Sculpting for Dummies:
AN: Thanks to everyone who reviewed. Your comments are always appreciated, and they always spur me on to update faster. wink wink
Disclaimer: I forgot to put this on chapter one, so here it is: Naruto isn't mine, otherwise chapter 362 would have ended much differently.
Chapter 2:
By the time Sasuke and his Hebi comrades reached their temporary base, their leader's patience was drawing near its limit. Really, he'd just narrowly survived a battle, his chakra was depleted, his captives weren't telling him where Itachi was, and Karin wouldn't stop oogling his ass as he walked. The fact that Suigetsu kept riling Tobi up by trying to peek under Deidara's Akatsuki robe wasn't helping matters either.
"What? I just want some proof. There's no way a guy could be so pretty," The swordsman shrugged after Sasuke finally snapped at him to stop it.
"Deidara-sempai is manlier than you, fish-breath," Sasuke heard Tobi mumble to himself.
"You must be pretty desperate to be drooling over a guy, Suigetsu!" Karin taunted. She was still clinging to Sasuke's arm like a leech. The Uchiha lost count of how many times every day he considered poisoning Suigetsu's water and stabbing Karin with his katana. He'd fantasize about journeying on with just Juugo, who at least knew how to keep his mouth shut when he wasn't going on a murderous rampage. He attributed the fact that he controlled that urge and endured their presence to his amazing self-control.
"That's because I haven't seen a decent girl since before Orochimaru locked me up!" Suigetsu growled. He made another dive toward Deidara, where he collided with Tobi's fist and fell to the ground.
"Whadda mean, decent!?! A bastard like you wouldn't know class if someone beat you over the head with it!"
Sasuke was pretty sure tackling someone and holding them in a headlock while yelling "nya nya nyaaa!" in their ear wasn't considered 'classy', but he kind of in the mood to let the two just finish each other off, so he didn't interfere. The Uchiha walked past the scuffling pair and motioned Juugo and Tobi to follow.
"It's not much farther," He told his captive (who seemed, by the way, much more likable than any of his crew).
"Good," Tobi replied. "This bumping and moving isn't good for Deidara-sempai."
Sasuke wondered what act of heaven it would take to engage Tobi in a conversation that didn't eventually lead back to 'Deidara-sempai'. Probably something on the impossibility level of his genin sensei renouncing porn.
……………………………………………………………
The house that Sasuke's Hebi organization had made their temporary hideout was a traditional looking wooden house with sliding doors and two floors. Its most positive feature was that it had nearly a mile of cushion space from any other civilization in any direction you could choose to travel. The crudely dug out basement was a close second, though.
When Sasuke and his team first moved into their humble base, they found the reason that the former occupants had chosen such a secluded location. Hidden underneath of the kitchen floor was a dark little cellar with rough plywood floors and walls that no professional architect had ever touched. When Hebi finally got around to cleaning out the space down there, they recovered five kilos of contraband drugs, two barrels of moonshine, and three boxes of porno magazines. Suigetsu was still thanking God for their bountiful discovery.
Now cleared of illegal and semi-legal items, the basement made a perfect cell for Sasuke's impromptu prisoners. The Uchiha opened up the trap door in the floor and lowered the spindly wooden ladder down into the cellar.
Tobi took one look at the dank hole and shook his head. "Deidara-sempai is recovering. He needs a bed." The masked nin crossed his arms and stood stock-still. Sasuke decided the matter wasn't worth the potential headache, and waved Karin off to fetch one of the dusty futons they'd discovered in the closet.
She came back with the futon and a grey blanket that later revealed itself to be blue. Tobi looked at the pitiful pile as she dropped it at his feet. It was clear from his body language that he wasn't pleased, but he was Sasuke's captive and would have to adjust.
A cloud of dust flew at himself, Suigetsu, and Karin, and all three fell into coughing fits. Tobi beat the dust out of the futon, carefully wafting it towards the three nins and away from his comatose sempai. When the futon was nearly restored to its original white color, the blanket was blue once more, and Sasuke had swallowed enough dust to fill a museum, Tobi stood up and politely said, "I think these will do for now."
Suigetsu sipped furiously from one of his water bottles to clear his throat. "Um, Sasuke…why are we making these two cozy? We're supposed to be interrogating them, right?"
Sasuke shot Suigetsu a dismissive glare. The mist ninja turned and went to the bathroom, probably to use up all the hot water with an excessively long shower. Sasuke turned back to Tobi. He was fussing over his companion, who was still draped obviously over Juugo's shoulder.
"We won't keep you here any longer than we have to. Tell me where Itachi is, and we'll release you as soon as we can confirm your information. You'll be free to go by tomorrow," Sasuke told the Akatsuki member.
Tobi didn't look at Sasuke. "I'm not telling you anything until Deidara-sempai wakes up," He said quietly.
Karin lunged at him. "You bastard! Sasuke has been more than generous to you, but don't think you're in any position to make demands." Tobi held his ground as she spat her words in his face.
"We could kill the blond and torture the masked one until he tells us," Juugo suggested with a calmness that belied the evil glint in his eyes.
Sasuke, as always, ignored his companions. He wanted, if at all possible, to avoid unnecessary deaths and torture. He'd seen what Orochimaru did to his captives, and he had no desire to become like his old mentor.
"Why should you wait to tell me? You don't want to stay in that basement longer than you have to, do you?" He asked. Tobi kept the eyehole of his mask turned toward Deidara, obviously sensing the growing instability of the one holding him.
"I don't want to, but I won't risk Deidara-sempai's life. I have only your word that you won't kill us after we give you what you want, and if you betray us, I'd rather have Deidara as an ally, not an invalid."
Sasuke respected the shinobi's healthy paranoia. "You'd better make sure he wakes up quickly then. My comrades want to find the Akatsuki lair as well, and they aren't as patient or as hospitable as I am."
And to make sure Tobi didn't carry any false image of him as soft or friendly, Sasuke kicked the futon and the blanket into the cellar and pushed Tobi to the edge. The ninja had to scurry down the rickety ladder in order to catch his companion, who was half lowered and half tossed into his arms. The last Sasuke saw of them as he lowered a battery powered lantern (he shuddered to think what the explosion-happy Deidara could do with an oil lamp when he woke up) into the hole was Tobi carefully setting his partner down on the rough wooden floors and fluffing up the futon to lay him on. Then Sasuke pulled up the ladder, lowered the trap door, flipped the latch on it, and went to his room to sleep off his chakra exhaustion.
……………………………………………………………………
Sitting in the dark, listening to Deidara's rhythmic breathing, Tobi realized just how much torture boredom could be. The adrenaline from the battle had long since faded, but he was too worried about his sempai to fall asleep. At first when he'd climbed down into their cell, he'd managed to occupy himself by getting Deidara settled in. There were only so many times he could reposition a limp body on a futon, though. After that, he'd tried cleaning the battle grime off of them. He had only met with minor success, since he only had his clothes and a dusty blanket to use as cleaning rags, and not even any water to wet them with.
Deidara was as cared for as he could be, under the circumstances. Tobi paced the cellar, tested the trap door for weaknesses, combed Deidara's hair out with his fingers, and practiced his handstands. Finally, he settled down in the floor and made shadow puppets on the wall in the dim light. He stopped when the lantern began to flicker. He switched it off; he needed to save the last of the batteries in case he needed to check on his sempai, and he didn't know when or if his captors would supply him with replacements.
So he sat in the dark, twiddling his thumbs and humming quietly to himself. By the time ten minutes had passed, he was ready to pull out all of his hair in frustration. Deidara slept on, blissfully unaware.
…………………………………………………………
About three hours-that-felt-like-days later, the trap door opened. Tobi, who had been trying to pull a splinter from the rough wood floors out of his finger in the dark, blinked as light filled the basement. He restrained a groan as the silver-haired ninja who kept eyeing Deidara-sempai lowered the ladder and descended into the cellar.
"Yo, pumpkin-face, boss wants you to strip," The swordsman told him. He grinned maliciously, showing every one of his sharply pointed teeth.
Tobi stood up and complied. He and Deidara had already been relieved of weapons and scrolls, and Tobi had entertained the hope that they'd be allowed to keep the rest of their things, but it was a standard procedure for captive nins, and Sasuke apparently was not one to overlook it. One never knew what sort of innocent looking knickknack a shinobi could utilize as a weapon, and if the jailers wanted to know where their captive came from, as Sasuke's group did, any traces of dirt or twigs caught in the fabric of their clothes could hold valuable clues.
Tobi loosened the fastening of his sleeves first, and pulled his shirt over his head. He folded it carefully, making crisp creases just to make his captor wait longer and keep the trap door open. It was refreshing to have light.
"That lantern needs new batteries. Or a new bulb. I'm not sure which," Tobi explained as he bent down to slip off his sandals. His socks were neatly rolled up and inserted into the foot holes of the sandals.
"This isn't some luxury hotel. You're a prisoner. Rough it." The ex-mist ninja deadpanned. He gestured at Tobi's pants. Tobi unhooked his belt and let his pants drop to his ankles. He stepped out of them and folded them up.
There was a bit of hesitation after that. All that Tobi had left was his orange smiley-face boxers and his mask, and he wasn't sure which one he'd feel more naked without. Sasuke's lackey gave him a pointed stare. Tobi stepped out of his boxers. At least his mask would hide the blush…
The lackey held out a hand and wiggled his fingers. Tobi took a breath and pulled off his mask. As he did, he slipped his prized Akatsuki ring into his mouth. His hands only shook a little as he handed it to the shinobi. The silver-haired man didn't seem interested in seeing Tobi's hidden face or any of his other parts, and didn't notice or care about the disappearance of the ring. As soon as he had all of Tobi's clothes bundled up in his arms, he turned toward the futon where Deidara slumbered. Tobi, forgetting his embarrassment at his nakedness, interposed himself between his partner and the hungry-looking henchman.
"I'm gonna need that robe too," The ninja smirked. If Tobi hadn't been such a good, polite boy, he might have flipped the man an obscene gesture or two. Angering his captor wasn't at the top of Tobi's priorities, though; protecting Deidara-sempai was. Tobi managed to maneuver Deidara's uncooperative body out of the robe without letting the blue blanket fall past his sempai's neck. He tossed the robe at the swordsman's face without bothering to fold it.
"You know, your secrecy only confirms my theory that that ninja is a chick. If 'he' were really a he, there'd be no reason for you to keep him all covered up," The man said. "Hair tie too," He added.
Tobi pulled Deidara's favorite red hair tie out of his hair and shot it at Sasuke's lackey like a rubber band. Deidara's old hitai-ate was thrown at the man with the same disregard. "I'm protecting Deidara-sempai from perverts and psychopaths because he's not awake to do it himself."
The mist ninja looked like he was going to say something more, but a shadow fell over the both of them. They looked up and saw a silhouette standing over the trap door. When their eyes adjusted, they saw it was the female lackey.
"Suigetsu, you idiot! You forgot the clothes for the captives to change into." She tossed down a tangled up bundle of fabric. That was when Tobi realized that he was still naked and mask-less, and backed up into a shadowy corner. Then the redhead hurled something else at the henchman's head. It hit with a thunk and landed on the wooden floor. It was a pack of batteries.
"Sasuke said that lantern would need those soon," The woman said. She giggled at Tobi, who was covering his face with one hand and his groin with the other.
"Geez, Karin, did you have to throw them at me?" Suigetsu hissed. He scrambled up the ladder still holding Tobi's Akatsuki uniform.
"I didn't have to," She drawled. Both of Sasuke's comrades seemed to have forgotten Tobi and Deidara even existed.
"Bitch," Suigetsu growled, and let the trap door fall closed.
In the pitch darkness, Tobi had to grope around to find the batteries for the lamp. At least it was something to do.
………………………………………………………………….
A few more hours later found Tobi dressed in the loose draw-string pants and baggy shirt that the redhead lackey had tossed down to him. Underneath the blanket, Deidara was similarly clad. His golden hair spread around his head was the brightest thing in the sparse room, and each time he moved in his sleep, it caught the light.
Tobi's Deidara-watching had only been interrupted once since their abrupt wardrobe change, by the big, quiet lackey that had carried Deidara-sempai to the hideout. He had brought down a pitcher of water, a bowl, and an empty bucket. Without a word, the giant man had climbed back up the ladder and locked them in. Tobi had been grateful for the water (it wouldn't do for Deidara-sempai to get dehydrated on top of everything else), but he had a sinking feeling that the bucket was going to be the closest thing the two of them saw to a bathroom as long as they stayed in the cellar.
Settling back into the corner, Tobi tossed his Akatsuki ring up into the air and caught it again and again. Watching the ring glimmer in the light made Tobi remember his joy at finally receiving the ring and joining the ranks of Akatsuki. Tobi didn't care about the power of the tailed demons or world domination or anything else that the other members hoped to attain. He'd wanted the ring for a different reason.
……………………………flashback…………………………………..
Tobi followed Zetsu-san into the mansion that served as the Akatsuki hideout. He'd been there a few times before, to water Zetsu-san's plants and deliver messages to the leader and run errands, but he still felt nervous walking into the place. He tried to make his footfalls silent and keep his head down to avoid accidentally pissing off any high ranking missing nin.
"I need to speak with the leader, Tobi. Go wait in my room. You'd better not break anything!" Zetsu-san told him. "Tobi won't break anything. He's a good boy. If he touches my plants, he dies! See if there's anything you can tidy up, Tobi."
Tobi was used to the way Zetsu-san argued with himself, so he didn't worry about the occasional death threat from his master. He tiptoed down the abandoned hallway, stepping over empty nail polish bottles and the occasional puppet body part. The poor masked boy froze mid-step when he heard voices coming down the hall.
"You bastards disrespect my art, un! I'll kill all of you!" An unfamiliar voice yelled.
"Do I have to partner with him? He's really annoying," Sasori-san asked.
Tobi watched as the group turned the corner and came into sight. Itachi-san was walking in the lead, ignoring the bickering behind him with the same aloofness that he always displayed. Kisame-san came next, with his huge sword Samehada strapped to his back. He nodded at Tobi politely.
"You might want to get out of the way, Tobi-kun," He cautioned. Out of all the Akatsuki members, Kisame-san was the only one other than Zetsu-san that Tobi wasn't terrified of. When he wasn't in battle, the shark-man was surprisingly nice. He always spoke politely, and was the only one who remembered Tobi's name, despite the fact that Tobi had been following Zetsu-san around years.
Tobi pressed his back against the wall as Sasori-san and the mystery person finally came into sight. Sasori must have had the other wrapped with his chakra strings, because the strange blond ninja was clearly being dragged.
"Let me go, you uncultured freaks, un! There's no way that any of you could ever appreciate my art!" The captive man thrashed around, but couldn't untangle the threads that bound him to the puppet man.
When the Stone shinobi's wild eyes met Tobi's for a moment, the masked man's breath hitched and his heart began to race. 'Wow,' he though to himself. Whoever this man was that Sasori had snared in his strings, he was the most perfect being that Tobi had ever seen.
"I'll rig this place with so much of my clay that they'll see the explosion in Suna!" The ninja growled. His struggling limbs knocked a pouch loose from his belt, and Tobi fell over himself as he scrambled to pick it up for him.
"Here," he said in a love-struck voice, "you dropped this." The ninja couldn't move his arm to take the offered pouch, so Tobi clipped it back onto the man's belt for him. The whole time, the self-proclaimed artist never looked at Tobi or acknowledged his presence.
Sasori-san continued dragging him toward the leader's office. Tobi hoped that they didn't plan on hurting the stunning ninja. He hoped that he'd get to see him again.
"What is Tobi doing in the hallway? That bad boy didn't listen to his orders! No, Tobi is a good boy. There must be a reason."
Tobi turned around and saw Zetsu-san's head emerging through the wall. His meeting with the leader must have been a quick one. The plant-man looked in the direction that Tobi had been staring at and sighing.
"Ah, I see they've finally brought Deidara. It's about time," Zetsu-san said. Tobi watched Deidara being pulled into the leader's room.
"So that's the new recruit?" Tobi asked, feeling a little giddy that the beautiful stranger wasn't going to disappear.
"Yes, she's very pretty, isn't she?" Zetsu-san asked. Tobi chuckled.
"Zetsu-san is so funny. Deidara-san is a man," he explained. A man that Tobi couldn't wait to find out more about.
……………………………unflashback………………………………
Tobi tossed the ring and caught it again. He had gotten to find out more about Deidara-sempai, although the other hadn't known about that until much later. Deidara hadn't seemed to notice Tobi's existence until he'd become a member of Akatsuki.
That isn't to say Tobi didn't try to catch Deidara's attention. The masked man did everything he could think of: he carried in Deidara's bags whenever the artist came back from a mission; he baked him cookies and cupcakes on every holiday; he cleaned up the clay-spattered art studio more times than he could count; he tried numerous acrobatic tricks in sight of the Stone nin; and even serenaded him once. No matter how he tried to make Deidara look at him and notice there was a living, breathing human taking up space where he stood, the blond always looked right past him as if he were invisible.
"Why doesn't he notice me?" He had wailed once after Deidara had walked right past him without even seeing the huge gift basket Tobi was holding out for him.
"Deidara doesn't pay attention to anyone who is weak. It's not Tobi's fault. Tobi is a good boy. Deidara just likes bad boys," Zetsu-san explained.
"…Bad boys?" Tobi asked.
"Strong ninja like Sasori and us Akatsuki members."
Tobi had noticed that after Deidara's induction into the Akatsuki, he had warmed up to most of the other members. Sasori-san had shown the artist his collection of puppets, and Deidara had admitted that Sasori might not have been quite as uncultured as he first appeared. The grudge against Itachi-san had remained and grown with time, but Tobi had seen Deidara converse civilly with Kisame-san on occasion, and he didn't regularly threaten any of the others with death by explosion.
"So, if Tobi joins Akatsuki, Deidara-san will notice me?" Tobi had asked his master eagerly.
"Yes, of course. If Tobi could get in…" Zetsu-san had agreed.
And as it turned out, the moment Tobi got his hands on Sasori-san's ring, the veil of invisibility had lifted, and Deidara-san was there strangling him with his legs…which Tobi thought were very finely shaped. Once he'd gotten over the light-headedness (he wasn't sure if it had been caused by the lack of air or the fact that he was nestled in between Deidara's thighs), Zetsu-san had talked the leader into allowing him to join the organization.
The ring had been the answer to his dream to get closer to Deidara-sempai, and Tobi didn't want it to fall into the hands of the enemy. He threw it up and caught it one last time before he slipped it back onto his left thumb. Deidara-sempai shifted on the futon and Tobi hurried over to brush the hair out of his face and trickle more water down his throat.
Exhaustion began to outweigh his anxiety. Tobi checked Deidara-sempai over one more time before he switched the lantern off, climbed under the covers, and fell asleep with his arms wrapped protectively around his partner.
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AN: Man, I had hoped to have them out of Hebi headquarters by the end of this chapter or the very beginning of the next, but Tobi had to have a damned flashback. He's just too cute for me to say no to him…Oh well, they'll have to work on trying to get out of their cellar in the next exciting installment. Thanks again for all the wonderful feedback, and remember, canon is only as real as you let it be. Yay for denial!