AN: Um, here's another one! This was inspired by the TOS episode The Naked Time. Simply because Reilly and his tone deaf rendition of "Kathleen" is far too funny to pass up.

I don't own Star Trek, if I did I would be jetting off on the Enterprise.

Can't Carry a Tune in a Bucket: Is physically incapable of making melodious noise.

If Spock had known that the ensign he brought with him from security that morning as he beamed down to the abandoned post was going to bring back a disease that freed beings of their inhibitions, he would have made the trip on his own. As it is, one rarely has a chance to change the past, even intelligent half-Vulcans.

That being said, Spock did not believe in wishing. It was illogical and impractical, a waste of time.

Nonetheless Spock knew his crewmates wished the obnoxious sound of Lieutenant 'O'Reilly' , as he had termed himself, would abate.

"I'll take you home again Kathleeeeeeeeeeen!" The voice caterwauled across the intercom system of the Enterprise, and Spock watched as Chekov covered his ears in annoyance, trying to ignore the fact that he could not plot a course until Reilly gave back power to the helm. Reilly, fancying himself some Irish king, had taken control of the engine room. Right now, there was an enraged Mr. Scott trying to cut his way into engineering.

"Oh Kathleen! Kaaaathleeeen!"

Spock noticed Lieutenant Uhura cringing, a part of him feeling sympathy (despite the illogicity of the emotion) for the musically attuned woman. He knew Nyota disliked any kind of off key music, and Mr. Reilly was definitely out of tune.

Captain Kirk paced the bridge, back and forth, back and forth. "Isn't there anything we can do to shut him up Uhura?" He called from where he was standing next to Ensign McClanahan, the woman taking over for Sulu, since at the moment Sulu was in sickbay, recovering from the belief that he was one of the ancient Samurai overlords. The man had rushed onto the bridge waving his katana, missing his shirt, and wearing a mask borrowed from a fan of the old Earth science fiction movies, Star Wars. Spock had been forced to nerve pinch their helmsman in order to stop him from running the Captain straight through.

"OH KAAAATHLEEEN! And that was my rendition of the Irish ballad Kathleen. Which I will sing ONE MORE TIME!" Reilly's enthusiastic voice was even starting to bother Spock. Not that he'd ever mention it.

"Nooo!" Jim shouted. "Uhura shut him off! The man can't carry a tune in a bucket! He's sang that song about a dozen times already!"

Nyota gave him a frustrated look. "I can't sir. He's overridden all the communications systems."

Kirk sighed. "Can you at least get me sickbay? Maybe Bones has found a cure for this."

Nyota shook her head in the negative and Jim looked like he was ready to bang his head on a wall. It was then that Spock decided to voice his opinion.

"Excuse me Captain. But Lieutenant Reilly has sung this particular song twenty times not a dozen. I fail to understand how his inability to 'carry a tune' in a container has anything to do with our situation."

Jim sighed. "First off Spock, it's 'carry a tune in a bucket'. Not carry a tune in a container. Second, it means he can't sing, okay? It's an Earth phrase we use when someone sucks at singing. Like Kevin Reilly." It was then that Reilly's obnoxious voice grew even louder.

"YOUR EYES ARE GREEN! I LOVE YOU KATHLEEN!"

Spock raised an eyebrow. "Sir, he's changing the lyrics."

Jim looked like he was about to have an apoplectic fit, but it was Chekov, who had wandered over to help, who exploded. The seventeen year old navigator had heard enough, enough of off key Irish ballads, enough of Reilly's bad voice, and might have, just maybe, been infected with the disease."I don't care! JUST. SHUT. HIM. UP!" Chekov thumped the communication console. For a moment there was silence and then, a familiar voice came over the intercom.

"Jim? Jim? I think I got the vaccine! I think I can fix it! Hello? What the hell's going on up there Jim? Hello?" Jim sighed in relief and reached for the toggle to com sickbay when another, even more familiar voice came back on.

"Sorry fellas! Only me lucky Irish ballads on this channel!"

A collective groan went up from the bridge crew and over the next three hours Spock found he fully understood a new concept of life.

Some beings really cannot carry a tune in a bucket.

AN: Darth Vader's mask really is based on the samurai

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