Hello, my gentle audience! Welcome back to- oh wait no, that's some nineteenth century speech. What I meant is…
"Where. The. Heck. AM I?!"
Ah. Well, you're in a cryo pod. That's why there's tempered glass around you. Why don't you step out and look around?
In the steamy interior, Nyx molested- I mean searched his surroundings for some way to get out.
-click-
Well, it seems that just touching it releases the latch!
"What…" Guess what happens when there's no more floor and an object's in the air? They fall! "Ah!" Just like how physics are supposed to work, Nyx dropped down two stories and fell onto the ground. Without consciously knowing it, he landed in the correct way to minimize damage from the fall, ending up in a ninja-like pose with one hand down, kneeling. He raised his head and took in his surroundings.
The room was quite large and covered with weird black and gold growth. But he wasn't alone. Multiple weird humans in green armor stood around him. A single tall and skinny one wearing a brown suit was giving a speech. Then, two of the more numerous men walked towards him with weapons in their hands, pointed at him. Nyx seem to recognize them.
"Hey… isn't that Grineer? Have I arrived to some weird cosplay show?" The two men readied their guns. "Wait wait, what? Hey, hey, calm down!" He tried to move but found that his limbs were without energy and feeling quite tired. Must have been the long cryo sleep.
Suddenly, he felt like somebody injected him with an energy bar. His muscles and nerves instantly revived themselves, and it felt so awesome that he was able to levitate into the air. Feeling that it was getting too much, he released it into the surrounding environment as a shockwave, knocking down all the enemies beside him. Ha. I should have instead called it an org- OW. What the heck. I'm trying to narrate here! Hm… a message from the Void… Opening it…
A message from the Lotus:
Shut up.
-The Lotus.
Ok then.
I'm really not sure what to say.
Let's get back to the story and ignore the fact that the Lotus can break the fourth wall.
Nyx seem to finally come to his senses. Weird armored people who had an extremely thick upper body and chicken legs… weird brown guy with a shiny gold key in his hand… OH MY GOD it's the Warframe Prologue! He couldn't believe it! Did that weird voice send him here? Or was this a dream?
No to both. You're in Warframe, and you'll be here for a few years.
A voice suddenly started talking in his head (another one) and identified herself as the Lotus. Knowing that this was probably that part where he learned about his abilities, he activated "Pull". He did a pulling action with his right arm while channeling energy through and suddenly stuff glowed. After a small amount of cast time, enemies flew towards him with their insides ripped apart.
"Cool!" Then the brown tall guy left and he was alone with tons of other green chicken enemies. "Pull! Pull! Pull!"
Continuing killing enemies by pulling them to him, he walked out of the room and into some kind of open-sky walkway overgrown by many plants that he could almost recognize. On the side was also some kind of chest high box, with three weapons on it. One looked a like a plain katana with a red edge on the blunt side, another like a set of weirdly shaped gloves and the last one being a long stick with glowing blue parts.
"Huh. It looks even weirder in game." On top of the box was another grey two dimensional box, with the words 'choose melee weapon' on them. "Hm… Skana, Mk-1 Furax or Mk-1 Bo…" Nyx still easily remembered the names of the weapons. After all, he had memorized all of the weapons in Warframe's. All of them.
I helped him make a choice and shut the Lotus up mid-sentence.
The Mk-1 Bo in front of him suddenly started glowing and golden pieces appeared around it. Piece by piece, the long stick transformed into a beautifully ornamented…
"…Bo Prime…" he mumbled in awe. Nyx had been after that weapon for weeks, but RNG kept screwing him over. I did say I was going to give him the secret to beating RNG didn't I?
His hands slowly reached for it as his mind couldn't even comprehend this impossibility. Hours and hours of work… and it was here… "My lord…"
SHUP UP AND GRAB IT. I don't want to write more here! Get on your way, I want to get on to the part where you get screwed over by-
Ah. Spoilers alert?
Meh.
Nyx ignored the insanity of the narrator and grabbed the Bo Prime before expertly smashing one of its heavy end into a Grineer's face. Instead of the Grineer been blown away by the force, his face went splat. The dimension traveler recoiled. It felt pretty real to him, instead of some kind of video game AI.
Don't worry. That Grineer can be cloned again. Did you know this one's consciousness was alive for more than seventeen thousand years? That's why they're so insane.
Nyx accepted the explanation and continued smashing other heads with 'skill'. This lets him be able to pass through many old metal walkways, learn new skills like 'stealth killing' from more random 2d signs and run along rocky tunnels until he came across a second box. This one had secondary weapons on it.
He stood there for some time.
"What? No random weapon transforming into a Prime?"
…
"Ok, I'll take the Kunais then."
…
Finally realizing that no omnipotent being was going to give him a random overpowered weapon – like that would ever happen – he grabbed what looked like multiple knifes. Suddenly, pouches of those knifes appeared on each of his thighs. There must have been seven in each of them, excluding two that he had grabbed. He then looked at the bottom left of his HUD to check his ammo count.
"210 Kunai? These pouches look awfully small for that many… wait why do I even have a magazine clip for this?" He looked closer at his hands. " 's ten Kunais hidden in my hands. Wait. I can't even see them. How the heck did I know?" Crickets chirped in reply. "Ah. Orokin technology. I'm sorry I asked." You should be. Did you think that by going crazy and imagining that there's a 'narrator' of your life talking to you was going to help you? No! "…I'm also kind of sure I just heard something really stupid but I just can't figure out what." Slow and dense. "At least I know now that a lot of Warframe's illogicality is still the same here…"
Now armed with a ranged weapon, the enemies, who were clad in thick composite armor, died even faster because of his new secondary weapon's damage type. It wasn't long before he got the second box where there were multiple primary weapons.
"MK-1 Braton, BOLTOR PRIME and…" Nyx blinked in surprise. "…a rubber chicken?"
The choice was obvious.
A few minutes later and seventeen dead Grineer by the power of the rubber chicken, he found again the skinny brown armored man on a higher elevation of the building they were both in. This time, he identified him easily. It was captain Vor, one of the high ranking Grineer officers. He was known for his obsession with Orokin technology and Tenno. His legs were replaced by some kind of chicken like legs, while tubes ran all-round his body. A Void Key was also located on the left side of his chest.
Of course, Vor started up another speech from his high ledge. "I'M-"
"-THA CHICKEN!" Nyx interrupted quite rudely. This was kind of out of character for him, as he is normally a bit more reserved. But, because he has done these missions many times, so he is kind of bored of the monologues. Don't also forget that the author is also too lazy to check the wiki page for what Vor actually says. "Now SHUT UP and let me get the required items to get my Liset up and running!" The captain kind of looked confused for a few seconds before seeing a ship fly overhead. It was the ship sent over by the Lotus to extract the swarmed Tenno from the army of enemies.
It didn't last long. Vor grabbed his Void Key and blasted the ship into pieces with an Iron Man like move. "Ha! Tenno, do you think you can escape? You are mine now." That was pedophilic, Vor. He's underage. "And you, narrator, I will think of something to… dispose of you." Hey!
Vor spontaneously gets ripped in half for no reason. His upper half, with his face frozen in shock, lands right in front of Nyx while his lower half leans over and falls backwards onto the floor.
"…wasn't there a whole seven missions just to kill him?" Ah.
Oops? Here, I'll go do something…. Done! Changed the story line a bit. You'll find out about what I changed later! Much later!
For the second time since his awakening, the dimension traveler finally heard the Lotus' voice again but this time more clearly. It was female and kind of distorted, but he heard it. And she was saying her lines like she didn't go offline for an hour. Nyx ignored her, as it was kind of obvious which way to go to get to his objective, an Orokin Liset that he was sure was there. After all, when all the other ways from the exit of a room are closed, and a yellow objective is marking the only door that is open…
Two more Grineer soldiers went into the room and he dealt with them quickly with his primary weapon. For some reason, his rubber chicken could defy logic and shoot lasers. And they weren't just any lasers. They were lasers in the shape of chicks. Not the girls kind of chicks. The baby animal kind of chicks. Plus, instead of burning the enemies, the lasers exploded on impact. What kind of lasers explode on impact?
A few more minutes and he reached his to-be-his ship. It was floating on top of a circular grey landing pad. The area around him was quite wide open, but still overgrown with green plants. A few walkways went from adjacent rooms to the landing pad this time, instead of been connected by doors. The ship itself looked kind of like a manta ray with an extremely short tail and white strips along the bottom and top. To activate said ship, Nyx ran over to a console and started hacking into the system.
"Stop touching me you – what? Are my sensors deceiving me? Operator, is that you?"
Ordis! That super annoying AI guy! Nyx grunted and jumped to a ledge under the area, where enemies can't reach him. Let the enemy shoot the ship. It's not like they can damage it. The game said so!
"Operator? Operator? Don't leave me! I will stop kicking your Kubrows while you're not there so that their DNA starts degrading anymore if you stop them from scratching my paint!" AH-HA! So that's why the Kubrows keep dying after ten days and why they get sad after a while on the ship! Ignoring the cries from the AI, he sat there in peace.
Finally, when the timer hit zero, his ship was ready. A capsule on the bottom of it turned around, showing an engraving in the vague shape of a human body. Nyx jumped up onto the landing platform and attached his arms onto it and then lifted the rest of his body into the hole with a show of his super human strength. Afterwards, the capsule turned again and he found himself inside the ship.
It was much bigger than what it looked like on the outside. While the ship itself was only about half as tall as him, inside the ship, he could stand straight up and still have room left over. Adrenaline slowly dissipating, he accidentally looked at himself in the glass of the cockpit.
"WHYYYY THE HECK AM I A GIRL?" She shrieked.
Ah. She just noticed now? God she's slow. Didn't I talk about how you used 'Pull' at the beginning? And didn't you feel those things on your chest, and the lack of a Rhino-rmous (enormous) cock piece?
"The narrator's right. But, this AI thinks that she didn't notice because she's flat now and was dickless before her gender bending anyways." Ordis, HIGH FIVE!
Faced with a future of torture and absolute bastard-ness from the narrator, Nyx was not crying.
They were tears of joy.
"NO THEY'RE NOT!"
Shhhh.