Hello everyone!

Thanks for the reviews, I'm glad you read and like it!

Now, I think I should warn you… Like I've said many times, it's a completely different variation of what could've happened. It's not going to be like the first version at any point. Adam is gay. Allie is a girl. We'll just see how she deals with it. If she does at all… Adison in any way but romantic.

Enjoy!

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2 – A girls' night in

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One evening on the tour bus, as all the other girls were busy with something, I came across a familiar object as I organized my stuff. This object happened to be a 'Rolling Stone' issue from a couple of months ago. Yes, the one with Adam Lambert on its cover. I have no idea why I kept it. Maybe I was some kind of masochist. I mean, of course there wasn't something new in it that I hadn't known about Adam before he did the interview. Still, it was like a cruel, painful proof of what I didn't really want to believe in deep inside. It was a permanent reminder that he was impossible for me… My love for him was so wrong and pointless that it should've been illegal to be created… Well, it was. Totally and completely forbidden.

Only this never stopped my heart from skipping beats, sinking to my feet, hammering in my chest and hurting to no end when I saw him or even thought of him. How could I deal with this? Was there some kind of a cure for me? But then again, what was I supposed to heal? Love? I threw the damn magazine with all of the others, as if it was physically hurting me… Burning my hands as I held it in them. I wished I could stop my mind from doing the same old routine every time I came across something even scarcely connected to Adam. All of those bitter thoughts that ended up somewhere between adoration and depression… It wasn't normal. Well, at least I didn't think it was normal. It's not like I could ask anybody's opinion on that matter, right?

Later that night we arrived at the hotel we were going to stay at. I was trying to fall asleep for some time already when I received a text message from Megan, asking me if I wanted to come over to her room. I quickly slipped out of my bed and jogged to her room, not bothering to even put any shoes on as it was just down the hall from mine. Lil was already there and they explained to me what was going on.

"Apparently, the guys are having a boys' night." Megan said, gesturing with her hand to the wall that separated us from Adam's room. Right then we heard a muffled explosion of laughter. It seemed they were enjoying themselves. "So I figured, why don't we have a girls' night?"

"You mean instead of sleeping like normal people?" Lil teased.

"Since when are we normal? Besides, we've had lots of sleep on the way." Megan replied calmly.

"Okay, so what do you wanna do?" I asked her, falling back on the bed.

"I don't know. My plan didn't go that far." She frowned and we giggled.

"Let's talk about something serious." Lil offered and got under the covers on the bed. "We never have the chance to do this. With the boys around it's absolutely impossible and on the bus it's kind of weird with the other girls."

"Yeah, a girls' talk!" I agreed enthusiastically, sitting up and crossing my legs in a meditation position while Megan went to the mini kitchen to bring us some snacks and soda.

"Sure, let's gossip!" She joked.

"Negh, I don't have anything bad to say about anybody." I protested.

"Me neither." She laughed, coming back to sit on the bed, dropping the food and drinks in the middle of the circle we created.

"Okay, tell us about your best date." I ordered Megan randomly. Honestly, it was the first thing that crossed my mind.

"Me? Why don't you tell us about yours?" She laughed again.

"Because I didn't go to that many dates and neither was very good. I mean, we only went to the movies or to get some ice-cream. Nothing special."

"The best date I've ever had…" Megan thought for a moment. "Probably it's when a guy took me sailing."

"Sailing?" Lil and I asked in unison.

"Yeah, on a yacht, with dinner and candles and all." Megan smiled, probably remembering that day.

"Wow, he must've been a wealthy boy." Lil noted.

"No, he used to clean the yachts for a leaving." Megan chuckled. "Of course, it was before college and all. Now he's some manager or something."

"It was before you got married?" I asked.

"Oh, yeah, I was still in high school. He was a couple of years older and we dated for a few months. But we were very different, so it didn't work out."

"Aww, that's too bad." Lil commented.

"Not really. He was an idiot." Megan laughed. "What about you, Lil, any dates to remember?"

"I don't know… My husband isn't a very romantic guy and we never did anything special when we were dating, but I still had fun with him. I think it's more about who's with you and not where you are."

"Yeah, totally agree." Megan nodded opening her can of soda.

"I guess it's true." I thought about the time I was spending with Adam doing practically nothing and still enjoying every moment. I didn't need anything else when he was around. Wait, why the hell was I thinking about Adam when the conversation was about dating? Of course the answer was obvious already…

"Okay, what's the best gift you ever got?" Megan asked and it took me half a second to remember where I was and what was happening. "And don't say kids," She pointed at Lil before she could open her mouth. "I mean something material that someone gave you as a present."

"Wait, I know!" Lil raised her hand in the air. "My engagement ring!"

"You're just saying this because of its meaning." Megan rolled her eyes.

"No, I don't. It's the ring of my dreams. Seriously, it's exactly like I wanted it. When I saw it the first time I was about fifteen and I knew I wanted a ring just like that when I get engaged. And I got it."

"Aww, that's sweet." Megan smiled warmly at Lil and then turned to me. "What's yours?"

"Mmm…" I tried to remember a present that was exactly what I wanted and brought me a lot of joy… Sadly, I could only think of one object that suited this description. A pair of skinny jeans, a very expensive pair… the kind I couldn't afford back then… Remember? Yes, the one Adam gave me for my seventeenth birthday. I really wanted those pants for myself, but I think they had such a meaning to them because they were from Adam. Every thought of mine was going to narrow down to Adam now, wasn't it? It was like nothing could exist without him somehow being involved in it, one way or another. Well, for me it was exactly the situation. I forced myself to think about something else. "My guitar. Got it for my birthday a couple of years ago from my patents." I needed to take my mind off of Adam. That was it! I decided I wasn't going to think about him for the rest of the night. I had to start somewhere, didn't I? Though it's not like I've never tried that strategy before. It just always failed. I failed.

"Cool. I can only imagine how excited you were." Megan grinned.

"I was more hyperactive and insane than ever." I assured her. "It took me weeks to calm down. My mom promised to return the guitar to the store, if I didn't calm down and concentrate on school as much as it was needed." We all laughed, unable to stop for a while.

"I don't even know what's the best present I've got." Megan was the first one to talk again. "Practically anything that involved music was a perfect gift for me. Like CDs and tickets to concerts and posters… anything."

"Okay, a dream that came true." Lil asked, but this time neither of us needed time to think.

"American Idol!" The three of us said at once then burst out laughing again. Other questions followed and we answered them one after another, sometimes seriously and sometimes jokingly. We all agreed that family was the most important thing in the world and that chocolate was best against bad mood and argued for a long time about music and clothes.

"What's the craziest thing you've ever done?" Megan asked us. 'Falling in love with Adam Lambert' I was screaming in my mind instantly… What was that about not thinking about Adam tonight? I could barely stop myself from burying my face in a pillow and screaming all of my frustration into it until my voice would be all gone. I forced the thoughts about Adam out of my head, but then another one filled my mind. Actually, falling for Adam wasn't the craziest thing I've ever done. It was the most idiotic. The craziest thing was yet to come…

I couldn't concentrate on the conversation for a while, fighting against the thoughts about the man I loved, but the girls didn't really notice as they were bringing up memories from high school and all the craziness back then. I didn't pay attention, lost in my own thoughts and fights, but then another question came up from Lil and I was almost convinced they were doing it on purpose.

"Silliest crush you've ever had?" Ah, here go all the attempts to get Adam from my mind to waste. Did I really hope I would be able to push all of the thoughts about him even for a little while? I should've known it was an impossible mission from the very beginning. Just to be clear: I certainly did not think that Adam Lambert was the answer for Lil's question for. Adam wasn't a crush for me, especially not a silly one. Still, I thought about how far beyond a crush my feelings were, how much they developed and how they made every other emotion seem insignificant. I wondered how much longer I would be able to survive with this impossibly enormous, yet increasing, love I had for him… You get the idea. Now you see what I meant when I said that practically anything provoked in me thoughts about Adam?

"You know I had a crush on Adam." Megan shrugged, grinning widely. Okay, they definitively did it on purpose.

"Adam doesn't count; everybody has a crush on him." Lil protested.

"Not everybody."

"Show me one female, who doesn't have a crush on him." Lil challenged and Megan pointed at her. "Oh, but I do have a crush on him. I mean, I love my husband, but how can you not have a crush on Adam?" Lil laughed. "He's adorable. It's not serious, of course, but still… We're lucky he's gay. Otherwise many husbands and boyfriends would get soooo jealous."

"Gay or not gay, he's sweet and hot. Everyone can tell that. I'm sure your husband is jealous too."

"Some jealousy is good for the relationship." Lil joked. Though she probably meant it partly.

"Yeah, but it's still good Adam's not into chicks. I think the girls would all fight like crazy, if they had a chance with him. Just imagine that, it would be some kind of competition! Just look at all the girls from crew… They're drooling." I can't say I disagreed with her. I could see her point, really, but nothing in this world could convince me it was better for me that Adam is gay. I mean, if he wouldn't have wanted me as a straight guy, I would've at least known it was because of who I was and not because of the simple fact I was a girl.

"More like a battle than a competition." I said under my breath.

"Speaking of crushes," Lil gave me a wink before continuing. "What's up with you and Matt?"

"What do you mean?" Megan looked at us innocently, though I didn't buy it and I could see Lil didn't either.

"Oh, come on, Megs." I rolled my eyes. "You can stop pretending, everybody knows you like him. And he's completely crazy about you. So what's really going on?" Megan just sat quietly for a while and then sighed heavily.

"Nothing's going on." She seemed to find something fascinating in her hands suddenly, exploring them and not looking up at us. "It's mostly flirting, shameless flirting. That's all." Megan's voice was very low, which made it almost difficult to hear what she was saying. "I do like him, he's cute and fun and everything. A few years ago I would've been so into him, but now I have Ryder and I think Matt's not ready for a relationship with a mother."

"Did you ask him?" I challenged, raising one eyebrow.

"He says he doesn't care, but I know he's not mature enough." Megan still wasn't looking at up us.

"Oh, and you are?" Lil raised her eyebrows in a very 'Lil' manner. "You're like a kid yourself, but it doesn't mean you're a bad mom."

"I just think he would be better – "

"Wait!" I cut her off, realizing what her words meant. "It means he actually suggested something?"

"He…" Megan hesitated, breathing out in frustration. "He might've said something about his affection towards me…" She was almost whispering now.

"He did what?!" Lil and I screamed together.

"Sh-shhh!" Megan hushed us, as if somebody would know we were talking about Matt if they heard us.

"What did he say?" Lil asked enthusiastically, earning a push from Megan, which caused her to almost fall from the bed and us to laugh hysterically. But it wasn't good enough to destruct us from the juicy news.

"Spill it!" I ordered Megan. What right did I have to demand something like this? I kept my secret to myself, didn't I?

"Well… We've had a… moment a while ago…" Megan straggled to find the right words.

"What kind of a moment?" Lil asked.

"You know… a special moment." Megan shrugged.

"Very specific." I noted sarcastically.

"Anyway, he was staring at me and then started leaning in for a kiss…" She trailed off.

"And..?" Lil encouraged.

"And I pulled away. He said he has feelings for me and I said nothing could happen between us except friendship." Megan tried to sound casual, but Lil and I were staring at her with astonishment.

"You didn't…" Lil said it almost accusingly.

"Yes I did." Megan frowned as if we somehow offended her.

"Are you insane?" I asked her.

"Why are you so obsessive about it? So what if I don't want to be with a guy? What's the big deal?" Megan attacked back.

"The big deal is that you do want to be with the guy, who happens to be a good friend of ours." Lil answered.

"He's my friend too."

"He's obviously more than that to you."

"Look, I don't want to hurt him or anything, but I just don't see us together. And I'm sorry, but it's my business." Megan replied defensively.

"Megan, you don't have the right to decide what's best for him. If he wants to be with you and feels ready to deal with everything, let him try." God only knows how close I was to telling them about what I was going through. I was almost angry at Megan for not taking the chance I could never have. I wanted to scream at her that her behavior was idiotic and she will be so sorry for her actions, when she realizes what she'd missed. She couldn't give up on true feelings without a respectful reason. I couldn't permit her make such a mistake. I had to tell her how much pain it is when you don't have the option to be loved by the person you love more than anything… I was about to tell her exactly and very descriptively how it felt, how she could feel. I was more than dangerously close to doing it; the words were already practically out… They already filled my mouth and rolled on my tongue…

But a sudden knock on the door interrupted my rush of furious thoughts, preventing me from speaking out loud. And I knew it was for the best really. Megan knew better what she wanted and how she felt about Matt. I just had to remind myself that it might be just a crush or something and she didn't necessarily have to be as desperate as me. Well, she obviously wasn't.

"Your salvation…" Lil whispered loudly half jokingly, rolling her eyes as Megan got up to open the door. I forced a smile on when she gave me a meaningful look before we heard the door opening. My salvation, really.

"Adam?" Megan asked with surprise at the sight of the gorgeous guy in her doorway. Wait, what?! My heart skipped a beat and then went for the usual around Adam double pace. "Aren't you supposed to have your guys' night?"

"Yeah, but I missed you!" He said cheerfully.

"Have you been drinking?" Lil narrowed her eyes and Adam rolled his in response.

"Give me a break…" He walked past Megan to the bed and jumped on it, hiding his face in the pillows. "I just wanted to see what you're doing."His words were slightly muffled by the pillows before he turned his face to me. God, at that moment I could only think of how lucky Megan was. She liked someone who liked her back, it was as simple as that and she was only trying to make it more complicated and difficult. Of course, she had no idea what it was like to be in love with an amazing guy, who could only see you as his little sister and it was nobody's fault. Really, she had no idea how fortunate she was.

"Are you playing 'truth or dare' or something?" I asked suspiciously, only to distract myself from his mesmerizing eyes.

"Oh, come on! What, can't I just want to join you?"Adam rolled until he was lying on his back.

"Of course you can!" Megan smiled and set on the bed again next to me. "We're having a girls' night."

"Yeah, I was just telling them my favorite kind of bras." I said enthusiastically. "You know a lot about it, so can totally jump in!" I barely had time to dodge away from a pillow in my direction. "Well, if you rather talk about make up…" I faked a sudden realization. "Wait! You can do that too!" They all laughed and I added, "Welcome to the club! I think you belong with us more than you do with them." Adam chuckled not showing any sign that it bothered him. Not that I was trying to hurt his feelings or anything. I knew he wouldn't mind some jokes on his part.

"He belongs with everybody, really." Lil noted and I couldn't have agreed more. Then there was another knock on the door and the moment Megan opened it, all of the guys entered the room one by one, very loudly, making it seem like there was an entire army of them and not only six people.

"Sh-shhh! Some people are actually asleep at three in the morning." Megan scolded and closed the door after all of them were inside, but they ignored her.

"What are you doing?" Anoop fell on the bed, landing between Adam and me. This bed was getting too crowded, if you asked me.

"Thinking about how to strangle you." Adam answered calmly.

"What?" Anoop could only chuckle before I covered his face with a pillow, making sure I hit him with it in the process.

"So how was your 'boys' night in'?" Lil asked teasingly.

"Are you jealous or something?"Danny teased back.

"Actually, we were having great time until you people showed up." I threw a meaningful look at Lil, then at Megan.

"I smell some juicy gossip!" Matt announced, moving his eyebrows suggestively.

"And now you have no hope to find out what it was about!" I answered in a clearly fake enthusiasm.

"Oh, come on!"

"Yep, you should've let me do the research by myself." Adam joked. "I already know the latest news."

"What?" Matt and Anoop asked one after another.

"Allie likes pushup bras." He said seriously and I could barely hold back my laughter. The guys made disappointed sounds before Adam continued. "And Megan's favorite color for underwear is red." He improvised. "Fascinating, isn't it?" He surely saved us some annoying questioning, not that we would really tell them what we were talking about. Then I noticed how Matt was looking at Megan, who was trying to ignore it. Okay, now it definitely made me angry at how stupidly they were wasting time and possibly chances to be happy.

I looked over at Adam. Yes, he was beautiful. Yes, he was an incredible person. Yes, he was most definitely a great friend. And yes, he was the dream of every girl in general and mine particularly. But I would've given anything to fall for someone else. It would've been so much easier… However, apparently life had other plans for me.

A sudden musical sound pulled me back from wonderland and I saw Adam slip out of the room unnoticeably with his cell phone in his hand. Everybody was busy joking and goofing around so they didn't really pay attention to Adam. I wouldn't have either, but it was Adam after all and everything even slightly connected to Adam had my full attention.

When he didn't come back in a couple of minutes I started to worry. Who could be calling him in the middle of the night? What if something bad happened? How bad could that something be..?

Eventually I gave up and followed Adam to the hallway. I opened the door just a little bit, to make sure he finished his conversation on the phone. When I saw he was still speaking, I fully intended to close the door and return to my place on Megan's bed. But Then I heard Adam's voice as he raised it slightly, still lower than it would be at a normal hour of the day.

"What do you mean it doesn't matter? I'm not pushing you to do anything." Adam sounded very serious and almost frustrated, but I couldn't see his face, because he was turned away from me. There was a short pause as he listened to the person on the other side of the line. "You just have to decide for yourself whether you want it or not, that's all." Adam leaned back against a wall, not looking in my direction. "What else do you need for a proof? It's there or it isn't. If it is, we'll figure something out. If not… There's not much to do." My heat seemed to stop. I wanted to close that damn door and not hear another word. But I was paralyzed, unable to move from my place. "Oh, for God's sake, Ben, you know exactly what happened that day!" I felt a cold wave washing through me, freezing and burning at the same time. Another silence, longer this time. "You know what? Forget about it. I can't ever respect a person so deep in denial. No, I said forget it. I don't want anything from you anymore." I forced myself to close the door, hearing his voice fading away. "I'm not just saying this to…" I hurried back to join the others, who haven't even noticed I had been missing. A mixture of hundreds of emotions was overwhelming me as I watched Adam come into the room again and sitting back on the other side of the bed. It hurt me to hear that conversation more than it should have.

Firstly, any reminder about Adam's sexual preferences was painful for me. Not because I had something against gay people. Not at all. It would've been completely fine, if it involved any other person except Adam. But as it was all about him, this kind of things just made sure I didn't forget I could never have the one guy I loved. Not very encouraging, is it?

Secondly, I was sure Adam had some romantic interest in that guy. And truth to be told, even though I knew he would never be with me and I truly wanted him to be happy with whoever was right for him, it still wasn't easy to deal with. I knew it would take me some time to adjust the idea that Adam would possibly be involved with someone. Because, honestly, who would enjoy the idea that their loved one was falling for somebody else?

However, none of my egoistic, immature and unpleasant aches could top the horribly powerful pain that was caused to me by Adam's pain. Nothing was more important to me than Adam's happiness. Not even my own.

Tell me how you feel about it! =D