Note: I haven't written so long since I'm always away now. I sure would like to finish this story soon. I hope you're all spending good holiday.

I don't own Naruto. Ever.

Chapter II

Try

For the most of the time, she was happy. Those days which seemed to never pass and tore her heart slowly quickly gave itself into the new light. Often times when she trotted through the flat dirt path, she tried to help those around the market places full of crates that needed to be unpacked or carried out. In return, those who were grateful gave her a sample of their goods, and some offered discount on their new products. For most of the days, Haruno Sakura lived as a normal, happy teenage girl.

Not to mention, with a new companion by her side, her shoulders which used to carry heavy loads of burden and guilt were lifted away. Toru was usually near her, sometimes being her aid whenever she needed an extra help carrying grocery bags or finding small objects like needles or brooches that rolled down the narrow bottom of the shelves. Sometimes, Toru played games with her by hiding himself in the bushes. Whenever she came to look for him, he jumped out quickly, giving her a near fatal heart attack. Sometimes, he earned himself a quick thwack on the head for worrying her, but other times, she smiled joyfully and held his tiny body high up to the sky while spinning around in circles. Those regular rules never seemed to change much, depending on Sakura's mood and how the day went by.

But one day, the rules changed a little.

"Toru," Sakura called out. "Toru, where are you?" She took a quick walk around her house and searched around the bushes to look for the little mischievous fox. It was a rather strangely hot day in March, and Sakura felt like she could melt into her clothes. Toru went missing for at least three hours, which worried her since he never pushed the time limit further than at least ten minutes.

"Toru… Toru!" Sakura yelled. She began to panic a little. Little beads of sweat mixed from worries and the hot weather began to trickle down at the sides of her throat. She decided to step a little away from her house and went near other bushes in the village. She called out his simple name, but there was no trace of gold shimmering under the sun, nor any glimpse of two small water beads peaking out from the shadows of the trees.

She was now over the tea green pastures full of cherry blossom trees, and small rose bushes planted a little further to the evergreen trees. This was the last place to look. She called out his name again, and there was nothing but the whisper of the cool, sudden wind and withering cherry blossom petals slashing itself against her tea pink hair. And then, from a far place, like the song of agony echoing against the will of current, came a small, helpless yap. Quickly, she ran toward the sound, repressing and recalling the pain of losing another soul.

The yap grew louder and louder. She followed the distorted cry instinctively until she arrived near the rose bushes. The scent of those crimson roses tickled her nose, and the loud yaps to her ears. She began to look for him through the crowns of thorns, her eyes wandering for the sight of gold and two water beads desperately. Then, she found him, caught in the cage of thorns. He must've struggled a little, since she saw little bit of blood seeping out through his tiny legs. With her shaking, bloody hands, she dug into her pocket and produced the kunai knife, cutting away all the vines that constricted around him. Was he okay, she wondered. Was he?

Then finally from the final cut of the vines and realizing that he was finally free, he jumped back into her arms.

"Toru…," she whispered, but then, her voice steadily grew into a sea of rage.

"How dare you run away like that? Look at you- you're hurt! Don't you know how I felt when you were gone for the longest time? You idiot! Idiot….."

She soon dropped her voice, and Toru, who was slightly frightened from the sudden yells, finally held his head up from wondering why she was quiet.

One, and then two drops… no, three drops of tears fell on the crown of his head. Her lips were tight, but she was still speaking to him with no words. Her eyes had said it all.

The brutally fresh-cut white roses were stained with her fresh, dark red blood. It would soon dry up and become brownish. But she felt no remorse, no pain from her torn, bruised hands. She only remembered about how she felt fear seeping through her heart, and now, she felt stupid, petty, but strangely happy from today's adventure. At least, in the long run, Toru was safe.

And strange enough, the little fox began to cry and lick her wounds. Her tight lips bloomed into another slow, but beautiful smile. She sighed.

"Don't ever go off like that again, okay? Who knows what might've happened to you," she said as she gave him a small thwack on his head. The fox mewed from the attack but slowly drifted away into a deep sleep.

"Geez, sleeping in my arms like that!" Sakura couldn't believe in the audacity of her little companion, but nevertheless, it was a long day. She smiled and took the baby fox home, where the sun set.

That was the day when Sakura turned eighteen.

For as long as she could remember, Sakura always had a mother and a father, a well-kept house, friends, a normal life of a girl growing up in a village. Then, she lost a friend, and then another. Now, she was about to lose more to life which gave her no honest answers and fairness.

A few months after her birthday, Sakura returned home from another simple C-rank mission. She hummed while keeping her pace near the gates of her house, thinking of how Toru would run to her cheerfully as soon as the front door slid open and her mother welcoming and scolding her for not doing the errands that she requested earlier on in the morning. She pushed the front door open to the side, saying, "I'm home."

But there was no Toru, nor any smiles or the smell of good food coming from the kitchen. She at least expected a few scolding, but there was nothing. There was no mother, no light in the house, no Toru. Instead, the curtains were half draped over the windows carelessly, with the laundry basket full of clothes tossed on the cool tatami floor. In the living room right next to the front door, her mother sat sunk on the floor with a small paper clutched between her fingers.

"Mom," she carefully said, as if the word itself would provoke any harm. Slowly she crept toward her mother, wondering why the atmosphere of her house was suddenly so bitter and cold.

"Sakura," the mother called out her daughter's name, as the meaning itself had no meaning. Her movement was almost lifeless, her arms swayed as if it was attached to a string. She held her daughters hands loosely, but without making any eye contact. "Oh Sakura, what are we going to do?"

"What are you talking about, mom?" Sakura raised a brow in confusion. Her mother tugged on the crumpled piece of paper between her fingers and pushed it into her daughter's palm. Carefully, Sakura smoothed out the paper and began to read the short sentences under the darkness that soon overcame.

"Dear Haruno-san,

I regret to inform you that your husband is dead. While travelling back home as a disguised merchant, he fought bravely against the enemies from the Sound village, and died with honor at the Road of Hi.

Regards,

……."

Slowly, Sakura's open palms turned pale, and then, just as her mother did before, Sakura's palms closed into a tight fist. But unlike her mother, Sakura stood still, tall and apart from the tatami mat floor. Slowly her finger tips inched itself closer toward the edge of the crumpled paper, and reluctantly one by one, she shredded it until there was barely any recognizable words on the tiny fluttering pieces of papers scattering around her legs like the white cherry blossom petals freely flying high against the gentle breeze outside of her home.

A small funeral was held, along with a short eulogy. Then there came a time for burial, and Sakura and her mother, along with Toru held in her arms, watched as the large black coffin was lowered down to the ground with flowers carelessly tossed without cruel intentions. Sakura coldly watched the coffin sink to the earth, never to be returned back to the surface of life. When the men came with their shovels to shove dirt down the rectangular hole, Sakura quickly left as soon as possible with Toru, only leaving her weeping mother behind.

As she walked around the vacant village, she stood around in particular places. Some places she remained for hours, while for other places, she quickly passed by. It didn't matter if they were good or bad memories; they just needed to be light and jovial. She kept her silence, until she arrived at a particular place – the Ninja Academy.

She sat on a lonely swing hung on a tall lonesome oak tree and let Toru sit on her lap. She swung a little – only little-, but stopped soon with her feet. Finally, her lips began to move.

"You know, dad was the one who took me here," she said. "It was my first day to school. I didn't like it at first, but daddy said that it would be good for me later on in life. I think I cried because they made fun of my forehead," she laughed slightly, and then took a pause to recollect her thoughts.

"Dad sometimes took me around town and held my hand. He bought me sweets – lots of them. Mom scolded at him for spoiling me too often, but he just laughed and shrugged it off. Dad just laughed, and I laughed with him. I just followed my dad around a lot for most of those days.

Then I just found my own niche here at the Academy, and little by little, my dad and I just grew further apart. Mom was right – he did spoil me too much. I wish he hadn't, but now, I wish he was here to spoil me more, just before he went…."

She didn't cry, but remained still as she swung a little again on the swing.

"Everyone hated Naruto," she said, which surprised her instantly since she didn't speak his name for months. But she continued. "My parents did too, though they didn't say too much about him. But I could see it through anyways. I hated Naruto too, but just because he was getting in my way. Or so I thought…, and now…."

Tears, one by one, began to flow from her eyes. She quickly wiped them away with her hands, trying to bring out a smile. A fake smile.

"Ah, I'm such an idiot. I'm trying so hard not to cry. But how come is it that every time I try harder to not cry, I just end up crying…?"

And then, just as soon as she said her last words, Sakura began to sob, wanting to release the guilt and rage that she stored up inside her heart for too long. And all the little fox could do was to watch her pitifully and bend his head down in sorrow.

The days grew harsh as the angry, autumn wind, clashing and cutting against anything that stood in its path full of hatred. Sakura felt her body sway against its current, often being pushed, pulled, and tugged around anywhere as she walked. Her tea pink hair, once short, grew longer and a little wavier up to her elbows.

After her father's death, Sakura and her mother faced financial troubles. Her father, whose philosophy was to enjoy life to its fullest, spent much portions of their money to sake, theatres, books, and other useless objects to which her mother sorely disapproved and nagged much often about. Of course, her father's use of money didn't fully push them into debt. Luckily, Sakura's mother didn't need to pay for the funeral since ninjas who died during battles were buried with honor by the village which gave no burdens to their weeping families. But still, the one thing which was fully responsible for the Haruno family's monetary issues was the large sum of money they owed to the Aihara clan, a group of wealthy, powerful ninjas who wore the finest silk kimonos on their backs and ate the most expensive food. That, however, was all thanks to their illegal drug dealing and blackmailing other ninjas. Sakura's family happened to be one of the unfortunate ones who fell into the category of the Aihara clan's infamous, endless blackmailing.

It all started out innocently. Sakura's grandfather, who was a travelling merchant, one day, became lost and injured in the woods of the Sound village. There he found hospital group of people who treated him kindly and gave him nourishment and warm place to sleep in. That all soon turned out to be a huge trickery in the end because he ended up being blackmailed and threatened till the end of his life at the age of fifty-four. The Aiharas were quite the geniuses when it came to breaking laws, and the Haruno family's debt increased as time went by.

For Sakura, she had to work four times as hard as ever as a medic-nin on missions. She took any available jobs there was to offer, just to keep a roof over her mother and Toru's heads. Food was sometimes scarce, and Sakura did not mention her family situation to anyone but Toru alone. Many wondered why she was working so much and spending little time with them, but Sakura chose to ignore her friends, her happiness, and eventually, most of the things she knew.

"Sakura, won't you tell me why you're doing this?" Tsunade often asked when she barged into the Hokage's office and begged for more jobs. It didn't matter if it was D-rank or S-rank; she just needed to do them for money. Often times, Tsunade gave her easy, odd jobs, but never S-ranks. Sakura didn't seem to mind too much as long as there was something to do.

"I'm worried, Tsunade-sama," Shizune once commented while watching Sakura walk out of the office. "Does Sakura have some kind of illness? Do you think something is troubling her?"

Tsunade just gathered her hands and sighed. 'I hope it's not about Naruto again, or..,' she thought.

After another long day of work, Sakura returned home. She wanted to take a quick shower- as baths can't be afforded anymore- and then take a quick nap. She opened the sliding door, feeling slightly strange from the mood of the house. It was too quiet.

"Mom? Mom," Sakura called out for her mother until she came to the kitchen. She saw her mother with a serious expression her face, her hands clutched together. Her hair was a little neater than before, and she wore a fresh, clean, pale yellow apron today. She was sitting at the opposite side of the dinner table. Her mother seemed to have not notice her presence, as she just sat still with aloof seriousness.

"Mom? Mooom," Sakura said as she waved her hand in front of her mother's face. It was then her mother snapped back to reality.

"Oh, Sakura dear, welcome back," her mother said with a kind smile that she had not seen in a while. "Would you like some tea?"

"Tea? We have tea?" Sakura said, raising one brow.

"It's not much, but tea is still tea," her mother said with an effort to put on a sing-song voice. She boiled water on the stove and dropped herbs into the kettle. "Sit down and wait for it."

Feeling her mother's false cheerful attitude clash with the once bright wall, now stained in grey from the cloudy weather, Sakura awkwardly made her way to the table. Her mother finally brought tea and poured some in her tea cup. Her hands were trembling violently, and she almost upset her tea while taking a sip.

"Mom, I know something's up. Even an idiot could notice how awkward this feels right now," Sakura said. Her mother sighed in grief. The kitchen clock ticked by every second and the wind outside howled and shrieked as if it was chasing the torn past alone.

"Sakura, I'm no good as your mother. I have no rights to call myself your mother," she finally whispered silently.

"What do you mean, mom? You've always been there for me," Sakura said with suspicion and a bit of light chuckle.

"Sakura," her mother said once more, only this time with heaviness. "I've arranged a marriage for you."

At that moment, Sakura almost spat out her tea.

"Ma-ma-marriage?!!!" she yelled.