"You should not give up hope, Samantha," he said when her sobs died away and she simply remained clinging to him, returning his soothing caress.
Sam smiled against his chest, thinking about his use of her forename again. He refused to shorten it to Sam, and she liked that. It seemed fitting from Teal'c. Deep affection and warmth suffused her heart. If this had purely been about sex, then she probably could have gone to Cam. No doubt, he would have obliged in a friends with benefits arrangement that Teal'c would find hard to understand.
There was a reason she had chosen to approach Teal'c. Sam trusted him completely, and loved him dearly, in her own way. Much more deeply than any feeling she had for Cam or was ever likely to. If she was going to have a more than just friends relationship with anyone, Teal'c was the right person, and the only person out of the limited options available.
It felt so right and somehow less of a betrayal of Jack. She wasn't sure what her husband would think of her having such a relationship. No doubt, he wouldn't be happy, but she thought he would understand, at least in part. Not that she was ever likely to tell him if she somehow managed to get them home. This was another reason to choose Teal'c. He would keep their secret, and he would let her go if that time ever came.
What would Jack do in her position, if he was stuck here for an interminable time and possibly forever? She thought about that frequently. She couldn't expect him to be a monk, could she? It wasn't natural and it wasn't fair. He had needs just as she did. And they were more than physical needs after all this time, they were emotional too.
Of course, the notion that Jack might be unfaithful sickened her. She had thought long and hard about that before making this approach to Teal'c – the shoe being on the other foot, as it were. She'd had years to think about that, and to miss Jack, yearn for him, and mourn him. Sam hadn't made this approach to Teal'c lightly and he would surely realize that.
"All these years and still no solution. How can I have hope?" she responded to his words.
"You will find an answer."
He sounded so certain that it gave her pause. That absolute faith was encouraging and flattering, but might be misplaced.
"I wish I believed that. Help me believe that." Her voice cracked a little when she spoke, but there was no sign of tears.
"You are strong, Samantha," he said, thinking that she was one of the strongest women he had ever met.
Teal'c admired her greatly, more than simply admired. He had feelings for her: feelings he had never expressed because they were wrong; feelings that had developed over many years; even more so since they had become stranded in this place together and grown closer with each passing year. This moment, these words, brought those long suppressed feelings rising to the surface and he would have liked nothing better than to make love to her, give her what she wanted, but her desire did not make his longing right.
"You could help me be stronger. We could both be stronger. We could live through this instead of walking dazed, confused and alone in a nightmare."
Although he pulled back to look at her, Teal'c still held her and one of his hands reached to her hair and started to smooth over and through it.
"You are so certain?" he asked in a tone filled with uncertainty.
"It seems so right, Teal'c. Or it does to me. But I would never want you to do something you couldn't live with."
They stared into each other's eyes for a long time before he responded. "I am aware of that, but what of O'Neill?"
In that brief moment, Sam realized that Teal'c wanted and needed her as much as she wanted him. She could grasp this moment, but she didn't want any regrets for either of them. They would surely doubt; that was natural. She was asking a lot of him, just as she asked a lot of herself. They would both feel guilty if they had this affair.
And that was what she was asking, wasn't it, for Teal'c to have an affair with a married woman? They both knew this would never happen if they were on Earth, or Jack was there with them. Sam would never be unfaithful to her husband, and Teal'c would never consider her capable of such a thing. Desperate times indeed.
"We might never see him again, Teal'c. I'm not happy about that, obviously I'm not. He's my husband and I love him. I'll always love him. But you don't think I gave this a lot of thought before coming to you?"
"I am certain that you did."
"I doubt you've even considered what I've suggested. I need to give you time." She tried to pull away from him but he held firm, not letting her budge. "We'll both feel guilty, but I don't want us to regret, and I don't want you to do anything against your nature. You are an honorable man."
His eyes flashed with a sudden and unexpected anger. "You believe I never considered it? You are wrong. But I could never have conceived of acting upon those thoughts or desires." He could see by her expression that she was surprised, if not shocked. "You are a beautiful woman, Samantha Carter - beautiful and brave and strong and brilliant. How could I not love such a woman? I do not lack feeling, although you might believe I do."
"I don't believe that, Teal'c. I'm just… surprised. I didn't know."
"And you would never have known if circumstances had been different. Maybe if you hadn't been O'Neill's woman from the very beginning, things might have been different. I know your heart belongs to him and if we were to return to Earth, you would return to him. That might cause me pain but I would never want it any other way. You belong with him."
Sam's thoughts were in turmoil about those words. She'd had no idea that Teal'c felt anything more than as a friend and colleague towards her – none. Now it seemed he held feelings that he had kept hidden because he knew she would never reciprocate them, and he knew they were wrong.
"Oh God, Teal'c, I'm so sorry." She struggled against his grip, uncertain how to react. "I would never want to hurt you. If I'd known…"
"What? Nothing would have changed."
His tone held a bitter tinge that surprised Sam even more. She couldn't do this to him; she couldn't use him in this way. It wasn't fair. He appeared to be second best, and in many ways that was true. How could she ask it of him? Teal'c deserved nothing less than total love and loyalty, and this she could not give as her heart truly belonged elsewhere. That did not, however, mean she couldn't love him well and deeply.
This was the reason she was here. The deep affection she'd had for him as a team mate had grown and evolved over these years on board the Odyssey. Trust, respect and close friendship, with some love mixed in for good measure. Perhaps not the deep abiding love she felt for her husband, but it was there for Teal'c, it genuinely was. Was it enough for him, for either of them? What she had been certain of before, Sam now doubted.
Suddenly, she felt a desperate need to get away and hide from her shame, his anger, and their confused feelings, regretting raising the subject in the first place. Sam had believed she'd thought this thing through, but it seemed she hadn't been prepared for how Teal'c might feel. She had expected all those thoughts around honor, betrayal and guilt, but not about feelings of which she had been unaware.
"Let me go, Teal'c!"
"No! I cannot! I do not wish to let you go, Samantha."
She stopped struggling and buried her face in his chest again, not wishing to withstand his angered glare.
"I couldn't have asked this of you if I'd known," she said in a small, defeated voice.
"Then perhaps I should be glad that you did not know." His tone was calmer now, the anger gone. "Please do not leave, Samantha. You are correct that it has been a long time. I too need and want those things you yearn for, those things you can only obtain with someone you care for: affection, tenderness and sharing, physical fulfillment. I might not be human but in these needs we share a common bond. Please stay."
From his words, she realized Teal'c understood what had driven her there. Sam's victory, however, somehow seemed hollow. She wasn't sure how to handle this situation now. Having planned it in her head, her plans had gone awry, in unanticipated directions. She might get what she wanted, but was no longer sure it was the right thing for Teal'c as well as her.
She pondered this for a while but knew it was too late to turn back now. That would hurt both of them far too much and their friendship might never recover. Sam couldn't bear for that to happen because she cared about Teal'c so deeply. Perhaps that was enough, for now.
"Yes, Teal'c, I'll stay," she whispered eventually, lifting her head to look into his eyes. They burned with an intensity she had never seen before. He loosened his grip slightly and she raised her fingers to his face, tracing lightly over his skin with their tips. He sighed and closed his eyes, turning his head into her hand to kiss her palm. Then he opened them again and looked at her earnestly.
"If we should get home again, I am not sure I could bear for O'Neill to ever know," he said. "O'Neill is my brother and I love him too. I would never wish to cause him pain."
She knew the notion of betrayal disturbed him and could be a specter that would haunt them in days and months, perhaps years, to come. But this might be forever for all either of them knew, unless she could find the solution that had eluded her for so long.
"I know. Neither would I," she replied the pact between them nearly sealed and complete.
"Then we are agreed."
"We're as one on this, Teal'c."
"The others must never know."
She knew he referred to Daniel and the group on board the ship. He didn't trust them to keep their secret, and he didn't want them to know about the betrayal he felt so guilty about.
"As I said, as one."
"Then just hold me, Samantha. That is enough to start with, is it not?"
He leaned down to kiss the top of her head and she nodded agreement, thinking the courtship might be slow and cautious. Perhaps that was for the best. So, he led her to his bed, urging her onto it and lying beside her. They huddled closely together for a very long time before speaking again, sometimes soothing each other with caressing hands through their clothing.
Eventually, Teal'c moved back and looked at her, his fingers stroking her arm tenderly as he broke the comfortable silence. "Are we making a mistake, Samantha?" he asked in a whispered tone.
"No, we aren't," she said determinedly. Voicing any doubt would be a mistake she might live to regret and they would both have enough guilt and shame to deal with.
Her certainty bolstered him and Teal'c shifted position slightly, his face aligning with hers, and a hand wandered up to comb through her hair, alighting on her cheek while he touched his lips to hers, kissing her for the first time.
At first, he merely brushed her lips with his, and then he pressed them harder against her. The skin of his lips, their wideness and depth, felt so different to Jack's and she liked the feel of them. Encouragingly, she parted her lips slightly and his tongue inserted into that opening, widening it and taking an exploratory ramble inside. It felt good, it felt very good indeed.
His fingers massaged her cheek and head as he deepened the kiss, and Sam responded by maneuvering one of her hands under his t-shirt and kneading the bare flesh of his back, while her tongue met his, thrusting into his mouth and clashing with it.
The feel of his skin, and his kiss, were very different to Jack's too, and this pleased her. However, Sam didn't wish to keep thinking she might compare the two very singular men and tried to push such thoughts from her mind. This was here and now and she would live for that because there wasn't much more she could live for, except forlorn hope of one day returning to the husband she adored. But she would be old by then, and Jack would not. What then?
It wasn't fair to think like this when she was with Teal'c. So she thrust Jack from her mind determinedly, and gave all her attention to her friend and would be lover.
When he pulled away from the kiss, exploring her eyes with his, seemingly to ensure she wanted to continue, her fingers traced over his back to his stomach and slowly explored the flesh surrounding his pouch. His questions answered by her actions, Teal'c rolled onto his back to let her caress him, feeling privileged that this Tauri woman dared and wanted to touch him there on a part of his body that spoke so boldly of old enemies. It was alien to her, but she plainly didn't care about that.
It seemed this relationship might progress quicker than she had thought and Sam decided that was fine by her too. Whatever Teal'c wanted; he deserved that, and more.
Her fingertips softly caressed the entrance to his now unneeded womb, and the feel of it fascinated Sam. She bent her head to kiss him there, smoothing her lips over the joins. Her breath was a whisper of promise on his long deprived, muscular flesh, and Teal'c moaned with pleasure.
This was a Jaffa erogenous zone? It hadn't occurred to her that Jaffa might have different erogenous zones to humans. Should she ask? She looked up towards his face and saw that she didn't need to. The ecstasy in his expression spoke for him.
So, deciding to be guided by his reaction, she started to undo his pants while continuing to kiss his stomach, pushing her hand into his crotch. He grunted and one of his large hands brushed through her hair as he watched her through hooded eyes. When she grasped the organ that all men have in common, he grabbed her hair and pulled sharply.
"Samantha," he whispered and she paused, meeting his eyes with a query.
"Is this all right, Teal'c? I-I'm not sure…" She was nervous, not knowing what might please her would be lover, and uncertain of her actions when what they did was simultaneously both so right and so wrong.
"Don't stop," he whispered, his breath quickening with desire.
So, she continued her seduction, and then Teal'c joined in, taking control and making love to her just as she had wanted.