Disclaimer: do not own Transformers.
Summary: A Sue parody. From 'verse to 'verse, 'Bots change, 'Cons change, humans change, but one great evil remains constant. Beware the Sue, remember the Character, protect the Movie, and above all…honour the Canon.
Rating: T
Author note: This is not an attack on any writer. There are some very well-done OC's out there. If your OC fits the description(s) or name(s) of the Sue, then it is purely coincidental. This fic was done for pure entertainment.
Also: To those who ship human!Elita1/Optimus (haven't seen it, but you never know) and Alexis/Movie!Starscream, I mean no offense to you, and I do not mark your story as a Sue story. I just found the characters' reactions funny.
Honour the Canon
Once they got to the beach, Bumblebee promptly ejected Sam and Mikaela, and then drove off some distance with whats-her-name. With horrified gazes, they watched as Bumblebee transformed to his bipedal form in broad daylight and scooped up whats-her-name in his hands. Faintly, they could hear sappy love songs coming from his radio as he serenaded her.
"That's just—that's just weird," Sam said, gesturing and spluttering. Mikaela, eyes wide, nodded.
"You want to know what's weirder?" another voice asked. "The fact that I have no idea how we got here." The two teenagers spun around. Lennox was there, behind them, with a baffled look on his face. Slightly to his left was Sarah, holding Annabelle. Both mother and daughter were looking at Bumblebee and whats-her-name with expressions on their faces suggesting that it was the cutest scene that they'd seen in a long while. And that was saying something, since Annabelle was a baby.
Slightly to his right was Ironhide, in bipedal form and with a strange look in his optics. As Sam spluttered and made half-questions and general sounds of horror and general what-the-fuckery concerning both Ironhide and Bumblebee in bipedal form in broad daylight, Mikaela managed to recover slightly.
"Will!" she greeted."Don't take this the wrong way, because we're glad to see and all, but...but what are you doing here?"
"I told you," Will said, looking around with a thoroughly confused expression on his face. "I have no idea. We were just driving along, coming home from Annabelle's play-date, and all of a sudden, here we are."
Sam pulled himself together. "So...so you had an encounter with a Plot-Hole too?"
"'Too?' What do you mean, 'Too'?"
"Well, this morning my dad kinda popped outta nowhere," Sam said, thinking back to that weird hitch in dialogue. "He was just there. No introduction, no mention, nothing."
"That's odd," Will conceded. "But, remember, we are a Transformers 'verse. We have our share of Plot Holes. Remember in the Movie, when, for some odd reason, we take the Cube to a densely populated area, with human-killing Decepticons hot on our heels? I mean, what's up with that?"
"Yeah, that's true...but so early? And, I mean—"
"Lennox!" Ironhide suddenly said. They looked up at him, startled. He had a far-away, dreamy look in his optics that sent shivers up their spines. "Aren't you going to introduce me to your sister?"
Lennox blinked. "I don't have a sister."
"Hi, Will!" a cheerful, bubbly voice said. The invader was talking, cuddling up to Bumblebee, to the scout's delight. "Remember me? I'm your long-lost sister, Staceybelle, who has just recently recovered from amnesia!"
"Wha…?"
"And I'm a decorated war veteran and weapons expert!"
"But—but you don't look old enough!" Will shouted back, incredulous.
"Honey!" Sarah snapped. She looked at Will sharply. "How dare you say that about my sister, Annasarania? She is a sweet girl, and you will treat her as such!"
Even Annabelle gave her father a disapproving look. Then they stalked off to coo over the strange girl.
Will ran a hand through his hair. "That's not Canon," he muttered.
"You're telling me," Sam said. "This morning, my mom scolded me for talking badly to her…and all I did was ask if her eyes were always that colour."
Will's expression, if possible, deepened in confusion. "As a side-topic, I need to ask, was her hair always that shade of black-midnight-ebony—"
"Yeah, yeah, we get the picture," Mikaela said hastily, cutting him off. "And no, no it wasn't. There's something strange about this girl."
"Okay, you have a point," Will said quietly to Sam as Sarah fussed over the strange girl. "There is something wrong here."
"Oh sweet love of my life! Oh beautiful Shriamiratrillia!" Ironhide suddenly bellowed. They could only look on in shock as Ironhide did a neat little twirl and skipped merrily towards Bumblebee and whats-her-name, giggling like a schoolgirl. The latter looked downright pleased, and the former was oblivious to the new addition. "How I love you and your beautiful crystal orbs!"
Lennox, Mikaela, and Sam were absolutely horror-struck.
"Oh no, Ironhide," Sam called after him, shaking his head and looking more horrified than he did during the Movie, when Bumblebee's legs were destroyed. "Your machoness…what happened to your machoness?! Ratchet!" he called out of reflex, and then recoiled when he turned around and saw Ratchet right behind him.
"Ratchet!" Mikaela said, surprised. "What are you doing here?"
"And you're fully transformed!" Lennox said.
Sam was too busy looking upon all this madness to say anything.
But, alas, he too had that dreamy, far-away look.
"My spark told me that I should be here," he said. "And look, there, in the distance!" Reluctantly, they looked to where he was pointing. Whats-her-name was now singing to both Bumblebee and Ironhide, who looked as though they were—
"Crying?!" Lennox asked, aghast. "But—but Autobots can't shed tears!"
"It is the beauty of her voice that moves me!" Ratchet said, crying too. "I'm coming, my sweet, sweet love!"
As Ratchet did exactly that, Lennox looked wildly at the two teenagers, who were becoming very panicked themselves.
"What's going on, Will?" Mikaela said, on the verge of hysterics.
"Calm down, calm down," Lennox said hastily. "I'm sure that there's a perfectly logical explanation as—"
"There she is!" They recoiled again as a fully transformed Jazz came bounding, ran right past them, and into the throng of whats-her-name, her quickly growing Autobot harem, and their admirers. "There's Angelinaballarina, who has brought me back from the dead! And now I shall repay her with my everlasting love!"
"No! Not Jazz too!" Mikaela groaned.
"Well," Sam said shakily. "Look at the bright side. At least things can't get any—"
"Oh, Elita-1! Is that you, reincarnated into a human form?" Optimus Prime asked, bounding in from the streets.
"Yes, yes it is!"
"Alexis! I, Starscream, have come for you! And though I detest humans, I love yoooouuuuu!" Starscream shouted, coming in from the sky.
"Starscream, my love! I knew that you were a good guy on the inside!"
"And I will repent and change my Decepticon ways for you, and together we will become all that is truth and justice in this cruel world!" Barricade said, sirens aglow and throwing himself in the throng.
"Yes, Barricade! We are proof that love conquers all, and that love can change even the most evil of hearts!"
"Oh, sweet human girl who has brought me back from the dead! Though I hate you now, I shall 'gradually' learn to love you and accept you as an equal, and then we will live happily ever after!" both Blackout and Bonecrusher chorused.
"The Decepticons have learned love! Earth is saved!" cried a dozen human extras who were conveniently there.
Lennox, Sam, and Mikaela…could only gape openly.
"This…this isn't right," Mikaela said quietly, numbed now. Sam opened and closed his mouth silently, a fish out of water dying slowly and painfully.
"No, no it isn't," Lennox agreed, strangely calm.
"You're telling us," two new voices said. Used to beings popping out of nowhere by now through the grace of Plot-Holes, our intrepid human friends turned to see Frenzy and Brawl, looking upon the scene in horror. Frenzy abruptly started banging his head against a conveniently placed light pole.
Devastator focused his attentions on our human friends. "Is this a trick, human?!" he bellowed, his voice barely carrying over the squeals of delight and the professions of love coming from the centre of the beach. "If so, then I must say that…that even Decepticons aren't capable of such cruel and unusual torture! You are a sick race!"
Sam, Mikaela, and Lennox looked curiously at that last narration.
"Aren't you…aren't you Brawl?" Mikaela said.
Brawl looked at the questionable narration as well. "No! I'm Devastator!...Or, am I Brawl?" The Decepticon looked around. "Who am I?"
"Do. Not. WANT!" Frenzy screeched, banging his head even harder.
"I don't know what's going on," Sam said. "But I do know that it all started when that girl showed up!"
Lennox, apparently lost in thought, turned his attention to him. "But no Character can mess with Canon like this," he said, his voice cracking towards the end, betraying his barely restrained hysteria.
"Look, you guys," Mikaela said, turning to them. "Whoever or whatever she is, she can't touch the Movie, right? There's a Movie tomorrow. That'll snap things back to Canon, right?"
"Yes, that's right! I totally AM the Allspark! Look at my ubersupercool powers that are totally unique to little old me."
"We love you!"
"We will protect you forever!"
All five survivors of whatever insanity was spreading turned in the direction of whats-her-name and her fan club.
"I don't think it'll be that easy," Sam said finally.
Turns out, it wasn't.
Sam woke up the next morning, fully knowing that he was in the Movie. Him being Aware in the Movie was like Spike being Aware in an Episode: it just wasn't a good sign. Nevertheless, Sam went to school, fully prepared to do his horrible presentation and weasel his way to an acceptable grade. So what if he was Aware? The show had to go on, didn't it?
It didn't happen.
The class and the teacher were too busy swooning over whats-her-name and her brilliant mind.
To make matters worse, his father went with whats-her-name to the car lot. When Sam walked there by himself, he was informed by Bobby Bolivia that he had given a new '09 yellow Camaro to a beautiful, lithe, shapely, you get the picture young woman for free.
Just because she was herself.
Then Sam found out that Lennox, Epps, and their crew were sent home, because their anticipated attack by Scorpinok was put on hold.
Scorpinok was purring as he was petted by whats-her-name.
Then they found out that Maggie and Glen were sent home too, because the creepy code was broken by whats-her-name, but they didn't need to worry about it, because she had miraculously made peace between the earth and the alien race.
Then they found out that she single-handedly dissolved Sector Seven.
The Cube was out of a job, it seemed. A Sector Seven agent, with a weird expression on his face, handed him the small Cube, saying that they no longer needed it as they had whats-her-name, who was a thousand times more powerful than the Cube.
The Cube had made hurt Cube sounds in Sam's hands.
"It's okay, Cube," Sam had said, consoling it to no avail. "We'll get you back being chased around by Autobots and Decepticons in no time."
But even to himself, the words sounded hollow.
Sam and all those who were so far unaffected severely by the insanity tried to pick up the pieces, to keep the Movie going…but nothing was working in their favour. It was like…it was like she was rewriting the Canon.
The night where Bumblebee was supposed to drive off and Sam was supposed to follow him, thus finding out that his car was a massive alien robot…Bumblebee and Barricade were outside his yard, serenading whats-her-name.
Sam lay down on his bed, questions and concerns plaguing him.
The Movie…the Movie wasn't acting right.
All the Characters weren't acting right either.
What the hell was happening to their Canon?
Why did that girl have so much power?
What was wrong with Movieverse?
And how…how were they going to fix this mess?!
Eventually, though he was plagued with questions and worries, Sam drifted off, the small television in his room murmuring with the sounds of a '80s cartoon marathon.