Chapter 2: Come Closer

"I want to lay my head down,
Come close, come closer.
What's that uncomfortable sound,
Of your key in the door?
I hear you walking out,
Walking out again.
Why didn't you stay a while,
To say goodbye, my friend?"

The pitter-patter sound of the rain beat sourly in my head. I had always loved the rain but lately, all it had brought was sadness and demise. It was the very essence of my sorrow and the way it always came at my most lonely moments only broke me more. It was early summer but it had only rained and we only seen the sun a few times if not at all. My eyes searched the roof as I layed my head down to study the sounds of the rain that fell all around us. It had to be atleast three in the morning, or somewhere around that time for I knew it had been fairly late when I retired to the bed. It seemed some time passed for my wet hair had already dried, just as everything else damp had also. I looked to my side however and took note of how Alistair was now beside me. He was laying on his back and I silently watched as his chest rose and fell with each breath he took. With this silence and how he lay beside me, I felt like crying. How long had it been since I felt like he was mine once more? It had been too long in my opinion. Quietly, I moved slightly to rest my head upon his chest and listen to his heartbeat and feel the rise and fall of his chest. Maybe, just maybe, this could be the turning point in which I could feel just a little happy. However, before I could actually lay my head upon him, he moved to turn around leaving me to face his bare back.

Even in his sleep he had denied me.

But before I could let it hurt me any more than it should, I turned around as well and stared out into the empty darkness. This way, even if he did turn back around, he wouldn't be angered by my crying. As I had cried silently, I drifted off into a dark sleep leaving behind the sound of his light snoring and heavy rain. Again, it was a dreamless sleep with nothing besides the dark to keep me company.

My eyes reopened with a sudden jerk that sent shivers throughout my body that caused me to awake. I lay upon my back and searched the ceiling for any sort of an answer. But, to my dismay the cold stone did not speak in any kind of tongue or speech. It simply stayed there and mocked me cruelly from the way its life seemed better than mine, despite the fact it did not breath, live, talk nor anything else of that sort. I then shifted my attention over towards the door and noticed Alistair standing there, watching me quietly. His expression confused me: He seemed happy, excited and over all thrilled about something. His eyes danced with a flame that was extinguished long ago and his lips were slightly curled into a smile yet he tried to act sad, but about what? As he began to speak, I sat up and listened to him.

"Rozen, my darling, my lo-"

"Since when do you call me darling, or love?" I interrupted with sudden coldness. It fell silent between us and the tension began to itch away at me. The smile that was once upon his lips vanished into a thin, hard line. He stared at me with his beautiful yet dark eyes. However, before I could make any more assumptions he began to speak again, as if ignoring my comment.

"I'm leaving for Orlais. It's urgent."

"Mm, alright." I stated, not really caring if he were here or not. I then looked away from him, making it obvious I didn't really care what he was doing. As I sat there, I could feel his gaze burning upon me. It didn't feel...right in any way. That tension that was there before, it began to get worse. I fiddled with a loose string on the blanket and tried my hardest to refrain myself from looking over in his direction. I was certain he was still here. It was confirmed when he then stated rather harshly.

"What, you don't care if I'm going or not? No goodbye, no kiss on the lips? No "I'll miss you" or "Be safe?"

"Why don't you get your whore to get you to do all of that?" I hissed back without looking at him.

"What?" He questioned, trying to sound astonished by this. At first, I didn't mean to say anything about it for it merely slipped out. But the moment I had said it, I actually felt like saying it more. Still, without looking at him I continued.

"Don't act like that. I know what you've been doing for the past eight months. I'm almost surprised your whore hasn't had one of your bastard children yet."

"Don't call her that, she's not a whore." He stammered a quiet protest while looking behind him.

"Come on, you don't have keep this a secret. Half of Ferelden already knows what has been going on within the castle of their beloved king." I urged on and looked over towards his direction. He then came in and shut the door behind him as he shot dark glares at me. My eyes also darkened as I stared at him more and more. Did he honestly think that he was keeping this a secret? Did he honestly pass his servants a deaf ear every time he would pass them in the hallway? He then began to speak harshly again.

"Atleast she can have children. Atleast she wants to be near me, atleast she doesn't push me away. I try to love you, I try my hardest but all you do is keep pushing me away! What am I supposed to do? Just keep getting pushed away and come crawling back like a dog?"

"Don't blame all of this on me! It's not my fault you gave up on me after dozens of times trying to have children! It's not my fault the taint can't let me have any!" I growled back after standing up from the bed. He only continued to stare at me with dark, brooding eyes. He never used to act this way, we never used to fight this bad. Before all of this, he would tell me that it was alright we couldn't have children. He would tell me that it wasn't my fault that I was once a grey warden and that the taint would do this. Now here we were, bickering about whose fault it was. I then took another shot at him.

"Just leave, I don't want you here."

"Fine, I will leave. I knew I should have never married you but oh no, you insisted that it was you who I married. All you bring me is pain and misery." He answered as he began to leave the bedroom. At first I was astonished by what he had just said but then I became angry. How dare he say that. I didn't insist, he asked me for my hand and I only accepted. How in the Makers name could he blame that part solely on me? I then trailed after him yelling at him more and more.

"Oh come on, I'm not the only one who wanted to be married! We were in love, we couldn't stand to be a moment without one another! What happened to us, us!"

"I woke uo." Was all that he had answered me with. He didn't look at me one as he continued to walk away from me. Before he could get too far away, however, I picked up a small potted plant beside me and lifted it into the air. He was near the end of the hall when I threw it at him but I had missed him by just an inch. It smashed into a million shards of dirt and pieces of the pot with the small flower that made it's home in it lay broken and defeated beneath the wall. My eyes then noticed some of the servants coming out of various rooms to witness what has just happened in the hallway. The way they all whispered and looked around, especially at me. Their actions and words only enraged me more causing me to then raise my voice at them, yelling for them to return to their jobs and whatever else they were doing. But before I returned to my room, I took note of that blonde haired whore of Alistairs. Rheina came running to my side and reached to help me up. In that prissy voice of hers, she said to me.

"My lady, please, you're bleeding! Let me help you."

"Don't touch me, you little harlot!" I hissed back and swatted her hand away. She stared at me with her big blue eyes but didn't look me in the eye. She knew the fight had been about her and she didn't want to look into the eye of the wife of the man who she had been sleeping with. Queitly, Rheina only stuttered a small sorry and shifted to her feet to leave me be. The moment I had been alone, I got to my own feet and began to run away from that place. I couldn't be there any longer, I needed to go to my sanctuary, my haven. Again, it had been raining and it showed no sign of easing up in any way but did that stop me? No, no it did not. So broken and tormented, I ran for the castle garden and fell upon my knees the moment I had entered it. The rain once again was my companion in my time of need and it held me close with a caress of wet love. Now the warm tears fell and became one with the dampness of the rain. Silently, I cried and I cried until it felt like there would be no more pain. However, I then felt someones touch upon my right shoulder. Accompanied with that touch came a voice that ringed a distant bell.

"Lady Cousland, are you alright?"

I didn't respond though. I quietly continued to cry instead. Before I could even think about crying some more, I was hushed the moment I seen the whisp of orange-ginger colored and hair and my tears were stopped the moment spring green eyes met mine. This man looked familiar but I couldn't put my finger on it. My sore red eyes continued to stare into his as the rain fell all around us. Then in the back of my mind, a name came to my mind but I couldn't exactly remember it. My tongue knew it, yet my brain didn't? So before I knew it, my tongue began to act before I could think.

"R-Rory?"

"Yes, it's Ser Gilmore my lady." He replied with a sweet smile. Again, I had begun to cry. These tears however, were tears of happy joy. With shaky hands, I brought him into a hug that had been long awaited. Long ago, the night when my parents had been murdered, I remembered how the last time I saw him I wanted to bring him into hug just like this one. I was terrified for Ser Gilmore, I didn't want him to sacrifice himself for my family. The tears continued to fall as I remembered those last bittersweet moments we shared together, if it was called sharing. With a shaky voice, I whispered in his ear.

"I thought you were killed."

"No, we managed to get away. Only a few others and I." He whispered back.

"I'm so glad..." I replied and still continued to hug him. I didn't feel the need to move or get up, just the feeling that I needed to sit here and cry on the shoulder of Ser Gilmore. It had been a long time since I had last seen this man and it felt good to keep him close after the long separation. At this point, I didn't care why he was here or when he needed to leave. I just cared that he was here with me. So quietly, I just continued to cry and cry until there were no more tears left to cry.