Chapter Two

When I wake up it's pouring with rain and the house is dark with a chill to it. I guess the good weather has broken. I go through the bathroom using the toothbrush Joey gave me yesterday, showering and then head into the main part of the house. It's warmer out here because there's a big fire roaring in the fireplace, the flowers now up high on the windowsill.

'Hey,' I drop down next to Joey on the couch and she gives me a smile. She's clearly been up a while. She smells fresh, like she showered not long ago and she's wearing leggings with the same checked shirt as yesterday. She has some papers in her lap that she's working on.

'Hey,' she gives me a big smile.

'How did you sleep?'

'Great. I woke up when Jen and Jack left which was about the same time the thunder started. I'm hoping it'll clear up by lunch,' she says. 'You?'

'Like a baby,' I admit.

'I know from experience that baby's tend to sleep very poorly.'

'Well now that's true,' I concede, 'I slept like a log then.'

'Good. I'll get you coffee,' she says and jumps up returning with milky coffee, just the way I like it.

'Thanks,' I take the mug and she carefully sits down beside me, closer than she was before not picking up the papers again, but sipping on her own coffee. 'So what do you do when it rains?' I ask and she gives me a look,

'Work, clean the house, write,' she shrugs.

'Make out with men you find unconscious at the side of the road?' I ask with a confidence I didn't know I possess.

'Not done that before,' she gives me look, somewhere between surprise and amusement.

'You should consider it. I've heard it makes the rainy hours pass really fast.'

'Does it now?' she looks up at me with wide eyes and I nod.

'Yeah, especially when they're really good kissers.'

'Modest much?' She asks.

'Well I know one way you could find out,' I joke whilst arching my eyebrows suggestively and she laughs, putting her mug on the table and pressing her lips to mine. It's a clumsy closed mouth kiss, and of course I'm holding my cup of coffee so I only have one free hand and I'm too shocked by her sudden move to really react before she's sitting back.

'And who told you you're a good kisser? You just sat there!' She's teasing me but my heart is racing and I'm pretty sure my eyes must be dilated because I want her. I want her badly. I put my mug down and wrap a hand round the nape of her neck pulling her closer, kissing her with an open mouth, not just an innocent kiss but a decidedly naughty one, full of what I hope is obvious intention. Her lips are soft and in the first instant unresponsive before her tongue seeks mine causing a groan to escape me, and a sigh to escape her. I've kissed a lot of girls, but as our arms tangle together, as her mouth explores mine and mine hers, as I get impossibly hard, I don't think any kiss has ever been as erotic as this one. It's another cliche, the thundering rain, the roaring fire, me rolling her onto her back and covering her body with mine, pressing against her so she can't help but know how much I want her, how much I desire her, but the whole situation is more than just perfect surroundings. This is a girl who makes me feel things, feel things beyond the notion that I'm dying, beyond mortality and morbidity. She isn't a stranger. Not only is she one of Jack's best friends which instantly makes her better than most girls, but she makes me forget the dark cloud that hovers over me. She makes me feel more alive than dead, like I could fight this disease and win. Fuck the cliches, in all honesty, fuck it all. She's a girl and she's perfect for me, right at this moment, she's fucking perfect. I could douse the fire, put us in my apartment with piles of paperwork that needs my attention and she'd still be perfect. She just happens to have carved herself a piece of heaven on this earth and why shouldn't she have. I am so turned on by this thought that I push myself against her and her soft moan makes me grow even harder. My hands which have restricted themselves to her hair, her face, her waist, they don't want restrictions any longer and they push at her shirt seeking the warmth and smooth silk of her skin, so desperate to feel the curve of her chest in my palm that I don't even care that her bikini top covers her there. In fact I push it aside and kiss down her neck until my mouth is on that exposed skin, my hips yet again bucking into hers. Her hands trace patterns on my shoulders and she too seeks the skin under my T-shirt. I undo her shirt, my eyes locking with hers and pull at the string of her bikini top until she's gloriously half naked. I sit up and pull off my t-shirt and we kiss again, this time our naked skin brushes together, her soft chest against mine and I groan, unable to control any noises I make because she's so fucking hot and I could probably come in like five seconds if she touched me. She bucks her hips against me and I realize she probably doesn't need to touch me and I move against her, loving her moan. It's more like five minutes before she comes, her mouth dropping open, her eyes closed, everything in her expression open, and I come in my boxers just from rubbing against her. I feel like a teenager and I love it.

'Its stopped raining,' she says with a smile, her fingers running through the hair at the nape of my neck. I'm sticky and a little uncomfortable but I have no desire to move, none at all. I press a kiss to her forehead, then her cheeks and finally her lips.

'I feel a little teenage,' I admit and she giggles,

'Coming in your boxers?'

'Yeah,' I blush and she runs her soft, slim fingers across my cheek, over my stubble and the tinge of red on my cheek.

'You're beautiful,' she says with a faraway look in her eyes. I've never been called beautiful before. She stares at me intently, tracing my features. I don't care about anything at this second.

'I've wanted to say that to you from the second I saw you,' I tell her and she laughs.

'You did. Repeatedly. Back at the side of the road you kept claiming you must be in heaven because I must be an angel. I thought it was a terrible pick up line.'

'I can't believe you bothered to rescue me when I was spouting garbage like that.'

'Well you're hot,' she shrugs.

'Thanks. I was thinking about death before I crashed and I guess my semi conscious mind decided I was dead.'

'Well yeah, after you told me what happened it sort of made sense. I'm really not that beautiful anyway.'

'Tosh,' I grumble kissing her again.

'Seriously, my smile is lopsided, my hair can get a little stringy when I haven't cut it, I'm far too tall and my boobs are small,' she's laughing as she says it so it doesn't seem like she's fishing for compliments, which isn't very Joey anyway, more like she actually thinks all that.

'Hmm,' I say, 'your hair isn't stringy,' I smile and she laughs at me. 'You are actually tall but not too tall, your smile happens to be perfect, and as for your boobs,' I press a kiss to each one, 'well I think it's safe to say I approve of them.'

'You're a doofus,' she runs her fingers through my hair and draws my face to hers for a kiss, 'now let's go swim. I think you need a rinse,' she looks pointedly at my crotch and so I get up, pulling her with me until we're walking out into the breaking sunshine.

'It's a little cold for a swim.'

'Nah,' she grins and shimmies out of her leggings and walking into the water wearing nothing but her bikini bottoms. Well that's an incentive for sure. I'm close behind her, by hands all over her because she's mostly naked and she's so gorgeous and she seems to like me touching her. The water feels colder than yesterday but with the air so cold the water soon seems appealing and we swim about, mucking around before it's really too cold. We run inside where she has towels and sit in front of the fire. Joey's lips are pretty blue so I bet mine are but the fire is still burning though a little less enthusiastically than it was.

'You're one crazy girl,' I say and she grins at me.

'I swim all year unless ice is covering the lake.'

'You're a total freak,' I say but she just shrugs.

'Most people living in the middle of nowhere are a little odd.'

'You make an excellent point,' I pull her closer, close enough to kiss.

'Your lips are cold,' she whispers and so I dip my head and kiss her chest. She swats my head.

'I should probably take another shower,' I admit and she nods.

'I imagine you should. I'll shower in the basement.'

'Ok,' I watch her go with reluctance. She's definitely not a girl that would sleep with a guy on a whim, I know that, or I think I do. I mean everything, well except the undignified dry humping, has been above the waist, but god I wish I could join her in that shower. I'm fucking hard again just thinking about it. Instead I head to my own shower, take care of myself of course, and hurry back to the couch so as not to miss a second with her.

She comes up from the basement after I have been sat there for about ten minutes mostly thinking about all the ways I want to touch her. She's wearing a skirt and tank top, both black and simple. She smells divine and I pull her onto my lap without really thinking about it.

'Hey,' she smiles and then we're kissing.

We kiss a lot. All day is spent kissing, and touching (above the waist but who cares?). I can't get enough of her and every time i think I might be good at least for a little while, she says something or looks at me and I have to kiss her again.

The sun doesn't really make a proper appearance all day. We eat food I cook, her arms wrapped around my waist as she stands behind me pretending to learn. I would be fucking elated over all this if it wasn't for the cancer. I can't ignore it forever, just live in Joey's arms until I cease to be. For a start she makes me want to keep on being. I want to stay alive just to kiss her some more. I push the cancer from my mind and turn, pushing her against the wall and devouring her mouth, my hands finally plucking up the courage to dip down the back of her skirt, past the lace trip of her panties and onto the soft slant of her buttocks. She looks up at me with those wide eyes of hers.

'We should eat,' she whispers.

'There are things I would rather eat than food,' I say and she blushes fuchsia. It's adorable.

'Pacey,' she rests her forehead against my chest and I take pity on her.

'Food,' I say and she presses a kiss to the skin over my heart which is pounding furiously.

We eat salad, fruit and a stir fry of veggies and halloumi that is left over from last night. Knowing me as he does, Jack added meat, bread, pasta, rice, beans and pulses to my shopping order so the cupboards are well stocked. Only I don't feel like cooking. I feel like kissing. We eat as we watch a movie, or pretend to. Some disaster movie. I couldn't name it. We kiss, and joke about. Laughing over stupid things, telling each other stories from our youth, debating music. Her extremely bad taste in music is endearing. She isn't too perfect, she's real.

It gets late without us noticing, until we're both exhausted.

'Jo,' I whisper it in her ear as her eyes have closed. 'Let's go to bed.'

'Hmmm,' she seems to agree but doesn't move. At length she opens those big eyes of hers. 'Can I stay in your room?' She asks and inside I'm doing the conga.

'Sure,' I say causally but ruin it with a cheesy grin. I pull her to her feet and let her use the bathroom first. When I'm done she's already in bed, but she's not asleep. As I slip in beside her (apparently her side of the bed is the right side) she rolls into my side and presses an ear to my chest.

'You probably hate to cuddle,' she says.

'Not with you,' I say and wrap an arm around her, pressing kisses to her forehead.

'Sleep,' she says at length and rolls away from me onto her side. Like a completely smitten sap I roll with her.

I awake fully aware of her pressed against me. I'm hard in seconds and horny as hell. She shifts a little and her butt rubs against me, so I do what any self respecting man would do, grab her boob, my fingers slipping up and under her tank and rolling her nipple. She moans in her sleep and so I lean around and kiss her. She doesn't even have morning breath, but then again she doesn't really eat anything manufactured. Her food is pure and god can you tell first thing in the morning. She sinks into the kiss, rolling in my arms, until I've tugged her on top of me, my hands on her waist shifting her against myself and creating a delectable friction,

'Jo,' I say her name into the kiss,

'Hmmm?' She has yet to open her eyes.

'Please can I touch you?' I ask and I know she knows what I mean because she opens her eyes before eventually nodding. My hands dip down the back of her pyjama pants where her skin is bare as I bring her lips to mine again. I roll us until she's on her back and I'm lying beside her. I kiss her again, as my hand slides from her side to the smooth, flat of her stomach. I kiss her harder, and press against her letting her feel how much I want her, then i slide my hand down. It's ridiculous. I have been with many girls, and I've done this many times, but I'm a fucking wreck with nerves. I have got to get a grip. I know what I'm doing. I can make her come. God I want to make her come. My fingers feel the short strip of hair between her legs and then glide over where she is warm and deliciously wet. She's so wet I find myself moaning into a heated kiss. I slide a finger inside of her and she moans. I curl it up inside of her moving it in and out before adding another and then seeking out her clit with my thumb. I could come just watching her face, reading the effect of each movement on her face and adjusting it to improve that expression she has. She's so fucking turned on which means I am, and when she comes it's the best orgasm I've ever experienced and it's not even my orgasm. Her legs shut, holding my hand on her, my fingers inside her and my hips buck against her. At length her eyes open. She squeezes her thighs against my hand which is just so fucking hot and then puts her hand on me, through my shorts but I don't fucking care. I really don't, because as she grips me I can feel my orgasm beginning, and when she moves her hand over me several times I come and I come hard. My lips crash onto hers and when she releases my hand, I wipe it roughly on my boxers before pulling her close.

'Thats a nice way to start the day,' she says after a few moments and I can't help but chuckle.

'There are probably many nice ways to start the day when waking up next to you,' it's cheesy, even to my own ears, but it is true.

'Dial down the cheese,' she smirks. 'I'm going for a swim.' She jumps out of bed and opens the window. It's clear that the cold spell of yesterday is over. She strips off her pyjamas giving me my first glimpse of her bare ass - what an ass - and then pulls on another bikini, this one bright red. Opening a drawer she grabs out a sarong of bright colours and ties it around her waist. 'Coming?' she asks and I realize I haven't moved, just been staring at her.

'Yes,' of course I am.

We splash around in the water, Joey even swims from one side of the lake to the other and back again. I claim it's the kiss of life I'm giving her on her return but really it's just an excuse to put my hands all over her and my lips on hers. We kiss until we're really too cold and then haul ourselves up to the deck and her warm, fluffy towels. We curl up on the couch together, her head on my lap and we talk. She's reached a block in her current story and together we brainstorm ideas which is actually really good fun. I make us a lunch of tuna pasta salad and then choose a book from her veritable library and she brings her computer outside. She sits working through her writers block, her feet in my lap as I read the first in the Lost Lake series. Time passes quickly reading her book and before I know it I'm finished. Apparently so is she, because she shuts her laptop and shoves it on the table, removes the book from my hand and climbs on top of me, one knee on either side of me before kissing me. At first the kiss is soft, gentle, but I want her so badly my body springs to attention immediately and I'm tugging her hips closer to mine, sliding my hands under that bikini top and wishing we were naked. Apparently that thought isn't too far from Joey's mind either because she slides off of me and down to the ground. She looks at me with those big eyes and tugs at my shorts until she reveals my cock. I like my cock so I'm not particularly worried about a girl seeing it. She stares at it for a long moment from on her knees in front of me and I'll admit it's a fucking turn on - then again most things are around Joey. She's been kind of shy about doing much more than kissing so I'm not sure what she's planning to do beyond stare at me, but then she bends forward and licks the tip. As she uses her hands and mouth on me I can't think of anything, don't really want to, just want to be there with her, with her hot mouth on me and feel like I can do anything.

When I come she swallows and then looks at me, a smile on her face.

'That ok?' she asks and I nod trying to find my vocal chords.

'Hmm,' I agree, and pull her up and back on top of me, even though I'm naked at this point and she's only wearing her bikini. 'I like you,' I say the words bubbling from my belly, my heart and up to my mouth. 'I really, really like you.'

'I like you too Pace,' she says and I love the way she says it.

'I wish...well I wish a lot.'

'Mostly the cancer huh,' it's a statement not a question.

'Yeah mostly that.'

'When you decide to go, just go. I don't think I'll like saying goodbye,' she says and when I look at her she has a frown on her face, the face she presses into my neck where she breathes kisses.

'I don't think I'll like saying goodbye either,' it's the truth. The thought if leaving here, this place, but mostly her makes my heart ache. 'Can I stay until then?'

'Please,' she says simply and moves her lips to mine.

We play rummy before heading to bed where we fall asleep almost instantly. This whole being besotted by a girl is exhausting - nothing to do with the cancer I'm sure. When I wake in the morning my back is to Joey, but she's curled up into me and clearly awake because she's drawing patterns on my skin. I roll over and smile at her but she's got a small crease in her forehead and though she smiles it doesn't quite reach her eyes.

'Morning,' I say and kiss the crease. 'You ok?'

'Yes,' she says but it doesn't ring true. I give her a look,

'You have a bruise...like a really, really dark bruise on your back,' she purses her lips a little.

'Oh,' the news deflates me and she see's that. She takes my hand and shoves it under her top,

'I find touching a boob makes everything feel better,' she holds my hand to her chest and I feel a smile tugging at my lips, a genuine one, especially when she shoves her other hand up her top and holds her other boob.

'Thats pretty sexy you know,' I say and she presses a kiss to my cheek, then my lips.

'You're ok, right?'

'I'm ok. Jack will get the results tomorrow.'

'Ok,' she nods and then she kisses me, rolling her body on top of mine. She stops kissing me, my hard on between her legs and looks at me. 'Jen and Jack are coming over after lunch. Do you wanna spend the morning in bed?'

'Fuck yeah,' I pull her mouth back to mine.

The morning in bed with Joey is, well it's better than anything I could imagine ever. She opens the window and we laze around kissing, touching, making each other come again and again. We make each other laugh too, joking about and being stupid. It's fun learning Joey. Not just her body (which let's face it is awesomely good fun to learn) but her mind too. The things that drive her nuts and more importantly the things that make her laugh, even the things that piss her off (like me spouting any self-deprecating crap. Total double standard because she does it constantly.) Eventually we have to get out of bed but this time we shower together. We don't have sex because we haven't done that. In fact we don't even fool around - well we kiss some. We just stand in the warm stream of water washing ourselves and talking. We throw on some clothes. She puts on a sundress, and looks so beautiful, but then I always think she looks beautiful. The dress turns me rather handsy and I can't help the naughty thoughts running through my head.

We head through to the main part of the house and Joey sticks on some coffee whilst I make us omelettes. We didn't waste bed time eating so we're both pretty hungry. We eat on the couch outside, her legs draped across my lap. After eating she pulls her laptop onto her lap claiming "inspiration" so I get the second book in her series, two tall glasses of water and resume my seat, her legs once again across my lap. That's how Jack and Jen find us. I don't miss the pointed look Jack shoots my way, nor the delight in Jen's eyes at the sight. Jack looks slightly perplexed which is a look I've often seen on Jack's face. I'm not really sure what is causing it but I think it could be a number of things - one, it's weird to see me, his college friend, with Joey the girl he grew up with, two, I'm dying and this is going to fuck with her, and well, yeah, clearly it's number two. But it's hard to deny yourself what you really, really want when you're dying.

'Hey guys,' Joey shuts her laptop and puts it on the table, then sits up, curling into my side. Apparently she is not shy, or reticent to share how things are between us.

'You two look cosy,' Jen smirks, straight to the point.

'Yep,' Joey shrugs and I feel the need to let Jack know I'm not fucking about so I say,

'I totally adore this girl,' and Jack's frown deepens. Shit. Joey notices it,

'Pace, why don't you and Jack go catch some fish?'

'Great plan,' I stand and desperately want to kiss her, but Jack has got that expression on his face and it's making it extremely awkward. Joey steps up to me and kisses me, deeply and for slightly too long.

'See you soon,' she presses one more kiss to my lips and flops onto the sofa with Jen. Jack and I make our way to the shed in silence, picking up the pole and heading to the canoe. We paddle out onto the lake in silence.

'I know you think it's a bad idea,' I begin but Jack just shakes his head.

'I don't actually. I mean you and Joey...actually makes a lot of sense. I knew you'd like her and well...yeah...'

'So what's the problem?'

'Joey,' he admits.

'I'm not just mucking about, I mean I like her, a lot. We talk a lot, she makes me laugh, I make her laugh...I know I'm going to have to leave or whatever but, well, I don't want to.'

'Pace man, you're the best friend I made in college. We had a lot of fun, talked about all sorts of stuff - hell you even punched a guy for me. You know I love you man. It's actually you I'm looking out for.'

'Huh?' I frown and Jack sighs.

'Joey...she freaks out a little in relationships. Or with guys I should say. If her feelings get bigger than her well she kind of jumps ship.'

'I don't understand.'

'Joey was in love with this guy Dawson...'

'I know all about that guy,' I mutter and Jack rolls his eyes.

'Well she finally gets this guy and she kisses me.'

'She was a teenager.'

'Then Eddie at college. She was totally in to him and he invites her to France, this place she's wanted to go her whole life and she doesn't go. She breaks up with him instead.'

'So?'

'She won't go to Boston, you know. To see you. This is where she goes when it's too much. You have cancer Pace and I'm worried that when the reality of that sinks in she's going to freak out. You'll leave, all in love with her, and well she'll break your heart.'

'I thought you'd be worried about her,' I am not sure how on earth to take this. Doesn't Joey have every right to freak out? She doesn't owe me anything. It's not like we met through Jack - she found me on the side of the road. And what exactly is Jack basing this on - a high school romance and one guy in college?

'Of course I'm worried about her, but Joey doesn't have cancer. You do.'

'I know,' I frown feeling frustrated. Instead of arguing with my friend I strip off my tshirt and dive into the water. I sense Jack dive in beside me rather than see him and we end up goofing around like immature idiots. At length we lie there floating on the surface of the water, our eyes closed against the bright sun. Somehow it's easier with out eyes closed.

'I don't want you to get hurt if she freaks out and I don't want her to get hurt...'

'If I die?'

'Just if it's too much.'

'We have only just met,' I attempt but it's a little futile as both Jack and I know that I really, really like her. Sometimes you just know.

'Sure,' Jack says.

'If you knew this girl was so perfect for me, why did you never introduce us before?'

'Pace, she lives in the middle of nowhere. She likes living in the middle of nowhere. I guess I thought what was the point in you falling in love with a girl who'll probably never move to a big city.'

'Well, I would consider moving out of a big city,' I say and Jack grins at me,

'You would?' he squints.

'For a girl like Joey,' I admit and then we're silent, 'of course it's a moot point.'

'Yeah,' Jack's easy smile has gone and his fingers move to look at my back - the fingers of a friend and a doctor. Neither of us says anymore about it but return to the boat and the fishing rod and catch up on old med school friends.

It's a perfect afternoon. The sun is out and the water is cool. The four of us muck about on the water, paddling about, swimming and soaking up the sun. We barbecue fish for dinner and eat it with the beers Jack brought and the salad I put together. Then Jen pulls out a stash of chocolate and we eat pieces of that. Joey's curled up against me on the outside sofa, Jen and Jack in chairs. The conversation is kept easy and light.

'So Jack, I think I could do you a really big favour,' I say, my fingers brushing the silky skin of Joey's upper arm.

'Whats that then?' he asks with a smile.

'Introduce you to my brother.'

'The gorgeous and sexy Doug? Introduce me how?'

'You know, romantically.'

'He's gay?' Jack's voice squeaks and the girls laugh.

'Yeah, he came out six months ago. Finally,' I say.

'We have got to make that happen,' Jack says and slurps some beer.

'I wish this place was closer to Boston,' I subconsciously pull Joey even closer.

'Yeah,' Jack frowns and Joey presses a kiss to my chest.

'What's it like in winter?'

'Beautiful,' Joey answers at the same time as Jen says,

'Cold,' and Jack says,

'Busy.'

I laugh at their responses.

'Ski season kicks in and town is pretty busy then not as busy as the towns closer to the ski resort obviously but busier than summer.'

'For Joey it's snowmobiling to town time. She's crazy like that, staying out here in the elements.'

'This place is warm,' Joey shrugs, 'and it's not like I don't have company at Christmas,' she gives the other two a pointed look.

'True,' Jack gives a laugh and then pulls out a pack of cards and deals for a game of poker. It surprised me to find that Joey is an awesome poker player.

The rest of the evening passes easily until it's late and the others have work in the morning so they head down to the basement and Joey stays curled up beside me, her hands moving to my cock, which has been hard all night and hidden by her arm.

'I really, really want you,' I say as I press a kiss into her hair. I really do. I want her so badly. She hasn't even tried to turn me on and I'm a ridiculous mess. She shifts her body over me and grinds herself against me. It's fucking hot and I grab at her hips, her ass, all of her, my fingers pulling at her sarong and diving down the back of her bikini bottoms. I groan loudly as I swivel my hand just so and find how goddamned wet she is. Her head lolls back as I use my fingers on her. I know I probably shouldn't but I use my other hand to tug at the strings that hold her bottoms together until they fall apart and I pull them out the way. The same hand that achieved this relieves her of her top until she is utterly naked on top of me, my fingers steady as she moves on top of me, my thumb working her clit. 'Please Jo,' I'm begging and I'm not even sure for what. I want her to come, I want her to come on my cock, aargh I don't even know. She seems to know even if I don't and she pushes at my swim shorts, pushes them down until they fall to my knees and I can kick them off. Oh fuck, we're both naked and I'm feeling instinct tell me to take her, to pull her down hard onto myself. My fingers are still in her though, my cock pressed between us. I groan loudly when I feel her wet against it and I pull my fingers out and my hand away, and pull her closer so I can feel the warm wetness on me and it feels awesome. Her soft moan spurns me on and I guide her hips up and down so she's rubbing against me. I do this until she's moving by herself. I put a hand around myself and I feel the tip dip just slightly into her with each movement. I'm so turned on I feel slightly insane and I angle myself until when she rocks forward she rocks onto me. We both moan and she leans further forward sinking onto me completely. She's insanely tight and just the feeling of being inside her nearly makes me come. I look at her, her big bright eyes fixed on me. I really, really like her and so I press a soft kiss to her mouth, hopefully one that let's her know how much I like her and then my body takes over and I buck up into her. She gasps, her hands gripping my shoulders, but then she moves, beginning her rocking motion again, except this time I'm sliding in and out of her.

She comes first, this time calling my name, her body clenching around mine, until my hips are thrusting against hers and I'm making some guttural noise, yanking her ever closer and then wrapping my arms around her and peppering her with kisses as I come. Then we sit, still joined, in the moonlight.

'Mmmm,' she says at length. It's not very eloquent but it's a start.

'I agree,' is my response and I can feel her smile against my neck.

'Bed,' she says, 'and more of this.'

'Lots more,'I concur.

We head to bed and don't get out at all the next day except for a shower, the bathroom and food. I'm surprised that Joey is adventurous in bed, open to whatever I suggest or simply do. She let's me taste her, let's me make her come that way and allows me to fuck in any manner I choose, and it be honest I don't really even think about it, just connect my body with hers in whatever way when I'm hard and she's wet. We sleep for a couple of hours in the afternoon and finally get up at around five to have dinner on the deck. I make her risotto and she loves it. When we're done eating I rest my head on her lap thinking that this girl is perfect for me. I don't want to leave here and I especially don't want to leave her. I hate the cancer that is forcing me away. I have to have treatment. I know I do. My adoration of Joey only emphasizes that. The nearest hospital to here is miles away. I know that because I looked it up. I would quit my job and stay if I could but it's not possible, and how can I do that to a girl I've just met? I can't ask her to nurse me through the hell I face. She doesn't owe me that and I would hate for this magical relationship to become that. I hold her a little more tightly. She runs her fingers through my hair. I think we're both pretty nervous. Jack said he's drive over today after work and I know he'll be bringing my results.

When we finally hear the car, I stubbornly hold Joey closer, my head still on her lap and my arms around her. She doesn't move either. We both wait until Jack comes around the corner an envelope in his hand. He looks at us and smiles but then he holds out that damn envelope and I sit up and reach for it. I keep Joey close but I need my hands to pull out the paper. I spend a few minutes reading the results, hating the tears that spring to my eyes, hating everything.

'Did you read them?' I ask Jack and he shakes his head. I hand them to him and force back the tears. It doesn't feel right to seek comfort from Joey over this, but my hand does find hers.

'Oh,' is Jack's response to what he reads.

'I'll call Doug,' I say. 'You can finally meet him.'

'Pacey,' Jack doesn't say more than that but it's enough. 'I'm gonna go. I have to or I'd stay,' he says and he puts a hand on my shoulder and squeezes. Joey and I sit in silence as the motor fades. She doesn't say anything which I appreciate.

'I have to go,' I admit and kiss her. 'I really don't want to. I want to stay with you.' I may as well lay all my cards on the table.

'I want you to stay too,' she says.

'I wish...I don't know...want...to see where this goes...I think...well I think...we're good...that...'

'Yeah, me too,' she says looking up at me with large eyes and a smile.

'Jack...he...well he said something...'

'Out on the lake yesterday?' she arches a perfect brow and I nod,

'He said that you, well I guess that you run away from anything serious.'

'That doesn't surprise me,' she rolls her eyes.

'So it's not true?'

'Oh it's been true. I've run away from situations when it's about to get serious and it probably shouldn't. I mean Dawson was a smotherer. He wanted me to be the person he wanted, not the person I am. As you can imagine that's hard for me. And Eddie? I guess I didn't want to follow a guy to Paris, especially if I wasn't sure about the guy. When I go to Paris, or anywhere, it'll be either alone or as an equal in a relationship.'

'That sounds fair,' I think on what she's said. 'Have you had other boyfriends?'

'Hmmm...no,' she says looking suddenly shy. It's adorable.

'I want to be your boyfriend,' I say bluntly, aware that I want this more than ever.

'I'd like that too.'

'Except for the cancer,' I say and she doesn't say anything back. At length I speak again, my heart pounding,

'Would you...you know...maybe...give me another chance...you know...'

'Pace, you won't need another chance, it'll be the same chance as this one.'

'Yeah?' I love that, in fact I love her. The realization is kind of overwhelming and I feel myself burn up.

'Yeah,' she nods and stands. 'Lets go to bed,' she holds out a hand and I take it.

'You go through the bathroom...I'm going to call my brother if that's ok.'

'My home is your home,' she says but doesn't release me. Instead she kisses me and then kisses me some more. When I start to tug at her clothes she puts distance between us,

'You call - then that,' she says and I nod, watching her go and feeling the love for her pulse through me. Instead of getting up to call Doug I sit and stare at the moonlight reflected off the lake. It's almost too easy to imagine a life with Joey. I could work in town, or even just work here. I don't have to be a doctor are all. I could help grow and cook the food and Joey could write. She'd have to be ok with that of course. We could have lazy summer days together and cozy winter ones. In my little fantasy Doug moves to town and in with Jack and together with Jen, and some boyfriend of hers, they spend weekends with us. We live in blissful semi isolation in this gorgeous house of Joey's, maybe have a kid or three, grow old and die together. Ok, so maybe I'm taking it all too far, but there shouldn't be any reason that couldn't happen, except of course there is. Could I give up doctoring for Joey? God, I've only known her days and yet my heart says yes. Of course that's crazy, well it feels crazy. Maybe I could commute. Work part time. Denver is only a couple of hours away. That's doable. My head is fucked. I have cancer. I won't be working. I know that. I know exactly what's going to happen to me and yet I'm still attempting to delude myself. I want Joey. I want the chance anyway. I sigh and get up to head indoors. I move to the phone and dial Doug. He answers on the fifth ring,

'Doug Witter.'

'Doug it's me Pace,' I say.

'Pacey,' I can hear the relief in his voice. 'What the hell happened to you man? You didn't show at mine three weeks ago and then I call work and they say you're taking time. Is this about Andie, because she's not worth it.'

'It's not about Andie.'

'Then why disappear off the face of the planet? Where are you anyway?'

'I'm in Colorado. Staying somewhere an hour outside a small town called Lost Lake.'

'Why?' he sounds perplexed. 'I mean sure, take a vacation but don't just disappear!'

'Well you see Doug...' I pause because bad news is always the tough bit.

'I see what?' Doug asks in that impatient tone of my youth.

'I got diagnosed with cancer so I acted really mature and brought a motorbike and took off. Don't lecture me because if anyone knows it all it's me. Then I came off the bike, this girl she found me. A friend of Jack's, you know Jack from college, and that's where I'm staying. Jack's keeping tabs on the cancer and well...I need to come home.'

'Fuck,' the word says it all really.

'I don't want to,' I say feeling an overwhelming urge to tell him everything about Joey. 'I want to stay with this girl. She's...she makes me want to live.'

'Cant you stay? I mean, hell, I want you home Pace...I mean shit...'

'There's no where nearby... Well there is Denver but...'

'But?' Dougy always cuts to the chase.

'I like this girl. But I've only known her a little while. She doesn't need to take care of me, watch me waste away, watch me die. Leave her now and it's a breakup but if I die... Well it wouldn't be right. She's too important to me to do that.'

'You sound smitten.'

'I am.'

'Shouldn't it be her choice?'

'She shouldn't have to make a choice. She found me at the side of the road and took care of me. She's made me laugh, made me love, made me feel like living. I don't think offering her the opportunity to clean up my sick and dress me is a choice I feel like giving her.'

'No...' his voice is soft, 'no...I guess...man...really Pace?'

'Yeah.'

'Give me her number and I'll set off first thing tomorrow. In fact give me her address and zip code.'

'Ok,' I give him the information and there's a moment of silence.

'I'll see you very soon... If you want I can book you a flight?'

'Doug, if you don't make me leave I never will. Please just come and get me.'

'Sure. Anything Pace. I love you you know.'

'And I you.'

I climb into bed and I seek comfort in Joey's body, in being inside someone so whole and healthy. I crave her like a dying man. And she allows it, all of it, in fact she seems to crave me too. Perhaps we both know that this magical interlude in our lives will soon be over and we're grasping onto it by being as close as is humanly possible. We fall asleep eventually, our naked bodies entangled together and when we finally awaken we're somehow already joined, her body moving against mine. I love her. The notion that I can so completely and unconditionally love some one is terrifying, but I love her like crazy, and I've never loved anyone that way. When we are done, she's lying on top of me and looking at me intently and I can almost begin to hope that she loves me too. She just stares at me.

'What are you doing?' I ask.

'Fixing everything about you in my head,' she answers and I find myself laughing.

'You can take a photo,' I tell her and she rolls her eyes before resting her chin on my chest.

'A photo doesn't show how much you make me laugh, or your goofy sense of humour, or the way you're all happy go lucky one minute and sweet and kind the next. I've never met anyone like you. You say it all as it is, but I don't know, it's how it really is not some glorified version. You seem to really see me, not as who I present to the world, but as who I really am.'

'You mean the girl who hoards ice cream in her freezer?' I quip because that's what I do. She grins,

'Yeah that. But more than that.'

'The girl who can't stand others putting themselves down but never ceases to put herself down?'

'Yeah,' she frowns and so I don't fill the silence. 'To be honest Pace, I've never really felt right. My friends, they accept this lifestyle of mine, but I've always thought there must be something a little messed up about me. I never really felt loved growing up. I know that's such a cliche, but really my dad, he fucked up again and again and with my mom gone, my sister was overwhelmed. I kind of carved this existence as a protection. People come and see me because they want to see me. I trust Jen and Jack. But I don't find it easy in general to trust people but you - you're who you say you are. Or you seem to be,' she squints at me with a beautiful open expression on her face.

'I am as I appear.'

'No hidden skeletons?'

'Well aside from the one under my skin?' I joke and she laughs but rolls her eyes regardless. 'Sorry doctor humour. Yeah...I have one skeleton,' I admit and she waits. She is still lying on top of me, my hands resting at the top of her ass her chest pressed against mine, her hair an unruly mess.

'You want to share it?' she asks at length and I frown.

'With you...yeah I guess,' because really what have I got to lose at this point. 'I have very very little faith in myself.'

'That's your skeleton?' She frowns slightly.

'It's more destructive than it sounds,' I say and run my fingers up and down her back wishing once again that we had forever.

'How?'

'Well it doesn't matter what I do, I never think it's good enough, well usually it isn't good enough for the sheriff.'

'Ah, I see,' she says and I frown this time. 'You just demonstrated what you mean. I bet your dad is the ass you say he is, and I bet he doesn't let you know he's proud of you but there is no way you're not good enough. You're a doctor?' I nod, 'you have a home?' I nod again, 'you don't rob, steal, get regularly arrested' I shake my head and she smiles, 'I see what you mean then.'

'I run away from people, turn on myself and then on them,' I admit.

'It's easy to run away from me,' she muses.

'Actually it's not easy at all,' I kiss her.

'So when you turn on yourself what do you mean?'

'Well if something goes wrong I blame myself, if I fuck up, make a mistake I can't accept that it's ok.'

'Well surely recognizing that fact is a good step towards not doing that?'

'It should be,' I give her a grin, 'but I've only ever admitted it to you.'

'And why admit something like that to me?'

'I guess you seem...neutral. You're like this wonderful thing in my life but you aren't actually in my life...' God that sounds awful.

'Hmm,' she says. 'Like Switzerland?'

'Better than Switzerland because you fraternize,' I squeeze her butt.

'Hmmm...but still somehow separate.'

'And non judging. You haven't once judged me. I've needed that.'

'You make me think anything is possible. I think you're a wonderful person,' she says and damn tears spring to my eyes. If I'm so wonderful how come I'm planning to leave this amazing girl without even giving her a choice? Maybe that's what makes me wonderful, the fact that I'm not making her make a choice. 'If I could melt into you right now so that I was with you forever I probably would.' It's a strange thing to say but I actually know what she means. I love her. It's as though the world is perfect when we are together. Anything is possible.

'I'm planning to leave. When Doug gets here, we'll leave. I won't say goodbye.'

'I know,' she nods, 'that's probably easier. Well it won't ever be easy will it?'

'No,' I agree.

'I would like you to stay,' she says and I don't really know what she means, that if this were a perfect world, if I was me without the cancer she'd want me to stay or does she mean she wants me to stay regardless. I decide to think it's the first option.

'I wish I could,' I say instead of what I mean which is I would like to stay. I catch a flicker of something in her eyes but I'm not really sure what it is but she rolls off of me and presses her face against my chest. We lie like that for a long time.