[A/N: Thanks to Falconflight to reviewing! You're right, you really should know where that reference comes from. You've referenced it enough in LTW!]

PART TWO: NOW WE'RE ACTUALLY IN RIVERCLAN

When the toms reached the ancient oak, no one was there.

"Darn! They've already left!" Bumblestripe exclaimed.

Foxtail dropped down on all fours and sniffed the area. His ears perked up, and he stood. "They went that way!" he cried, pointing to WindClan.

Toadstep shook his head. "Well, of course, dummy! That's the fastest way to RiverClan!"

"Are we gonna stand here until we grow roots?" Thornclaw growled. "Let's go!"

—meanwhile, in RiverClan—

Cinderheart sashayed up to Grasspelt, pulling on her most beautiful face. "Hello, Grasspelt!" she said, blushing.

Dovewing stormed up to Grasspelt. "Where are me cheeseburgers?" she growled.

Grasspelt backed up a bit. "Uhh, here you go, Dovewing," he mumbled, handing her a cheeseburger, obviously confused.

Dovewing greedily munched on her cheeseburger. "Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom . . . I WUVZ YOU, CHEESEBURGERS!"

Ivypool screamed "FISHSTICKS!" and raided a fishstick shop. The owner of the shop glared at her. "Hey!" He ran after her, swearing loudly in front of the giggling kits.

Hazeltail walked up to Grasspelt and glared at Cinderheart. "Move out, Cinderheart! Grasspelt is MINE!"

Blossomfall sighed and shook her head. "You're fighting over a tom from another Clan."

Cinderheart and Hazeltail exchanged a glance. "Yeah."

Icecloud joined Blossomfall. "Isn't that, like, against the warrior code?"

"Oh yeah . . ."

Grasspelt backed away. He raced over to Mistystar and screamed, "RiverClan! Intruders!"

The fishstick shop owner chased Ivypool around the RiverClan camp. "Thief! Come back!"

Ivypool hugged the fishsticks close to her chest. "My fishsticks!"

The owner glared at her. "Mine!"

Ivypool glared at him back. "Mine!"

"Mine!"

"Mine!"

"Mine!"

"Mine!"

"Mine!"

Cinderheart growled. "Stop the 'mine!' war! It's driving me crazy!"

The shop owner and Ivypool both glared at her and said in unison, "What's wrong with that?"

The looked at each other and burst out laughing.

All of a sudden, Lionblaze and some other toms burst into the scene. "What did we miss?" their leader panted.

Cinderheart goggled at her ex. "Lionblaze? What are you—"

"RiverClan, ATTACK!"

The whole of RiverClan surged forward, snarling. The ThunderClan cats screamed and ran away to where they belong (The Dumpster).

When they were safe, Ivypool kissed her fishsticks. "Yayz! I got me fishsticks!"

Suddenly, the fishstick shop owner appeared in their midst. He cackled and grinned evilly. "Got you at last!"

Ivypool slapped him with a fishstick. The shop owner scowled, angry. The she-cat just sighed and kicked him to the moon.

Lionblaze, never fit to begin with, passed out from exhaustion.

Cinderheart leaped on top of him and started preforming CPR. "Aaaah! Lionblaze! Wake up!"

Lionblaze mysteriously regained consciousness, gazing at Cinderheart with love in his eyes. "You care?"

Just then, Cinderheart remembered why she had started dating Lionblaze in the first place: he was hot, cute, rich, stupid enough to pay for anything she wanted, and so romantic. Sometimes. She smiled at him and said, "Yes! I wuvz—"

In a poof of smoke, a random black-and-silver she-cat appeared out of nowhere. For a moment, the cats simply gawped at her until Icecloud voiced the question they were all wondering: "Who's THAT?"

Hazeltail, smart as always, replied, "That is an unacknowledged she-cat that was only mentioned once in SkyClan's Destiny but her name fails me at the important moment!"

Bumblestripe frowned. "What's 'SkyClan's Destiny'?"

Hazeltail shrugged. "I don't know!"

"How can you know if you don't know?" Cinderheart asked.

"..."

The random, unacknowledged, black-and-silver she-cat who was only mentioned once in SkyClan's Destiny but whose name fails Hazeltail at the important moment shouted, "I am ONION!"

"Huh?" Foxleap said, confused.

"Mwahahahahahahaha!" the mad she-cat screeched. The ThunderClanners were even more confused than they were already.

Suddenly, Onion's gaze fell upon Toadstep. Her eyes brightened crazily and she flung herself at him. "TICKLE WHISKERS!"

Toadstep struggled and flailed his limbs, but the she-cat's grip was maniacal. "AAARGH!"

Onion smiled reassuringly at him, chattering loudly, "I will not abduct you to Pluto! Don't worry! We're not going to have to wear spacesuits and take a Spaceship to get to Pluto!"

Cinderheart rolled her eyes. This she-cat was really stupid—of course she was going to Pluto if she denied it!

A spaceship appeared out of nowhere as Onion whipped out two spacesuits and shoved them on Toadstep and herself. She and the struggling Toadstep boarded and it blasted off, leaving a charred circle of trees where it had been.

Icecloud ran toward the circle and started crying. "NUUU! I loveded you, Toady, I loveded you!"

To be continued . . .