Record of all the lies Hermione Granger tells in a day (1)

I recently read an article about lying and it said that on average we tell seven lies a day. 'That's quite a lot of lying,' I thought to myself and as can be expected I was quite skeptical. However, they actually had two people write a journal of all the lies they told in a single day and it was quite a lot more than that. So in the interest of academic improvement I am going to write a journal of all the lies I told today. Well actually that's a lie, I'm doing it because I'm bored out of my sodding mind, but it doesn't count because I technically thought it.

9am- Mrs. Weasley asks me whether I could go to Diagon Alley to get some Floo Powder as she's all out. "I'd love to," I reply. What I meant to say was, "I'd love to stay at home and pretend the outside world doesn't exist," but there you go.

11am- I am in Flourish and Botts searching for, 'Magical Ailments and Maladies,' by Gertrude Berdford when a man in purple robes starts gawking at me, "Your what's 'is name, 'Arry Potter's friend, ain't ya?" I stiffly reply in the negative and got the hell out of there. Why someone so obviously illiterate was in a bookshop I'll never know, or maybe he just couldn't read the sign that said it was a bookshop.

11.05am- I Apparate into the room Ginny and I share to find her and Harry looking ruffled, startled, disheveled and very red- as though they had been kissing and then hastily broke apart at the sound of my entrance. I force out a laugh and tell them, "It's alright." When I'd much rather throw them out the window.

11.10am- Ron walks in sheepishly and I suspect that Harry and Ginny sent him in as a means of apologising or of saying, "Look you're not that innocent yourself." I tell Ron I'm busy, which isn't really a lie as I really was busy, staring at the ceiling.

12.00pm- At lunch George tells us he has a surprise for us. I feign excitement suspecting another Weasley's Wizard Wheezes flop; he just hasn't been the same without Fred. In the end I am beyond excited because what actually came were letters telling us that we'd been invited to return to Hogwarts to complete our final year seeing as how classes were dissolved after... Anyway, I guess it wasn't really a lie because I was excited in the end.

1pm- I'm pouring through the seventh year potions book, despite having already read it and when Ron walks in and says, "Blimey, Hermione, you're unbelievable." I roll my eyes but I'm secretly pleased with myself, everything feels like it's back to normal. Once again, not really a lie but what is the harm?

7pm- Mrs. Weasley calls me for dinner and I reply, "Coming." Even though I'm still finishing my summary of chapter eight. I'm not really sure why I did that.

8pm- I go for a walk around the gardens with Ron and he tackles a Gnome for my amusement. I force out a laugh. The Gnome bites Ron on the finger, he lets out a yelp, and I have to stifle my laughter.

10pm- I resume studying and feel almost normal again until I meet the word "Polyjuice" and images of a greasy haired hero come to mind. My eyes go glassy and I make a little sniffle. Ron looks up from his Quidditch magazine and asks me if I'm okay. I lie and say, "Yes." That one wasn't really my fault. It's an unspoken etiquette to not mention, what happened.

Thankfully everyone else is now asleep, so I won't be able to tell any more lies and keep my quota at nine. Although, I did tell Ron I'll be studying all night and this isn't technically studying. So I guess I told ten lies today, which is quite even when you think about it. It's also quite a lot. Although I can't say that I'm guilty about it without my lie-count increasing. Most were done out of necessity. I mean what would have happened if I had told the truth all day? Ron and I would have broken up over his stupid finger, Harry and Ginny would be in St Mungo's Hospital sustaining injuries from a two-storey fall, and we'd all be crying about the War. So really, it's out of necessity. Really.

A new day accompanied by a new list of lies.

I refrain from lying until 11am, because every time I'm about to I think about yesterday's big one-zero, but then something happens so that I really have no choice but to lie.

11am- Harry, Ron and I go shopping in muggle London. We've been visiting muggle London quite a bit, however we'd usually confine ourselves to small coffee shops. Today, we decided to go shopping because we'd promised to take Ron to see a 'movie' and then decided we both needed new muggle clothing. For fun we go into an optometrist so that Harry can try on new glasses. Ron cries out, "It's Malfoy." Harry whips off the glasses he was trying on and crams his old ones back on, then looks around agitatedly. Finally, we both see Malfoy, on a poster for some luxury brand of glasses. Malfoy's shirt is half-open and he is wearing that smirk of his. "That's bloody disgusting," Ron mutters, genuinely nauseated. I nod in agreement, disingenuously. However, in my defense Harry looked murderous and I was scared for my own safety.

11.20am- we Apparate back home as the Malfoy sighting dampened the mood somewhat. It's lunch and Ron loudly recites what happened in between mouthfuls, whilst Harry sits moodily picking at his food. When Ron finishes, Harry says, "How can he just do that?"

"What?" I enquire, playing dumb.

"Exploit muggles like that, he hates them."

"Oh, I don't know," I reply, although I do.

"It's because he's a foul, conniving ferret," Ron says. A few of the Weasleys nod but then conversation dissipates because we're bordering so close to the topic we've all been avoiding this past year.

12pm After lunch Ron and I walk around the gardens and Ron mutters some more about Malfoy and I decide that I can't keep it to myself anymore so I tell the truth, not really sure why I'm recording it here, maybe it cancels out some of the lies?

"Look Ron, can I tell you a secret?" I cut his rant short.

"Sure," he says although he looks uncertain.

"I've been breaking your mum's 'no-contact-with-the-outside-world rule.'"

"Hermione," he begins.

"I couldn't help it."

"It was for our own good."

"Fine, I won't tell you about what's happened then." Ron's frown falls comically. "Hypocrite," I mutter and he grins penitently.

"Malfoy's parents have been put into Azkaban and all his family's money, land and belongings have been seized." I blurt out. Ron's expression is somewhere between glee and euphoria. I roll my eyes, he is so funny. "There was an article about it in the Daily Prophet. Something like, 'Bitter justice: The Malfoys' fall from grace'. It mentioned that Malfoy has been working as a muggle model for the past year." I didn't tell Ron that there was an article about Malfoy stating that he was doing quite well, no need to crush his joy.

"Merlin, the rich and powerful, Malfoy, working for muggles," he cries gleefully. His grin is contagious and soon I'm also smiling ear to ear. "Sweet justice: How the mighty have fallen," he misquotes. "Malfoy, who used to tease me about being poor, hasn't even got a Sickle." I refrain from mentioning that the article, which I didn't mention, also said that Malfoy was making quite a lot of money.

Ron then completely loses it and breaks into a bizarre, yet highly amusing, jig. Mrs. Weasely walks out and asks why Ron is so happy and in between bursts of laughter I lie, "No reason."

2pm- Ron and I spend some, quality, time together; if you get what I mean. Other people's misfortune is strangely an aphrodisiac for Ron. After we lie on his bed panting for a while, he asks me, "How was it for you?"

"Great," I lie.

2.30pm- I resume studying when Harry walks in. He asks me whether it's wrong to feel angry about Malfoy picking himself up after the war. I tell him it's perfectly reasonable everything considered, and that's not actually a lie. It's perfectly reasonable for Harry, who lost so much in the war to want revenge. That's exactly how I felt, when I'd first read about Malfoy.

"You don't always have to be perfect, Harry," I tell him. That's a lie. He does always have to be perfect because that's the precedent he's set for himself. When he blows up people don't realise it's because he's not perfect, but they simply put it down to 'pressure' and 'hormones'.

"I don't try to be," he says testily.

"I know," I lie. He does.

"Okay, maybe I do." I nod. "It's just that he's done so much to ruin my life." I nod. I 'forget' to mention my belief that Malfoy didn't want any of this. "Thanks Hermione," Harry says and gives me a quick hug.

10pm- I'm studying and Ginny wishes me good night. I wish her a good night too, although that's a lie because that reminds me of her and Harry having a "good night" together and I really don't need to think about that.

So eleven lies today. I thought I would get better at this. Wait, that's a lie.