Mamma and my sisters began to question papa on the subject of Mr. Bingley after he had revealed that he had visited him. I once again derived no satisfaction on this matter but was quite amused by Lydia's ideas of what a gentleman should be like, mainly a man with money and a fondness for dancing, which papa told us Mr. Bingley indeed did enjoy, and also that he was an amiable, agreeable man. Lydia was utterly delighted.
Mamma, of course, saw him marrying one of us, but I know that it would never be me, I was sure it would be Jane or Lizzie for they are the kindest and handsomeness of us….
Mr. Bingley returned papa's visit but only him. Mamma was much put out by this and disconcerted as had dearly wished to see him, and be introduced. I am much ashamed to write that she ran around the house (much in the manner of Kitty and Lydia) until she found, and called us to an upper window at the from of the house. Here we caught our first glimpse of the infamous Mr. Bingley and saw that he wore a blue coat and rode a black horse. After all this exertion mamma retired to her chamber, but I was unlucky enough to be caught between a conversation of Lydia's and Kitty's before I could make my escape, in which they argued over which one of them should wear which of their clothes to the ball Mr. Bingley would be present at. I simply and politely told them that perhaps their time could be used in a different fashion as this was a frivolous way to spend it and it could be better spent in educating their minds in an agreeable book. They were not at all polite and disgraced themselves by telling me to be quiet and to go away. I heard them laughing together as I left.
Oh but that is the woe of a middle child! For I have not a Kitty like Lydia, nor do I have a Lizzie like Jane. I am simply the one who tries to melt into the background and does not enjoy the same activities as them, as I hate to dance and trim bonnets. I only share a few things with them, the fact that I breathe, and eat, and live in the same house as them. My dear piano is my only friend, except sister Lizzie does play that a little and asks me occasionally for help. I like it when that happens, it makes me feel like I am noticed.
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