleeping lately. It was understandable after everything she had gone through. How much could a person change in six weeks? Remus looked at the Lily standing in front of him, and suddenly he felt a lifetime had passed by.

"Are you done packing?"asked Remus. Lily just nodded. And that was all they talked until they reached the great hall. When they entered people seemed to stop talking. A month had passed by, but the students at Hogwarts didn't forget easily. And who could really blame them...

Lily and Remus sat at the end of the table and silently began to eat. A couple of minutes later a certain guy caught Lily's eyes. She watched miserably as James sat just a couple of feet away from her, but didn't even bothered to look at her. After a month she was beggining to get used to...still it stung.

"Hey, you got some jam on your chin" said James.

"No, I don't" said Lily touching her chin.

"Now, you do" he said putting some with his finger and grinning.

"James!" whined Lily, reaching out for a napkin. James stopped her, and kissed her chin liking the jam."And you've got some on your uppe lip too" Lily giggle and James continued to supposedly clean the jam. Soon they had forgotten all about breakfast and they were kissing.

"Get a room" said Peter as he saw the couple's display.

Remus silently cursed James and Sirius, as he watched them enter the Great Hall, they were so stupid, and they didn't seem to realize it. He knew that they would come to their senses but in the process, they had already ruined their friendship with him, broke Lily's heart and he was sure that probably Elizabeth's too...

But again he really wouldn't know...Could she know?Could she see?

Lily and Remus finished their breakfast and by unspoken agreement went outside into the snow and walked, keeping each other company without saying anything at all. Soon they had to go back, and leave to Hogsmeade and to home.

James watched as Lily Evans talked to his former best friend and smiled. What a pair of hypocrites, he thought she couldn't wait to go into someone else for comfort, and to his best friend from all of people...

But you let her go said a little voice in his head.

"Just like that??" said Lily laughing bitterly. James wasn't sure if he was supposed to answer, he wanted to say no, but under the circumstance it would've been a terrible mistake.

"I can't believe I actually bought your act" said Lily more loudly this time, struggling to keep her emotions in control "I really thought that I wasn't just some girl"

"You weren't" he yelled.

But Lily ignored him, she couldn't believe it was actually happening, it wasn't supposed to. Not so soon anyways "You made into one of your little tramps"

"That's not fair!!"said James indignantly.

"Oh really? And what you just did, is?!!" she yelled back

"You were my best friend" tried James, he hadn't planned things to got this way they were supposed to go back to being friends. "You weren't just some tramp"

"Really? Then why does it feel that way" she yelled and left him.

So he had, but that didn't mean that he didn't care.In the process he had broke his own heart and let go a part of it with her. Then when the incident happen he wasn't even there for her, but he wasn't to blame.

She was the one who had pushed him away, he wanted to be his friend, but she wanted it all. Lily wanted something he couldn't give to her, he had tried but realized the great mistake before it was too late. As he watched her get with Remus into a compartment, he convinced himself.

He had done the right thing.

James had let her go, and she was free again, as she was meant to be.

Eventually she would know it, and maybe he would forgive her.She would forgive him and maybe they could go back to being friends.

Lily watched the snow fall through the window. Remus had fallen asleep an hour ago, and she felt like it was just yesterday when their sixth year had began.

"Lily, please do tell" said Elizabeth. Lily blushed once again. What was she supposed to say that it was great, amazing, more than she had imagined "It was good"

"James and you shagged. GooD isn't going to be enough. I want all the dirty details" said Liz as she applied some lipstick.

"Liz, don't say shag. It sounds so..." said Lily

"Made love" said Elizabeth in a false girly voice. Lily laughed, she loved how Elizabeth was. Wild, crazy temper, full of passion, honest, brave and so outgoing. Lily on the contrary was more sweet, level headed, and kind. More passive

"The first time wasn't perfect. But from there it has been so..." said Lily blushing again.

"Fuck!You didn't shag once, but twice??!!"Elizabeth yelled.

"Sh..People will hear, you know" said Lily.

Another thing James had, her virginity. She had never planned shagging as her friend so eloquently had putted it at the age of sixteen. But it had felt right at the time, and even now she had not regrets about her decision. Losing James was hard, and she would've been okay if she had Elizabeth.

But losing them at the same time, that she couldn't deal with. She still remembered the last time she saw her. ...

"It's going to be okay" said Liz soothingly. Rubbing her friend's back.

"No it's not" cried Lily "He..." and she let out a sob.

"He is an idiot. That's what he is. I'll go talk to him. You and him belong together. Everybody knows it"

"Do you really think?"

"Yes, I do think. He's just an ass. Take a bath. I'll be back I have detention with Slughorn"she said standing up "On my way back I'll bring some cookies and cake. Deal?"

"Deal" Lily replied.

And that was the las time she saw her alive. Sirius had found her on the classroom she was supposed to serve detention dead. She knew Sirius hated her now, and to be honest she kind of deserved it. A week after Elizabeth's death, Snape had done some nasty comment about Liz, and Sirius dared him to go follow Remus into the whomping willow, when he told me what he had done and what he hoped... I was so scared I just lost it

"You did what??!!" I asked outraged. "He could die"

"He deserves it" said Sirius darkly.

"What about Remus?"

"He won't even know..." said Sirius.

"I can't believe you are such an idiot. Remus will be sent to Azkaban, did you ever thought about him? All you think is about yourself. You're such a egoistical brat. You claim to hate the dark arts, yet you're cruel. You claim to hate your family yet you behave like them. You claim to love your friends yet you put them on risk. You claimed to love Elizabeth yet you got her killed. She was serving that stupid detention because of you!!! Only because of you stupid arrogant ass" Lily yelled letting angry tears fall down. And Sirius pushed her away making her fall.

"SHE WAS MY GIRLFRIEND. HOW DARE YOU??" he yelled.

"BUT YOU WEREN'T THERE FOR HER"Lily cried.

"GET OUT!!!"roared Sirius.

"FUCK YOU!!" yelled Lily.

James and Peter entered the room and confused by the sudden display. "What happened?" demanded James.

"Sirius sent Snape after Remus" said Lily without looking at him.James didn't need more he bolt out of the room .

Sirius had went after James and Lily had cried, at first she had thought he would forgive her but he didn't, he stopped being friends since then. James had been able to save Snape's life but when Remus had found out he had gone ballistic. So Remus got mad at Sirius.

At first James didn't take any sides, but something happened. Remus had only told her James and him had argued about the incident but didn't mention any details. So then Peter was practically forced to choose a side, and he chose James and Sirius.Lily understood it, it must have been hard on Peter too.

Sirius stepped down of the train along with James. As he saw James' Parents a ghost smile appeared on his handsome face. At least he had a family. No matter what anyone said, James was his brother and the Potters were more parents to him that his had ever been.

He took a last look at the plattaform and he blinked as he saw her standing there. There she was in all her glory, her long blond curls, her bright blue eyes, her beautiful face, and her perfect smile. It was Elizabeth. His Elizabeth...

"Padfoot" said James making him snap out "Are you coming mate?" Sirius looked again at the spot, but she was gone. Maybe he was starting to go crazy and imagine things.

Yes love can make you crazy. So what happens when the love of your life dies?You go insane?

A/n: AU!! OF COURSE. LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK PLEASSEE!!1REVIEW.