He approached the house from the backside and saw her window. He listened but heard nothing mentally from inside. This would mean nothing if she was there of course, but at least it meant that Charlie was not around.
He darted around the front of the house and saw that her truck was gone. Of course, this could mean nothing as well as the truck was decrepit and could have died while he was gone. He smiled at the thought and then immediately frowned. If it had died, he could have gotten her something new, something better, and even if she had refused, he could have at least driven her to school, and to work, and….He trailed off, trying to stop that line of thinking as well, but it had already planted a seed in his mind.
Figuring that he had stalled long enough, he rounded toward the back of the house once more and scaled the wall to peer into her window. He looked in and saw that she wasn't there. He realized that this was not surprising given it was the middle of the day on a Wednesday. He had forgotten the day, he had lost track of a lot of things in the past few months.
He tried to open the window, tugging at it slightly, but found that it would not open. He then saw that the latch was closed around the top of the window. Bella had locked the window.
Bella didn't want him to come back.
He shook the thought away, it was because it was cold and she wanted to keep the window closed, or because of security, her father was the chief of police. The flimsy excuses ran rampant through his head while another portion of his brain screamed at him, telling him to accept this, telling him that this was what he wanted all along and he should be happy, but it was too late.
Her scent, her amazing, incredible scent had already filled his nostrils. He could smell it permeating from the house. It no longer had the same affect on him, not longer made his mouth water. He had been without her for what seemed such a long time that it was both comforting and achingly horrible.
He shook away any doubt and climbed down the house, before going around to the front door. It was true that he could have easily broken into the house, but he didn't want anyone to know that he was here, not yet. He just hoped that Alice wasn't paying attention, or at least that she didn't tell anyone what he was doing. He briefly wondered what outcome she saw to this, good or bad. And then he wondered what a good outcome truly was, Bella accepting him back or Bella having moved on, able to be without him.
He couldn't settle on an answer.
He worked his hand along the door frame, over the top, hoping it was still there and came upon a spare key. He placed it in the lock and turned, opening the door in one quick motion.
The scent hit him like a ton of bricks. He could barely close the door before he doubled over and was forced to sit. He was….overwhelmed. There was no other word for it. Everything, every memory, every emotion, every moment that he had spent with her came flooding back, and every reason for leaving seemed like a horrendously poor excuse.
He sat there for what seemed a long time before he recovered himself. He was there to check on her, make sure she was happy and safe. This was not about him, if he really loved her he had to let her go.
He walked up the stairs toward her room, the scent was even more potent there, but he was ready this time. He walked in and saw that the room had not changed much. Same covers on the bed, same books on the shelf, same cds on the desk.
Hmmm…he wondered if she had found them. He got on his knees and found the boards, lifting them up carefully, ensuring that he could replace them with ease. He found the items there, the CD, the tickets, and the pictures. The beautiful pictures of Bella standing next to him…when she was still his.
He replaced the item and the floor boards quickly, before they could do further harm to him, though he wondered if that was even possible at this moment, and that was when he heard it. The roaring engine of the 1967 Chevy.
He must have been on the front room floor longer than he realized. He had to get out of here fast. He would still try to fulfill his vow of not seeing her, of just checking on her.
He remembered the key he still held and the fact that the front door was currently unlocked. He had to remedy that…and quickly.
He got up intent to rush down the stairs and fly out the front door when he remembered the latch. It would be so easy to unlock it, just a flick of the finger and he could get in…just to check on her. She was most truthful when she slept and considering he was trying to avoid actually seeing her, this was the best compromise. He would hopefully hear what she was actually thinking.
He unlocked the window, brushing aside any qualms he had about his plan, or the fact that he could easily have heard what she was saying in her sleep without entering her room, and rushed out the front door, locking it behind him and replacing the key.
Then came the most difficult choice, he didn't know if he was strong enough to see Bella right now. He wanted so much to just look at her, but he knew once he did this, right now, while her scent permeated his existence, he would have to talk with her, touch her, and while his entire being screamed for that, demanded that, the rational portion of him told him to leave…now. So with a glimpse toward her truck as it meandered its way down the street, he took off into the woods, just as the sun was setting and twilight was descending.