Thanks to the awesome RainMirror to beta this for me!
Warning: Language and innuendos, characters behaving a bit OOC again to make this plot work.
When he arrived at the Rabbit Hole, it seemed to be much more crowded than he ever remembered. It was a Tuesday night so it didn't make any sense. Perhaps the people in Storybrooke were similar to the people in New York, drowning their sorrows with a pint or two. He had had a few shares of that, especially when he had just moved to New York because … He needed to stop there.
Luckily he spotted his friend - blond, smooth, and suave in a proper suit. So unlike himself.
"Sorry, I'm late. I thought I could drive here but the bug was out of gas again so I just walked." He sat down heavily next to his new friend.
"That's OK, you got here just in time. I've gathered most of the male population of Storybrooke here."
It then dawned on him that nearly all of the Rabbit Hole occupants were males, except for Mulan who he had just spotted sitting three chairs down from him. Mulan nodded to acknowledge his presence then continued to drink her Coke. She had told him that the taste was heavenly, as she hadn't tasted anything like it in the Enchanted Forest. He guessed there was not much competition to begin with.
"What the hell, Victor? I just asked you to come here for advice about how to get my stuff back since you know nearly everyone in Storybrooke, not to invite all the men here."
"Don't you see? This is a matter of life and death." Neal made a face. "OK, not literally. I deal with that every day you know. I meant we couldn't let these princesses walk all over us. I know emancipation is important, especially in this world, but there are limits. They can't just treat us like toys to please them, only to be chucked aside when we aren't needed in …"
Neal quickly clasped his hand over Victor's mouth. "Mulan is present!"
He released his hand and Victor continued, "… the house. Get your mind out of the gutter, Neal! I know you're doing kinky things with the Savior but not all of us are that lucky."
"Keep your voice down! David might be here." He panicked and looked around but thankfully Charming was nowhere to be seen.
"Oh relax! That semi father-in-law of yours is practically whipped. He said he wouldn't come to support the guys. He needed to think of his wife and daughter. By the way, he said he had his eyes on you in case you hurt Emma. Personally, I think he's just worried that Snow might hide his sword and gun holster again."
Neal chuckled nervously at that. So Snow and Charming's vanilla version of marriage row was quite well known in Storybrooke. But Charming was still suspicious of him even after he followed his advice and cooked for Emma practically every day. He said, "I thought Red would be different. She wasn't a princess."
"She's also a werewolf so she has the upper hand in everything. Not to mention Granny is always suspicious of me. She is worse than your David."
"He is not my David. He is Emma's father." He then groaned as he spotted his own father who glared daggers at Hook. He hissed, "Why did you invite them? They only make things worse."
"Who do you mean? Prince Phillip and Robin Hood? I thought they were your best friends. They have had big culture shocks, of course, but they're all right. "
Neal had picked up a few fairy tale characters from his forced vacation in the Enchanted Forest. Henry was delighted that he had The Prince of Thieves, The Warrior Mulan, The Sleeping Beauty and Prince Phillip as his friends. He was surprised but happy that Henry could be so delighted. It was practically impossible to throw a stone in the Enchanted Forest without hitting a fairy tale character or a legend.
Explaining the working order of this world was extremely excruciating though. Luckily, Victor helped with the guys whereas Snow helped with the girls. Victor even took Hook under his wing. He said, "I need to teach these medieval guys how the modern men operate." Neal interpreted it correctly. He intended to teach them how to be a womanizer. Phillip and Robin were disgusted. Not surprisingly, Hook was delighted. Hook and Victor had become what Grace said best friends forever or BFF. They had deemed themselves the Barney Stinsons of Storybrooke. The Blue Fairy help us all!
He was surprised that Victor still considered him a friend since he had a completely different lifestyle and views on life. Perhaps defending him against his father gave a lasting impression?
"No, not them. My father and Hook," he mentioned through clenched teeth.
"Oh, them." Victor waved his hand nonchalantly. "Hook said that if there was anything concerning your well-being I should inform him and I guess this qualifies. I'm not sure how your father found out. "
"I need my drink. I'll buy yours since I invited you here but I'm not paying for the rest of them."
He then ordered two glasses of beer and some chips for Victor.
"Thanks, mate. Don't worry. I don't think they came here for the drink."
"Really? Mate? You spend too much time with Hook."
"Are you jealous?"
"What? No? I'm not," Neal spluttered. "My plate is already full with Phillip and Robin. It seems Mulan likes to hang out with the guys more than the girls as well."
Victor winked at him. "Perhaps she likes you."
Mulan looked in his direction curiously. He just smiled and pretended like nothing had happened. Luckily Mulan bought it. "Could you be any louder? She's right there. No, Mulan and I are just good friends. If you don't know, I'd better not say anything."
Rumpelstiltskin and Hook heard the commotion and approached.
Hook clasped Neal's shoulder. "Baelfire, it's good to see you here. So Swan let you out of her clutches then. Can I buy you a drink?"
Rumpelstiltskin used his cane to push Hook away from him. "Stay away from my son, pirate! If anybody is going to buy him a drink, it should be me."
"You lost the right when you abandoned him. I wish Milah had returned sooner to pick him up so he wouldn't have fallen down that portal."
"Don't you dare mention her name in front of my son. You lying …"
Neal drowned out the rest of the bickering with his drink. Victor tried to slide away but Neal caught him and pushed him down on the chair. "No, you don't. You've got to help me get this client list from the Blue Fairy. Besides, it's your fault all of them are here."
Victor laughed nervously. "I know the guy who could help you with that." He yelled, "Leroy, please come here."
Leroy was in the middle of playing a losing battle of darts with Anton so he gladly came over. Neal heard Anton yell, "Hey, dude, not fair!" which was ignored by Leroy as he approached their table. His father and Hook still fought animatedly over who got to spend the weekends with him so he promptly ignored them again.
"What's up?" Leroy grinned happily, a little too happily for Neal's liking, as he sat in front of their tables. He saw the chips and snatched them while Victor muttered something about a clogged artery.
Victor clasped Neal's shoulder. People seemed to like to do that to him. "My friend here needs the list of the clients who purchased his stuff in the sale this afternoon. I think you're just the right person to ask."
"Oh, the son of the Dark One now needs our help? Where were you when the failsafe was being activated?"
"Um, I was busy being unconscious in the Enchanted Forest. I wasn't here."
Leroy then laughed. "Oh right, I keep confusing you with your father. You're all right. There might be a problem about obtaining the list though."
Victor tensed. "What do you mean by a problem? I thought you were back with Astrid."
"I am. However, she has been super suspicious of me since Ariel stole my fork. She thought I had a thing with Ariel."
Neal was confused. "Isn't Ariel with Eric?"
"Tell her that. I needed Anton and Whale to vouch for me that I'm indeed with the guys. Not by myself in my boat. She keeps thinking that I'm having an affair with Ariel out on the water."
Victor laughed. "I didn't expect Astrid to be the jealous type. I guess you never can tell with the quiet ones. Besides, Eric will beat you to a pulp if you touch Ariel."
"Hey, I might not be a prince but it doesn't mean I won't win in a fight."
The conversation deteriorated quickly. Neal quickly said, "I believe you'd win. Now, the list. You can just ask her for it. It doesn't involve any boat so why wouldn't she just give it to you?"
"I might be in what you call the dog house at the moment. I might have mentioned that she shouldn't listen to the Blue Fairy too much since she tried to separate us but she still thinks that her boss did that for her own good. If I ask her for the list then she may think I have an ulterior motive."
Neal pulled his own hair. "Oh, dear!"
Victor patted him sympathetically. "Don't worry, I've got this." He promptly stood on his table and tapped his glass with a spoon until the whole room became quiet. "Gents!" Mulan glared at him so he quickly added, "and Mulan. We gather here to help Neal retrieve his stuff. We can't let the ladies treat us like doormats. No offense, Mulan, I think of you as one of the guys."
Mulan said, "None taken. I quite enjoy this." She continued sipping her second glass of Coke.
"They might take away our freedom and our dignity," he continued, "but getting physical by taking our stuff has crossed the line. We must unite to help Neal get his stuff back. Neal, do you want to say something?"
Neal vehemently shook his head. "No, no, I'm fine. I just want my list then I can work on it by myself."
To his horror, someone yelled, "Speech."
He found the source of the noise to be Jefferson.
The rest of the room then chanted, "Speech, speech, speech!" He noticed even Robin and Phillip joined in. Traitors!
Only his father remained quiet but he seemed to be enjoying it too much.
It was going to be a long night. He could've killed Victor right then and there! Then again, he was the only surgeon in town, so perhaps not.
Note:
-I thank meresger for some of the ideas in this chapter. The rest will be included in the next chapters.
-Obviously, the guy part for the night is not done yet. You have two choices: Either finish with the guys first then go to see what the girls are up to or just alternate between the guys and the girls. It's your choice.
-Idea? Suggestion? Spot any mistakes?