CHAPTER 1

Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters except my own.

CHAPTER 1 Brave Soldier

Hel looked out over her realm. Helheim looked gloomy these days. Fewer souls came to her and even less wanted to settle close to the palace of their goddess. Sometimes I really miss the times of the plague. Or the Midgardian Wars. Endless supply of new minions… Never boring. Always someone to scare close by. I just had to put on this ridiculous façade of the two-faced goddess mortals associate me with. Why would death look like a youth-corpse hybrid anyway? Nowadays I can barely get a hand on a good old-fashioned thief without the Valkyries interfering.The young woman heaved a sigh. If only there was someone around to talk to – who was not a ghost frightened of her appearance or ridiculously stuck-up for that matter.

"Your Ladyship," someone behind her said. Hel turned and came face to face with the ghost of a palace guard she had acquired sometime in the early centuries of humankind. She had to admit, she liked him. He was calmer than most ghosts, not nosy, knew when not to bother her.

"What is it, dear?" the goddess purred. "Trouble with ghosts?" Her sweet tone was nothing to be fooled by. Hel was ruthless when it came to her duties. The guard shook his head shortly. "No, my Lady. On the contrary: He is back."

And just like that a bright smile raced over the young woman's features. With a light giggle, Hel bounded away from the guard without even giving him any words of thanks. If he's back, then my day just got so much better! Finally, something is happening.

Around her, Helheim seemed to glow with the joy its ruler felt. "He's back, he's back," Hel said to herself in a singsong voice. "He's back and ready. Finally."

She stopped dead in her tracks, eyes blown wide. "Oh no," Death whispered. "He is back…" Within a second her whole demeanour changed again. Black locks billowing like a cape behind her, skin turning icy-blue, eyes sparking with sunset-red, Hel almost ran down the hallway. She skipped down the steps and skidded around a corner, ignoring the banging coming from one of her well-guarded dungeon cells until she found the thing she was looking for.

The cat was curled up in one of the dark corners. Blazing eyes squinted up at the young woman before her. Yellow fur bristled slightly under the intense gaze of Death. "I require your service," Hel told the cat. A slow blink later the cat raised itself to its paws, tapping behind her commander.

They went back up until they were only one level belowground. Hel didn't slow down or turn around to check, if the cat was still behind her. She could hear the soft pads of paws on stone that was reassurance enough. The closer they came to their destination the more profound the nervousness twisting Hel's insides became. What will I find? He has hold out longer than anyone before. His mind is starting to take damage from the process… I just hope I can keep him around long enough to get him back where he belongs.

The door was marked with a Nauthiz and Berkano rune. The first looking like a cross with the vertical scratch slightly askew, the other looking like an edgy letter B. Hel traced them lightly. "Need, survival, growth, new beginnings," she mumbled to herself. "May the signs be with you, brave soldier mine." Carefully Hel shoved the door open.

The chamber behind was dark, void of any light. A cot with grey sheets was pushed against the wall – it was empty. Her heart skipped a beat. Did he flee? Where would he run?

Ragged breathing filled her ears the second she stepped deeper into the small room. Hel whipped her head around, sending her dark locks flying. There he was. Nestled in the corner of his room, curled into a small ball and hiding his head between his arms, crouched Sergeant Barnes. His breath seemed to echo in the otherwise empty space between them. Loud, even in Hel's ears, detecting the agony he tried to reign in before she spoke and possibly broke his control.

"Welcome back," Death quietly offered. Bucky's head snapped up so fast, she feared he might break his mortal bones. Looking in his eyes was even more painful than just seeing how small he – a grown man almost two heads taller than her – tried to make himself. Steel blue eyes swam, his cheeks wet with tears already shed. "They made me do it again," was all he could say before ducking back into hiding. His voice cracked and broke into a sob at the end of the sentence.

"Would you like to be alone for a little longer?" she asked calmly. "I brought Milly in case you'd prefer her presence to mine." Hel willed herself to look away from him. She didn't like people seeing her weak; he was the same, sometimes.If I am completely honest with myself, no one ever really wants me around them unless I can be of any use to them or they are too afraid to send me away… And he has more than one good reason to either need company or despise mine.

Bucky remained silent for so long, the young woman almost decided to go of her own volition. She gave the cat a sign to stay as she turned towards the door. "Will it get easier?" His voice sounded raw. Death looked back at the mortal man over her shoulder. They both knew she could lie right now and be done with. She could tell him the sky was green and he would probably believe her depending on how long he would stay in her realm.

Instead, Hel gave a heart-broken smile. "It always gets harder before it becomes easier, brave soldier mine." Bucky nodded slowly. The gears in his head were visibly turning. "Stay," he finally said. Just that one word, in a voice small and powerful at the same time. Broken and reborn. Just like him.

Hel stepped closer to him, got on her knees in front of him. Bucky didn't shy away. She was possibly the only person – if you could call the goddess of death that – he trusted enough to let her get close to him. Slowly, Hel stretched out her hand and laid it on top of his. "You are so strong. So unbelievably strong."

A disbelieving huff.

"I mean it. I tried to keep them all down here. Allow their spirits a break from being systematically broken down. Let them regain their strength to someday take over completely again. To be human once more. And see where it brought me." Her lips curled in disgust. "Each of them bringing more souls for the Valkyries than I could ever dream of, just because a decree states, that anything HYDRA does is an act of war."

"You truly are a generous goddess."

"Huh, don't flatter me. I don't need it. We both know, I am not generous I am only in on it to stop unnecessary wins for the Valkyries. As if a single mortal soul would interest me. I care about my books and currently those are rapidly losing entries thanks to your new buddies."

Bucky recoiled slightly, backing himself more into the corner, as Hel openly snarled. Immediately she drew back as well, opening space between them. "I am sorry." The young woman brushed her hair out of her face. He looked up at her. Death tended to shift quickly between emotions in one conversation. "It's like a nightmare," Bucky whispered. "Only you can't wake from it. In your head you're screaming and begging to stop – but your body still goes through with it." New tears threatened to roll down his cheeks. "It's a miracle you still want to have me. I know I wouldn't."

Hel crossed her arms over her chest, eyes dangerously narrowed. "Don't say such foolish things. The ant has no quarrel with the boot. Whatever Winter does, you are not responsible for it. Remember that." Besides, it's only a matter of time until you overcome him. I made sure you could do it. Trust me, Bucky.

Her soldier met her gaze. Unbelievably broken. "I still feel like I am responsible for it," he rasped out. "It's my body doing these things. It's me inside that monster. Plain for everyone to see." Death pursed her lips unwillingly. "They twisted you. They dug their claws into your soul and corrupted it. Those are the demons you mortals are afraid of. HYDRA is to blame. Not you. You, you are stronger than all of them combined. You endured twenty years of torture before I whisked you away. You spent the next fifty years fighting against that thing they planted inside you." Hel growled in the back of her throat. "Don't even think for a second, that I would abandon you just because you killed. If you ever disrespect the goddess of death like that again I just might feel inclined to drop you. You are mine. You are mine until you can be yours again."

Bucky stared up into the wild face of Hel. Her teeth bared in an inhuman snarl, her hair curling like snakes around her face and her eyes quite literally burning. She still wanted to keep watching over him… He couldn't believe her. "What will happen, if I'm mine again?"

Hel blinked in surprise. The question was not unexpected, just not expected. Not immediately after a breakdown. She got up and moved to sit on the cot. As soon as she sat, Milly jumped into her lap, Hel's fingers automatically moving to pet the cat. Who would have thought that in the end I am the one in need of the therapy-cat?she wondered. The intense stare levelled at her didn't waver. Bucky stayed right where he was, motionless, thinking, observing. "What happens, if you return to be a healthy little mortal," Hel repeated the question. "I don't know. Normally you'd forget whatever happened down here. On the other hand, you spent such a long time in this realm it might have latched onto your soul, thus you could retain some of your memory…"

"Has it happened before?"

"Not in any form like this, brave soldier mine. The other victims moved on to farther planes, not wishing to return to their mortal shells. And I cannot remember anything like this happening before."

He might forget me. He might forget everything. Everything from the past fifty years. At least, consciously.Hel felt faint. Her stomach twisted, her hands got clammy. What was happening? She was having an emotional reaction? This was purely about business, about breaking the Valkyries dominance for Helheim's sake!

"Are you feeling alright?" Suddenly Bucky was next to her on the cot, feeling her forehead. "What? Why?" He looked her in the eyes and shrugged: "I don't know… It felt right to do it? Like an impulse." The confusion on his face alarmed Hel more than any other reaction might have. "You are forgetting your life before Winter. May have already forgotten it."

She jumped off the cot, resulting in a very annoyed cat. Without giving Milly a second look, Death started pacing across the room. "It's not supposed to happen. Not yet. I was careful, I did everything right." She stopped, her head snapping back around to Bucky. "Write everything you can remember from before down in notebooks. No matter what, just make sure you can keep those memories. Keep fighting and try to override Winter. You're stronger than him, trust me."

"Calm down." Bucky reached for her then let his hands drop back into his lap. "I didn't forget anything. It was just an impulse to check your wellbeing. You know, from looking after him." Despite the serious topic, the young woman couldn't help but notice how flustered her brave soldier looked. Okay, false alarm. I hope he'll look the same when he has him back. It really is their biggest dream after all.

They remained silent for a few moments, simply soaking in each other's presence until Bucky finally looked back at Hel, the tiniest of grins on his face. "So, I was your first?" Hel groaned and hid her face in one hand. "Of all the things you could have said." It's good to see he can still smile. Even, if it's at my expense.

"Say, what are you going to do about your hair?" she added after a look at the locks of her soldier. Bucky touched the strands framing his face thoughtfully. "I kind of got used to them." Hel decided against commenting on that. It was his hair after all.

It was the last time she would see him with even the resemblance of a smile.

The years passed by in a blur. The panic attacks didn't calm down, but her soldier learned to cope with them, clinging to Milly and breathing deeply. He told Hel to leave him alone after he returned. Even, if it hurt the young woman more than she let on, she kept her distance. Hel allowed him to calm before she stepped into his chamber – only to be sent out yet again because he didn't want to talk to her. Almost frantically he scribbled down everything he could remember into notebooks Hel had promised would transcend into the real world with him, if he so wished. Those were their only interactions.

Hel's temper was foul in these years, Helheim growing darker again with the temper of its ruler. Souls came and she spared them no glance, dishing out punishments whenever she felt like it. Helheim slowly but surely turned into the dark, bland landscape humankind believed it to be and Hel couldn't bring herself to care.

Sure, the trips to Midgard and Asgard for her father's amusement were not without merry; still they only were a temporary distraction. Soon Hel didn't feel like visiting Asgard either. Dad will be busy with ruling and legitimizing himself as the rightful king in his own eyes, she told herself time and time again. Maybe he will come around one night just out of nowhere. Like he always does.

It didn't make it any better. And Loki never came. Not even sneaking after her brave soldier to see Bucky overriding Winter from time to time was satisfying any longer.