Ralph, Melissa, and Bert lived in a peaceful forest. They were all building their own houses to live in. Bert's was made out of straw, Ralph's was made out of sticks, and Melissa's was made out of bricks.

"You're making your house out of bricks!" Bert laughed. "You wouldn't be able to lift a brick!"

"Just watch me," Melissa said. "I'll have a nice, strong brick house to live in. Not a flimsy straw house like you're living in, Bert."

"Straw happens to be very comfortable," Bert said. "Girls. They think they know everything."

So Bert went on his way back to his little straw house. He went inside, sat down in his easy chair, and began eating a jar of peanut butter.

As Bert was relaxing in his little straw house, the Big Bad Aardvark came to his door. The Big Bad Aardvark was pink, wore a blue tie around his neck, and chewed on a cigar. He walked around the house, and looked at it in all angles. Then he went back around to the front door, and banged on it.

"Hey, you in the oversized hay stack!" he yelled. "Get out here!"

"Well, what do you want?" Bert asked, as he opened the door and looked at the Big Bad Aardvark.

"You got a building permit for this house?"

"Permit? Uhh, well, uhhh . . . . ."

"No building permit, huh? Well, you do realize that this is my property, don't you?"

"Well . . . . ."

"And besides, this house isn't up to code. I'll have to check the inside."

The Big Bad Aardvark was about to go inside, when Bert slammed the door on his nose.

"Ouch!" the Big Bad Aardvark shouted, and yanked his nose out of the door. Then he began to bang on it as hard as he could.

"You'd better let me in there, raccoon!" he yelled. "I've got you covered! Let me in now!"

"No way, Hose Nose!" Bert shouted, settling himself in an easy chair. He continued to snack on his peanut butter.

"All right," the Big Bad Aardvark said. "Have it your way."

The Big Bad Aardvark then unleashed his secret weapon: a fifty foot battery operated fan. He set it up and turned it on full blast.

"This is so much easier than huffing and puffing and blowing the house down," he said. "Don't you think?"

Bert could feel the wind blowing harder and harder. He thought there was a tornado going on outside! Suddenly, the walls of the straw house came tumbling down.

"Hey, what's the big idea ruining my house!" Bert shouted, climbing out of the pile of straw that was left.

"No building permit, no house," the Big Bad Aardvark said. "And for trespassing and building on my property without a permit, you're going to my dungeon!"

"Yike!"

Bert started running off as fast as he could. The Big Bad Aardvark was right behind him. Bert climbed up a tree, and began jumping from branch to branch, until he saw a house made of sticks in the distance. He jumped down to the ground and started banging on the door.

"Ralph!" he shouted. "Ralph, old buddy, let me in! Let me in!"

"What's the matter?" Ralph asked, opening the door.

"The Big Bad Aardvark's after me! You gotta hide me!"

"Where are you, you oversized fur coat!" the Big Bad Aardvark shouted. "Wait'll I get my hands on you, you little . . . . ."

Bert let out a scream, and ran into Ralph's house made of sticks. He dove underneath a table and wasn't about to come out. Ralph closed the door, sat down in his chair, and started to read his newspaper.

"Don't worry, Bert," he said. "The Big Bad Aardvark won't get in here."

Bert relaxed, but only a little. The Big Bad Aardvark came over to the house of sticks and began banging on the door.

"Okay, you in the house! Come on out!" he yelled. "I gotcha covered!"

Ralph opened the door and looked up at the Big Bad Aardvark.

"May I help you?" he asked.

"Where's that other raccoon?" the Big Bad Aardvark demanded. "The one wearing the red and yellow sweater. I know he came in here!"

"I think you're mistaken. I'm the only raccoon here."

"Hmmm . . . . ."

The Big Bad Aardvark looked at the house of sticks, and then at Ralph.

"You got a permit for building this house here on my property?" he asked.

"P-permit?" Ralph stuttered. "Uh, well, uh, gee, I, uh . . . . ."

"I didn't think so. I'm afraid I'm going to have to evict you and throw you in my dungeon!"

"Hey, wait a darn minute here!" Bert shouted, coming out from under the table. "What gives you the right to . . . ."

"Ah ha!" the Big Bad Aardvark shouted. "Two raccoons for the price of one! Come on out of there!"

The two raccoons quickly ducked inside the house, and slammed the door, once again, the Big Bad Aardvark's nose getting caught in it.

"Aaahhh!" the Big Bad Aardvark shouted, yanking his nose out. Then he started banging on the door. "All right, you raccoons! Let me in! Let me in right now!"

"Eeehh, go blow your brains out!" Bert taunted.

"Bert!" Ralph hissed.

"You asked for it!" the Big Bad Aardvark shouted. He brought in his fan, and turned it on full blast.

Ralph and Bert tried to fight against the great wind blowing, but found that they couldn't, and the walls came a-tumbling down. The two raccoons climbed out of the pile of sticks, only to be met face to face by the Big Bad Aardvark.

"Uh oh!" Bert shouted.

"Let's get out of here!" Ralph yelled, and the two raccoons raced off.

"Come back here!" the Big Bad Aardvark shouted, running after them. "You won't get away that easy!"

"He thinks that was easy?!" Bert shouted.

Ralph and Bert managed to lose the Big Bad Aardvark in the woods, and they came upon Melissa's brick house. The two of them began banging on the door.

"Melissa!" Ralph yelled. "Melissa, let us in!"

"The Big Bad Aardvark is after us!" Bert yelled.

Melissa opened the door, and Ralph and Bert tumbled inside.

"You've gotta help us!" Bert shouted. "He's gonna throw us in the dungeon!"

"He already blew our houses down," Ralph said.

"I knew making a brick house would be beneficial," Melissa said. "Don't worry. I know how to take care of the Big Bad Aardvark."

Bert and Ralph raced into the house, and Melissa shut the door. But the minute she closed it, someone began banging on it. She opened the door, and saw the Big Bad Aardvark standing there.

"Yes?" she asked.

"Where are they!" the Big Bad Aardvark shouted. "I saw two raccoons come in here, now where are they?"

"They went to Disneyland to play with Mickey Mouse," Melissa said. "Bye!"

Melissa shut the door, once again catching the Big Bad Aardvark's nose in it.

"Eerrrrgghhh!" the Big Bad Aardvark shouted, pulling his nose out of the door. "That's it! That does it! I've had it! The minute I get through with these raccoons, I'm getting a nose job!"

The Big Bad Aardvark was mad, now. He began banging on the door with such force, the three raccoons thought he was going to knock it off it's hinges in a minute!

"All right, you raccoons!" he shouted. "This is your last warning! LET ME IN! I need to see your building permit, you crazy dame!"

"I don't have one!" Melissa shouted.

"Then I'm going to have to evict you, and your friends! And then throw the lot of you in my dungeon! NOW LET ME IN THERE!"

"No!"

"You're asking for it! I'll have to take care of this house, like I took care of the other two!"

The Big Bad Aardvark went to get his fan, and turned it on full blast, but nothing happened. The brick house staid exactly where it was.

"Guess I'll have to turn up the power," he said, grabbing the remote control. He cranked up the juice. A couple of ducks, geese, squirrels, and some other birds and small animals were starting to get blown away. But the brick house wasn't going anywhere.

The Big Bad Aardvark was getting impatient. He continued to crank up the power of the fan. Some of the trees started to uproot and blow away, but the house staid where it was.

"What in blazes!" the Big Bad Aardvark shouted. He growled, gnashed his teeth, and turned up the power on the fan as high as it would go. Now, large animals like moose and bears were being blown away, but that brick house just wouldn't budge.

The Big Bad Aardvark tried to crank the power up higher, but the fan exploded due to the pressure. Bert was watching everything through the window, and he began jumping up and down cheering.

"Yahoo!" he shouted. "I guess that's it for the Big Bad Aardvark!"

"Not for long, you ring-tailed rats!" the Big Bad Aardvark shouted. "There's more than one way to skin a raccoon!"

And with that, the Big Bad Aardvark started to climb up the side of the house and up to the chimney. Melissa and Ralph already had a plan in mind. They filled a large pot with water, and set it in the fireplace. Then they started a fire. The water started to boil by the time the Big Bad Aardvark reached the roof.

"Now let's see . . . . ." he said, looking around. "Ah ha! There's the chimney. Ready or not, raccoons! Here I come! Ha, ha, ha, ha!"

"We're ready for you!" Melissa called up the chimney. "Everyone stand back."

The Big Bad Aardvark laughed, as he made his way down the chimney, thinking he would throw the three little raccoons in his dungeon and bring in a wrecking ball to destroy the brick house, when he suddenly landed.

KER-SPLASH!

"What the?" he began. Then he began sniffing around. "Hmm. Something's cooking. Smells like aardvark soup. Wait a minute . . . . . ."

The Big Bad Aardvark then realized he was sitting in a pot of boiling water.

"YEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOWWWWW!" he screamed as he shot back up the way he came in, and far into the air. The three raccoons watched him go.

"Yay!" they cheered. "No more Big Bad Aardvark!"

And the Big Bad Aardvark was never seen or heard from again.