Non-colour

Sorry for the delay! I explained it in review replies (those who weren't anonymous) that I got kind of stuck on the main plot/reason Gippal is actually so depressed. But I've figured it out now! Anyway, I'll try write more soon, and I hope you like the chapter. Please do tell me if Gippal is too OOC. I know he is due to his attitude, but if he's also not sounding Gippal-like with the conversations, please do tell me! Thanks!

Falling hope

I don't remember much about my parents, they died a long time ago. I never even met my old man, he never knew I existed, or rather would soon exist, when he went on a salvage mission that was victim to Sin. I'm a bastard child.

But my mother…I remember her a little. Not much, and even less as the years go by, but there's always one memory I hold dear. One I will never forget. The memory that has given me a sense of purpose throughout my whole life.

I was about three at the time, sat just outside the walls of Home a little after sunset. Mum was there and little Rikku with her family. It's kind of weird she was there really, because that's when my dream began, and she would be there both the times it shattered.

I've always loved the stars, all those little white lights amongst the consuming darkness. The little burning balls of hope. Even then non-colour was something that calmed and inspired me. That night just made me realise how much I relied on them, them small balls of hope hanging above us all, no matter who we were.

"See the stars Gippal?" Mum whispered into my ear, as if we were sharing a secret. "Those are very special fayths watching over us. They are people who lived hard but noble lives and brought happiness to many people. And when they died they were allowed to lift up from the farplane and become a shining star. They watch over us, protect us and give us hope through any hard times we face. And on the occasions when we begin to lose hope…that's when we see a shooting star."

I remember how I'd looked at her then, smiling with childish innocence and confusion. How beautiful the tale was. How much I loved it, how I still do.

"A shooting star is them rushing down to help us, to give us a new form of hope. Do you understand?"

I remember shaking my head. I remember looking over at Rikku in order to stave off boredom.

"Well…its like the day I found out Sin had taken your father away. I lost my hope that day, but then I saw a shooting star, and I soon learnt I was having you. The shooting star sent you to me because I needed you so much, and they knew I would love you more than life itself."

That story has always stayed with me, always…Of course for a long time I thought babies came to Spira with shooting stars though. It wasn't until when I was older that I realised what my mum really meant. But even when I didn't fully understand it had helped me. The dream was there, as well as her.

Who is her you ask? Not my mum, she died not long after that night. I guess it was her way of saying goodbye, because she knew her time was ending. Another reason I love the story so much, I guess.

But that's not the point; the point is that the person who helped me see my dream was Rikku. It always has been. Even on that night, when it was my mother telling the story, saying her goodbye, I saw my dream more in Rikku.

Maybe it was because she was younger than anyone else, and therefore I thought she had more of a connection with the stars. I don't know. But it was her who made me look at non-colour as my hope. And what was the words that began this? The two words uttered which gave me the purpose and inspiration to become what I am now?

"Yucky sand!"

Yeah, Rikku always did have her strange ways to inspire people. And that was mine. Yucky sand. Pretty stars. Beautiful specs of hope shining above us and for us. And in her case…in us.

It's her eyes you see. Her beautiful eyes. They're different from anything I've ever seen before, and more beautiful than any part of Spira ever could be. They are swirling orbs of hope, tiny pieces of beauty that are right here on Spira, watching me through a human being. A beautiful young woman who has always known me better than I know myself. She is my living shooting star.

Not that I'd ever tell her that. I've wanted to at times but…I don't know; I just never could. What if it turned out badly? What would there be then if Rikku grew to hate me? I'd rather not tell her at all then risk the friendship we have.

And if you still don't understand what I mean by that then you'll have to live with it. Because I won't admit it aloud, or in my head. Or…well, ever.

So when the girl who means everything to me remains silent in the moment I need her most?

It sucks.

I just told her I'm too tired to try, to care, to believe what any of us do actually matters. And she just gave me a weak smile, and started pulling me outside.

Confused?

Me too.

"Rikku…"

"Just come and see…I know you'll like it." She sounded so sure, and so beautiful…

Okay, okay! Enough of that, she's just a friend. She can only be just a friend.

"Rikku! Tuh'd duilr dryd drehk, oui'mm kad y tecayca!" (Rikku! Don't touch that thing, you'll get a disease!) Brother of course. We never were that close, and for some reason he'd always hated the connection I have with his sister. Except we're only friends of course.

"Rao Brother." (Hey Brother) I muttered, too fed up to even care. He frowned at me and actually shut up. I must have really looked beyond fed up.

"What's your problem?" He asked in his thick accent. I just shrugged, getting pulled along behind Rikku. "What's his problem?" I heard him ask someone behind us. I ignored them all. I was just so tired.

"Close your eyes." Rikku commanded with a grin when we reached the bottom of the engine room stairs. "Oops, I mean eye." I grinned at that and did as I was told. There was no point arguing with her. "Okay, now just trust me." She said as she gently grabbed my other hand as well, leading me down the ramp. "...Gippal? Do you remember when you used to say shooting stars were fayth angels coming down to help us? And how no matter how bad things got, when you saw one it meant good would always win, and we had a purpose."

"Yeah." I whispered, realising how stupid it sounded.

"Well…what if there was more than one? What would that mean?"

"Huh?"

I really didn't understand that. More than one shooting star?

"You can open your eye now."

Something was making a crunching noise under my feet, and so when I opened my eye, that's what I saw first.

Non-colour white. Under my feet.

I breathed out a shaky breath and bent down to touch it.

Touch it.

Touch the stars?

I know it wasn't really the stars, but it was the same type of thing. It didn't have to be the stars, it just had to be my dream; it had to be non-colour.

And it was.

"Oh!" I cried out in surprise, jumping up. It was cold. I hadn't expected it.

"Did it bite you?" Nooj muttered as he shuffled towards us. I could hear the white non-colour miracle crunching beneath him.

"It's so cold." I muttered, bending towards it again. But I stopped in shock when I felt something pinch my face.

"What did you expect?" Nooj snorted. "Snow is cold."

"Snow?" I asked as I looked up at the sky. Every muscle in my body froze at what I saw.

"Don't tell me you don't know what snow is." Nooj scoffed. For some reason he sounded as if I'd personally offended him with my ignorance. But I didn't care. I just could only look at the miracle of that sky.

It was nearing sunset, but not yet dark. But they were falling, so many tiny stars falling towards us, towards me. Small balls of hope, so many of them…

Little fayth angels coming to grant hope, all falling towards us. Towards me and Rikku.

Crunch, crunch.

It's strange, I never realised any noise would be made when you crush a miracle. But I guess 'crunch' is the sound.

We're crushing it, destroying them beneath our feet. Because no matter how we try, we're not perfect, we make mistakes, we destroy the hope given to us.

Yet more continues to fall, always continuing to come.

A never-ending cycle. No matter how many times hope is lost, more will come.

…But what if all the stars are used up? What if there stops being worthy human beings to become angels? What will happen then?

…Will we be alone? Will we have to struggle by ourselves without anyone to save us from our sins?

…Is that what happened with Sin? Were they trying to tell us something by Yu Yevon's treachery? That without the fayth angels we are left to our own ignorance, we will not always be saved.

The stars are not always going to fall for us. Someday we will have to make our own hope. But is that possible? Judging by the past…

"Are you crying?" Nooj asked in horror. I blinked then and felt the wetness on my face. Was I? I hadn't even noticed.

"Fryd'c fnuhk?" (What's wrong?) Rikku asked gently, touching my arm lightly. Her touch jolted me out of my weird trance enough to wipe away the tears on my face. "E-E druikrd ed fuimt lraan oui ib." (I-I thought it would cheer you up.)

I smiled at her then, a real one. Not a smirk, but a smile. I don't give a genuine smile often, but Rikku usually receives them. What can I say? That's just the way it's always been. Even Mura had known that.

"Just realised something." I told her. "Rikku…"

How do you tell your best friend they are your everything? That it's taken you so many years to realise the white I live for is her? I can't tell her that, I can't even be sure it's true. Not totally…but she's the only constant thing of my life, more constant than the stars or the snow. She's always there when I need her, if not physically than in another sense…and I'm not saying it, it sounds way too cheesy to say aloud.

"You don't have to say anything Gippal." She grinned, grabbing her hand again. "I want you to meet someone. I know you'll love this!"

And that's when I was shoved into a blue giant.

Thanks a bunch Rikku.