The postman gulped. He'd drawn the short straw back at the office today and had been saddled with the problem household. Gulping at the cawing crows circling above the Mansion, he gathered his wits and walked up the path, being careful to avoid any stray bear traps (God knows Martin had kicked up a fuss last week when he'd been caught by one). With no small amount of trepidation, he removed the letters from his bag and quickly put them into the mailbox. Edging away slowly, in his peripheral vision he caught sight of a pair of piercing black eyes, staring at him from behind the front window's curtains. Speeding up with a gasp, the postman ran down the road back to civilisation.
o.o.o.o.o.o
*Cue intro*
o.o.o.o.o.o
Jafar gulped, recognising the expressive cursive handwriting on the envelope. Opening it carefully, he extracted the letter, and reluctantly scanned its contents. His loud cursing alerted the nearby Hook, who walked over to him.
"What's all fuss ab-" Hook paused, also recognising the handwriting, "oh."
Reading through the rest of the letter, it appeared that a house meeting was required. Immediately.
o.o.o.o.o.o
Feeling the impatient group gathered before him adding to his already sizeable headache, Jafar cleared his throat, "Right then, I'm sure you are all aware that it is rent day tomorrow?"
A few murmurs and nods of agreement.
"Well, I have just been informed that the Mouse will be too busy to come-" a few relieved sighs and cheers from the crowd, "himself."
"Cut to the chase, Jafar." Maleficent hissed.
"-So he shall be sending Mrs. Mouse to not only collect the money, but to conduct the annual inspection of the property." Jafar finished.
He was met with stunned silence, until panic broke out.
Unlike her fretting housemates, Maleficent merely raised a neat eyebrow.
If Hook was about to say something reassuring, his words died in his throat as he looked around the room and was met with mysterious carpet stains and conspicuous holes in the walls.
"Does the letter say anything else?" Gothel inquired.
"Only that they expect the house to be free of villainous activity, as per usual." Jafar rolled his eyes, "But let's not forget that Minnie isn't as...acquiescent as Mickey."
"What time will she be here?" Scar asked one the panic had died down.
"2pm precisely," Jafar answered, "So that gives us...twenty-seven and a half hours."
"Well then," Maleficent began, "I suppose we should get started."
o.o.o.o.o.o.o
[26 HOURS, 45 MINUTES REMAINING]
"Bloody hell." Hook muttered, surveying the extent of the damage of the room before him.
Gaston, the owner of said room, merely scoffed at the pirate, "What can I say? A man's got to keep his hunting skills sharp."
Bewildered by the other man's cocky tone, Hook let his eyes wander around the room yet again; decorated with a gaudy hunting lodge aesthetic, bullet holes and stray arrows littered every wall. The ceiling's plaster created noticeable piles of rubble on the carpet, which itself had noticeable beer stains.
"Lad, you need to get this room presentable ASAP."
"I've dusted my self-portrait!" Gaston spluttered, gesturing to the painting in question (which truth be told was the cleanest part of the room).
"Gaston, you're an idiot."
o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o
[26 HOURS, 35 MINUTES REMAINING]
Meanwhile, Gothel headed towards Ursula's room, which she had agreed to assist with. On her way there she walked past Grimhilde, who was vainly trying to herd a gaggle of enchanted brooms around the kitchen in order to sweep up.
Gothel's own room was (thankfully) problem-free, so the state of her fellow villain's room came as a shock, "Ursula, what in God's name happened here? It looks like there's been an extremely localised tsunami in here!"
The sea witch already looked flustered, and Gothel's comments didn't help matters, "That, darling, is exactly what happened."
Gothel followed Ursula's gesture towards an large fish tank - taking up most of the back wall - which was now seemingly empty. The still-damp carpet and wrinkled wallpaper was enough for Gothel to guess just where the water had gone.
"How-?"
"Hans, the little worm. Couldn't clean my aquarium out properly."
Gothel raised an eyebrow, "Why isn't our dear prince helping you out then?"
"Because, Gothel, in my moment of anger I did this." Whipping out a small water-filled jar, she showed Gothel its contents: a small polyp that the other woman assumed to be Hans. Instantly, the polyp began waving its fist and cursing the sea witch.
"So that's where he's been for the past few days." Gothel smirked, tapping the jar.
Ursula let out a short cackle, "You see, this is a much more entertaining punishment, don't you think? It's due to wear off in the next day or so unfortunately, but it was fun while it lasted."
Placing the jar carefully on a shelf, Ursula turned back to Gothel, whose mind had immediately returned to the task at hand.
"I'll go get the heaters."
o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o
[23 HOURS, 14 MINUTES REMAINING]
Hades wasn't finding the task of repairing his room (or rather, his minions repairing his room) too challenging. Yes, they'd already used two buckets of paint and yes, there was no hiding the scorch marks on the back of his door, but all in all the damage was mostly cosmetic.
The one downside, he mused, was that the only paint available was canary yellow. It was a sickening, happy colour that even the Princesses would balk at. It was the only paint they had left, as the magnolia was being used as a matter of high priority in the living room. The notion of supplying the villains with this godawful colour was one of Mickey's many attempts to boost morale amongst the (comfortably) dour Villains; quite understandably, they locked it in the attic as quickly as possible, never again to see the light of day.
Until now.
Hades grimaced.
o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o
[17 HOURS, 43 MINUTES REMAINING]
As the sun set over Toontown that evening, the Villains all collapsed down in the living room, all thoroughly exhausted from making the house look presentable. As the smell of fresh paint lingered, they couldn't help but feel a sense of accomplishment; ink stains and mysterious holes had been patched up, while the carpet had been scrubbed intensely. Kronk was finishing off hiding Yzma's chemicals and potions (with a resounding *boom* emanating from the garden shed), and Gothel and Ursula came down the stairs.
Jafar looked at the women, "Whatever was that droning noise you two were making all day?"
"The spare heaters," Ursula replied flatly, "did not work. We've been having to use hairdryers."
"Still not as painful as having to witness Gaston learn how to use the vacuum cleaner." Hook chuckled.
"Hey! In my defence, it was clogged with hairballs!"
"I said I was sorry!" Scar countered.
"Now now, let's not ruin all our hard work." Maleficent stated, sensing rising tension.
Settling down to watch the television for a while, the Villains gradually trooped up the stairs to their rooms, taking great care not to spoil their newly-presentable rooms.
Tomorrow would be a long day.
o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o
[13 MINUTES REMAINING]
After a tense morning, the Villains were frantically rushing about to put the finishing touches on the Mansion. Dead bushes outside the front door were replaced with bright flowers, and rugs were placed strategically over particularly stubborn stains.
"Right, so all evidence of villainous activity has been hidden now?" Jafar asked frantically as Maleficent placed their staffs into a broom cupboard.
At the nods of a affirmation, Jafar relaxed minutely.
As she closed the cupboard door, Maleficent turned round to face the others, "Although counter-intuitive considering our occupations, I believe it would be wise to act as casual and laid-back as possible during the visit. If you're not capable of that," she fixed a pointed glare towards the already irate Queen of Hearts, "then I suggest you keep out of the way until the inspection is over. Understood?"
A chorus of yeses resounded, but Maleficent froze, "She's here."
Jafar jumped into action, "Places, everyone! And remember: act casual."
As the Villains took their places, Jafar walked hesitantly towards the door.
o.o.o.o.o.o.o
[0 MINUTES REMAINING]
Minerva Mouse approached the looming home of the Villains serenely. Most would balk at the thought of dealing with this many Villains in one place, but Minnie was nothing if not resolute. Two feet and three inches of unflappable businesswoman, she knocked confidently on the imposing front door.
The door opened almost instantly, and she was greeted with a (perhaps unnaturally) grinning Jafar.
"Minnie! How wonderful it is to see you again! Please, come into our humble abode."
As he released her gloved hand from the firm handshake, he bowed lowly, allowing her in.
As she entered, she was greeted with the sight of several Villains milling about the area and going about their business.
"Thank you, Jafar," Minnie smiled, before turning to the rest of the Villains, "Hello everyone. As you know, Mickey was unfortunately too busy today to come by and collect the rent, so I thought I'd do it myself and conduct the annual inspection while I'm at it."
The Villains remained silent, waiting for her next move with bated breath.
Sensing the tension, Minnie turned back to the vizier, "Jafar, would you do me the honour of showing me around?"
"Of course, of course." Jafar replied cordially, mentally planning to direct the mouse away from anything too incriminating, "As you can see, here is our living room..."
As Jafar led Minnie around, the other Villains lingered.
"She doesn't seem to be upset with anything yet." Hook noted quietly.
"'Yet' being the operative word." Scar noted with a raised eyebrow.
"While this is thrilling and all, I'm gonna grab some coffee." Hades remarked.
"This is your eighth cup today. Was the stress keeping you awake last night?" Cruella mocked.
"Look, you try sleeping in a room the colour of a Care Bear's puke." Hades retorted, before heading off into the kitchen. A few others followed.
o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o
"Now if you would like to follow me into the kitchen..." Jafar led Minnie out of the living room.
The handful of Villains accompanying Hades greeted the pair noncommittally, cautiously observing the mouse as she jotted down notes on her small notepad.
"Hey, Ursula," Gothel whispered to the witch, "Where did you put Hans this morning?"
Ursula thought for a moment, the other handful of Villains eyeing her with concern.
The witch's eyes widened, and her gaze shot towards a shelf on the other side of the kitchen, just behind the potted plant that Jafar and Minnie were observing.
The other Villains' eyes bulged. Frollo, in a fit of rarely used toonspeed, darted behind the mouse and quickly placed his sizeable hat over the jar containing Hans.
Minnie and Jafar whirled around in surprise, the latter raising an eyebrow at the judge.
Racking his brain for a decent explanation, Frollo quickly adopted his signature stoic expression, inquiring, "Would you care for any refreshments, Madame?"
Minnie observed the judge and narrowed her eyes; the Villains collectively held their breath.
After what seemed like an eternity, her smile returned, "I appreciate the offer, Judge Frollo, but I'm OK for now."
Frollo inclined his head and returned to his seat, leaving his hat atop the jar.
The kitchen thankfully passed the inspection, and Jafar led Minnie upstairs to quickly inspect the bedrooms.
Each room had (surprisingly) been tidied up decently, and Minnie was quite satisfied with their condition.
However, upon entrance to Hades' room, Minnie had a few questions,
"Oh, you've actually used this colour paint?"
Jafar had barely contained a gag at the sight of it, but quickly came up with an explanation, "Oh yes, Hades believed it would brighten his mood, for want of a better word."
Minnie didn't seem entirely convinced, and asked innocently in her sweet voice, "Are you sure it wasn't repainted to cover damage?"
Jafar forced a grin, hoping his fellow Villain couldn't hear what he was about to say, "Not at all! Hades simply adores the colour!"
Jotting down a few sentences in her notebook, Minnie didn't press the matter as the paint (albeit garish even by her standards) was currently in a decent condition.
"Well then," Jafar broke the silence, "this is the last of the bedrooms. Shall we head back downstairs?"
Minnie nodded assent, and they rejoined the other Villains.
The others were nervously sat in the living room, anxious to hear the final verdict.
"Well, I am pleased to say that I have seen no evidence of illicit activity and the house is in great condition!" Minnie clasped her hands together enthusiastically, "Although it is a shame that not all of you were here today to hear the good news. Where's Hans?"
The absence of one of Disney's latest Villains was hard to ignore (especially when his movie was the company's largest cash cow), and Minnie looked at the others expectantly.
Ursula noticeably paled, before the group erupted with a dozen different exclamations.
"He's out shopping!"
"He's at church!"
"He's helping old ladies cross the road!"
Minnie cast a bewildered look at the Villains, who were hoping that the winning smiles currently plastered onto their faces would be convincing enough for the mouse to buy it.
However, their cautious optimism was shattered when Minnie noticed something crawling into the room.
An angry polyp was viciously clawing it's way across the carpet from the direction of the kitchen, a trail of water left in its wake.
Said polyp soon began to glow and take the form of purple smoke, which soon cleared to reveal a very angry (and very wet) Hans.
Clothing torn, he made a beeline for Ursula and pointed a dripping finger in her face, "YOU! You witch! Bet you thought it was funny, huh? Bet you thought-"
Noticing the Villains groaning and wincing, Hans did a double take, before finally noticing the gaping mouse next to him.
Eyebrow raised, Minnie stood there in stunned silence.
Embarrassed at their fall at the final hurdle and disturbed by the uncharacteristic expression of shock on their normally-unflappable landlady, Jafar nervously chuckled and handed her the envelope, "Anyway, here's the rent!"